Boys Beware (12 page)

Monday

Huh! So much for a three star entry. The pie was a DISASTER! Well, actually, to be fair, it was the pastry that was a disaster. We can’t blame Ali cos it was me and Tash that were responsible for it. We said that we would do the pastry if Ali took care of all the rest. Not that she had to do very much, just dump stuff in a pie dish. We were the real chefs!

I still don’t actually know what went wrong. We looked up pastry in a cook book we borrowed from Auntie Jay, and we followed it
exactly.
I do have this sneaking feeling that maybe it shouldn’t be bashed about quite as much as we bashed
it. Well, Tash more than me. She went at it like it was a punch ball – biff, boff, bam! She said she was “softening it”. I then rolled it out
most carefully
with a bottle (cos we don’t have a rolling pin) and was about to cut it into a suitable pie shape when Tash went and snatched it away from me and before I could stop her she had gone and scrunched it all up again and was wringing it out as if it were a wet tea towel. She said that it was “what you have to do”.

I didn’t argue with her, cos what do I know? I am not ashamed to admit that I know absolutely nothing. I can’t help feeling it would be a rather nice gesture if Tash were now prepared to admit that she also knows absolutely nothing, but she obstinately insists that punching and pummelling is what you have to do. She says the only mistake we made was having two of us involved. “Too many cooks”, etc. What she is obviously hinting at is that I must have rolled it out wrong. Well, whatever! If she
wants to blame me, let her blame me. What do I care? As I said to her, “If it makes you feel happier.”

Ali has been really good about it. She hasn’t crowed, or said I told you so, which she easily could have done. She has always maintained that cooking simply isn’t worth the effort. She would be quite happy just munching cheese sandwiches every night and gazing at pictures of exploding stars on the computer.

One thing we have decided: we are not going to attempt any more cooking!

Tuesday

It occurred to me this evening that being independent does have its drawbacks. There is just so much boring
drudgery.
Even though we have stopped cooking, for instance, there is still a huge great mound of washing-up in the sink. Where does it all come from???

Wednesday

School is the pits. Got D- for my geography homework and no mark at all for history. At the bottom of the page Miss Selby wrote “Did you really hope to get away with this?”

Just because I said that the thing Oliver Cromwell was most noted for was trashing churches and what distinguished the Cavaliers was that they wore long frilly knickers. Knickers is certainly what they look like, and no one can deny that Cromwell trashed churches, so what is her problem? She was most unpleasant about it. She is a most unpleasant sort of woman. I am just
so
fed up! Why can’t we have boys?

I have come to the conclusion that single sex schools are not natural. It makes people cranky. (As witness Miss Selby. I bet she wouldn’t be half so mean if we had boys.) Frankly I dread to think what havoc it’s playing with our hormones. It will probably make us frigid and repressed. Not only that, people that go to mixed schools, which is
by far the majority,
have a simply massive great advantage. They get to have their pick before we’re even allowed so much as a peek! Even when we do get a peek we are so overwhelmed at the sight of a Real Live Boy that we just go all coy and giggly and embarrass ourselves. It’s just totally unfair!

I remarked upon this to Tash, and she agrees with me that it is unfair, likewise unnatural, but strongly denies that either of us has ever got coy or giggly. She says, “We are not coy or giggly sort of people. We are serious in our intent.”

Well, wow! I asked her what intent she was talking about, and she said, “Boys, of course! What else?”

I moaned, “But we never get to meet any, and even when we do they turn out not to like girls!”

Tash told me quite sternly to pull myself together. She pointed out that next week is half term, when we are going down to Sidmouth to stay with Gran and Grandad. She said, “Who knows what we might find?”

I said, “What, in
Sidmouth
?” But on the whole I am feeling decidedly more cheerful this evening than I was earlier in the day. I think it’s the prospect of just getting away for a bit, even if it’s only to Sidmouth.

Thursday

We bumped into Gus on the way home this afternoon and I have gone all gooey. I feel like a big marshmallow! I thought I had got over all that, because after all, if a boy isn’t into girls there is absolutely
no
point in tying yourself up in emotional knots, but I just can’t seem to help it!!! When he looks at me I turn to total mush. I go all squidgy! And when he smiles, with that cute little dimple thing in his chin, it makes me want to start screaming! Tash says it does
exactly the same to her. She says, “It’s like my insides are bathed in molten sunshine.” Ooh! How poetic!

Needless to say, we behaved with
perfect propriety
when we were speaking to him. Like really cool! Well, you have to; there is such a thing as pride. We said hi, and smiled, and he said, “Oh … hi,” and smiled back, and we walked up the road together, three abreast, with me in the middle, which I don’t think pleased Tash too much as she did a bit of jostling, trying to usurp me, but I stood firm and didn’t let her.

Gus said he was really sorry he couldn’t make it on Saturday (meaning the Saturday of Avril’s bash), and we both smiled like mad to show him that we don’t bear grudges or hold it against him. In other words, it’s quite OK, we understand, we are totally relaxed about such things. Which we are! But oh dear, it is
such
a waste.

As I said afterwards to Tash, “I still can’t believe he doesn’t fancy you!” She is so bright and bubbly, and so
pretty
, but not at all in a yucky way.

Tash said she couldn’t believe that he didn’t fancy me. “But we’ve done all we can. We’ve signalled our interest.”

I know where she got
that
phrase! It was in last week’s
Glam Girl –
“How to Signal your Interest.”

Tash said, “If he hasn’t picked up the signs, it can only mean one thing.”

Actually, according to
Glam Girl,
it could mean all kinds of things. I said this to Tash. I said, “It could just mean that we’re not his type.”

“Neither
of us?” shrieked Tash.

I don’t mean to sound boastful, but I have to agree that that is not very likely. I mean, we are so completely different!

I was just dying to ask him why he couldn’t make it on Saturday, but there is such a thing as being
too
obvious. I was kind of hoping that Tash might come blurting out with it, as it’s the sort of thing she’s prone to do. I waited, hopefully, but she just went on beaming and nodding and generally looking amiable – if a tad moronic, it has to be said. Being laid back doesn’t suit Tash. She obviously took it to heart when I accused her a few weeks ago of being too upfront. I do hope I haven’t cramped her style, because that would be a terrible thing to do to a person. Now I’m beginning to
feel guilty! I could have cast a blight on her entire future love life. And thanks to me, we still have no idea what,
if anything,
Gus is doing next Saturday night, since it goes without saying that I wasn’t bold enough to ask.

Oh, I shall be so glad when we can go down to Sidmouth and get away from all this terrifying complexity!

Friday

Hooray hurrah and three huge cheers! It is now officially HALF TERM and we’re on holiday. We have packed all our stuff into one big suitcase, with a little set of wheels to drag it by as we are going down to Sidmouth by train. Well, we’re getting the train from Swindon to Exeter, where Gran and Grandad are going to meet us, as Sidmouth has no railway station. It will be quite an adventure! We have always gone by car before. The good thing about going by train is that
you never know who you might end up sitting next to.
As Tash says,
the possibilities are endless!