Boys for Beginners (11 page)

‘Oh. Well, you should have. It was a good game.'

Instead of thinking about how much I miss Spurs, I concentrate on why I'm doing all of this. ‘What do you and Charlie talk about when me
and Jenny aren't there?'
Please say me. Please say me
.

‘Not much. Football mostly.'

‘Oh . . . Does he ever talk about me?'

‘No. Why?'

‘No reason.'

This is the worst conversation I have ever had ever.

‘Hey,' he says, all excited again, ‘Ranjit's arranged a match against some of the kids from Queen Charlotte's Grammar after school tomorrow.'

‘Why the hell was Ranj talking to the kids from Queen Tartlet's?' I ask. ‘Is he doing research on what makes people act like knobs?'

Paul laughs. ‘No. It was wicked. Ranj was wicked.' Paul turns to me and his eyes are all wide and excited. ‘There was like twenty of the Tartlet kids all hanging around the bus stop—'

‘
Our
bus stop? What were they doing there?'

‘I don't know, but anyway . . . They were all hanging round at the bus stop thinking they were cool or whatever, when they see us coming, so they start acting all loud—'

‘Idiots!'

‘I know. One of them takes out a cigarette and
he goes to Ranj,
You got a light, mate?
and Ranj is like,
No. I've got a life, mate, so why don't you jog on
.'

‘Good one.'

‘Well, it sounded cooler than how I just said it to you now. Anyway, they started saying how Northampton are rubbish because we've got a rubbish pitch.'

‘Which is true,' I say with a shrug and a nod. ‘It is a rubbish pitch.'

‘I know. But they're not allowed to say that. Anyway, Ranj was like,
We have the skills to play on a pitch that has a few bumps in it. You posh kids need everything ironed out by your butlers
.'

‘Brilliant.'

‘He tells them how they don't want to get their dainty boots dirty so they have to play on AstroTurf.'

‘I bet they didn't like that.'

‘Then I say,
Come on then, let's have a match. That is, if you don't mind getting your
shoes mucky
!”
and I sort of sang “
shoes mucky
” so they knew that we thought they were girls.'

‘They
are
girls!'

‘So then they had to agree to play against us. It's tomorrow after school. Can you come? You're our best winger.'

What can I say to that? I put it simply. ‘I can't come.' There is just no way. I guess this is what they mean when they say you have to make sacrifices for love.

‘Why not?'

‘Jenny and me and the others are going into town to get frappuccinos.'

Paul stops talking and frowns. He can't look at my face and I know this is where he asks me what's going on. He mumbles something under his breath that I can't hear.

‘What?' I ask. But I don't really want to know because it won't be good.

‘You never want to play football any more.'

I say nothing.

‘You've gone all weird.'

‘I don't know what you're talking about,' I reply.

‘You're all frappuccinos and manicures these days. You never want to kick the ball around the park or come over and play
Pro Evo
. Why not? How come you suddenly don't like this stuff?'

He's getting angry with me. So I get angry with him for being angry with me. ‘I don't know why I don't like those things any more. Maybe I have just grown up a little bit and you haven't. Girls mature faster than boys—'

‘That's such a load of crap!
Girls mature faster than boys!
Just because you ponce around at Starbucks all the time, bitching and gossiping about people, doesn't make you mature. Especially as I know you don't like coffee.'

‘I love coffee actually.' I can't stand it. But the mochaccino is OK if you ask for an extra shot of chocolate and whipped cream on top and add loads of sugar.

‘No, you don't, you hate it. Why are you acting like a muppet?'

‘I'm just acting like your precious girlfriend Jenny Gregson. You don't say this stuff to her.'

‘Because you're different to her.'

I'm not sure why, but that comment makes me the angriest of all. ‘Maybe I'm not different. Maybe I am exactly the same.'

‘You're not. You've changed.'

I think about that for a second. There's nothing I can say. It's totally true. ‘You changed first,' I mumble. But luckily he doesn't hear me.

‘OK, children, I have some good news and some bad news.' The Dazzler is chuckling away so we know that both will be bad news. ‘The good news is that the board has made their ruling. School uniform is going ahead. Effective immediately.'

Everyone goes into a state of shock. The place is silent. Like we can't quite believe it.

‘Your teachers have already given you a list of acceptable attire, and I expect to see you all wearing it tomorrow.'

‘Oh my God!' Elizabeth whispers to me, although she needn't have whispered as everyone is talking.

Tanya, who is sitting on the other side of me, says, ‘We'll look like those posh kids from Queen Charlotte's!'

‘That would be the worst!' says Elizabeth, nodding.

‘Don't worry about it,' I whisper back. ‘Jenny says that it's just a threat. They can't actually make us do it if we don't want to.'

Elizabeth doesn't look convinced but Tanya nods and looks happy again. Tanya can be like a puppy at times – one minute she's whining and the next she's wagging her tail. Not literally, of course.

‘OK, quieten down now.' The Dazzler is trying to get us to shut up. ‘I have to tell you the bad news: we have decided to allow a school prom to go ahead.'

Now everyone gets really excited. Elizabeth squeezes my arm and Tanya gets into full-on puppy mode – she squeals and looks like she's about to pee.

‘What we need is a group of volunteers to organize the event.'

All the BB Club look down the row at each other and nod an agreement: we are the people to organize this prom. We are the only ones who could make it cool. Jenny sits up a little and catches Melissa's eye, sitting behind us with the Year 10s. They nod at each other and everyone in the school sees. This is going to be the BB Club's prom.

‘We should start with the most important stuff,' says Kimba, ‘and then work back to the least important.'

We all agree. We're taking this very seriously. We've brought notepads and pens and files to Elizabeth's house after school for our first official BB Club Prom Planning Committee meeting. Macaroni – Elizabeth's fluffy Pomeranian dog – is also sitting in the circle with us as if he's contributing. But he's not. Unless you call bad breath a contribution.

‘So,' Kimba continues, and looks at the list on her paper, ‘when shall we have it?'

Elizabeth stands up, grabs a calendar from her wall and flicks through the pages. ‘Um, May is always nice,' she says.

We all shrug, like,
OK, why not?

‘But can we do it at the end of May?' she asks. ‘So that we have time to lose a few more pounds before then.'

That's hardly an issue for me, but they are all nodding and shrugging at Elizabeth, and even Macaroni is panting in agreement, so I nod along too.

‘That's decided then,' says Melissa, ‘Saturday the 30th of May.'

Kimba looks back at her list. ‘More importantly than the date – what're you guys wearing?'

The girls all speak at once until gradually they work out how to take it in turns.

‘I think I am going to wear this red strapless boob tube—' says Melissa, but she is instantly interrupted by Jenny.

‘Er, like
all
boob tubes are strapless. Duh, Melissa!'

What's a
boob tube
? It sounds painful. I've heard of a pointed bra, but a tube-shaped one would be weird.

‘I drew my ideal dress in art class,' says Elizabeth. ‘But Mrs Gatwood took it off me and said that I wasn't paying attention. And I was like,
Hello! This is art class . . . I'm drawing
.'

‘What are you going to wear, Gwynnie?' asks Tanya.

‘Jenny said she'll straighten my hair with the ghd's.'

‘But what are you wearing?'

‘I don't know,' I say, and they all look at me like I am a disorganized freak. It's like they have been planning for prom their whole lives, when we just found out about it this morning. The only thing I can think of is something a Disney
princess might throw on, but I don't think that's really me. ‘Maybe leggings with a dress over it.'

‘You can't wear leggings to prom!' They all shout at exactly the same time, then giggle a little.

‘I know, I know. I was only joking.' I was not only joking. Lucky we're having this meeting or I would have looked like a fool.

‘What about that one really pretty dress you have?' says Jenny.

‘What dress?' I ask. I have no idea what she is talking about. I only have one dress and that's—

‘You know . . . The blue one . . . The one that's hanging up in your cupboard downstairs.'

Jenny's only ever been in my house for about two milliseconds. Somehow she's managed to check out my cupboards.

‘I'm not wearing that.' I would never wear that dress in a million years.

‘Why?' asks Kimba. ‘Is it even more hideous than everything else you own?'

‘That dress is the most beautiful dress in the world!' I snap at her. It's more precious to me than a million signed photos of Gazza or a million Mulberry handbags. I could never fit that dress. And I don't mean because it's not my size.

‘But, Gee, it's so—'

‘I'm not wearing it, OK!' I sort of shout at Jenny. I have never shouted at Jenny. I don't think anyone ever has. Jenny pouts and everyone goes all quiet for a minute. I pray they are not about to chuck me out of the BB Club for being a bitch. Or reduce my bronze membership to wood. ‘Sorry, Jenny.' I say.

Elizabeth speaks quietly to Jenny. ‘It must be her mum's,' she says, and I well up a little because she's exactly right.

‘That's OK, Gwynnie,' says Melissa. ‘You can wear what you want.'

They all nod along, even Jenny.

‘Let's change the subject,' says Tanya, and I'm really touched. Girls can be really nice when they want to be. ‘Who do you want to snog?'

All of us say Charlie Notts. Except for Jenny, who will be snogging Paul all night.

‘OK,' says Tanya. ‘But none of us are allowed to be jealous if someone else gets to snog him.'

‘We'll add a Charlie Notts non-jealous clause into the pact of the BB Club,' says Melissa with a nod.

‘That, and that no one is allowed to buy the same dress,' adds Kimba.

‘Well, I'm not jealous, obviously, because I have Paul,' says Jenny. I think she feels a bit left out when we talk about Charlie because she has already found the love of her life. ‘It's our eight-weekiversary on Wednesday.'