Boys Next Door (27 page)

And after being alone with myself for a bit, I couldn’t stand myself any longer. I quietly slipped out the back door on Thursday afternoon to go to Donna’s. Somehow detangling dogs seemed a Zen thing to do when you didn’t know what the fuck you were going to do when it came to humans.

‘Well, there she is,’ Donna said softly. She looked on edge, as if any word would shatter me; the way bright sunshine shatters icicles.

‘Good morning.’ I nodded, put my purse under the counter, sat in my chair. I wasn’t sure if she was upset with me. I was too new here to read everyone’s nuances.

‘How are you? Hanging in?’ When she smiled my chest lightened and I took a deep breath.

‘I’m fine. Why?’

Donna shrugged and looked away. There was a fleeting look of worry on her face.

Joy piped in. ‘Because she’s thick as thieves with Deke and when he came to butcher a deer next door to her, she stood at the fence like a persistent crow and pecked and pecked and pecked until he confessed his love for you, and then very grudgingly admitted you needed some time.’

I blinked. ‘Oh.’

Joy went on, sweeping small tufts of dog hair from the edges of the room. ‘And she is hellbent that you two are destined to be together and that nothing that’s happened up until now should matter. That he loves you, and deep down you know you love him …’ Joy faced me, dumping a dustpan of hair into the trash and said, ‘All you need, Farrell, is a freaking glass slipper.’

Which for some reason struck me as so funny that I had to lean against the edge of the counter and laugh. I laughed until my eyes watered, but underneath all the laughter was the internal movie of our last time together running through my head. How Deke had held me. How he’d taken me. How he’d been there for me on every damn level that I needed.

‘I don’t see why this is funny,’ Donna said, her mouth pressed down into a tight disapproving line. ‘The man is hurting. And he is a
good
man,’ she said.

I nodded, sobering. ‘I know he is. Which is why I needed to clear my head – before I say or do anything at all. So I don’t hurt him,’ I sighed.

That earned me a brightening of her face and a look of relief. ‘Come back here and brush out Clarence.’

I followed her. When we got to the back, Clarence waited, lying lazily on a big purple floor pillow, he raised his shaggy head, studied me and went back to sleep.

‘What is he?’

‘He is a severely matted Bernese Mountain Dog,’ she said.

‘Dear God, are you sure he’s not a horse.’

‘No, he’s a dog.’ She handed me a brush, but then clutched my wrist. For such a tiny thing her grip was fierce. ‘And Deke is just a man. He loves you. Don’t string him along too much. I think even you know –’ Donna cut herself off and shook her head. Warring with herself, I could tell.

Which earned her points.

‘What?’ I prompted. I respected her. She was a mother figure to me and God knew I needed one. Not to tell me what to do, but to tell me how they saw my life from the outside looking in. Sometimes that was priceless information, especially coming from a place of caring.

She eyed me up, staring up at me almost defiantly. ‘I think even you know you love the man.’

I sighed. ‘Donna, I took a small break because I know he is a good man. And I do … care for him. And the last thing I want to do is hurt him so …’

‘Well, stringing him along is hurting him. Even if he says it’s not. Shit, or get off the pot.’

I blinked at her, a nervous bubble of laughter escaping me. I covered my mouth, waiting for it to pass.

‘Tell him how you feel or cut him loose, Farrell,’ she sighed. ‘He’s a sweetie. He’s been trying his whole life to prove himself
to himself
. He deserves a good woman. And you are one. But stringing him along is killing him. Even if he smiles at me and says he’s fine. I’ve known him since he was a baby.’

She called over Clarence and he rose, looking a bit disgruntled about it. Her fingers combed through his matted fur and I waited. She wasn’t done. ‘Not that it’s any of my business, trust me, I know.’

‘No, no, it’s fine.’ I found a metal fur comb and sat down on a padded chair. ‘Come here, Clarence. Let’s find some Zen.’

Clarence ambled over to me, looking even more disinterested.

‘Cooper needs someone who’s going to whack his ass into gear,’ Donna went on, not looking at me. She sorted through shampoos and conditioners and collars as if she were just chatting about nothing at all. ‘You were a good kick in the ass for him, but it’s not him. Not for you.’

I waited, combing out a particularly nasty knot.

‘And Stephen is a sweetheart but totally in love with that blond boy he drags around with him. His
friend
. He’s just too scared to admit it because he thinks no one will accept it or him or any of that. And I don’t blame him!’ she declared loudly, slamming a box of puppy pads down hard enough to make me jump. ‘I watched Sid and Max go through this shit, but I like to think that Tower Terrace has come a long way since then. And I want to tell him that those of us who matter will still care about him if he just goes ahead and follows what he thinks will make him happy.’

I nodded. She was fired up and rightfully so. I waited.

‘Just don’t break my Deke’s heart,’ she said. ‘I never had any kids. So I always figured God saw fit to give me the misfits and the stragglers to mother hen. They’re my kids. And you –’ She pointed to me with a set of nail clippers. ‘You’re one now too,’ she said. ‘Whether you like it or not!’ Then she stormed out as if I was going to argue.

‘My problem is missed opportunity and absolute assurance,’ I told Clarence.

‘Do tell.’

Deke. Standing in the doorway,
leaning
in the doorway is more like it. Leaning there, watching me with a small smile on his face.

‘How much of that did you hear?’ I asked, smiling.

‘None. I walked in the front door and Donna said, “Farrell’s in the back room, go!” and I knew I was in trouble … or you were.’

I laughed. ‘I think it’s me.’

‘So what do you think you’ve missed? Or how will you be sure?’ He stood there, waiting. And without him even telling me, I realised I could be honest.

I sighed.

‘Well …’

And I spilled my guts.

* * *

‘So what? We’re all her dogs and are supposed to show up and have some fuckfest for her benefit? So she can then claim you as her knight in shining armour?’ Cooper crossed his arms, his jaw set, green eyes dark now.

Deke opened his mouth, but it was my voice that came out.

‘First of all,’ I said, ‘
she
is right here. You can speak directly to me. Secondly, I had … fantasies when this whole thing started. I was hellbent on not falling for
any
of you. Clearly, I failed. But I feel like I still want to explore those fantasies at least once in my life.’

I took two big steps toward him and he almost looked like he wanted to back up and away from me. Stephen laughed softly. I was glad it amused him – how obviously terrifying I was to Cooper on some level.

‘I want you there,’ I said to him, softly. It was everything in me to keep my voice even and sure. ‘But I won’t put up with your abuse or your bullshit. I’m sorry for whatever has made you hurt this way, but
I
didn’t do it to you. If anything, I am reaching out to you. I want you there,’ I said again. ‘But I won’t beg. So you decide.’

His mouth stayed clamped shut, but understanding flooded his eyes and he gave me one brisk nod.

‘This is a one-shot deal. Me and …’ I shook my head, laughing.

‘What?’ Stephen spoke up. His grey eyes stark and a bit sad, but clearly amused too.

‘Nothing. I just about said something that …’

‘Tell us,’ he urged. ‘I’m definitely in if you spill.’

‘Me and the three little pigs,’ I whispered, chuckling.

I shrugged when they all looked surprised and Cooper growled, ‘Great. Now we’re
livestock
.’

‘It just struck me that way when I first moved in. All three of you over there with your little houses, overshadowed by that tower that – come on, let’s face it – makes a person think of fairy tales. And Deke was so suave and Satan-ish –’

‘Satan!’ he barked, but he was grinning at me.

‘And Stephen was so quiet and meek. And Cooper …’

‘I’m more of the big fucking bad wolf than a pig,’ he muttered.

‘True,’ I said.

‘It was a new life, guys. It had a very fairy tale aspect to it that got wedged in my brain and stayed. But now I want one time.
One time
with you.’

‘And him?’ Cooper asked, nodding to Deke.

‘Is that an issue?’

‘No.’ He grinned.

Deke looked surprised. ‘You want me there too?’

‘You didn’t know?’

He shook his head. ‘I thought you were asking for a time with them. Without me. Since I …’ He shrugged. ‘You know.’

‘No, I want you there,’ I said. ‘Actually, I need you there.’

He blushed. A sharp flood of red stained his face and it made me smile. It also made me unable to ignore the rush of love I felt for him in that moment.

I was doomed. Doomed to love a Satan-ish man with a good heart and an open mind – and some mad skills in the sack.

‘Fine,’ he said. ‘That’s fine. I’m there. Anything for you.’

And I knew he meant it.

‘I’m going to throw up,’ I said.

That’s the thing about fiction – you read about these three-way, four-way, gang bang scenarios and no one gets nervous. Everyone is cool as a cucumber, intense or just fun-loving. They’re all self-assured and a hundred per cent certain. No one ever threatens to vomit.

‘No, you’re not.’

Deke had set it up in a hotel room. Just outside of town. He figured – and he was wise as hell, I realised – that since it was a one-time deal, a neutral place would work.

I didn’t want it lingering in my home or his. And the other two houses were his too. So when all was said and done, it just made sense.

‘The bed is big.’

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

‘And white,’ I said.

He smiled.

‘It’s all virginal and whatnot,’ I snickered. ‘Think it will burst into flames the moment I touch it?’

Finally, he laughed. He dropped into an easy chair by the huge windows that faced a lake. The chair was upholstered in fabric that looked like newsprint. The chair was a vibrant exclamation point of black and white and he damn near blended in with his black jeans, black sweater and white T-shirt. A small rim of red around the collar of his sweater was the only thing that made him stand out. That and his big hands on the armrests.

Fuck, how I loved those hands on me.

We hadn’t been together since that last night. Since I’d let him take me in a way none of the others had. And I didn’t plan to let them either.

He patted his lap. ‘Come on. Give me a kiss.’

I sighed, feeling a surge of inexplicable relief. Maybe just relief that he still liked me after all of this. Not that he’d complained at all, all the worry and upset had been in my head and nowhere else.

I stood before him, ready to sit but not doing it. He looked up at me and touched my hipbone through my jeans. And then the other. A rush of warmth and want pooled in my centre and I sighed. Maybe I should …

There was a knock and a spark of excitement lit me up on the inside. My breath quickened and my blood followed suit.

‘Come on. One before they enter.’ Deke leaned forward, kissed my belly and exhaled long and slow. Then he pulled me into his lap and took my face in his hands and kissed me.

‘You are one hundred and fifty-five per cent sure you are okay with this?’ I asked for the millionth time.

‘We do what you need to do and then you don’t run from me. Right? You don’t run from me.’ His eyes were more serious than I’d ever seen before.

‘I won’t run from you,’ I said – meaning it.

‘You can tell me anything in the world, Farrell. But you have to tell me. Even if it’s that you’ve changed your mind about me.’

I swallowed hard and nodded. ‘Got it.’

‘Promise?’

‘I promise.’

Another loud knock – impatient and aggressive now.

And there was that kiss. One more for the road. The soft sweep of his tongue over mine; that made me want to not answer the door and beg him to take me. Instead, I stood and headed toward the door.

It was Coop in the lead – big shock – and I found that I both wanted to kiss him and punch him when he cocked an eyebrow at me and said, ‘Open wide.’

I stepped back. ‘You’d better come in before I change my mind about you.’

He snorted, walked past me, his steps full of pompous swagger and under it a lead-footed drag. Like he really didn’t want to get this over with. This is why it would never work long term between James Cooper and me. He was a hot-headed, loud-mouthed ass who hid his feelings with barbs and sharp words. We were good in bed but not beyond.

And behind him came Stephen, a pretty wraith – his grey eyes taking in the fancy room, his soft lips curving up into a smile for me. ‘Hey, Farrell.’ He kissed my cheek. ‘I figured we could duct tape his mouth shut so we all can enjoy this.’

I smiled and hugged Stephen. He hugged me back, tightly. This was why it would never work with him, I realised. He was too fragile under it all. He needed someone who needed to take care of him and let him care for them. I wasn’t a caretaker, I was just a woman.

‘You okay with this?’

‘Duh,’ he whispered in my ear.

In the corner, Deke was still sitting and Coop was eyeing him up. They stared at each other, Cooper standing looking dominant, Deke sitting and looking defiant … and partly amused, I noted.

‘How is Al?’ I asked Stephen.

He blushed. Al was the pretty blond boy I’d watched him with. They’d been spotted around town more than once since my striptease debut.

‘He’s good,’ he said.

I touched the hot spots on his pale cheeks and snickered. ‘So I see. Okay, get naked.’

He blinked.

‘Kidding. Sort of.’

I turned to the other two, my heart beating so fast I felt sick. ‘Are we ready? Because, not to sound like a mental patient, but if I wait much longer I might run away. Or drop dead.’