Bradley, Marion Zimmer - Novel 19 (39 page)

 
          
Vaniya
twisted her big hands together. She said tensely, "My dear sister, of what
worth is the Matriarchate if we violate its ethical principles the first time
they are put to a test? With these ears I heard you say, when you protested the
coming of the Scholar from Unity: the maleworlds perish and are destroyed
because every society made by men turns to violence, to war, to entropy and
decay. If we must fight and kill to enforce our will on the men, my beloved
sister, then we might as well turn over the rule of this world to the men at
once, for already we are living as the maleworlds do!"

 
          
Mahala's
mouth fell open. She stared at her fellow Pro-Matriarch in dismay as the truth
of Vaniya's words penetrated to her. "You are right," she
acknowledged in a whisper. "It seems that the rule of the maleworlds is
already upon us, then, whatever we do or refrain from doing! My sister, what
shall we do? What shall we do?" It was a cry of utter despair.

 
          
Vaniya
held out her arms, and the two Pro-Matriarchs clung together. It seemed to
Cendri that Mahala's shoulders heaved as if with silent weeping; over her head,
even while she embraced and soothed her colleague, Vaniya stared grimly into
the distance.

 
          
At
last she said, in the gentlest of voices, "Mahala, there is only one
answer now. We must seek out aid from those who are wiser than we. Will you
come with me to We-were-guided, Mahala, and put the question to those who in
the first days of our arrival here, welcomed and counseled us?"

 
          
Mahala
raised her head. Her eyes were tearless and red. She said, "It goes
against reason, Vaniya, but I admit that reason has helped me little in this
crisis. There seems no other source for help. Yet I have little hope that we
will find counsel there, in the dead city."

 
          
Vaniya
said quietly, "If you find no counsel there to your liking, sister, then
when we leave We-were-guided I shall at once relinquish to you all control of
the secular forces of Ariadne. I give you my word, which I have never broken,
that I ask only that you come with me, as you have never been willing to do,
and hear the words of the wise ones there who helped me to find Rezali's ring
and robe. All things are known to them, and they will know what to do in this
crisis, too."

 
          
Mahala
bowed her head. She said, "In this crisis I am willing to turn anywhere,
even to a ghost."

 
          
The
preparations took only a few moments. When the procession left the
Pro-Matriarch's residence, it was growing dark, and Cendri and Dal followed in
the train of the two Pro-Matriarchs as, each accompanied by her household, they
climbed the steep path toward the dark loom of the dead city of We-were-guided.
Cendri walked head down, lost in misery, remembering how she had come here
before with Vaniya, how
Something
had spoken to her
from the site of the ancient starship. She was hardly conscious of Dal at her
side until he stumbled and cursed in an undertone; then she said, reaching for
his hand, "Dal, I was so frightened—did they hurt you?"

 
          
"Hurt
me? Cendri, I had to stop them from trying to worship me," he said softly.
"They did not believe that there were really worlds where men were free.
You would not believe how they crave learning
..
.1
think they want it even more than freedom; because with learning, they say,
they could prove they were equal and prove worthy of their freedom! And when
they found I was a Master Scholar—Cendri, I was treated with reverence!
Reverence!" he repeated. "They wouldn't have hurt a shadow of my
clothing, or a hair of my head!" He laughed softly, but it was not a
mirthful sound.
"Poor devils, poor devils!
Some
of them feared the idea of learning as much as they desired it! One of them,
when he heard I had spent all my life in study, asked if it had not made me
impotent! And I thought Rhu was badly off!
Sharrioz!"

 
          
"Dal,
did you foment this rebellion?"

 
          
He
sighed and shook his head. "God help me, no, I was selfish enough to
protest. I never thought about anything but my own work of exploring the ruins.
I was only the catalyst, coming at the precise time when the men were ready for
some such thing."

 
          
The
night was hot and dark; the moons, waning from full, hovered at the edge of the
sky, Cendri moved along, wearily, following the glimmer of Vaniya's torch,
trailing in the train of the two Pro-Matriarchs.

 
          
She
said at last, "How is it that you are coming here, Dal? I thought you were
against the idea that the ruins could be a center of religious worship."

 
          
In
the dark she could not see his face but his voice sounded faintly amused. He
said, "I suppose I want to see anything that could make Mahala give way
like that. Or maybe, like her, I feel the
situation's
just fouled up enough that we ought to try anything. Maybe I just have to keep
track of what the government of
Isis
,
such as it is—he gestured at the dim forms of the two women ahead of
them—"are going to do now, and how it affects the Unity." He shook
his head. "I didn't think anything would make Mahala draw in her horns.
She reminds me a lot—in a way, they're not at all alike—of the Scholar Dame di
Velo. Come to think, so does Vaniya."

 
          
Cendri
knew what he meant. It was the aura of personal power, the force of
personality, the elusive thing called charisma. She said, "I know what you
mean," and in the darkness, Dal reached out and clasped her hand.

 
          
He
whispered, "You have it too, sometimes, Cendri.
When
you're mad enough."
And his arm went round her waist, so that under
cover of the darkness they walked enlaced.

 
          
By
torchlight, picking their way carefully over the stones, the women found their
way inside the gates of the dead city known as We-were-guided, wound slowly
through the canyons between the giant unknown structures, where nothing stirred
except the dim nightwind, and night birds rustled along the shore. Far below
the waves broke and sighed.

 
          
Dal
whispered, "What happens here?"

 
          
"I
can't tell you, Dal. You'll just have to—to see." She was remembering,
painfully, what Vaniya had said.

 
          
In
all of
the
years we
have
come here, those
at We-were-guided
have
spoken
to
no male.

 
          
But
maybe the males never listened....

 
          
They
came slowly across the great open space, at the far end of which loomed the
spaceship. Cendri began to feel the first overlapping waves of the welcoming
warmth.

 
          
/
am
here, you
are loved... I welcome
you___

 
          
But
for the first time she resisted, fighting against the irresistible tide of
rapture creeping upward into her brain.

 
          
No.
No. Not this time! It is too important
for that! Do you know
who we are?
Do you know why we have come here? Who are you?

 
          
The
licking warmth seemed to hesitate, to flood back, to withdraw and advance and
retreat in waves, and then Cendri sensed something else. It was the same as the
warmth. It had the same mental feel. It was not precisely in words; she knew it
was her own brain translating the contact into words because it was the only
way to make the experience of contact comprehensible.

 
          
Yes.
We—know. A curious positiveness about it, and then a quick crawling sensation
as if—Cendri described it later—as if some enormous force
had
picked me
up, turned me inside-out,
looked at every idea or
thought I'd ever
had
since
the day 1 was born, ruffled
through my mind turning over all
the
ideas it found there, patted
me on
the head like a
puppy and put me
down again. And
all
through that tremendous, tender, loving warmth____

 
          
She
heard Dal say—and knew he was not speaking aloud, "Did you build this
City, then?"

 
          
And
the voice, answering, still radiating these same waves of loving warmth
..
.she glanced at Dal, saw his face glowing with the same
joyousness
...
.
No. We did not build the
City. We came here from
space, when these women came. We
had
need of
them, as
they had need of
us.

 
          
Now
she heard
..
.or sensed; how did you translate into
words an experience that was not in words at all, a touch that said clearly in
her mind,
Vaniya,
and a wordless,
You
see, Mahala?"

 
          
I
see.
But
they speak to the man!

 
          
And Vaniya's thoughts, flowing with surprise and indignation.
Never before,
never,
have you
spoken to men
..
.why now?

 
          
And
the alien thoughts, wrapped in warmth; and yet with a touch of chill that made
Cendri tremble with sudden terror. Your mind
lied to us. We saw your
men
only
through your
thoughts. Now we know
that you have lied to us.

 
          
We
spoke
truth,
Vaniya's mind flamed with indignation,
men
 
are not fit__

 
          
As
fit as your first
Foremother
Alicia, when she rebelled against
 
men's dominance on Pioneer___

 
          
And
Mahala, angry and terrified at once: What
do you know of our First
Foremother?

 
          
Whatever
your mind
knows is known
to me,
beloved
..
.and the surging, compelling ripples of tenderness.

           
Dal was almost gasping with
excitement.

 
          
He
whispered half aloud to Cendri, "An alien race. Not the Builders, but a
disembodied race
..
.cosmic clouds?
Atoms?
Gaseous entities?
Needing to live in symbiosis with another race because of their
endless loneliness, desiring love.
Pretending to be
Gods to get it!"

 
          
Yes,
you
are
right, my
alien
son, we
have allowed our
need for
the
love of our
daughters
to blind
us
to the needs of
others
who cry
out
for our comfort
..
.and these
have lied to
us
..
.Cendri could feel in her own
breast the surge of alien anger. Vaniya! You
have lied to
us,
we
will speak to you no
more----

 
          
And sudden, shocking, dead, cold emptiness.

 
          
Cendri
came awake as if icy surf had splashed over her. The faint light still glowed
from the ruins of the ancient spaceship and all around them the faint
luminosity of the city shone with its own interior gleam. But there was no
warmth, no voice,
no
lapping ripples of tenderness.
The voice was silent. The moonlight had
risen
high
over the city now, and Cendri could see the faces of the women, shocked and
quiet, weeping. Vaniya covered her face with her hands, shaking, bereft. Cendri
felt shock and pity at the naked anguish of deprivation on the woman's face.

 
          
They
have been with her so long, so long. Since first she came here as a young
woman, coming with her from space to this world, settling here, supporting her,
helping her, till she grew dependent on their love and concern. And she led
other women to them, so that they fed on this devotion and in turn gave
pleasure to those who came to communicate with them.