Break (16 page)

Suddenly, his eyes went wide and he grabbed the edge of his hospital bed, looking like he wanted to climb out of it so that he could kill me. “You shut your mouth about things you don’t understand.” He clenched his teeth and his thin arms trembled with the energy of keeping himself upright.

I caught him by surprise at the mention of his dead wife and his voice cracked with emotion. I wasn’t quite feeling guilty, but he had definitely knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t look away from the electricity rimming his eyes.

For a moment his face purpled as though he wanted to scream, and then the words burst from his mouth as though he had been dying to say them for years. “I did everything I could for that woman. I paid for therapists and psychiatrists and all of that bullshit—Luke never knew. I hid it from him. Don’t you
dare
accuse me of trying to harm my own wife. I loved her. She wanted to die and there was nothing I could do to fix it.”

Was this true? Was this a manipulation or did Luke really have the wrong side of the story? My heart thudded against my chest. “What about when you sent him away after his mother’s death to live with strangers? I suppose you did that to protect him?”

He looked at me beadily. “You’re damn right, it was. Do you think I wanted him around my vulture in-laws? I didn’t want him to witness all of the fighting over the money and the disgusting lawsuits filed against me. When she died, their cash flow ended, and they weren’t happy.” Giacomo sunk into his pillows, looking very much like a tired, old man. “I just wanted him to grow up away from all this madness. I wanted him to be normal, but he turned out to be just like the rest of them.”

What followed Giacomo’s voice was a ringing silence. I stood shock-still, unable to believe what I was hearing. I hated him before I even met him, and yet he said things that made me question what Luke told me. I couldn’t reconcile my strong dislike and the pity I felt for a man whose family fell apart.

“He didn’t turn out like the rest of them. You damaged him. What he needed was his father, not to be sent over the ocean to a strange place while he grieved for his dead mother.”

He sat up again with renewed vigor, spittle drizzling his chin as he screamed at me. “Everything I did was for my son—everything! You don’t know what it’s like to watch your own brother and your son fight over your corpse like dogs!”

I refused to relent the attack, though Giacomo’s words had bothered me more than I would admit. “Instead of telling your son that you’re doing what’s best for him, you belittle him every chance you get. Why?”

Giacomo’s fist smashed into bed. “Because he needs to grow up! He needs to treat me like a person, not a goddamn bank account.”

“You’re going to die alone,” I shouted at him, hardly believing I could say something so horrible. “You will die alone if you don’t mend things with your son.”

The nurse appeared at my elbow. “Miss, you need to leave. You’re upsetting my patient.” The breathy girlishness was gone from her voice.

But the statement only served to further enrage the Pardini patriarch. “I’m allowed to be upset!”

“For the record,” I bellowed over his voice, pushing the nurse aside. “I don’t care whether you put Luke in your will or not. I think it would be good for him if he cut you out of his life. At least, he would never have to deal with
you
anymore.”

“
Miss—
”

I ripped my elbow out of her hands. “I’m leaving.” I stumbled out of the room in a fog of rage, hardly knowing where I was going. Luke was nowhere to be seen. I was upset with myself and my heart was racing with all of the things he said—all of the things
I
said. I should have kept my mouth shut
.
I didn’t know what effect my words would have on Luke’s father. What if he took everything I said to heart, and cut him off like I suggested?
You’re an idiot. You’re a moron. Luke paid you to do a job and you blew it!

I stopped midway down the hall. It had been a quarter of an hour and there was no sign of Luke. Maybe he left.
Ahead, I saw a sign for a restaurant and bar and followed it.

I found Luke perched on a barstool. It was eleven in the morning, so most of the place was empty. The bar was deserted. He stared down the tiny shot glass, a small row of empty glasses beside it. I edged up to him as he stared morosely downwards, not even acknowledging my presence, playing with the glass with his long fingers.

“Three shots at eleven A.M.? Must be some sort of record,” I said lightly.

Luke shrugged and I placed my hand over his to stifle his movements.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.”

I blinked. “Why?”

“You heard my father. I won’t be able to pay you anymore.”

“Luke, I don’t care about the money.”

He gave me a sidelong grin that looked uncannily like his father’s. “Right.”

“I mean it.” My heart was beating in my ears as I stole myself to tell him. Luke’s father hadn’t been what I had pictured. Luke had painted a dark portrait of an evil, masochistic man, but all I had seen was man full of pain, bewildered by his son’s coldness. He was horribly misguided, but evil? I didn’t think so. Still, on the whole, Luke would probably be better off without his dad in his life.

“I wish I had your dad,” I confessed.

“Your foster parents must have been pretty terrible if you prefer him.” He looked at me and flinched. “Sorry.”

“No one ever gave a damn about me. If I died, no one would really notice. No one except Natalie. I don’t know what being loved feels like.”

“Neither do I, really.”

“Your mother loved you,” I said sharply. “And as mean as he is, your father still cares about you.”

He laughed as he sipped the dregs of his drink. “How would you know?”

“We had a—a talk.”

“‘Bout what?”

I took his hand and set it in my lap, nervously squeezing his palm. “Well, I yelled at him and he told me things about you—about your mom. Maybe if you knew them, it might change your feelings about him.”

Luke slipped his hand out of my grasp, shaking his head.

“No, listen. He said that he paid for psychiatrists and therapists and everything under the moon for your mom and he hid her depression from you. To protect you. He even sent you away to protect you from her in-laws, who were demanding more money and suing him. He didn’t want you to see all that.”

Luke, who had been shaking his head harder the more I talked, slammed his fist into the bar table so that the glasses fell on their sides. “No! Everything he says is a lie.”

“Luke, in all fairness, why would he lie about that? He could probably furnish proof if you asked for it.”

He turned to me, anger thickening his features. “Then why not tell me about all this? Why did he make me think it was my fault she died?”

“He probably didn’t know that you felt that way. I know it’s screwed up, but like I said, he thought he was doing the best thing for you. He told me he wanted you to become normal—not consumed with greed like your cousins and uncle. And you know what, it worked.” Even though I told his father otherwise, I believed it now. Growing up away from all that money and influence—wasn’t that a good thing? “I think you should go back there and talk to him about all of this.”

He slammed a few notes on the bar table. “I don’t care about it. It’s too late for me to hear all of this. All I want from him is what I deserve—my inheritance.”

“I told your dad something,” I blurted.

Luke’s wavering, drunken eyes were fixed on me. “Told him what?”

My eyes slid over his slightly wet ones. “That I’m in love with you.”

He blinked and almost fell out of his stool. Then he chuckled and the sound cut through me like a knife. “Did he buy it?”

Hollowness resonated inside me. Even if I told him I meant it, he would never believe me.
“Luke, I meant it about the money. I don’t want you to pay me anymore. If I could, I would give it all back to you.”

His eyebrows were in danger of disappearing in his hair. “Why?” he said in a voice that was completely sober.

My heart seemed to jump out of my chest.
Just say it.
A strong voice I had never heard before echoed inside my head; it filled me with courage.
Go after what you want
. “Because being with you has been the best time of my life and I don’t want to be paid for it. I want it to be real.”

I was already turning away. I didn’t want to see him looking sorry for me; it would destroy me. His feverish hand closed over my wrist and dragged me back against my will, making me face his intense gaze.

He looked stunned. His deep blue eyes were wide and his mouth trembled. “I—I don’t—”

I didn’t want to hear it. I leaned into him and his arm wrapped around my waist. My lips silenced his and I tasted the alcohol swirling in his mouth and the smell of his hair that was uniquely his, clouding around me like perfume. I remembered hotly the night we had sex and how his smell lingered all over my body. I deepened the kiss, knowing that this couldn’t last and that I might as well enjoy it. I pulled back and he was looking at me, breathless, as though he had never seen me before.

“I know you don’t feel the same. I just had to tell you.”

My hand slid from his grasp and I walked away from him then. My heart and head felt lighter. Why did I feel so happy and at the same time—wracked with sadness? The possibilities were opening up to me like a map with a hundred thousand different paths and destinations. I was free to explore them all.

* * *

After Luke sobered up, he found me waiting outside of the hospice on a park bench. He explained that we were going to see his relatives as a last ditch effort to convince his dad that this wasn’t a scam. It was plain to me that Luke had chosen to ignore everything I had said in the restaurant. We drove to his relatives’ house in complete silence.

Well, I guess I scared him off.

My jaw dropped as the car turned into a gated driveway, which led to the biggest mansion I had ever seen. It was Gatsby-level big, with a manicured lawn and flowers that looked like they were changed once a month. I swallowed as I saw workers entering and exiting the mansion like bees. Tables and chairs, silver and black balloons, trays and trays of catered food were brought through that tiny entrance. I looked down at myself and swore. We just left the hospice and there had been no time to change.

“You didn’t tell me there was a damn party!”

“It’s my uncle’s birthday. Don’t worry, we’ll go upstairs and you can change. It’s only noon.”

I gaped at him. “You didn’t mention—I didn’t get a gift or anything!”

He rolled his eyes. “Uncle Dominic has everything he wants.”

Whatever he said, I still thought that it would reflect poorly on me. Come six o’ clock, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a mountain of gifts in the foyer for Uncle Dominic.

The car door was flung open before I could adjust my glare and then I slid out of the leather seat, walking behind Luke as he headed towards the front door.

“I’ll find my aunt and introduce you, and then we can go upstairs into the guest bedroom.”

I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, finding it hopelessly tangled. Feeling close to laughter, I walked inside the mansion. The floors were too good for my sneakered feet. The marble foyer looked like it had just been polished. Beyond that, I could see dark mahogany hardwood floors in the living room, a modern stainless steel kitchen peeking around the corner. I wanted to sprint up the ebony staircase and hide in one of the guest rooms.

Luke, however, looked perfectly at home. I didn’t know how he always managed to look unruffled, like he just stepped out of a men’s fashion magazine.

“Aunt Beth! I’m here!”

A motherly looking woman in her sixties rounded the corner. I was pleased to see that she was dressed in casual clothing. Her face wasn’t pretty, but it was the kind of face you would be happy to see if you were feeling down.

Luke grinned from ear to ear as she seized his head and kissed his cheek.

“I’m so happy to see you. You look wonderful.”

“Thanks, Auntie.”

Something had happened to Luke. There was lightness in his eyes and his face was smooth. I realized with a shock that Luke was—
happy
.

Still smiling, he motioned towards me and I shyly stepped forward. “This is my girlfriend, Jessica. I told you about her on the phone.”

“Oh, yes! It’s lovely to meet you.”

I felt the warmth from her smile in her handshake, and I couldn’t help it—I grinned back. “Thank you for letting us stay here. It’s really kind of you.”

“It’s no trouble at all. Both of you are always welcome.”

I watched in fascination as Luke allowed himself to be steered upstairs.

“You two must be exhausted. Why don’t you take a nap upstairs and I’ll fix you a snack when you wake up?”

Luke’s hand curled around mine as he walked towards to the guest bedroom. “Sounds good. Don’t go through too much trouble.”

“Not at all.”

The exhaustion settled in as Luke opened the door to a room with a magnificent four-poster bed, our luggage already sitting nearby. There was a flat screen television, an armoire, and an adjacent bathroom.
I guess we have to share the bed.
Luke turned around to me with a worried expression on his face, having come to the same realization.

“I can sit in the chair while—”

“We had sex, remember? It’s not a big deal if we share the bed.” Suddenly, I was irritated with him. Why was he trying to sweep it all under the rug? Maybe I was just tired. I ripped back the covers and saw that Luke was still standing there, staring at me. He froze me with that hungry, searching look. Before I knew it, he was standing right in front of me, demanding my full attention. My body seemed to shake with my pounding heart.

“Jessica, what you said earlier—did you mean it? You want me to stop paying you?”

It was hard to think when he was so close to me. He always made me feel breathless, but I knew the answer to his question. I had been bursting to tell him for days. “Yes, I meant it. I want you, Luke. I don’t care about the money anymore, I just want you.” My voice was rushed and I didn’t look away from his eyes. I just wanted him to believe me.
Believe me.