Breaking East (18 page)

Matron led me outside to an old car waiting at the entrance with the engine running. ‘You need to get home before people start gossiping.’

‘I thought we were under lockdown.’

‘It’s been lifted. A couple of hours ago.’

‘Really? So quick? Is everybody okay?’

‘Of course.’ She opened the passenger door. ‘In you hop. If anybody asks, you were holed up in your carriage for a couple of days, keeping your head down.’

‘Like nothing ever happened, uh?’

Her eyes narrowed and she gave me a sarky smile. ‘Exactly. You know how to keep your mouth shut, don’t you?’

She was a hard-faced bitch. Standing there, dishing out orders. ‘Who exactly are you?’ I asked.

‘It’s not important. What is important is you maintain a professional silence,’ she said. ‘None of us are indispensable.’

I thought about Mary stuffed in the drawer. And Joe,
Sometimes it’s better to sacrifice idiots like you.
‘Are you threatening me?’

‘I’m being honest.’

And then it hit me. ‘Are you M. Gee?’

She tilted her head, just a touch. ‘Get in the car. Go home and rest up.’

I thought about trying to suck up a little, or at least undo some of the damage, just in case, to keep my options open. All my tears and stroppiness wasn’t the best impression I could have made. But I really didn’t feel up to the conversation, not even sure I cared. Going home, seeing the cats, getting back to some sort of normality was what I needed right then. My body ached for my bed. The mountain air had got even colder and this time I felt it, harsh and cutting. It dampened my skin, numbing my fingers and face to freezing. I climbed into the warm car, Matron slammed the door and I waved bye-bye to any hope of a career in the resistance.

The car pulled away. ‘Hey, you okay?’ The driver spoke soft and friendly. ‘Don’t worry. She’s not as cruel as she’d like to think she is.’

I turned to look out at the coarse hillside, blinking hard, furious at myself. The self-pity and crying had to stop, but I felt so desperately lonely and bone-breaking tired. I laid my head against the headrest and tried to think happy thoughts. I’d talk it through with Stuart; he’d know what to do.

When I woke the sun shone blinding bright into my face. I twisted in my seat and wiped the corners of my mouth. Oh dolloping granny, I’d dribbled and must have been snoring like a drunken old con. I looked at the driver who took his eyes off the road to glance back. ‘You okay?’ he said.

‘Yep. Sorry if I slept loud. I was knacked out.’

‘No problem.’

We were rumbling along a country lane, dodging pot holes galore, the overgrown hedges whipped at the car. ‘Where are we? Nearly there?’

‘Not far off.’ He put a pale, bony hand on the gearstick. ‘Things aren’t quite as you left them, Atty. The ISS went in and cleaned the place up a little. Took out a few of the recently released cons, arrested a couple of others. Nobody you’ll miss, I don’t think.’

How did he know who I’d miss and who I wouldn’t? I studied his profile - familiar but not. ‘Do I know you?’

He pulled a face. ‘We’ve met once or twice.’ Then he looked at me with bluebottle eyes and grinned. ‘Bethany.’

I pointed to his head. ‘The tat was false, right? Like one of those kiddy stickers.’

‘I wear it when I’m in Red mode.’ He winked. ‘Helps me get into the role, looking like a dick.’

Sheesh. Another person faking it. ‘So who are you? Really?’

‘A friend, is all you need to know.’

‘Why did you introduce me to Stuart?’

‘I fouled up. As we all do from time to time.’ He shot me a look. ‘You were supposed to go back to Joe and tell him your cover was blown and him get somebody else on the job, but you and Stuart had other ideas. I underestimated the pair of you. I won’t make that mistake again.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell Joe?’

He gave me a don’t-go-being-so-daft look. ‘When was the last time Joe listened to a Red and his advice?’

My head buzzed. ‘Hang on. Are you saying you and Joe don’t know each other, yet you’re both working for the resistance?’

‘But I don’t work for the resistance. At least not directly. I’ve just slipped in for the moment to have a quick word with you before I head back to London.’

I rubbed my eyes. ‘Oh Loudy Lord. I have no idea what’s going on. Please tell me you’re not ISS or something and I’m being shipped back to that manor place.’

He laughed. ‘I’m taking you home.’

‘The Law are after me.’

‘No. Not any more. I’ve sorted it. They’ve had much bigger things to fret over lately anyway. Investigations from International officials, for one. The heads of ISS aren’t overly impressed with the way the Law have turned West Basley into an open jail. Not least because cons tend to keep escaping and finding their way to London.’

‘Hence turning the cage on.’

‘No. That breaks International Rules. There’s no way they can get away with doing that. No more live fences for Basley.’

We’d all heard that before. ‘So you’re not a real Red, you’re not ISS, you don’t work for Joe. Who the hell are you? And how did you sort it?’ I put such sarky emphasis on the last two words my nose ached.

‘I’m on your side, Atty. And I’m not the only one.’ He slowed the car and took an extra long look at me. ‘Your dad is respected by a lot of people and he has lots of people working for him.’

‘You work for my dad? Where is he? What’s he doing having his photo spread across leaflets? Why doesn’t he send for me?’ My voice cracked. I coughed. ‘Will you take me to him?’

He stopped the car. ‘Atty. One day things will be good again. But right now, the safest place for you is in Basley. There are two types of Reds – those who want you there to lure your dad out of hiding, and those who work for your dad. Both want to keep you safe. Double whammy. And that’s before you take Joe into consideration.’

So I’d been the privileged one all along. Protected from the east and the west. ‘But why can’t I go and live with him and he can look after me himself?’ And I still managed to sound like a whiny kid.

‘It’s too dangerous. Besides, Joe needs you at home. To help keep things as normal as possible at ground level, in the community. Word’s got around about you giving Carl a pasting. It’s not like anybody is going to give you a hard time, is it?’ He put the car back into gear and drove on.

There were loads of questions I wanted to ask but when I practiced them in my head they sounded selfish and infantile. But when the car finally stopped I had one more that I needed the answer to. ‘If I hadn’t gone to the manor, would anybody have bothered to rescue those kids?’

He looked shocked. ‘Of course. Your dad is important, but no more important than Stuart’s mother. She’s a top dog in the lawyer world. She’s on a very big case in London at the moment.  She thought Stuart and Gemma would be safer in Basley but I can’t see her leaving them behind again. Not that any of this could have been helped, by her or you. Just one of those things.’ He paused. ‘You’ve got a lot to digest. Take your time, but remember,’ he pulled an imaginary zip across his mouth, ‘keep it tight.

‘Do you think my dad would approve of Stuart?’

He mused for a moment. ‘Yeah, I think he probably would.’ He leaned over and plucked a bunch of forget-me-nots out of the foot-well behind my seat. ‘Give these to your mum, will you?’

By the time I arrived home it was mid-morning. The hot spell had broken but it hadn’t rained and the sky stretched high and white. A sniff of cold autumn air made me wrap the smock snug about my neck. I passed by Bastion Square and laid the fresh forget-me-nots on the stone slab. ‘I’m okay, Mum. These are off Dad. Can’t think why I didn’t think of him before. He’s got his eye on us. Though I suppose you already knew that.’ I turned to leave but changed my mind. ‘Oh, by the way, I’ve met someone. You’d really like him. And dad. I’m going to be happier than ever now.’

The cats ran to meet me and rubbed at my legs. The carriage felt cold and damp so I lit the oven and left its door open to warm the cabin up and chase the chill from my bones. I crawled into bed and slept.

Fluff woke me and I lifted her up to rub my face against her fur. ‘What have you been up to, eh?’ She purred and padded her paws against my neck. The dishes were still piled in the sink from when I’d cooked dinner for Stuart. Just days ago. I washed them and cleaned up the whole place before showering and changing.

I shaved, plucked, tweaked and gelled. I wore my favourite jacket and folded a fresh pair of knickers in the pocket. I learned from my mistakes. My toothbrush hooked neatly into the back patch on my jeans and I took one last check in the mirror. My eye still shone red, but if he wanted a deep meaningful look, he could look in the other one. Everything else looked more or less okay. As okay as I’d ever get anyway.

I arrived at Stuart’s road just as the sun went down. All the lights were on in his house and vans with the Law logo lined the street. Neighbours hovered around at the edge of their lawns chatting and nosing. Reds in white overalls carried boxes and items out to the vans in clear plastic bags. Even Gemma’s teddies and dolls were bagged and carted away as possible evidence. I felt sick and watched from the corner, not knowing what to do. I wished I still had my sonic ear.

Matron appeared alongside me. ‘Hey. How are you?’ She looked me up and down. ‘You’ve put some effort in. Smell nice too.’

‘What’s going on?’

‘The Law have gone in declaring the Under-occupancy Act.’

‘Isn’t his mum coming home?’

‘No. They’re moving on.’

‘Where to? I need to speak to Stuart.’

She sighed. ‘He killed an ISS approved agent, Atty. If the Law found out…’ She gave a helpless-looking shrug.

‘But he was a scummy paedo. They can’t arrest somebody for taking out a paedo. Not even this lot would put up with that.’ I gestured at the neighbours. ‘Look at them. Poking around.’ I’d raised my voice, wanting them to hear.

‘Some things are best left in the past.’ Matron said. ‘The Law will be looking for somebody to blame for the whole sorry mess. And it won’t be you and Joe. Somebody has to take it.’

‘But he’s an easty.’

She laughed. ‘Doesn’t make him immune to the Law.’

I’d always thought easties had it so easy but it appeared not. Even their kids got sent away to be experimented on. ‘Has the manor stopped the programme?’

‘Of course.’ She spoke so matter of factly, like I’d asked her if she’d remembered to pick a pint of milk up on the way home. Listening to her, nobody would have thought lives, including mine, had been turned upside down. Certainly not bodies stuffed in drawers.

‘What about Mary? The girl who helped us, I found her body in a drawer at the manor.’

‘If she’s dead already she isn’t worth rescuing, is she?’

The guy with the bluebottle eyes had been wrong. She was cruel all right.

‘And Chelsea?’

‘She’ll get the help she needs.’

‘So all’s sorted then.’ I swallowed. ‘Except Stuart is expecting me to meet him.’

‘There is no way he can come back here. It would be professional suicide. He’s gone to another county where he can start afresh.’

‘You said he’d wait for me.’

‘I said if he loved you. Did he tell you he loved you?’

I gritted my teeth and thought back.
I kind of like you
. And,
Will Joe take you back? I don’t like to think of you being lonely
.

Matron made a some-you-lose gesture with her hands. ‘I’m sure it wasn’t an easy choice for him to make. But it is the right one for both of you. Even if you weren’t a soldier, he needs a woman who can entertain, host dinner parties, and discuss global politics and such nonsense.’

‘I can do that.’

‘Yeah sure. But can you do it without all that colourful language Joe dragged you up with?’

‘I can speak BBC-speak. I don’t ever swear.’

She shook her head. ‘You’re fantasising. You know it. Nobody’s fooled by all that frolicking frog nonsense.’

‘You’re saying I’m not good enough.’

‘I’m saying we all need to use the talents and knowledge we have. You’re born to be a resistance soldier not a pretty trinket on some politician’s arm.’

‘Stuart doesn’t want a trinket. He wants me.’

‘Sometimes a guy puts what he needs first. Like Gavin. He needs you.’

‘Great. Gavin likes the easties but needs me, huh?’

‘You’re twisting my words.’

No I wasn’t. ‘What about Gemma and Stacey?’ I said. ‘Where are they?’

‘They’ve gone with Stuart. They’ll travel with his mother from now on. She’ll take good care of them both. You aren’t really in the best position, are you? To take care of a baby. I know you mean well but…’

The tears spilled down my face. So much for trying to look good. I swiped at them. ‘So I’m the only one left behind. Everybody else is moving on, having this nice new life somewhere pretty and exciting. I’ve no doubt it’s where the stupid sun shines all day long and birds sing over rainbows and shit.’

‘You’re sounding sorry for yourself again. Wallowing.’ She rooted around in a canvas bag hanging from her shoulder. ‘Here.’ She thrust a bunch of keys at me. ‘Joe needs you to look after the caff until he gets back.’

‘Will they let him back?’

‘Of course. He’s the one who keeps the west rational. Without him there’d have been even more bodies to deal with. In the meantime, you’ve got the opportunity to impress. Put the west back in order, keep the people calm until Joe returns and who knows where you could go from there.’

I wanted to stamp my foot and scream at her. She just didn’t get it. But neither did I. I didn’t want to go anywhere, not without Stuart. He’d said so much stuff. Touched my neck, wanted to kiss me. He’d meant it.
We’re going to get out of this and we’re going to be together
.

I watched Matron walk away. After a few steps she hesitated. Her voice quietened, became softer, and her eyes kinder. ‘You belong here, Atty. This is your home. Here with Joe.’

I hated being patronised. ‘How would you know where I belong or where I don’t? You don’t know me.’

‘Of course I do. I used to be like you. And, who knows, one day, you’ll be like me.’

‘I doubt that.’ No chance. She looked well worn out and haggard. And by then, things will have changed. Her assumption that we’d still be fighting the same battles pissed me off. Just because her generation had cacked all over everything, didn’t mean we couldn’t make it better. And to think all I’d wanted to do was impress her.

‘Your adult papers should be finalised by now. Use them wisely.’ She raised her hand in a half wave. ‘Stay safe, Atty.’

I loitered until the last of the vans pulled away before wandering up to look through the windows of Stuart’s house. Everything had gone, even the tiles off the floor and the taps out of the kitchen. Blinds shivered and curtains twitched as the neighbours watched me stride away, head high.

My knee throbbed too sore to run so I walked home, pausing outside the station. The butcher’s van threw out a rapid rock beat while a guy on a saxophone played swing on its roof. The sounds mish-mashed together into a tune that set the kids on the slab bouncing. It looked like they were in an old rock and rackit movie. Tarts Table reeked of enough blind lust and ignorant youth to make me want to vomit.

Gavin jumped off the platform and stood three feet away, shuffling his feet. ‘Hey, Atts. How’re you doing?’

‘When did you get back?’

‘Yesterday. I waited like you said but some guy turned up and told me to come home. Gave me a lift to the door. Is Joe still mad at me?’

‘How about asking if he’s okay first? Or if those kids are okay? Or if Stuart is okay?’

He curled his top lip and sneered. ‘Well you’re okay. Why wouldn’t they be?’

A girl, dressed in a micro mini and pink bra, tottered to the edge of the platform. ‘Gavvy?’

Gavin scowled and called up to her. ‘I’m busy.’

I put my hands in my jacket pockets and looked at the sky. Even if I never saw Stuart again my days of hanging out at the station were done with. The get-togethers might be a good start but we needed to do more than dance and get rat-faced together to make a proper difference. The girl tip-tapped away towards the slab.

‘Atty? They are okay, aren’t they?’

‘Yes, Gavin. They’re okay. But we all need to stop playing games with each other. That girl. Do you like her?’

He shrugged. ‘She’s an easty,’ he said. ‘She’s not like us.’ He stepped towards me.

I gave him a look that said, don’t even think about it. ‘Yes she is.’ I said. ‘She’s exactly like us.’

‘Eh?’ He looked at me like I was the prize dimwit.

‘Forget it. Enjoy your night, Gavin.’ I walked on towards home.

He called after me. ‘You’re going soft, Atty. You’ve lost the plot.’

Yeah, whatever.