Breaking Hammer (Motorcycle Club Romance) (Inferno Motorcycle Club Book 3) (28 page)

He stroked my hair as I lay with my head pressed against his chest, listening to his heart beat.  We'd been lying that way now for hours, I think, talking.  He'd told me more things about his life before, about his daughter, and I'd told him about Ben.  I'd told him about my life
before.
 The life I had back in Burma, with my family.  Before I was taken.

"I meant what I said, you know," Hammer said.
 His fingers trailed lazily down the length of my back.  "I wasn't just saying shit to get laid."

"What you said about what?"
 My head was foggy, my brain lazy from the orgasm.  It wasn't something I was used to feeling.  In fact, I couldn't remember ever feeling like this, ever having allowed myself to feel this kind of relaxation.

I felt at ease with him.
 I knew I barely knew him.  I knew it was crazy.

But there was something about him that was...trustworthy.
 Good.  I knew it, in the core of who I was.  I recognized evil.  I was more familiar with it than anything else.  The men I knew, the ones who entered my life after I was ripped from my family,
they
were evil.  Hammer was nothing like them.  His core was good, not rotten like theirs.

When he told me what he'd done to the men who murdered his wife, I saw a kindred spirit.
 He could understand what I intended to do, what I would do in a heartbeat once I had Ben back with me.  He wouldn't tell me I should let justice prevail, to trust in the same law that overlooked me, that failed to give me any status as a person.  He could understand my need for vengeance.

"Hey, you there?" Hammer asked, bringing my focus back to the present.
 To him.

"Huh?
 Oh, yeah.  What did you say?"

"I meant what I said about Ben," Hammer said.
 "I want to help."

"How can you help?"
 I was wary, even when the offer came from him.  People didn't help.  Not without expecting something in return.

"I'm a hacker," he said.

I stared at him blankly.  Aston was smart enough to know better than to leave evidence that someone could find.

Hammer must have read my expression as doubt.
 "I'm good," he said.  "I was wondering why I couldn't find anything on you before Aston, though.  It's because you didn't exist."  He paused, looking at the pained expression on my face.  "Shit, I didn't mean that the way it sounded.  I meant that you didn't exist in terms of information I could find."

"You tried to find out about me?"

His face paled.  "Christ, I sound like a fucking creep.  I wasn't stalking you.  I mean, fuck, I kind of was, I guess, but not in a fucking serial killer way."

I smiled, but now there was a twinge of fear gnawing at my stomach as I sat up, still naked, and looked at him.
 He seemed different than the others, but what if he wasn't, really?  He had been following me, searching for information on me- before he knew anything about me.  What if he was just as obsessive as Aston had been?  Aston's obsession had driven him to keep me, bound to him even years after I'd been apart from him.

What if Hammer was the same kind of person?

"Goddamn it, Meia," he said.  "I'm not a psycho.  But I can start digging, see what I can turn up on Aston, where he might have Ben."

I nodded, unsure what to think.
 Use him, Meia, the little voice in my head said.  Even if he's some psycho, you can use him to get to your son.  It's all about Ben.  But Hammer wasn't like that, was he?  He wasn't like Aston.  I had to believe he was good.  There had to be some good in the world.

"Even if you find where he's keeping Ben, how the hell am I supposed to get to him?"
 I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes.  I'd been through the scenario a million times already.  It was the only thing I thought about, from the moment I woke until I went to sleep at night.  The desire to get Ben back consumed me.

Hammer looked at me thoughtfully.
 "The biker club I used to be - I
am
a part of -" he said.  "They might be willing to get involved."

"Aston is extremely powerful and well-connected," Meia said.
 "I mean no offense to your club, but there is no way a group of bikers is going to take down Aston."

Hammer smirked.
 "Don't underestimate our connections," he said.  "We're not the white-trash meth dealers people think of when they think of bikers."

I felt my heart leap, and I wondered if it was possible for him to help.
 I'd gotten my hopes up before, just to have them dashed.  I'd learned that hope was dangerous.  It made me do stupid things, like stay on the old man's estate instead of taking Ben and running when I had the chance, years ago.  Hope cost me everything.

I couldn't pin my hopes on a biker.
 Hammer was so wrapped up in his own demons he could barely put one foot in front of the other.  How could I expect him to be able to see clearly enough to help me?  I had no right to expect anything of him.  He had no obligation to me.

As I sat there, a sinking feeling developing in the pit of my stomach, I felt reality begin to intrude on the little cocoon we had here, cutting through the haze and afterglow of sex.
 I felt my breath catch in my chest, and the air felt warm, too warm.  Stifling.  "How long have we been here?"

"A few hours," Hammer said, glancing at the clock.
 "Oh.  More than a few.  It's already six."

"Shit," I said.
 "I need to go."

"What did I say?" Hammer asked.
 He sat up on the bed, and I felt his eyes follow me as I rose and began to put my clothes back on.  "Meia, talk to me."

"I can't stay here," I said.
 "I have to get back, to the apartment.  I can't be gone this long.  If Aston calls for me - if he sends for me and I'm not there.  He will kill Ben."

"You have your cell phone, right?"
 Hammer asked, his voice intense.  I couldn't tell if he was angry, didn't look at him as I slid my dress  over my head.  "Has he ever just shown up at your place before?"

"No," I admitted.
 "But I can't risk it.  If I'm being watched, I have no reason to be out at night like this, dressed like this.  It's not part of my routine."

"Can I see you again?" he asked.

No,
I thought.  
Say no.  Stay away from him, bide your time with Aston.
 Then, the other part of me, the cynical questioning part, chimed in.  
Until what?  Until Aston tires of you and kills you and Ben both?

"Meia."
 Hammer came up behind me, slid his hands down the length of my arms, pulled me tight against his body.  His breath wafted over my ear, raising goose bumps on my arms and making the hairs on my neck stand up.  "Don't shut me out."

"I'm not," I said.
 I couldn't think, not with him standing there, with his hands on me.  "All of this - it happened so quickly.  It's not safe.  Staying with Aston, doing what I have to do to get Ben back-  That's safe."

Hammer turned me around to face him, put his fingers under my chin, and tilted my face up toward him.
 "Look at me," he said, his voice dark.  "Being with Aston is never going to be safe.  He's breaking you, piece by piece.  He will kill you, do you understand?"

"If he finds out I've been with you-" I said.
 "If he finds out what you're doing, it'll be the end."

"He won't find out," Hammer said.
 "We'll be careful.  I promise you.  On my life, Meia.  We will figure this out.  We will get you and Ben away from him.  I won't let anything happen to you.  I can't."

His voice broke as he said it, and I saw the pain behind his eyes.
 
Of course.

I smiled sadly.
 "Saving me won't undo the past, Hammer," I said.  "It won't change what happened to April."

His brow furrowed, and a look of hurt passed over his face.
 "I wasn't -" He stepped back from me.  "What happened here wasn't about that.  It was about you and me."

I brought my fingers to my lips, then touched them gently to his cheek.
 "I know it wasn't just about us, Hammer," I said.  "That's just reality, for both of us.  The room is filled with ghosts."

“I love you, MacKenzie,” I said.
 I had to make sure she knew it.  It was the first thing I did after I left that hotel room, before I could do what I knew I needed to do next.

“I know, dad,” she said.
 “Hey, when I come back, do you think we can talk about getting a horse?”