Breaking Hammer (Motorcycle Club Romance) (Inferno Motorcycle Club Book 3) (30 page)

He hovered for a moment, his lips close to mine, and I felt my breath catch in my throat as something stirred in my core.
 I had just gotten done telling this man he didn’t own me, but the only thing I could think about was what it would be like to be possessed by someone...not the way Aston possessed me, but the way I imagined it could be.

I’d had a hint of that the last time Hammer and I were together.
 

Hammer made a sound under his breath, gravely and guttural, and pressed his lips to mine, sending arousal coursing through my body.
 His touch was like electricity, like no one had ever touched me before.

All of the hell I’d been through, the men I’d been forced to be with...I’d never come to associate sex with anything other than pain and humiliation.
 But with Hammer, it was anything but that.  Not that it was rainbows and sunshine.  I didn’t know how to not disconnect during sex, to stay within my body, to not enter some other headspace.  But the last time, at least, my body had seemed to sense that it was not a predator touching me.

It made me hope that someday I might be normal.
 Maybe I could even love someone.

Hammer’s hands were up under my shirt, touching my breasts through my bra, and my nipples immediately hardened under his palms.
 I moaned, and he muted the sound with his mouth as I pressed my body to his, reveling in the hardness I felt against me.

“Please,” I said.
 It came out, not something I expected, to be practically begging a man to sleep with me.  But desire coursed through my body, and I didn’t want to think about anything else except Hammer’s hands on me.  I wanted him to touch me like he did last time, to make it so that
his
touch was what I felt, the imprint of his hands on my body when I closed my eyes at night.  Not Aston’s.  Not anyone else’s.  I wanted him to erase the pain I’d endured, to make it so that I forgot what others had done...at least for a while.  

“You sure you want me?” Hammer asked, pausing for a moment.

“You don’t have to ask me every time,” I whispered, sliding my hands up under his shirt, feeling his hard muscles tense under my fingertips.

Hammer groaned as I ran my fingers over his nipple.
 “Of course I fucking do,” he said, his voice hoarse.  “I won’t get tired of hearing you say it.”

“Say what?”
 I couldn’t think.  I slid my hands down his tight stomach, started to undo the buckle on his pants.

“You saying you want me,” he said.

“Well, then, let me say it again."  I slid my hands further up under his t-shirt, and he pulled his leather cut from his shoulders, looking at me and grinning.  "I want you."

He kissed me full on the mouth, then pulled back.
 "I'm going to take this off, and then I'll give you what you want."  He walked across the room, hanging his leather cut on the chair.  He looked at me from where he stood, and winked.  "You better get those clothes off, or I'm going to rip them off you."

"Is that a promise?" I asked, not bothering to hide the smile that crossed my face.
 I started to pull my t-shirt over my head, then stopped, teasing him.  "Now I'm not sure I want to take them off."

I watched as Hammer stripped off his clothes and stood there naked in front of me, his cock erect.
 I felt a thrill rush through my body, looking at him, followed by the familiar twinge of fear I couldn't quite shake.

"What's wrong?"
 Hammer crossed the room quickly, taking my hands in his, and I felt my shirt drop to my sides.

"Nothing," I said, and then, in response to his skeptical look, "I - this, whatever this is between us - I want it to be easy, but it's not.
 I like it.  I mean, I really like it, a lot.  But it's - there are so many things in my past.  In my present, I mean..."

"I know I don't know everything about your past," Hammer said.
 "But I know about how shit from the past can affect the present.  If there's one thing I learned from April's death, it's to live in the moment, because I don't know what the fuck is going to happen in the future."

Living in the moment was something I was an expert at avoiding.
 I had trained myself to exist by fading into memories of the past- back when I was a child, or when I still had Ben with me- or by fantasizing about the future.  Anything to escape the pain of the present moments in my life, the ones that I couldn't bear to face.

Except for
this
.  Except for him.  I wanted to be here for this, to experience these moments.  I wanted to drag them out, to savor them, emblazon them in my memory.  I wanted to save them, so that these would be memories I could draw on later.  These memories would be what kept me alive the next time Aston called for me.

The thought sent a shiver up my spine.

Hammer's voice broke through my thoughts.  "If you're not comfortable, just say the word and I'll back off."

"I'm -" I started, struggling to put it into words, to figure out how to tell him I was intermittently uncomfortable, triggered by little things- a smell, a look, the memory of something.
 "I'm comfortable right now."

"Are you comfortable if I do this?" Hammer asked, kissing me just below my ear.

"Mmm, yeah," I said.  "That's not too bad."

"Not too bad, huh?" he asked.
 "What about if I slip this off?"  Without waiting for me to respond, he pulled my t-shirt over my head.

"That's okay."

"And what about this?"  He unhooked my bra, and I drew in my breath as my nipples hardened in the air conditioned hotel room.  "Is this comfortable?"

Hammer trailed his finger down the front of my chest and over the tops of my breasts.
 I ached for his mouth on me, just like before, but he seemed intent on tormenting me.  I reached for his cock, erect and begging for my attention, but he pushed my hand away.  "Huh-huh," he said.  "I asked you a question.  Comfortable?"

"Yes," I said softly as he traced light circles around my areola and then my nipple.
 My panties began to dampen in response to his touch, and I was suddenly acutely aware of the empty aching between my legs.  My body remembered him and what he had done to me last time.

"And now?" He left a trail of kisses down my chest to my cleavage, then flicked his tongue lightly over the end of my nipple, teasing me more.
 I arched my back, willing him to take my breast in his mouth, to suck me like he'd done before.  But he didn't.  Instead, he smiled, and unbuttoned my pants, kneeling at my feet as he stripped them from my legs and tossed them on the floor with the other clothes.

He ran his hands up my thighs, his thumbs pressed against my inner thighs as he tormented me further.

"I'm comfortable, Hammer," I said.  "It's all comfortable.  I want you."

"That's good to hear," he said.
 "But I want you to be more than just comfortable."  He kissed one of my inner thighs, and it took everything I had not to push my pussy into his face, I wanted him so badly.

But he didn't kneel between my legs and lick me like he did last time.
 Instead, he slipped off my panties and tossed them to the side with the pants, then rose to his feet, chuckling when I let out a disappointed groan.  "I know," he said.  "You're comfortable, right?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip.
 
Comfortable
was no longer the right word.  Overwrought was a better one.  I wanted to feel him inside me, to have him ride me until I couldn't think about anything else except him.  "Hammer," I said, wrapping my hand around the base of his shaft.  This time, he didn't stop me.  Instead, I listened to his breath grow more shallow as I began to stroke him, my hand moving up and down his length in measured rhythm.

"Yes
," he said.

"All the stuff that's happened," I said.
 "I want you to take it away.  I know you can't, but I want to pretend.  I want you to make me think about what's happening right now.  In the moment.  I want to forget everything else, even if it's only for a moment."

Hammer groaned, and I wasn't sure if it was because of what I said or what I was doing with my hand.
 I knew it wasn't a long-term solution to anything, but I wanted him to take me away, to obliterate everything around me, all the shit I had to worry about, so that the only thing I could think about was him and I.  Right now.

"Is that really what you want?" he asked.

"It's really what I want," I said, my heart racing.  I wanted complete annihilation.

"Fuck," he said, his voice raspy.
 He turned to grab a condom, and rolled it onto his length, then paused.  "You want me to be gentle, go easy with you?"

My heart raced, and before I could second-guess myself, I said, "No."

"I want to hear you say it," he said.

He wanted to hear me say it?
 I suddenly felt bold.  I'd say it, all right.  "I don't want gentle.  I don't want to be coddled or handled with kid gloves."

"Oh, hell," he said, his voice a growl.
 Before I could react, he stepped toward me and slipped his hands under my ass, lifting me up off the ground like I was nothing.  "You want this," he said, more of a statement of fact than a question, and I felt the tip of his cock against my entrance.

I didn't have time to respond before he slid me onto his length, impaling me with his cock.
 I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, more than acutely aware of the fact that I was so wet, that there was no pain.  Just the opposite.  It was like he had flipped a switch in my body, turned on my body's ability to respond with pleasure instead of only pain and horror.  Every nerve ending was on fire, burning with desire for him.

It was the same act, his entering me, yet it was as different from the other men as it could possibly be.

"Comfortable?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.  I didn't move on him, just let him hold me there, satisfied with the way he filled me.  Satisfied was something foreign to me when it came to sex.

"Are you going to just hold me like this forever?"

"I can if you want me to," he said, grinning.

"I like it," I whispered.

Hands still under my ass, he leaned forward and kissed me.  Devoured me was more like it.  His mouth connected with mine, and any ability I'd had to keep my thoughts clear was immediately and entirely destroyed.  He didn't move me, but his cock twitched inside me, sending an immediate, visceral response through my body.  I moaned, even while his mouth covered mine.

And heard him make a noise under his breath, this primitive sound that made my heart race faster and my entire body cry out for his touch.
 I wanted him all over me, all at once.  Every part of me craved him.

I’d never known lust before Hammer.

Now, he was teaching me what it meant to want someone this way, so badly, with every fiber of my being.

I wanted more.
 I had never dared to want anything.  But suddenly, I wanted everything.

“Do you want more?” he asked, and I wondered if he could read my thoughts.
 But he looked at me, his eyes clouded with lust, and carried me on his cock, pushing me up against the wall of the hotel room, sending another jolt of arousal rippling through my body.