Breaking The Drought (21 page)

Maggie looked up at him as he sat beside her on the bed. Her face shone with pride. ‘Luke,' she said, ‘I want to introduce you to your nephew, Joseph Luke Tanner.' She handed the baby to him. ‘Joey,' she said, ‘say hello to your Uncle Luke.'

‘Hey Rob, how are you doing?'

‘All good here, Jenna. The rain's a bloody godsend. How's it going inside?'

‘It's a boy!'

Rob grinned. ‘I'd suggest getting some cigars, but clearly there's enough smoke around here.'

Jenna laughed. ‘Luke asked me to check for news of the ambulance.'

‘I spoke to Lottie and she said she'd make sure that the first available unit was sent. A fire truck's on its way out here too. They're in this area to mop up, keep an eye on things. All in all I don't think it's been as bad as we feared.'

‘How's everyone else? Is there much damage?'

‘Early reports are good. No loss of life. I don't know about houses or stock.'

‘Have you heard anything about Mynyip? Is Brooke safe?'

‘The fire bypassed Mynyip altogether. Brooke's fine. No doubt worried about you, but I'll get word to her as soon as I can that everyone here is safe and well.'

Jenna smiled. ‘I'm sure I'm not the only person that Brooke is worried about.' A siren drew her attention. ‘Do you think that's the ambulance?'

‘Yep,' Luke responded from behind her.

After all that had happened it was hard to maintain her anger towards him. She was exhausted and being furious took energy. Obviously Luke had his reasons for not wanting her in his life. After surviving a bushfire and being part of bringing a new life into the world, her broken heart seemed a trifling matter.

Soon she'd be home and she could wallow in her discontent as much as she liked, but right now it was time for a truce. She smiled at him. ‘How's it all going, Uncle Luke?'

Luke grinned. ‘Pretty well, actually. Mother and baby are all ready for their big trip to the city.'

‘The city? I thought they'd take Maggie to Mynyip?'

Luke shook his head. ‘Joey is almost four weeks premature. Although he seems fine, it would be best if they were in a big city hospital, in case of complications.'

‘I'll go down to the gate to direct the ambulance,' Rob said.

‘Thanks mate.' He turned to Jenna. ‘I'm going to head to Melbourne to be with them.'

‘Oh,' said Jenna. ‘Of course.' So this was it, then.

‘I'd offer for you to stay here but I'm a bit concerned about you being here on your own in the current situation. The immediate fire threat is over but it doesn't mean it's totally safe to be here.'

‘I'll pack my things and head into town for the night.'

‘Actually I'd feel better if you were safely out of town and I know Maggie would too. What if I make a call to the hospital and see if I can get Brooke released tonight. That way I can follow the two of you safely back to the highway. I'll be happier knowing that you are back in Melbourne out of harm's way.'

Out of your way
.

‘There's no need for you to follow us. I'm sure we'll be fine.'

‘Please, Jenna, let me do this for you. After all you've done for us today. You've been amazing and not just at helping deliver the baby. Maggie told me how you helped her move the stock.'

‘All in a day's work,' she said.

‘I misjudged you. You were right. When we first met I thought you were a spoilt city girl who wouldn't know how to get her hands dirty. I'm sorry.'

Jenna felt her face colour at the memory of her earlier outburst. ‘Forget it. I'll just go inside and say a quick goodbye to Maggie and pack my stuff. What time do you want to leave?'

‘I guess it all depends on what time I can organise to get Brooke released, but let's plan on as soon as possible.'

So this was it. There was to be no Hollywood ending. Luke was not going to change his mind about not letting her into his life. He wasn't going to tell her that the fear of losing her in the fire had made him realise how much he loved her, or suddenly drop on one knee and ask her to be his wife.

There was nothing more she could do. Yesterday's anger had dissipated and now she was left with a gaping empty hole inside. At least she'd learnt something about herself today. She'd always prided herself on being a survivor, but deep down inside she knew everything she did, every choice she made, was born out of fear. Today she'd proved to herself that she was strong, just like Maggie and the other women she admired here. When faced with adversity she'd risen to the challenge. Her heart might be broken now, but she knew that she would survive.

No one, not even Maggie, knew the full extent of what had happened to Joe. He'd never been able to tell the whole story. Even now, it was too painful to think about, let alone put words to. And yet he knew he had to.

Yesterday when he and Jenna had made love, he knew that there was something special between then. Something that at any other time in his life would lead to a deep commitment on his part, but right now that couldn't happen. The look on Jenna's face when he'd pulled away from her had haunted him all day. Thank God she was safe and he didn't have to worry about it being the defining image he remembered her by. He already had enough unsettling visions disturbing his sleep.

He owed it to Jenna to explain why he wasn't fit to be part of her life.

‘Luke, Maggie and the baby are all loaded up and ready to go. Did you want to say goodbye?' Rob shouted.

Luke jumped down off the veranda and made his way to the back of the ambulance.

‘Sort out things here,' Maggie said. ‘Don't worry about us. We're in good hands.'

‘I'll be there tonight. Just try and keep me away!'

Maggie smiled. ‘Make sure you look after Jenna.'

He nodded as the ambulance officer came to close the door. Luke gave one last wave as the ambulance made its way down the driveway and then he headed inside to call the Mynyip hospital. By the time he'd done that and had a quick shower, Jenna was sitting at the kitchen table with her suitcase at her side.

‘How did you get on with getting Brooke released?' she asked, pulling her still-damp hair up into a ponytail.

‘The resident will come and sign her release forms in a couple of hours, so there's no rush to leave. I guess we may as well have a cup of tea and a sandwich. When was the last time you ate?'

Jenna shrugged. ‘Breakfast I think. You?'

‘Same.'

Neither spoke for a few minutes as they stood side by side in the kitchen, Jenna making fresh salad sandwiches and Luke sorting out the tea. When they were both seated with a meal in front of them, Luke could delay the conversation no more. ‘Jenna, about yesterday — '

‘I don't want to talk about yesterday. I thought I'd made that clear.'

He nodded. ‘I know, but there's something I need to tell you. It's about the accident and what happened to my dad and my brother.'

‘What does that have to do with yesterday?'

‘I've never told the full story to anyone but I think you need to hear it. Maybe then you'll understand why we can't be together and it has nothing to do with me not caring about you.'

She didn't answer, but Luke was determined to go on, with or without her permission. He looked down at his hands, unable to meet her eyes as he unburdened himself. ‘The accident was my fault. Joe's death was my fault. I killed him. That's why it's so important to me to care for Maggie and the baby. If it wasn't for me, Joe would still be here.'

‘What are you talking about? I thought your dad was driving the car? How could it be your fault?'

‘For starters Dad and Joe should never have been in the car in the first place.'

‘Why not? Where were you all going?'

‘We were looking for Nicola. We'd had a big argument, Nic and I, and she'd taken off in my car.'

‘Nicola?'

‘My girlfriend… My fiancée, actually.'

Jenna's eyes widened in surprise. ‘I didn't realise you were engaged.'

‘I was, back then.' He saw a flicker of hurt in her eyes. He knew she'd be wondering why he hadn't mentioned this fact before, but he needed to get this story out without being side-tracked.

‘Nic and I fought and she took off. I thought she'd just drive around a bit and cool off, but when she didn't come back after a few hours I started to worry.

‘I tried calling her mobile, but she wasn't answering. I didn't know if she was mad, out of range or what.'

‘So you went looking for her?'

‘Yeah, we all did. Nic had my car, which had been playing up. I thought maybe she'd broken down somewhere out of mobile range, so I asked Joe if he would drive me around to look for her. I couldn't drive because…because I'd been drinking.' Luke paused for a minute, waiting for her to react, but she sat silently waiting for him to go on.

‘Then Dad got wind of what was going on and decided he would drive us in his four-wheel drive. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Nic and I had fought pretty loudly and when she drove off I downed a few beers. I think Dad was worried about me.' He picked up the mug of tea and took a swig, hoping she hadn't noticed the unsteadiness that had crept into his voice.

‘Just because your dad and brother wanted to help you doesn't make what happened your fault. It was an accident.'

If only it were that simple. Luke exhaled and went to pick up his tea again but now his hands were shaking. He placed them on his knees, under the table where Jenna couldn't see the toll this confession was taking. ‘This might be hard for you to understand but the whole thing was my fault. I was so bloody self absorbed back then, every decision I made was about me, what I wanted, and I never stopped to think about how that affected anyone else.'

He could tell by her expression that she was utterly confused.

‘Nic should never have been here in the first place,' he said by way of explanation. ‘She hated it here, but I ignored that.'

‘We all make mistakes. I still don't see — '

‘Dad drove because he could see I was in no condition to. I was angry and worried. In a real state. He was my dad, he was looking out for me.'

Jenna looked at him with sympathy, or was that pity in her eyes?

‘After an hour of driving around I finally got a call from Nic's sister, Sarah, in Melbourne. She'd driven there and Sarah had convinced her to stay the night.' He stopped, his gut clenching at the memory of what came next.

Jenna said nothing.

Maybe this was a mistake. What was the bloody point of telling her? He was never going to see her again. What did it matter what she thought?

Somehow it did.

‘I was relieved, if the truth be known. I was tired of having the same old argument with her and I was happy to have a break. So I didn't follow her any further. Dad turned the car around and we headed home.

‘Joe and I were mucking around in the car, stirring each other, the way we always did. It was dark by then and I didn't notice Dad was in trouble until it was too late.'

‘What happened?' Her voice was soft, her tone sympathetic.

‘We didn't realise right away, but he was having a heart attack. He veered off the road and hit a tree.'

‘Oh God, Luke…' Her hand slid across the table towards him but he shook his head. He couldn't risk stopping here, not when he'd come this far.

‘Joe was in the front passenger seat. His side of the car took the major impact, but he looked surprisingly okay, you know? He had a cut on his head and he was trapped because of the way the car crumpled, but he was talking, he said he was fine…' Luke swiped away a tear with the back of his hand. Shit. Now she was crying too.

‘And your dad?'

Luke took a breath to steady himself. ‘Dad was in trouble. I knew that right away. Joe told me to help Dad, to sort him out first, and so I did. Christ, Jenna, I'm supposed to be a doctor, a trained professional. Two years in emergency medicine at The Alfred Hospital and I still managed to make the biggest rookie mistake ever.'

Her brow was creased with anxiety and confusion. ‘I don't understand. What did you do?'

‘I listened to Joe. I didn't even stop to examine him. I dragged Dad from the car and started CPR. I worked on him for 10 minutes, only stopping briefly to call emergency services. By the time the ambos arrived to take over, Joe had lost consciousness and Dad was already dead.'

‘And Joe?'

Luke lowered his eyes, unable to look at the pity in hers. ‘No. He never regained consciousness. He died in intensive care three days later.'

‘Luke,' she whispered, ‘I'm so sorry for what you've been through, but surely you know that none of that was your fault?'

‘I made the wrong call. There was no saving Dad. No matter what I did that night, he wasn't going to survive. But Joe? If I'd done some basic things right in the beginning, taken some steps to stop the blood loss, who knows? Maybe he'd have had a fighting chance. Maybe his wife wouldn't be preparing to bring up a child on her own.'

His face radiated pain. Despite her residual hurt and anger from yesterday's fiasco, Jenna felt an overwhelming desire to take him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew that would be a mistake. ‘And Nicola?' she asked. ‘What happened with her?'

Luke placed his elbows on the table and dropped his head into his hands. Jenna waited for what seemed like an age. Finally he lifted his head. ‘We just couldn't…after the accident. Nicola and I didn't make it.'

So this was the cause of his reluctance to be with her. Now finally she understood. Luke couldn't give her his heart because it wasn't his to give. His heart belonged to another woman. ‘She left you?'