Breaking Through (Atlanta #3) (33 page)

Jenna refused to let her past insecurities rear their ugly heads, but she couldn't help but wonder where Luke was and why he wasn't at her apartment sharing in her bliss. Texting him seemed a logical way to find out, so she keyed in a simple few lines.
Had a perfect afternoon, can't wait for a perfect night. Coming back soon?

She set her phone beside her, but after a few minutes all she could do was stare at the blank screen and wonder why she didn't hear from him. He nearly always responded immediately. Now she was worried. A sick thought of another car accident floated through her head and she panicked. She texted again and got no response. What was wrong? He left with such a smile on his face…

Unable to contain her unease, Jenna got in her car and drove for the first time since the accident. She was so nervous she was shaking, but she had to know Luke was ok. She drove to his apartment but didn't see his car there. The only other place to check was the gym. She drove the few more blocks and parked near the entrance she used when she took the self-defense class from Marcus. With every nerve on high-alert, she walked straight to the door to find out if Luke was there and if he was ok.
 

What she saw broke her heart: Luke stood with Marcus on a blue mat looking angry and defeated. What happened to change his peaceful smile into
that
? Marcus saw her and nodded in her direction at Luke…who turned toward her and dropped his head back. What did that mean? This did not look good. She hadn't seen such angst on his face since before the wreck.
Oh, no.

Luke saw Jenna standing there with a look on her face he couldn't describe. The best he could figure was worry and disappointment.
 

Marcus said, "Take the office. I'll get Bill out of there."
 

Marcus jogged toward the room near the entrance as Luke took a deep breath and went straight to an emotional Jenna. So softly he rested her face in his hands.

"Baby, are you ok?" he asked with loving concern, but still unable to hide the darkness that had bubbled up from within.
 

"What happened," she whispered, her voice sadly flat and fearful.

"Everything's ok, baby. Come here," he said gently, taking her hand and pulling her to the now-empty office. He closed the door for privacy.
 

"You left. You didn't come back, and now you're here. Look at your face…" she said with a shaky voice, obviously choking back her tears.
Fuck
.

Luke dropped into a chair, catching his forehead in his hands and slumping his shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

Jenna stood for a quiet moment, apparently unable to find any more words. She was waiting for him to explain, but he couldn't find any words either. Another deep breath pushed itself out unintentionally.

"Luke?" he heard from an even shakier voice.
 

"I'm trying, Jenna," he barely spoke, unable to hide the shame in his voice. "I'm trying, but sometimes it's too much. Even after letting it all out…the dark…it's still there."

Jenna backed up a few paces until her back hit the wall, at which point she sunk to the floor. "What did I do?" she whispered.
 

Luke's head shot up. How could she possibly think she did something to cause his darkness to hit him full-force? She was his angel, his light. "What? No! Oh, God Jenna, you didn't do anything wrong, baby…"

He suddenly found his strength and his voice. He went to her immediately and dropped to the floor with her. Helping her was the only thing that dragged him out of his hole. With gentle intensity he lifted her chin to face him. The tears he saw absolutely broke his heart and he wanted to go pound on the heavy bag again for putting them in her eyes.
 

"Jenna, my day with you was perfect.
Perfect
. No, this is because I finally told Miranda about us, about you and Sophie together."

"You did?"

"Yes, and the whole scene was a cluster-fuck. She said some nasty things about you and every dark thing inside me took over. I came here so I wouldn't hurt you again," he almost whispered. "But I fucking hurt you again anyway." He couldn't keep the self-disgust out of his voice.

"What did she say about me?" Jenna whispered with tears streaming quietly down her face.

"Fuck! I didn't mean to say that. Shit. You don't need to worry about it. All you need to know is I defended you and I stood up for you and Sophie. But she shut me out. She doesn't want me to see my little girl anymore."

Jenna sobbed openly now.
Holy fuck
, this couldn't get much worse. His happiest day in a long time, maybe ever, was unraveling into a gut-stabbing mess. Why was she crying harder? He had defended her!

"It's my fault you can't see your daughter? I'm so sorry…"

"No! Oh, shit. This isn't your fault, baby. This is solid on Miranda. She's a nasty bitch who thought I was there for her. She actually thought I was coming to start something between us. She's punishing me, not because of you. Because of
me
. God I'm such a fuck-up," he whispered at himself after explaining the awful situation to Jenna.
 

She stared at him quietly for a moment. Her face showed nothing but tension and pain. All Luke could do was wait for her to figure out what to say next, because he had no idea. Finally, Jenna voiced her biggest, quietest fear.

"You left. You walked away and didn't come back…so…you're shutting me out again?" she whispered in quiet anguish as she looked him in the eye. "You can't do that…"

"I'm not," he desperately tried to explain. "I should have called before I came to the gym, but I promise I'm not shutting you out. I'm
not
! I needed to get this out of me before I came to tell you what happened. But I
promise
I was coming to tell you after being here."

A long awkward silence passed in which Luke could do nothing but watch Jenna stare at the floor with tear-soaked eyes. The silence lasted entirely too long. Finally, his angel looked at him again.

"I don't know what to think about this," she whispered, still searching his eyes for something to help her understand him. He didn't think anything would help her understand. Sometimes he still didn't understand himself.
 

"I love you," he said. "Please tell me you still know that."

"I know," she whispered. "I love you, too."

"Then we'll be ok," he breathed. "I know it'll be a long time before you trust me again, but I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not hiding anymore.
Everything's
in the open. As for Miranda, I'm going to try to talk to her one more time and hope she can be rational. I'm not hiding from her anymore, either."

"What if she's
not
rational? I can't be the reason you lose Sophie," she whispered, looking at the floor again, shaking her head. He heard all her former insecurities creep into her voice.
Shit
, he was causing her to backslide, too.
 

"Then I fight, Jenna. I'm not losing Sophie and I'm not losing you," he said with intensity, holding her face in both hands and making sure she saw the raw truth in his eyes. He
wouldn't
lose them. He couldn't. "You have nothing to worry about, baby. You and Sophie…you're my whole world."

Jenna sobbed, but this time he saw relief on her face. She reached for him and held him tightly. He pulled her in with every ounce of his love and every bit of his strength. The warmth and safety of his embrace
had
to get through to her. He wouldn't let go until he felt her give in again to what they had. She needed to lose herself in him like she had so many times before.
 

So there they were, awkwardly hanging on to each other on the floor of Bill's office, open for anyone in the gym to see. He didn't care one damn bit. Nothing in the world was more important than Jenna knowing how much she was loved by him. After a few more moments, he felt her begin to relax in his arms.
Thank God again.
He kissed her head and whispered his love to her another time for good measure.

"You didn't leave…" she whispered, sounding as if she understood. She believed him.
 

"I really didn't. I'm sorry I made you think I did," he said lovingly now. Suddenly he realized his darkness had dissipated again. Calm replaced that awful feeling. His love for her and need to reassure her took over his entire body. Once again her light filled him instead.
My angel.
"I'm still learning, but I'm trying, baby. Please don't lose faith in me. You have me. You own every piece of me."

Luke gently tightened his arms around her and then helped her up off the floor. His lips needed to show her what he was feeling, so he tilted her chin to him once again and gently lowered his face to hers. With as much gentle passion he could muster he held her face to his and kissed her deeply. With even more gentleness, he eased his arms around her and held her close, and thankfully she melted into him. He held her up completely, never leaving the sweet taste of her kiss.
 

Without really meaning to, he picked her up like he so often did, and she wrapped her legs and arms around him willingly. Without breaking the kiss, he walked her to the door. He paused only long enough to open the door and take her out to the sidewalk. His beautiful angel buried her face in his neck. They both ignored the hoots and hollers from the trainees out on the floor as they walked past.

Once he had her outside, he held her gently against the brick wall of the gym. In a soft voice, Luke spoke to her with love. "I'll be with you in an hour, baby. I need you tonight. Be ready for me, because I need to hold you tonight. You're all the beautiful in my world, and I'm going to make sure you know it."

She gazed into his eyes and gave him a soft smile. "I'll be ready," she nodded. He kissed her one more time and eased her down the wall. With one more gentle squeeze of her ass, he let her walk to the strawberry.

He watched as she got in her car and drove away. But no matter how well the encounter ended, he couldn't help but still hate himself for causing her more tears. He walked into the gym once again and straight over to Marcus. With determined calm he asked for a little more fight time. Marcus half-smiled an nodded his head. Luke needed to work through Jenna's tears and the last of his physical tension before he could take care of her the way he promised.
 

Jenna walked into her apartment, still reeling from the emotional roller coaster of her afternoon. Nevertheless, all she could think about was Luke's beautiful concern and his promise to come back to her ready to demonstrate his love. A soft smile graced her lips when she thought of their sweet moment outside the gym. Jenna had renewed faith they'd get through everything together, staying strong for each other. Those proverbial bumps in the road would certainly jostle their journey, but Jenna knew in her core they'd navigate each one successfully.

After less than an hour of waiting, Jenna heard Luke's Harley outside. Warmth flooded her entire being knowing that he was there to take care of her. This was another deep connection between the two: his hot passion, his slow lovemaking, and now his need to hold her. How beautiful.

She met him on the landing for the strong hug she knew she'd receive. He smiled softly and took her into his arms immediately. A sweet kiss on her head brought even more contentment to her body while he held her so gently. A short moment later he led her by the hand and sat on the couch. Without hesitation Jenna sat beside him with her legs crooked up over his lap, allowing Luke's strong arms to wrap around her again.

"Luke…," she smiled as he held her gently, their bodies sweetly connected. "…I really have you…"

"Yes, baby," he whispered, happy she understood. "All of me."

"You know I'm yours forever," she whispered to him with a contented smile, looking him in the eye. His heart skipped a beat at the loving sincerity he found there.
 

"I know," he answered with his own smile, the look in his eyes becoming intense. "And I'm yours forever, too. This thing with us, it's
real
. And someday, Jenna, we're going to make beautiful babies of our own. A family. You, me, Sophie, and our beautiful babies."

He saw emotional tears gather in her eyes as she smiled sweetly again. "Our babies would be beautiful," she whispered.

"
Will
be," he said as he leaned in to kiss her deeply. "Because you and me? This is what people wait for. I love you, and when I see you with Sophie, every piece fits."

Jenna held him tight. A family with his beautiful angel was everything he needed, and she was his forever. He had no idea how he ended up so lucky, but he didn't want to question his blessings any longer. No matter how little he felt he deserved, he couldn't let go of his happiness. Not ever. He pulled her in tight and held her for a while, placing soft, loving kisses against her hair and forehead every so often. He was so far beyond glad she understood his dedication to her. This tender evening saved the train-wreck of his afternoon.
 

Luke helped Jenna up off the couch and walked her to the bedroom where he could hold her all night in the soft covers. He laid down beside her and snuggled her close.

"I love you," he whispered one more time. With an obvious grin in his voice, he added, "Sex and flowers forever."

"With my badass teddy bear," she giggled sleepily. He smiled with her and kissed her gently as she closed her eyes for sleep. He stayed beside her and stared at her for a while as she breathed deeply beside him.
 

But no matter how perfect his evening, and no matter how beautiful the visions of a future and a family with Jenna, he thought of the ugly roadblock in their way: Miranda. Her nasty attitude would without a doubt put a strain on his future happiness. He wished his brain hadn't gotten on that train of thought, but now that it had, Luke couldn't stop thinking about her insults of Jenna and her threats of keeping Sophie from him. How ugly.
 

He tried desperately to focus on the beauty beside him instead, but his brain bounced back without his permission. Unfortunately, his last thoughts before drifting off were of all the difficulties he still faced, including the darkness in his past he was trying so hard to let go of.