Breaking Through (Atlanta #3) (34 page)

Jenna woke up around two a.m. to a sadly familiar sound of anguish from a sleeping Luke. His body twitched violently and his mouth mumbled words of panic and regret. She hated to see the darkness take over again.

"Luke, babe, wake up," she said gently but firmly as she pushed on his shoulder. "It's Jenna, you're home and you're ok…"

Luke shot upright as he always did after coming out his his terrors. Jenna hated to see him so panicked and in pain, but she hoped on everything holy he would allow her to comfort him. He needed to let her in completely, even in these worst moments. This was a huge test of his resolve, whether he recognized that fact or not.
 

And thank heaven, Luke turned to her and held on for dear life. "Jenna…" he breathed.

"It's ok, Luke," she said softly. "I'm here. You're ok."

"It won't stop," he choked out.

"I know. But we'll get you through it. I promise." She drew him into her breast and wrapped her arms tight around him. "I love you, I forgive you, and you can forgive yourself."

She hoped if she spoke those words to him enough times, he'd start to believe them. For now, he only squeezed harder and let himself rely on her. What a precious feeling to be needed. She was finally able to give loving help to her damaged, beautiful man.
 

With her fingertips running along the scruff of his jaw she whispered sweet hushing noises to him and repeatedly reminded him he'd be ok.
 

"We'll get through this," she promised him again. "Was it the same nightmare?"

Luke nodded against her chest, still tense from the images that forced their way into his consciousness by way of his gut-wrenching dreams. "Every time," he rasped.
 

"Come here," she whispered, pulling him down into the sheets with her again. She curled her body around him and rested his head against her belly. "You're taking good care of your friends in your heart, Luke. You haven't forgotten them and you never will. Somewhere they know that, and they love you for it. That's not guilt, that's love.
That's
what you have in you."

He gripped a little harder and buried his face straight into her body, trying to climb right into her comfort as much as possible. He took a few deep, steadying breaths and then looked up to her eyes. She smiled softly at him and stroked his scruffy jaw again.
 

"I love you, Luke," she whispered to him gently. "You're a good man."

"God, Jenna…" he breathed. "It still hurts."

"I know, babe," she promised. "I can't take that away, but I can help you understand. The explosion wasn't your fault, and the unnecessary guilt you feel only proves how deeply you love."

"I don't understand," he spoke so quietly, sounding almost like a lost child.

"Focus on how well you're taking care of their memory. You hold them with you, and you honored them with your tattoo."

He held her tighter.

"Good, now relax yourself," she said with love. "Let me hold you while you sleep. You're safe here, I promise."

Luke nodded and took another deep breath. "This is too fucking hard."

"I know."

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Staring at Miranda at the end of another disastrous conversation, Luke was all kinds of pissed off again. Even in the fresh breeze outside her parents' house, her bitch-whore attitude tainted the very air around him. He looked at her, not believing she could be more evil than he already thought. He forced his calm.

"Miranda, she's my daughter. I have a right to spend time with her."

"You're a fuck-up and you'll always be a fuck-up," Miranda spewed out hatefully.

"
Was
a fuck-up.
Was
. Now I have a job, a steady girlfriend, a car, an apartment, and probably more stability than you. Now I'm the father I should be," Luke said calmly. He could not believe how well he was holding himself together. "I want Sophie in my life more than the few hours convenient for you, and I refuse to let you shut me out completely."

"Well you can't have her. I already told you, she's mine," Miranda tossed at him with her nasty attitude. As Luke's world was improving, Miranda's seemed to be devolving. Based on her red eyes and haggard hair, she might even be hungover at noon. From the looks of things, she got sloppy drunk after the scene at the coffee shop and hadn't recovered yet.

"Try to hold yourself together," he gritted out with a little more anger. "I don't want Sophie caught in the middle of this."

"
You
don't have to worry about that. There is no
middle
because
you're
not involved. So if you want
my
little girl, find a court who'll give her to you. No fucking way."

"Are lawyers really what you want? Damn it, Miranda! The cost alone should make you want to avoid that."

"I already offered you a way to stay. You turned your back on me and Sophie already. So if court's the only way to
keep
you the hell away, then yes. I'll get a lawyer and you'll get nothing," she looked down her nose with anger and condescension. Miranda obviously loved drama more than she loved their daughter. If she would only open her eyes to the man he had become, she'd see he'd be a good father in Sophie's life.

"Fine," he said flatly, refusing to let this conversation devolve any further, "but I'll tell you right now, the life I have is the life Sophie deserves.
You
might be the one with nothing."

He shook his head and immediately turned and left the front porch of her parents' house before this could become a full-scale fight.

He steered his car straight to Jenna's house instead of the gym. He desperately wanted to shred the equipment again, but he needed to show her he wouldn't shut her out. He needed to tap into the self-control Marcus had been teaching him. As much as he wanted to backslide again, he forced himself to move forward instead. Heading toward her comfort sounded like a pretty good substitute.

"Hey, Jen," he slumped as she answered the door.

"Oh, God. What happened?"

Apparently his poker face still needed some work. His instinct was still to protect Jenna from the mess in his life. His issues were nowhere near resolved, but he knew better than to try hide them from her. Not only that, he had come to rely on her, no matter how much he hated to admit that to himself. Relying on another person went against how he'd lived his entire staunchly-independent life.
 

"CB wants lawyers. She won't even talk about letting me have more time with Sophie," Luke said, defeated and sinking down into Jenna's couch.
 

"Babe, I'm so sorry," Jenna said, sitting next to him and resting her head on his shoulder. "So what are you going to do?"

"Get a lawyer. What else can I do?"

Jenna rested herself down along the cushions of her couch and pulled Luke down with her, resting his head on her breast. Her arms wrapped strongly around his shoulders and Luke sighed. This was the best part about relying on someone: letting himself be loved the way he still didn't feel he deserved.

"We'll work this out. Any judge will see the life you have now," Jenna said with loving encouragement as she gently stroked his shoulders with her delicate fingertips. "You'll get it worked out so Miranda
has
to let you spend time with Sophie, and your little girl will have her daddy."

"And you. She'll have you, too."

"Yes she will," Jenna said with a smile. He couldn't see her smile from where he was lying, but he heard the smile in her voice. Jenna's warmth and love came through in everything she did.
 

 
"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she returned easily. "And Luke?"

"Hmm?"

"Stay tonight," she smiled.
 

"I will."
 

"And tomorrow night, and the night after that…and every single one after that."

Luke's head popped up so he could look her in the eye. "What?"

"I want you to move in," she spoke with a gentle smile, even though her face demonstrated how serious she was about this. "The only reason I didn't want you to before was that I couldn't trust that you wouldn't shut me out again. Now I know you won't. I finally feel like we're together completely."

"We are, Jenna. You have all of me. Every dark bit."

"I told you, you're not dark. And having all of you makes me happy. I want you to live here with me. For me, for you, and for Sophie. Having a home like this instead of a one-room apartment can only help if the courts get involved," Jenna said. "And I want Sophie here, too. I love your daughter. I'll convert the extra room into a bedroom for her. We can bring your bed from your apartment and I can find her a little dresser at a thrift shop."

Luke had no idea what to say, so he simply shifted his body so he could wrap his arms around her, too. He kept his emotions in check, but he felt like weeping in his angel's arms. Finally, after a lot of thought, Luke spoke up again.
 

"What if I backslide? I'm trying so hard not to, but sometimes things get too fucking tough. The dark just won't go away."

"Stop that. You don't have darkness in you, Luke. Only guilt you shouldn't have. And Marcus won't let you spiral down again, and neither will I. But I don't think we'll have to worry too much, because you're a
good
man," Jenna told him again. How many times was that? A hundred? A thousand? She obviously believed herself.
 

Luke looked her in the eye again, wanting to find a way to believe what she believed. He saw the face of his beautiful angel looking at him with pure love in her eyes. She
wanted
him in her life. Could he really be evil if someone like Jenna loved him? If Sophie did? For the first time, he let himself be seen through their eyes.
 

Something in his mind shifted. He was good for them.
Holy shit.
He helped Jenna understand her inner-strength. He put smiles on his daughter's sweet face. He'd kept his job for months. He worked hard at the gym. His life wasn't turning around at all…it already had.
 

"Jenna," he breathed, moving up to kiss her. "God…"

Every ounce of his new self needed her. She gave him this new life. Without her, he'd still be mired in his pit of anger. He kissed her with need and every passionate ounce of his love.
 

With very little warning, Luke's hand was up in her hair for the first time since the accident. His kiss was hot and demanding, but somehow with more love than he'd ever poured into her. He pushed his tongue in her mouth and took what he wanted from her…but gave so much in return. His hand began to wander and grope her body as she felt his rock-hard erection against her hip.
 

"Shit, Jenna," he breathed into her neck as he nipped at her skin with his teeth. "Baby, I need you…"

"You have me," she smiled through a heavy, pleasured breath.
 

Without a word he pulled her off the couch. He picked her up like he had so many times before and she willingly wrapped herself around his body, thrilled to feel this passion from him again. She couldn't get enough of him in any way. His recent time in her bed had been beautiful and loving, but truthfully, she missed this heat and desperation from him.
 

He had such a passionate need for her…he couldn't even get her all the way to her bedroom. In the small hallway, he pushed her against the wall to grind into her and kiss her even more desperately. God, she had missed this.

"Yes…" she moaned as his hands groped both cheeks of her ass. "You feel so good…"

His only response was to pull her away from the wall and into her bedroom. He threw her down and stripped her quickly, even more desperate for her still.

When he finally had both of them naked, he was over top of her with his hand in a tight grip of hair at the base of her head again. His beautiful, hard-as-steel cock thrust into her suddenly and she cried out in pleasure without meaning to.
 

"Mine, Jenna…you are fucking mine…" he demanded again as he pounded into her body and tugged at her earlobe with his teeth.

"Yours, Luke…oh, God…"

"And you own me…every fucking bit…"

"Yes…" she moaned, completely lost in the heat building between her legs. He stroked and pushed and groped through his grunting. He took her body with an insane, needing strength and offered her soul-crushing passion in return. Every muscle in her body was clenched in anticipation of the total release he was pushing her toward.
 

 
She panted and gripped his back strongly, taking every sharp drive of his hips. She could tell from his own breathing he was close, too. With even greater need, he pushed her even higher, his movements becoming more and more rapid the closer he got to climax.

"Oh, FUCK!" he shouted as he came explosively into her body. But he still didn't stop. He ground against her even harder. "Give it up, baby…I need to hear you come…"

Jenna threw her head back even farther as she gave herself over to the pleasure completely. He jerked her head back even more. "You know what I need…"

And with that, he pushed her straight over the edge. His name ripped from her chest as she lost her vision to close-to-fainting stars and swirls of color. She came so hard her consciousness lost all sense of time and place. There was nothing in existence but Luke's hard body and the absence of her own. She floated in blissful oblivion while his lips played softly across her neck in a display of sweet satisfaction.
 

He pulled out of her and wrapped her strongly in his arms. "Baby, you amaze me," he hummed, all satisfied and heavy-eyed.
 

Since Luke owned next to nothing, he moved his things over to Jenna's apartment the very next day after his training session with Marcus. That morning she ok'd things with her kind (and thankfully hard-of-hearing) downstairs landlords.
 

At 5:30 that evening, Luke showed up at the apartment with a goofy grin on his face. "Hi honey, I'm home," he called. Jenna could only giggle at his greeting.