Breath of Life (5 page)

Paxton waited a moment to let everything sink in. She was going to be released back into the real world and no one told her. Was this part of her treatment? Did she blow her well-rehearsed cover in a matter of days because her past showed up at her door?  Now Jack has been in an accident and was requesting her surgical skills. Skills she hasn’t used in a year.  She doubted the hospital would agree to it even if she were never in here. Jack was still technically her husband. Paxton shook her head. It was a whirlwind of information to take in. “I need to get out of here.”

“I called your mother. She should be here soon.”

“I don’t want her to come get me. I just need a cab,” she snapped. She knew her mother would only blame her again for what’s happening. She didn’t need to hear the words that she was already thinking. She just needed to be on her own. She needed to see Jack. Once she knew he would be okay she could leave and see that he gets the attention that he needs.

“Alright, I will call a cab but I will not turn your mother away. She said she was coming and right now I think you need to let someone help you.” Dr. Keeler turned and walked out of the room.

Paxton sat there thinking about what just happened. She was getting released and Jack was in the hospital. He signed the papers releasing the hospital of any liability from having Paxton do the surgery but he has to know the hospital still would not go through it. They can’t have a mental patient in the operating room let alone around a scalpel. She couldn’t imagine the lawsuits that could ensue if they did let her, not that she was going to even step foot in an O.R. She couldn’t handle it. She knew it would be too much. She just had to reason with Jack, get him to let someone else do the surgery, then she will walk away from him but first things first, she needed to get there. She started packing what little she had.

***

Jack sat in his room. He waited for word from the hospital board. He demanded an outrageous request but they just had to let her do the surgery. Jack closed his eyes to remember the events of the day.  He was out driving around and thinking of Paxton and the reactions he has seen from her. She was broken. He could tell. She looked frail but when she stared at him, her grey eyes boring into him, he felt the hatred, the anger, and hurt. It was all in her eyes.  It was her eyes he saw when he swerved trying to miss the oncoming car. He drifted across the yellow line into oncoming traffic. The horn blaring brought him back to his senses. Jack then overcorrected, lost control and hit a nearby tree on the side of the highway. His car pinned his leg under the dash. He tucked one back otherwise he might be in danger of losing two legs. He knew he would need surgery to repair his leg.

“Jack?” A voice came drifting in the room.

“Please come in, old friend.” Jack tried to sit up a little bit more.

“Please don’t feel the need to be presentable for me,” Jonathan quickly stated. Jack relaxed back down.

“I came to discuss your surgery. You know I’m on the board here and I’ve been handling your request.”

“There’s nothing to discuss. I refuse treatment unless she is the one giving it.”

“I understand, however she’s in a mental facility. She is too unstable to be in the operating room. Quite frankly the board is torn about it. We all love her dearly but imagine the lawsuits that could come about if something went wrong.”

“I signed the papers releasing the hospital of responsibility. I understand the risks. Dammit, it’s her only chance to come back,” Jack clenched his fists on the bed.

“It’s not her only chance Jack. She can come back when she is ready seeing how it’s my understanding she checked herself into the facility. She is seeking treatment and once she is clear she has a job waiting. I will see to it.”

“I don’t care. No one is touching me unless it’s Paxton. Let her prove she is not insane. Can’t you see she’s hiding in there because of
me
?!” His anger boiled over.

“Be that as it may Jack, she’s not cleared. Her doctor is keeping her there for a reason,” Jonathan tried to reason with Jack.

“No, she’s getting released today. Check with her doctor. Dr. Keeler believes she is just hiding there. She’s too much of a textbook case. I’ve talked to her. That’s why I’m back.”

“I’m sorry Jack. We just can’t sign off on this.”

“Then start my release papers,” Jack said firmly. He turned to look out the window.

“Jack with your injuries I highly advise you to not leave. Please have the surgery,” Jonathan quickly responded when he saw Jack turn his head as if he were done with the conversation.

Jack didn’t respond.

“Think about Paxton. If you’re really doing this for her, you wouldn’t pressure her back into the O.R. You wouldn’t risk your life because how will she deal with that? The fact she caused you to lose quality of life or your entire existence because she couldn’t bear walking into the hospital where she lost everything. She obviously didn’t cope well after Ella left but after losing you, she lost herself Jack. She just lost it. Pushing her is not the answer. That’s not being fair to her, Jack. Think about it.”

Jack glared at the window. He didn’t want to push Paxton to the edge, he didn’t know where she would land next time. He gritted his teeth knowing that what Jonathan said had truth behind it. He just wanted the girl he fell in love with back.

“Why are you trying to reason with me? You know Paxton is the best surgeon in this damn town,” Jack refuted. He wasn’t ready to give up on her.

“You know Paxton would go to the end of the Earth for you, but Jack you know this will push her too far. She is obviously not ready to face anything if she is shutting herself away from everyone. If anything happened to you while you are on her table, where would that lead her to next?” Jonathan stared at him. He knew Jack would have to consider the possibilities of what could happen if something went wrong. Jack fell silent for a while. Jonathan saw that he may be getting through to him.

“You’re right,” Jack sighed heavily, “Paxton would slip further away if anything happened to me. Just get a surgeon to do the damn surgery.”

Jack knew he lost this battle. He knew that Paxton would never recover if something happened in there or a decision had to be made if they discovered something else. He knew that wouldn’t be fair to her but he just wanted to show her that she can still be the amazing person she once was.

“I’ll let them know.” Jonathan started heading out but paused at the door. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Jonathan left the room. Jack was starting to feel nauseous, probably from the bleeding that Jonathan reminded him of. He was in more pain than he thought. He sat there and thought about his injuries.  He closed his eyes wishing the pain away but he knew that wouldn’t work.  He gave in and pressed the button for the nurse.

The nurse came bustling in. “Yes?”

“I’ve decided to do the surgery. Please let Paxton know. Also take my parents off the list. I want only Paxton on there.”

“Sure thing. I’ll be back to get you prepped in a few moments,” she said as she quickly left the room.

Jack leaned his head back. Jonathan’s conversation played in his head. He could see that his friend was looking out for the both of them but Jack still wanted to get Paxton back into the O.R. She needed to get back in there. Jack just wanted everything the way it used to be. He wanted his wife back.

FIVE

Paxton entered the hospital with a sense of nostalgia. She remembered walking the halls over and over between surgeries checking on things, dealing with emergencies and making rounds. She missed the busy feel. This was her home away from home. People stared at her as she walked in and there were some familiar faces just watching her. The only thing they knew was she was locked up in a mental facility. She decided that they all had their suspicions about her, most of the faces she saw were there to see the fallout of her last surgery.

As she walked down the hallway people stepped out of her way. The stares continued. She walked up to the receptionist stationed in the wing where she knew Jack would be. The receptionist was someone she didn’t recognize.

“I’m looking for Jack Mercier,” Paxton said softly.

She quickly typed his name into the system. She never looked at Paxton. “435-02, it’s down the hall and to the right.” She finally looked up and put on a fake smile.

“Thank you,” Paxton replied as she pulled away from the desk and headed down the hall.

She felt herself getting nervous. She rubbed her hands together as she came closer to his room. She wasn’t sure why she was here. She wanted nothing to do with Jack but at the same time she needed him. Her feelings wavered and she was torn between them. Her mind kept flashing to the last moments with Jack, where he had left her crumpled on the floor, emotionally broken.

She peered through the sliding glass door. Jack was asleep. She stood there watching him. A nurse fluttered by. “Excuse me, can I help you?”

Paxton looked at her recognizing the face.  The nurse seemed to recognize her as well. “Paxton?”

“Hey Susie.”

“What are you … how…?” Paxton knew Susie didn’t expect to see her at Jack’s bedside. Susie reached out and gave her a quick hug.

“I was released today. They told me about Jack. He wants me to do the surgery but I can’t,” Paxton said staring back at Jack lying there in the room.

“I was actually getting ready to take him up to surgery. Jonathan reasoned with him earlier.”

“Who’s doing the surgery?”

“Steve.”

“Good. I trust him.” Paxton remembered how good Steve was in the O.R. He was her right-hand man when she was in surgery. She trusted him with any patient of hers.

“I have to take him now. Would you like to wait in his room?”

“Yes.”

Paxton followed Susie into the room. She went over and sat in the uncomfortable blue recliner set in the room. She saw another nurse come in to help Susie wheel Jack off to surgery. As they were leaving the room with him, she wrapped her arms around her legs and looked at the voided space. She still didn’t know what she was doing here. Jack was the last thing she needed right now. What did she owe Jack?
Everything and nothing at the same time
, she answered herself. She knew Jack left because of her, but his ferocity was inexcusable. She rested her head on her knees. She rocked back and forth. She started taking deep, three part breaths.  She decided to focus on her breathing to calm her nerves and think of what her next move was.

Paxton must have fallen asleep because she was awoken by a slight touch and a quiet voice saying her name.

“Paxton, wake up,” the low voice said. Paxton’s eyes fluttered open. It took a moment to focus on the face in front of her.

“Jonathan,” she quickly sat up and messing with her hair. She looked back up and saw Jack was back in the room and someone had laid a blanket over her.

“Susie thought you should rest. I came to tell you about Jack’s surgery as Steve had another surgery to do. It’s good to see you Pax. I’ve missed you so much.”

“How bad is he hurt?” Her voice was scratchy. She cleared her throat. She avoided his comment about missing her. She just wanted to know if Jack will be okay. She could see the hurt on Jonathan’s face when she refused to say how much she missed him as well.

“His leg has been set, few pins and screws but he’ll recover. His internal bleeding was from a lacerated spleen. Steve was able to patch that up as well. He should be fine. He will need some help though because of his leg. He will be in a wheel chair until they come out. Crutches only when necessary.”

“I see. Has his family been called?”

“No, he has you listed as his only next of kin.”

Paxton looked over to Jack. She was still perplexed as to why he didn’t list his parents.

“He still loves you, you know? I had to talk him into this surgery.”

“He doesn’t, Jonathan. You know very well what happened between us and how angry he was with me.” She felt her own anger rising at the thought of the memories. “But he had every right to be.”

“Jack was angry yes, but even through all that he never stopped loving you. He forgave me for my part in things and even stayed with me awhile after he left you. There were nights that he wanted to go back and apologize to you, try to work things through but his anger about the situation always beat him. He stayed and never chased you. By the time he let it go of that anger, he was in New York and you were in the facility.” He paused. Paxton saw him studying her. She shifted in her chair and looked away from him.

“I see now what he was talking about. You faked a break down didn’t you?”

She wouldn’t look at him or even respond. She went into a familiar daze. It was the one that she put on after Jack left. She just had to remember the emptiness she felt in those moments she spent lying on the floor of their cabin.

“Paxton?”

She felt him put his hand on her shoulder. She figured he was trying to get her to look at him.

“I have to go.”

She stood up and went to Jack’s bedside. He was still out from the anesthesia. She ran her fingers through his hair and stared at him a moment. He almost looked like the Jack she fell in love with. Carefree, loving, and patient. She felt the tears pooling in her eyes and she shut them. Even though she was still angry with God about how things turned out, she said a small prayer. If the God she learned of really existed, He would grant her this one request she had. She turned and left the room.

“Paxton wait!” Jonathan’s voice rang out.

She ignored him and started down the hallway

“Paxton!” He shouted down the hall.

She knew she shouldn’t have come. It was a mistake. She decided to go to her mother’s house even though it was the one place she didn’t want to be at. She wasn’t ready to deal with her mother but she couldn’t face the cabin by herself right now.

***

Paxton arrived at her mother’s house. She climbed out of the cab. The cab driver helped her unload her bag. She tipped him and turned to face the house. She saw her mother, Jenny, peer out of the window. The look on her face said she was torn about seeing her own daughter in the driveway, newly released out of a mental facility. Paxton braced herself as she walked up to the door.