Breathe (16 page)

I can"t…”

“What?”

Lose her too. Lose another person from my life
. “Nothing.”

“All right. But let"s start there. I have to find out for sure. Just think of it like

you"re clearing her if that helps.”

“What do we do?”

“Search their house, see if we can find evidence the notes are from her. This

paper looks kinda special.”

“Okay. They play cards every week at a friend"s house. They won"t be home

tonight.”

It"d be all right to look. Wouldn"t it? They wouldn"t find anything.

* * *

Lincoln let go of the doorknob and found Jay lifting the dust-covered tarp off

the bike in the far corner of the garage. They had sneaked out the back of the house

to avoid the cartoon slumber party in the living room and were heading through the

garage when Jay spotted the Harley.

“Yeah.” Lincoln hadn"t given any thought to his old bike except when Nancy

mentioned it on the phone a few weeks before he left the jail. Just one more thing

he"d had to give up. He barely recognized his new life. Especially considering whom

he"d spent the night with.

Jay had the tarp peeled back. He ran his fingers over the orange tribal flames

on the tank. Lincoln had paid good money for the custom paint job. The flames

Breathe

79

weren"t a big deal, but the detailed bald eagle on the top had been. He"d met with

several shops before he found someone he trusted to do it right.

“Nice-looking bike.” Jay swept his fingers over the eagle. “Minus the dust and

tarp.”

“Used to be mine.” He moved to stand beside Jay. He wanted to head outside.

Get out of the garage. He hated hanging out there, hated the stack of boxes from his

old life piled next to the kids" bikes and sporting equipment.

“Used to be?” Jay asked.

“Gave it to my sister when I left. Told her to sell it. She needs the money. But

my asshole brother-in-law kept it until he finally left.”

“Doesn"t look like he took care of it.”

Lincoln grunted.

“He was the one who—”

“Yeah.” Lincoln clenched his fist around the handlebar. “A lot after I left.”

“Sorry.”

“Took all her goddamn money when he finally ran off.”

“Why didn"t she leave him?”

“She needed the insurance for Jessica. Her asthma gets bad sometimes. Her

medications aren"t cheap.”

“You should do something with it.” Jay covered the bike with the tarp.

Lincoln shrugged. “It"s Nancy"s now.” He went for the front door again. He"d

already lost so much. Why did that one bike matter?

Jay followed this time. “Ask her about it.”

“You want to buy it?”

“Nah. You should fix it up.”

“Don"t have the money.” Lincoln opened the garage door and stepped outside.

“Does it run?” Jay had stopped walking when Lincoln had. Apparently he

needed an escort to the curb.

Lincoln started for Jay"s Jeep. “She had a guy here a couple of weeks ago who

had it running, but he backed out on the deal.” Too bad too. Nancy would"ve had

some cash before he got home.

“If it"s still able to start, it might not be that bad off. A tune-up and a dust off,

and you"d have her on the road. Wouldn"t take much money.”

He stood next to Jay"s Jeep and stared at the door handle. “Can"t drive it.”

“Oh.” Jay opened the driver"s-side door and got in without another word. He

gripped the steering wheel, but made no move to start the Jeep.

Fuck
. Lincoln shoved his hands into his pockets. He"d left his jacket inside and

the cold tore through him. Or maybe it was Jay"s abrupt silence. Lincoln shouldn"t

have said anything that would remind Jay of the night his wife died. The man had

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just gotten a piece of ass after months without. Even if it was Lincoln"s ass, he

should"ve been enjoying the morning after. Lincoln tapped on the Jeep"s window,

and Jay cranked it down.

“Yeah?”

“Meet me at Sonny"s after work tonight. We"ll head out from there.”

“Sure.” Jay started his Jeep and checked the street behind him in the rearview

mirror.

“Put your seat belt on.”

“Right.” Jay reached behind him for the belt and snapped it in place. Only then

did he glance Lincoln"s way. “Thanks for last night.”

“You too.” Lincoln stepped back.

Jay gave a slight nod and drove away from the curb. Lincoln hadn"t known Jay

for long, but he already knew one thing. When Jay stopped talking, something was

wrong. The man"s first night with another guy. Was he freaked about that? Or

about whom he"d spent the night with?

The Jeep turned a corner, and Lincoln kept staring at the stretch of empty

street. He shouldn"t have slept with Jay Miller. He had let his lust get the better of

his good judgment and crossed a line neither of them could handle.

Hope I didn’t fuck him up more than I already have.

Breathe

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Chapter Thirteen

“Watch out!”

Jay swerved the Jeep to the left, avoiding the stray dog by mere inches. He let

off the gas and jerked the wheel back before the Jeep made it into the other lane.

Sucking in a ragged breath, he gripped the steering wheel.

“You all right?” Lincoln asked from the passenger seat.

Jay couldn"t take his eyes off the dark asphalt visible in the Jeep"s headlights.

Was he okay? He pulled to the side of the street and put the Jeep in park. “Fuck!”

His voice trembled.

“It"s okay.” Lincoln laid a hand on the back of his neck.

Jay wanted to shrug off the touch, but at the same time, he longed for more.

“You didn"t hit it.”

Yeah. If he had hit the damn dog, he"d be throwing up on the side of the road.

“I know. I just—”

“It"s okay, Jay. Don"t make it more than it was. You didn"t hit anything.”

Jay rested his temple against the glass of the driver"s-side window. The dog

was gone. Could he drive the rest of the way to his parents" house? Or were they

going to be stuck there all night, stranded along the road, just the two of them in his

Jeep? Lincoln rubbed his neck with an open palm. No one had touched him like that

in months. He closed his eyes and breathed deep.

When the shaking in his hands lessened, he shifted the Jeep into drive and

eased away from the curb. Lincoln hadn"t removed the hand from his neck. The

rubbing helped calm his pounding heart. Why was that? They were thinking the

same thing—about the same moment in time. It should"ve been complicated. Tense.

It wasn"t. If anyone understood what almost hitting that dog meant to Jay, it was

Lincoln.

Ten minutes later, they turned into his parents" drive. He could barely uncurl

his fingers from the steering wheel.

Lincoln opened the passenger door and said, “You ready?”

No
. What if they found something that proved his parents were the ones

fucking with Lincoln? What would he do then? “I guess.”

When he didn"t make a move, Lincoln spoke again. “Want me to go in alone?”

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“No.” Jay got out of the Jeep, and they made their way to the house. He used

the key he"d had on his ring since he"d moved out. The house was dark, the ticking

of a grandfather clock all that broke the subtle rhythm of their deep breaths.

“You gonna turn on a light?” Lincoln asked.

“Sure.” Jay fumbled for the light switch. Which was stupid. He"d lived at their

house his entire childhood. He knew where the damn switch was. He flicked on the

light in the entryway, and the brightness had them both frozen in place as they

blinked away the shock of light.

Lincoln glanced up at the ornate glass chandelier, then moved to the doorway

of the formal dining room. “Why is the table set?”

Jay stopped beside Lincoln. China place settings, silverware, linen napkins,

and crystal stemware decorated the long mahogany table. “It"s always like that.”

“What? On the off chance six of their closest friends drop by without notice for

a formal affair?”

He laughed. There was no explaining his mom"s way of thinking.

Lincoln stepped farther inside the house and headed for a hall table. Hanging

on the wall above it was a plaque. He leaned in as if reading the engraved message.

Jay didn"t need to look. It was from the nursing school where Katie had planned to

go.

Thank you for your generous donation in memory of Katherine Miller.

Lincoln stared at it for several deep breaths. Finally he looked back at Jay and

said, “This where you grew up?”

“Yeah.”

“Nice house.” Lincoln picked up an empty glass bowl sitting on the hall table

and examined it. Waterford crystal. No one touched her crystal pieces. What would

she do if she knew Lincoln McCaw had his hands on one of them? Jay smirked.

Lincoln lifted the bowl up in the air. “What"s this for?”

“I have no idea. It"s always sitting there. Nothing"s ever in it.”

“They always have a lot of money?”

“They don"t. They just like to make it look as if they do.”

“Ah.” Lincoln went into the living room and walked the perimeter, eyeing the

ceramic figurines and crystal vases as if he was casing the joint. He came to a stop

in front of the fireplace. His face paled, and a low gasp left him, like no sound the

man had made the night before.

It startled Jay, but he didn"t want to look or ask what Lincoln saw. Didn"t

want to know what could cause that reaction.

Lincoln turned toward him and opened his mouth to speak, but Jay shook his

head and took a step backward into the hall. “Let"s check out my dad"s office first.”

Lincoln didn"t move.

“It"s this way.”

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83

When the man finally turned and crossed the room, his gaze was fixated on the

carpeted floor before him. He didn"t acknowledge Jay as he moved past him into the

hall.

Should he ask what was wrong? No. This trip wasn"t easy on either of them.

They didn"t need to talk about it as if they were at a counseling session. Would any

therapist in the world tell Jay he was doing the right thing sleeping with the man

who caused his wife"s accident? He didn"t want to think about what it meant that he

was glad he hadn"t bothered with therapy.

They proceeded down the dark hall to the last door on the left. The room

hadn"t changed since Jay lived there. As an owner of an office supply store, his dad

often worked at home to take care of orders, accounting, and payroll. Stacks of

papers covered the desk, each sorted into trays with typed labels. Accounts

receivable. Accounts payable. Employee records. Nothing labeled
Threats to Lincoln

McCaw
. Too bad it couldn"t be that easy. Although, that wouldn"t be easy at all,

would it?

Jay sat at the desk and removed the note from his pocket. He combed through

the items on top of the desk first. Nothing resembled the paper he held. He opened

one drawer after another and came up empty on papers of any kind.

A noise echoed down the hall. Like someone had dropped a metal pan. He held

still and waited for footsteps. Nothing. The quiet continued. Maybe it had come

from outside.

Lincoln hadn"t moved away from the door.

Jay said, “This will go faster if you help.”

Seconds ticked off on the wooden clock on his dad"s desk before Lincoln slowly

stepped away from the door.

“You okay?” Jay asked.

“Not sure I want to find anything.”

“I thought you wanted this over?”

Lincoln stared at him, the shock evident on his face. Right. Like this would

ever be over. For either of them.

“Just don"t want it to be your parents. You"ve been through enough.”

Jay tried to say thanks or smile or nod. Something. When his voice finally

returned, he said, “My parents or the Shaws. I don"t think—”

“They"d hurt anyone. Yeah, you said that. We had to take Jessica to the

hospital, Jay. They"re already hurting me. Hurting my family.”

There was nothing Jay could say. He continued the search.

“Hey, is this you?” Lincoln was holding up a framed photo of Jay—ten years

old, wearing his weight in padding, a football tucked under his arm.

“Yeah. I can"t believe he still has that.”

“Bet your father-in-law liked that you played ball.”

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“I only played the one year. I think the coach told my dad not to send me back.

My brother was on the same team, and he had to pick me up off the ground a lot.”

Lincoln examined the picture and laughed. “You do look like you"re about to

fall over.”

“You should"ve seen me try to run in all that gear.”

Lincoln laughed again and set the frame on the desk.

“Did you play sports?” Jay asked.

“Wrestling. In junior high school.”

“Then what? You figured out you were gay, and you didn"t think the close-

minded kids of the Edgefield high school would appreciate you rolling around on the

floor with them?”

“Nah. I had to work. By then my mom was pretty sick. Hospital bills ate up all