Breathe Again (10 page)

He didn’t let me go that night.
Eventually, after I cried myself out on the couch, he just picked me up and
carried me to my bed, where he let me cry some more. I did have ten years of
tears to get out, and Jackson wasn’t in any hurry to make me stop. He just held
me close, whispering words of love into my ears and kissing my hair. Eventually
I felt myself drifting off, and I didn’t wake up until it was light outside.

He still wouldn’t let me go; apparently Josephine had already
told him not to let me work that day. I’d been baking nonstop for the previous
week and a half, so the café had enough pastries to last through the next
month, really.

I woke up before he did, though his arms were wrapped around
me so tightly that there was no way I could get out of bed without waking him
too. I took advantage of the moment, turning my head to the side so I could
study his face. It was familiar to me now, comforting. It was attractive, of
course, nobody would deny that. To some, it may have been severe, but I knew
better. It had hardened in the years that he’d been in the public eye, changing
as he closed himself off to the world. But when he slept in my bed, told me he
loved me, his face had relaxed. He was peaceful.

He’d traveled straight from France to my doorstep, so he had
a little scruff on his face. It fit him, I thought, almost made him look a
little more like himself. It was as if his clean-shaven look was a mask he
wore, trying to convince those around him that he was unattainable, but I knew
better. It was a coping mechanism, really, a small way for him to take control
of his life. In most of the movies I’d seen, he had a scruff, or some type of
facial hair. It was almost as if he wanted to distance himself from those
parts. He wanted to show the world that he made his own decisions, that he knew
who he was.

I ran my finger along his high cheekbones and over his lips.
Those lips that kissed me senseless, that told me he loved me. My heart started
to flutter, just remembering the way he said those words. Daniel used to tell
me all the time that he loved me, but he never made me feel the way Jackson did
when he said it. When Daniel said it, it was like an afterthought, an
unfortunate necessity in our relationship. Jackson somehow made those three
words sound like the most important words in the entire world; like I was the
most important thing in the entire world.

I craned my neck and touched my lips lightly to his, hoping I
wouldn’t wake him. He rarely got to sleep uninterrupted, and I wanted to give
him this small gift. Regardless of how happy I was at that moment, how it felt
like our relationship had finally gotten started, I knew it wasn’t the end of
the hard. It really was us against the world. I knew that Jackson had it in him
to conquer it. I just didn’t know if I did.

I’d only meant to press a light kiss to Jackson’s lips, but
he felt me move in his arms and squeezed me tighter, then opened his mouth to
let me in. I didn’t even care that I had morning breath; I just let him kiss me
senseless again.

“Morning,” he said softly, nipping at my lip with his teeth.
It made me giggle.

“Morning, Jackson,” I said. I moved my head back down to his
chest, laying my cheek on his bare skin. We stayed quiet for a long time, and I
just listened to his heartbeat.

“This,” I heard him murmur into my hair. I said nothing, just
hummed in response. “This is exactly how I want to wake up for the rest of my
life.” His voice made my skin buzz, and I knew I would be perfectly okay
staying there forever too. But eventually my stomach rumbled and Jackson
frowned down at me. “Can I get you some breakfast?”

I shook my head, but wiggled my way out of his grip. His
frown just deepened, but eventually he loosened his grip.

“I don’t have much food here, since we were supposed to go
out for dinner and I didn’t know if you would stay tonight,” I said, glancing
at the clock. “But it looks like the morning rush might be over downstairs if
you want to go get a cup of coffee with me?”

He reluctantly agreed, and we both threw clothes on quickly
before heading down to the café. Thankfully, I had been right about the morning
crowd; there were only a few people left inside. Darcy was behind the counter;
she made a face at me as we made our way toward one of the tables near the
back.

We were both surprised to see Seth, Jackson’s younger
brother, occupying a spot on the long bench down the center of the room.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jackson said, though his
tone wasn’t mean. I noticed a plate in front of Seth, covered with crumbs, and
raised my eyebrow at him.

“Dude,” he said, his mouth full of what I could only assume
was one of my blueberry scones. “Did you know that your girlfriend’s muffins
are the shit? I’m about to go get my fourth one for the morning.” I had to
smile at that. I’d only met Jackson’s brother once, but apparently I’d already
won him over with my baking.

“You live forty-five minutes from here, Seth. You seriously
drove all the way here just so you could eat Mellie’s muffins?”

“Well, when you say it like that,” Seth said, wiggling his
eyebrows at me. I had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but I couldn’t
help but laugh. “But seriously, these are, like, the best things I’ve ever put
in my mouth. And that chick behind the counter is pretty fucking hot. Do you
think she’ll give me her number?”

Jackson just smacked his younger brother upside the head.
“That’s Mel’s friend, you asshat. Show some respect.” Seth rubbed the back of
his head dramatically, but smiled in Darcy’s direction. I just rolled my eyes,
then leaned over so I was at Seth’s eye level.

“Enjoy whatever you want Seth, and I’m sure Darcy will give
you her number. Just be nice to her, please?” Seth’s eyes widened for a
fraction of a second, but a grin immediately appeared on his face and he nodded
enthusiastically.

Jackson pulled me away from Seth’s table, but Seth wasn’t
paying attention to us anymore anyway. His eyes were already glued to Darcy’s
backside as she turned to make Jackson and me our lattes. I glanced around the
café and saw only a handful of others, most of whom were too old to recognize
Jackson. There was a younger regular sitting in the front corner, but he had
his eyes on his phone. My eyes wandered to the far corner, however, and noticed
Collin sitting next to the window, pointedly ignoring us. It was odd; he should
have been at work. I usually let myself wander out into the café after the
morning rush, since I knew I was less likely to run into him, but he didn’t
seem to care or even notice that we were there.

We found a small table in the corner, but instead of letting
me sit in the seat across from him, Jackson pulled me into his lap. I slapped
him on the chest playfully, but couldn’t help looking quickly around the café.
I really wasn’t one to exhibit too much PDA, even if we were still on a love
high from the night before. Thankfully, nobody had noticed us, though I really
was too happy to care much at the moment.

“I would say get a room, but seriously, Mellie? You live
upstairs. Do you two really have to come down and torture the rest of us with
how fucking cute you are?” Darcy complained as she came up to our table and set
down our lattes in front of us.

I knew my smile was absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn’t
help it. “Well, I would have called for room service, but I highly doubt that
you would have been up for that,” I said, laughing.

Darcy scowled for a second, but the look quickly left her
face. “I don’t know that I would have minded, not if
he
came to
the door,” she said, eyeing Jackson up and down. I moved to smack her
playfully, but Jackson held me back and chuckled softly into my ear.

“Why don’t you just go get your own?” I grumbled, clutching
Jackson tightly. I didn’t doubt that Darcy would keep her distance from him,
but I knew there were plenty like her in the world that didn’t care much about
my feelings.

“Oh, believe me, I would if I could,” she said dramatically,
and sat herself down in the chair opposite us. I immediately regretted my
words, knowing she wasn’t about to leave us any time soon. Thankfully, another
elderly couple came into the café, taking her attention away from us. She
glanced back at the door when the little bell chimed, and huffed again before
getting up.

“I love you, Darcy,” I called out to her as she made her way
to the front. She whipped her head around, her frown quickly turning into a
smile, and I felt myself blush again. I had never been all that liberal with
the
L
word before Jackson, but he was making me feel all sorts of brave, just like he
always did. That, or he made me face everything I was truly feeling without
letting me hide.

I watched my friend as she helped the couple that came in,
before turning her attention back to cleaning the espresso machine. Seth’s gaze
hadn’t moved from her, though I wasn’t sure if she’d noticed or not. I almost
wanted to shove him in her direction, to speed things up.

As if he could actually tell what I was thinking, Jackson
interrupted my thoughts by nuzzling his nose into my neck. “He’ll get there,”
he whispered, planting a few kisses behind my ear. I sighed contently.

We drank our lattes slowly, taking the time to actually enjoy
being together. Eventually Darcy brought us over some scones, but had to return
to work quickly once the lunch crowd started coming in. We took that as our cue
to leave and made our way back up to the loft.

As soon as I closed the door behind us, Jackson surprised me
by backing me up to the door and attacking my neck with his lips. I buzzed with
pleasure, wrapping my arms around his neck and lifting my lips to his. He
kissed me roughly, his tongue against mine. I couldn’t get enough, and let my
tongue explore the inside of his mouth. He groaned in response and I felt his
hands on my butt, lifting me up. He had me against the door and pressed himself
against me. It made me dizzy, feeling the bulge in his jeans between my legs.

Normally, before, I would have been so self-conscious. I
would have been timid with my kisses, letting him take the lead and only
touching him where I felt comfortable touching. But something about this man
made me throw all of my inhibitions out the window. He made me feel like the
sexy, confident young woman that I never knew I wanted to be. He made me feel
real.

I stayed propped up by the door, but eventually I leaned
forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. I pulled my head to his neck and
grazed my teeth over the sensitive spot behind his ear. He took it as the sign
that it was, and carried me to my bed. I’d been too busy blubbering the night
before to do any of the things that I’d actually been thinking about for the
past week and a half. Apparently Jackson felt the same, because he wasted no
time once we were on the bed.

He stripped both of our shirts off quickly, and left me to
pull my own pants down while he did the same. It took less than a few seconds
for him to climb back on top of me, and I could immediately feel him at my entrance,
waiting for my permission. I knew we weren’t taking things slow and easy today;
we’d been waiting far too long to be with each other. It was passionate,
intense, and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out when he pushed inside
of me, filling me the way only he could.

“Mellie, baby, I love you so much,” Jackson whispered into my
ear as he thrust inside me, hard. His soft, sweet voice, not the voice he used
for everyone else, just the voice he used when saying my name, was such a
contrast to the intensity of our lovemaking; I loved it. I loved him. I loved
the way he made my body feel strong, but as if it was still his to protect. I
loved the way he touched me, worshipped me, whispered my name to himself.

He said nothing more as we kept building, together. The air
between us was thick with emotion; we didn’t need to say anything else. There
was only love, and he made sure I knew it. I let my hands and my moans tell him
without saying anything at all; I clutched at him, pulling him as close to me as
possible.

Though he technically wasn’t my first, I’d never felt so
close to another human being in my life. There were dozens of people
downstairs, going through the same thing they did every day, working and
ordering their lunch and sipping their coffee. But here, in my little loft, it
felt like we were the only people on the planet. We rocked together, our sweat
and tears mixing together so that we were one. I could even hear his heart as
it pounded against the rhythm in my own chest.

I couldn’t close my eyes, not when he was above me, watching
me too. I could feel his gaze burn through my skin, heating my blood. I was so
exposed; he knew what I felt like, inside, but there was more to it than that.
He’d been inside of me in every way possible, and I knew there was no turning
back now. He was a part of me, and I was a part of him.

We climaxed together, staying silent but still watching each
other. It was the most erotic, intense moment of my life, watching as he
emptied himself into me. I clutched at him, gripping his biceps while my legs
shook with pleasure.

Jackson collapsed on top of me, our limbs fitting together
like a puzzle. I could feel every inch of him, but he still took care to make
sure he didn’t crush me. Instead, his arms held me like a cage, making me feel
safe and loved. He nuzzled my neck, kissing and licking the sweat from my skin,
and I just lay there, enjoying my high. My nerves buzzed with energy, every
sensation that much more powerful. It was like everything inside of me had been
dormant, and Jackson had ignited me.

Eventually he moved from on top of me to next to me on the
bed, but still held me close. I let myself drift off, concentrating on the feel
of his breath against my neck and the stroke of his fingers up and down my arm.