Brian Friel Plays 2 (22 page)

Nikolai
We had a long talk the other day. We were alone in the garden here. It was like old times – just the two of us. And then do you know what he did out of the blue? He scolded me!

Fenichka
Arkady?

Nikolai
Quite severely. He said I shouldn’t have allowed you to live above that laundry for so long.

Fenichka
(
becoming
embarrassed
) What Arkady doesn’t know is that the room above the laundry is the warmest room in the house.

Nikolai
It is also damp. Anyhow his point was that you were pregnant and you should have been in the main building; that it was most insensitive of me. And he’s right.

Fenichka
That’s all over, Nikolai. I’m in the main house now. You’re right – it is getting cold.

Nikolai
He said, too, that we should be married. Yes. He had no doubts whatever. He thinks it’s ridiculous we’re not married. Remarkable, isn’t it?

Fenichka
What is?

Nikolai
That that is his attitude. And I found it very reassuring. More than reassuring – encouraging, most encouraging. Wouldn’t you agree?

Fenichka
Oh, yes; most encouraging.

Nikolai
And of course Pavel would be in favour. No question about his attitude.

Fenichka
Has he said that to you?

Nikolai
He doesn’t have to say it – I know Pavel. Convention – decorum. Oh, yes, Pavel will want the proprieties observed. So, since I now know what Arkady
thinks – and unlike his dithering old father he hadn’t a moment’s hesitation – and since I’ve always known that Pavel would be in favour –

Fenichka
buries
her
face
in
her
handkerchief
and
cries.
Nikolai
watches
her
in
alarm
and
bewilderment.

Fenichka? Fenichka, what’s the matter with –? My God, what have I done wrong? Did I do anything? – did I say anything? Did somebody hurt you? Who hurt you? Please don’t cry, Fenichka. Please. Tell me what’s the matter with you. Fenichka? Fenichka?

She
continues
to
cry.
He
continues
to
watch
her
in
bewilderment.

Vassily
Very good question, Arkady Nikolayevich: how do I pass the time? Excellent question. And I will tell you the answer to that question. Timofeich, more blackcurrant tea for our guest.

Arkady
Just a little, (
to
Arina
)
That was a very nice lunch. Thank you.

Arina
You’re welcome.

Bazarov
gets
to
his
feet
and
paces
around
the
room.

Vassily
Yevgeny?

Bazarov
None for me.

Arina
(
privately
to
Bazarov
)
Take another biscuit.

Bazarov
(
playfully
shaking
his
head
)
Shhh!

Arina
I’m going to have to fatten you up over the next two months.

Bazarov
responds
by
puffing
out
his
cheeks
and
his
chest
and
miming
a
fat
man.

Vassily
How do I pass the time? I’m a bit like ancient Gaul: I’m divided into
tres
partes,
as our friend Caesar might put it. One part is the reader. Another part is the gardener. And the third part is the practising doctor – even though I’m supposed to have retired years ago. Not a day passes but there’s a patient at my door, (
to
Arina
) That wouldn’t be incorrect, my pet, would it? And interestingly enough all of those three parts add up to one complete integer. My reading is all medical reading. My gardening is all medical gardening – I believe I have the best garden of medicinal herbs in the whole province. That wouldn’t be inaccurate, my pet, would it? Nature itself as healer – it’s the answer, you know. As our friend
Paracelsus puts it: I trust
in
herbis,
in
verbis
et
in
lapidibus.

Bazarov
(
to
Arkady
)
Father was a great classical scholar in his day.

Vassily
Great? I wouldn’t say I –

Bazarov
Won a medal for Latin composition. Silver. When he was only twelve.

Vassily
I suspect he’s mocking me. Are you mocking me?

Bazarov
Me?

Arina
Finish your story, Vassily.

Vassily
Where was I?

Bazarov
In
herbis,
in
verbis
et
in
lapidibus.

Vassily
Tending my garden, attending my patients, and in my spare time looking after my modest farm, (
to
Arkady
) I shouldn’t say ‘my modest farm’ – I’m a plebeian, a
homo
novus
– Yevgeny’s mother is the patrician.

Arina
Vassily!

Bazarov
bows
to
his
mother
and
kisses
her
hand.

Bazarov
Her serene highness, Arina Vlassyevna Bazarov.

Arina
Behave yourself.

Vassily
For God’s sake, Fedka, will you put something on your feet. Timofeich, take this little urchin away and dress him correctly. Arkady Nikolayevich will think he’s staying with some sort of primitives.

Bazarov
Isn’t that what we are?

Vassily
You’re very facetious today, young man. But where was I? Yes, talking of medicine. You’ll enjoy this. I hear that a retired major about six miles from here is
doing a bit of doctoring. So one day, when we meet at the market, this major and I, I said, ‘I hear you’re in practice, Major?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Where did you qualify?’ ‘I never qualified,’ he said. ‘Never? But where did you study your medicine?’ ‘I never studied medicine.’ ‘But you practise medicine, Major?’ ‘Oh, yes. But not for money – jut for the good of the community.’

Vassily
alone
laughs
at
this.
Arkady
smiles
politely.

I love that – ‘just for the good of the community’ – I really love that. Wonderful man to have around in a typhus epidemic. Incidentally there’s a lot of it around … typhus …

Pause.

Arina
(
to
Arkady
)
How long did you stay with this – this Madam Odintsov?

Arkady
A week – (
to
Bazarov
)
– wasn’t it? I’ve lost track of time.

Bazarov
Eight nights.

Arina
(
to
Arkady
)
And you had a nice time there?

Arkady
It was sheer luxury. We were a bit overwhelmed at first, weren’t we?

Bazarov
Were we?

Arkady
Well, I was.

Bazarov
Yes, you were.

Arkady
A butler in black tails, footmen in livery, scores of maids and servants all over the place. It’s really a miniature empire she has there.

Arina
And she lives with an old aunt and a young sister, this Madam Odintsov?

Arkady
The old aunt’s as mad as a hatter.

Arina
And the young sister?

Arkady
Katya is – (
to
Bazarov
)
– how would you describe Katya?

Bazarov
You should have no difficulty. You voted her on your list.

Arina
List? What list?

Arkady
(
embarrassed
)
Oh, we made a list, Yevgeny and I – a sort of silly list of – of – of all the pretty girls we know.

Arina
Ah. And Katya is on that list?

Arkady
She was on the list – at the beginning. She was on the first list.

Arina
I see. She was pretty but she’s not pretty now.

Arkady
Oh, she’s pretty, very pretty, isn’t she?

Bazarov
You’re not alert to Mother’s subtleties, Arkady. When she inquires about ‘this – this Madam Odintsov’, can’t you hear the disapproval in her voice? She has already made up her mind that This Madam Odintsov is what novelists call an adventuress.

Arina
That’s not true.

Bazarov
(
hugging
her
affectionately
and
laughing
) You’re suspicious of her.

Arina
Don’t be silly, Yevgeny.

Bazarov
You dislike her intensely.

Arina
I never even heard of the woman until yesterday. He’s trying to annoy me.

Bazarov
In fact you hate The Woman. I know exactly
what it means when that little nose twitches like that. It always gives you away.

Arina
And you? What do you think of her?

Bazarov
hugs
her
again
and
laughs.

Bazarov
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no; you’re not going to turn the tables like that, Arina Vlassyevna. Isn’t she a cunning little squirrel?

Vassily
(
to
Arkady
)
They’re well met, the pair of them.

Bazarov
The question you really want to ask, Mother – it has tormented you since we arrived yesterday – what you want to ask straight out is: Am I in love with This Madam Odintsov? And the answer is: I don’t believe in love, in falling in love, in being in love. Arkady and I spent a pleasant week with Katya and Anna. They’re good company. I’m fond of them both. And that’s it –
finis
fabulae
– (
to
Vassily
) – correct?

Vassily
Very good, Yevgeny.

Bazarov
If there is such a thing as a
maladie
d’amour
– as the Tailor’s Dummy would put it – I’m immune to it. Why don’t you direct your loaded questions to Arkady. You’re not immune, are you?

Arina
You’re too smart for your own good, (
to
Timofeich
who
has
entered
)
Clear the table, will you.

Timofeich
Excuse me, sir. A patient here to see you – a woman.

Vassily
Can’t you see we’re still eating, Timofeich? Tell her to come back tomorrow, (
to
Fedka
who
has
entered
wearing
boots
that
are
much
too
big
for
him
)
That’s more like it. Good boy, Fedka.

Bazarov
What’s wrong with the woman?

Timofeich
She’s holding herself as if she was in pain. I think she has the gripes.

Vassily
Dysentery – that’s what she has. They call it the gripes about here.
Torminum,
Pliny calls it. Cicero uses the plural –
tormina,
(
to
Timofeich
)
Tell her to come back tomorrow morning.

Bazarov
Let me have a look at her, Father.

Vassily
No, no; you’re on your holidays and –

Bazarov
Please. I’d like to.

Vassily
If you’d like to. Very well. Certainly. We’ll only be a few –

Bazarov
I’d prefer to see her by myself.

Vassily
Off you go. Give her a good shot of opium – you’ll find it in my bag on the desk in the study. She’ll be most grateful – probably want to pray over you.

Bazarov
has
gone.
Vassily
calls
after
him.

And she’ll offer you four eggs as payment, (
to
Arkady
)
Do you know how many eggs I was given last week? One hundred and seventy-nine! That’s no exaggeration, my pet, is it?

Timofeich
is
clearing
the
table.
Fedka
helps
him.

Arina
(
sitting
again
)
Leave the table for the moment, Timofeich. Fedka, put those raspberries out in the pantry.

Both
servants
leave.

Are you an only child, too, Arkady?

Arkady
Yes. No – no – I have a half-brother, Mitya.

Arina
Is he at college?

Arkady
He’s eight months old.

Vassily
He has a few weeks to wait yet. (
He
raises
his
glass.
)
Welcome again, Arkady. It’s a great pleasure for us to have you here.

Arkady
Thank you.

Vassily
A very great pleasure. Isn’t that correct, my pet?

Arina
You’re most welcome.

Now
that
they
have
Arkady
alone
both
parents
want
desperately
to
ply
him
with
questions
about
their
son.
They
move
physically
closer
to
him.

Vassily
And I hope you can stay with us until you go back to college.

Arina
You’ve forgotten, Vassily – Arkady has graduated.

Vassily
Forgive me. Of course.

Arina
And I’m sure he has hundreds of plans for the rest of the summer.

Arkady
I haven’t a plan in the world. I’m – at large!

Vassily
Then you’ll stay. Excellent. It’s a delight for us to have Yevgeny’s student friends. He usually brings somebody home with him every holiday. Fine young men all of them. And we love the company.

Arina
Have you known Yevgeny long?

Arkady
For about a year. We met at the philosophical meetings.

Vassily
A philosopher, too, is he? Aha! That’s a little detail we didn’t know, did we?

Arina
Has he got a girl in Petersburg?

Arkady
Not that I know of.

Vassily
I’m sure you have, Arkady; dozens of them.

Arina
But nobody special?

Arkady
Yevgeny? No; nobody special.

Arina
He ate hardly any lunch. Is his appetite always as bad?