Brick Shakespeare: The Comedies—A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Tempest, Much Ado About Nothing, and The Taming of the Shrew (65 page)

DOGBERRY

Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only, have a care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

SECOND WATCHMAN

How if they will not?

DOGBERRY

Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.

SECOND WATCHMAN

Well, sir.

DOGBERRY

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your honesty.

SECOND WATCHMAN

If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

DOGBERRY

Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY

Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath any honesty in him.

VERGES

If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse and bid her still it.

SECOND WATCHMAN

How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOGBERRY

Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.

VERGES

’Tis very true.

DOGBERRY

This is the end of the charge:—you, constable, are to present the prince’s own person: if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.

VERGES

Nay, by’r our lady, that I think a’ cannot.

DOGBERRY

Five shillings to one on’t, with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a man against his will.

VERGES

By’r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows’ counsels and your own; and good night.

Come, neighbour.

SECOND WATCHMAN

Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY

One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch about Signior Leonato’s door; for the wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.

Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

ACT IV. Scene I (1–115).

T
he watchmen look on from the shadows and listen as Borachio tells Conrade of his villainous success. Just as they had planned, Claudio and Don Pedro mistake Margaret for Hero and, in seeing her with another man, fly into a rage and vow to humiliate Hero at her own wedding. Hearing this, the watchmen spring forth from their hiding place and take Borachio and Conrade into custody.

Hero prepares for the wedding with Margaret and Beatrice. They merrily trade explicit jokes, and Beatrice volunteers that she is not feeling well. Margaret suggests that Beatrice finds some “carduus benedictus” (III.iv.65) to ease her heart, which steers the conversation to a more serious place, suggesting that Beatrice embrace her love for Benedick. Ursula, Hero’s attendant, arrives and hurries them to leave for the church.

The watchmen Dogberry and Verges approach Leonato and humorously stumble into their explanation of the criminal events of Messina. The pair spends so much time bantering back and forth that Leonato rushes off to the wedding before he can hear what Dogberry and Verges are about to tell him—that Don John and his men have allowed events to unfold that will tarnish his good daughter’s name.

LEONATO

Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain form of marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards.