Bridge of Hope (25 page)

2) with Mallory—the woman I clearly was in
lust
with.

The weather was being kind and I was almost pissed off at the fact. At least if it’d been pissing down rain, I would’ve had a good reason for backing out. But instead I donned my khakis and a shirt, grabbed my sunnies, and headed out the door to call on my friend.

Mallory opened the door with a wide smile on her face, and my breath caught in my throat. I cursed myself inwardly as my whole body reacted to the sight of her standing there in black trousers that apparently loved her curves as much as I did, judging by the way they caressed her. On top she wore a bluey-green long-sleeved top that accentuated the curve of her full breasts.
I really will have to stop thinking like this.

“Oooh,” she said as she slipped into a black denim jacket, “I’ve been looking forward to this all day, Greg.”

“Yeah, me too,” I lied.

“Come on, then. Let’s get going whilst the weather’s nice. You never can tell around here. It seems it can turn at a moment’s notice.” She seemed giddy and my mood began calming too, the nerves dissipating.

We loaded up the Landy and climbed in. I drove us the short distance to the beach and parked up. We carried the barbeque and supplies down onto the sand, which thankfully was empty apart from the two of us, and Mallory laid out the blanket whilst I lit the coals. I plonked myself down beside her and frowned as she handed me a small package wrapped in brown paper that had gold stars printed on it. I was absolutely bloody floored by the amount of thought she put into gifts
and
the fact that she was creative enough to make her own wrapping.

“Awww, Mallory, what’s this, eh? You didn’t have to go and get me a gift, you daft lassie.” I smiled though, secretly excited; I’d thought birthday gifts were a thing of the past now that Mairi was gone. I tore off the paper and read aloud the wording, “True friends are hard to find, thank goodness I found you.” My eyes became blurry as saltwater began to well in them. Another familiar occurrence lately. My lip trembled and I kind of lurched forward at her, grappling her into my arms, holding on for dear life. My heart hammered in my chest, and her perfume infiltrated my nostrils, transporting me into a brief fantasy of her gazing up from beneath my body. The scent of her made me think crazy shit. I pulled my face away from her neck and searched her eyes for
any
spark that said she felt the same way
I did—although I didn’t fully understand the way I felt. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled up at me.

I cleared my mind
and
my throat before I spoke. “I couldn’t have dreamt of anything better, Mallory, it’s beautiful… thank you.” She frowned for a split second and I
swear
I could feel her heart beating against mine as I held her close to me. I swallowed hard, desperate to kiss her. Knowing the feeling couldn’t be acted upon, I pulled away. “I… think the temperature should be about right now. Better get the food on, eh?”

She seemed relieved that I had let her go and it saddened me.
Friends, Greg. That’s all you are.

As I placed the burgers on the rack and turned them, she began to quiz me about the lack of friends invited to our little gathering. I tried to explain that I didn’t really
have
friends on account of the ones like Connell, who had betrayed me by sleeping with my wife in my own fucking bed. Who needed friends like that? I told her that I’d rather keep myself to myself. But she was like a dog with a bone and didn’t give up digging.

“But what about me?” she asked with her head cocked to one side.
Good question
.
What about her?

I thought for a moment about how best to respond. After huffing out a breath I explained, “You’re different. Don’t ask me why, but I trust you. I don’t think you’d ever let me down. I get the feeling I would only ever lose you if
I
was the one who did the wrong thing.” I gazed into her bright blue eyes, hoping that what I had said came across right.

She smiled cheekily. “Hmm, better be on your best behaviour, then.”

We chatted easily as we ate our food, and I was glad it all had turned out bloody delicious. I was impressed with myself and kept telling Mallory so. She muttered something about my modesty being endearing—sarcastic woman.

As night fell, the stars came out, dotted across the dark canvas of the sky in their clustered constellations. I glanced over at Mallory sitting next to me. Her eyes were focused up at the darkening sky too. A serene smile played on her lips and I thought to myself how good it felt to see her happy.

She must have sensed me watching her, as she met my gaze and her smile faded. “Shall we go set the lanterns free?”

I chewed on my lip. The thought of saying goodbye to Mairi once and for all made my heart ache. I wasn’t really ready yet. I pushed myself up from the blanket and held my hand out to Mallory.

Clearing my throat, I spoke. “Would you… you know… speak first? Please?” She nodded and relief washed over me. We collected the lanterns and the tags we’d written and made our way down to the water’s edge. My heart began to pound again and a familiar lump made itself known to me. I blinked rapidly to try and stop the stinging sensation in my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing myself for what she was about to say.

She lit her lantern and began to speak. “Mairi, you were a bright light in Greg’s life. You were a brave and adventurous woman, you made my friend very happy, and I’m sure, had I met you, we would have been the best of friends too. Now you’ve left this world, you’re a bright star in the night sky. You are missed and will always be loved.”

I closed my eyes as she spoke and pictured Mairi jogging with me along this very beach, holding my hand as we laughed and chased each other across the sand. Her titian hair trailing across her face and her big green eyes sparkling with a mischievousness I loved so very much. Remembering I wasn’t alone, I opened my eyes and turned toward Mallory.

Reaching out, I squeezed her hand. “That was beautiful. Thank you.” The tears in my eyes were ready to spill over but I took yet another calming breath as Mallory nodded her encouragement. As I began to speak, my voice wavered.

“Mairi, my heart and my love, you were a vivacious, stunningly beautiful woman, both inside and out. I was so proud of you for all you achieved at such a young age. Your courage knew no bounds. When you walked into a room, all heads turned and you made everyone smile, especially me. Since you left, my world has got a little darker. I’ve spent the last year feeling a type of pain that no one else could understand. Mallory came along and changed that. She helped me to come to terms with losing you. She helped me to come here today to say goodbye in a way I wasn’t able to do before. I miss you so much that sometimes I still feel physical pain, but I know that you can’t return and I have to try and let you go.” I couldn’t fight the sob that burst from my throat. This was harder than I ever could’ve imagined. My heart was breaking all over again but I fought to carry on. “Please know that wherever you are, I will always,
always
love you.”

I released my lantern and watched for a moment as it soared towards the heavens. Towards Mairi. I felt a part of my heart leaving with the glowing paper and I hoped that I could begin to move on. But knowing that the anniversary of her death was coming up, I was guessing it would be easier said than done.

I blew out a shaking breath and rubbed my face before turning to Mallory. “Thank you for suggesting this. It’s been really cathartic.” At that moment having Mallory here seeing me cry was insignificant. What she’d done for me, on the other hand, was the most significant experience I’d had since Mairi had died. I touched her cheek. “You need to know that I would never have let go of all this if it wasn’t for… your help.” I could hardly get my words out and my voice broke, but I didn’t care. What she’d given me was so much more than
anyone
had since I lost the love of my life.

Mallory shivered and so I slipped my arm around her shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And even though I knew it was more than likely a temporary feeling, I grasped it with all my might, determined to hold on to it for as long as possible. Mairi was never coming back and I
had
to move on. Life kept sprinting forward and I had been struggling to keep up until now.

After collecting some pieces of driftwood—out of which Mallory was bound to create something spectacular—we sat on the blanket under the stars for a while and I poured hot chocolate out of the flask I’d prepared. You see, I think of everything. This could have been the most romantic evening, but instead we sat there as friends sharing a common grief, gazing up at the stars and wondering if we were being observed from on high by our loved ones. I think it was one of the most profound evenings I’d ever spent.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Monday evening Mallory and I were working behind the bar at the pub like a well-oiled machine. It was like a scene from
Cocktail
with Tom Cruise, only without the bottle tossing. I
had
suggested it, but Mallory had scowled at me, and I think I heard her swear too. Her reaction made me howl with laughter and call her a cowardy-custard, and she flicked me with a bar towel.

A while later I caught her watching me. It was as if there was something she wanted to say. So after waiting for her to speak up I thought
fuck it
and stood before her.

“Out with it, Westerman. I can see you’re desperate to say something,” I said, arms crossed over my chest.

She chewed on her lip. “I’ve… erm… had an idea.”

I rolled my eyes. “How many times do I need to tell you that thinking is bad for you?”

She pursed her lips and scowled again. I know it may sound incredibly desperate, but I had begun to love that scowl. “I’m being serious, McBradden.”

“Okay… hit me with it.”

“What, a brick? Tempting.”

“Ha-ha. What’s the
idea
you’ve had?”

She fell silent again as if trying to pluck up courage. “You know Sam’s ashes?”

I scrunched my brow. My stomach dropped. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t anything to do with Sam’s ashes. “Yeah?” I asked hesitantly.

“Well… it’s nearly the end of July and I figure I need to scatter them at some point. And I think I have an idea as to how to go about it.”

“Okay. What’s the idea?”

“Well… Sam and I used to love travelling around the Highlands and…” She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again, I could see the glisten of tears forming. “I thought…” She took a deep breath. “I thought maybe I could travel around and scatter the ashes in all the places we visited. Is that silly?” Her lower lip quivered and I wanted to wrap my arms around her.

“I think it’s a
wonderful
idea. And I know for a fact, if Sam could tell you himself, he would say the same.”

“The thing is…”

I turned my mouth up at one side. “What’s the thing?”

“I wondered if you would mind driving me.” She cringed but I don’t know why.

A feeling I couldn’t really understand overtook me. “Mallory, I would be
honoured
to go with you. Thank you for asking me to be a part of it.”

She huffed the air from her lungs as if she’d been terrified to ask me. “Thank you. It… it means a lot that you’ll go with me. You understand. I do appreciate it.”

“Hey, that’s what friends do, eh? So do you know the places you want to go?”

“Yes, I have a list that I’ve drawn up. It might take quite a while… is that okay?”

“We’ll take as long as you need, Mally.” I liked the familiarity of shortening her name. It made me feel like we were
close
friends. And I suppose in a way we were.

She nodded but seemed unable to speak. She walked by me and squeezed my arm as she headed for the ladies’ toilets.

~~~

Once we left work that night I didn’t see Mallory for the rest of the week. I was tied up in doing odd jobs, taking
Little Blue
, out and practising new songs. I compiled a CD of music that I thought she might like to listen to on our journey and I hoped I hadn’t overstepped the mark in doing so.

As agreed I called for Mallory at seven on Saturday morning. She looked like she hadn’t slept, and when I mentioned the CD I had made, she burst into tears. At first I thought she was upset with me and that we were having a repeat of the “Chasing Cars” incident in the pub. But then she put her arms around me and hugged me, resting her head on my chest. I had to chew the inside of my cheek to try and get a hold on my own emotions. Seeing me bawling my eyes out was the last thing she needed. But she had such a profound effect on me
every single
time
she cried or became upset.