Brimstone and Lily (Legacy Stone Adventures) (27 page)

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Authors: Terry Kroenung

Tags: #Humor, #Fantasy

BOOK: Brimstone and Lily (Legacy Stone Adventures)
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I’d read that, too, in an anti-McClellan paper. Maybe it was true. In a perverse way that lifted my spirits. It sounded like we could find a way past them, then. Three people would have an easier time than thousands of horsemen. Unless McClellan had learned the error of his ways and had sealed the gaps.

Tyrell barked at us from a corner of the barn. “You, Tom! I thought I told you to get some hay for my horse?”

“Right on it, sir,” Romulus said, hurrying into the barn.

“Have to stay on them every second,” grumbled the captain. “Go to sleep at a dead run if you aren’t watchful. Anything to gum up the works of their betters.”

I couldn’t resist disagreeing. His attitude toward the colored folks annoyed me, though I had to be careful since Mary ought to share it. “Oh, I don’t know. Tom’s always been a hard worker for us. Perhaps you’re letting your past experiences cloud your judgment?”

He shook his head at the poor benighted child of privilege. “It’s good that you’re so forgiving, but in time you’ll learn that those who are too sweet get taken advantage of.” With that argument-ender he turned and strode off toward the farmhouse.

Jasper piped up as Tyrell vanished into the house. “I wonder how sweet the Hellfiend Legion thinks you are?”

I laughed out loud. “The feelin’s are mutual, I expect.”

“Speakin’ as the resident magick sword here…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have an actual plan for gettin’ to the coast, or are we just gonna read a few tea leaves?”

“I dunno. If I drink the tea first will that earn me magick points?”
“Maybe if you pour some bourbon into it first. Laudanum! Laudanum would really charge me up.”

I snorted. “But it wouldn’t charge
me
up. I’m the one who’d float away on an opium cloud, mister. Don’t you have any wants that are safe for your lord and mistress?”

“Lord and mistress? Sounds like a cheap stage act. Magician and a monkey.”

“Yeah, but who is which? Come on, let’s go make supper…and a plan.”

21/ Trouble in Richmond

There’s an Assassins Guild? Murderers with their own trade union? Somehow that don’t surprise me. Probably a Loyal Order of Poisoners, too. And a Torturers’ Fraternal Association.

Sure enough, as soon as it got dark we had a reunion in the hayloft. Sailing in through the high hatch, Roberta landed on an oak beam to let Ernie scramble from her scarlet back and down to my knee. Romulus kept watch at the top of the ladder, but we weren’t much afraid that Tyrell would surprise us. After an actual hot meal, courtesy of the Grangerfords (owners of the property, whom he’d met and charmed some months earlier), the captain had declared it unnecessary to keep a watch that night. His trust of the Grangerfords meant that we were safe. Beds had been offered to us. He insisted that Romulus sleep outside, of course. I told him as Mary that I was having a fine adventure and would stay in the tent again like a real soldier. He took that as an indirect compliment and retired to cotton sheets and a down mattress.

“Nice digs,” squawked Roberta, eyeing the barn. “Better than berthin’ on the ground like before.”

Ernie agreed. “The barn mice like it here. Say the cat’s old and slow. Prefers to sleep in the house rather than earn his keep.”

“Course,” our parrot ally went on, “it can’t hold a candle to where we stayed last night.” She paused just enough to make me fidget.

“And that was where?” I asked her.

“State capitol dome,” Ernie announced with pride, running up Romulus to sit on his shoulder.

“Pigeons scooted over for us,” Roberta explained. “Professional courtesy. Seems they’re neutral, war-wise.”

“You’ve been in Richmond already?” I asked, all a-twitter to know what lay ahead of us.

Ernie poked at Romulus’ blistered shoulder. “Sure thing. We’d be poor scouts if we hadn’t.” He looked hard at Romulus, then at me. “What happened?”

I waved his question off. “He took my foot blisters. What’s up in Richmond, then?”

Roberta itched her white cheek with a toe. “The Federal army’s only four miles east of town. Everybody’s runnin’ hither and yon like their pumps’ve stopped workin’, matey. Half the civilians’ve skedaddled already, and three-quarters of the rats, I might add.”

“Typical,” said Ernie, snapping his tail. “Bloody cowards. Give me a sturdy old mouse any day.”

“Town’s full o’ soldiers headin’ for the front. From what we hear this General Lee is gonna give McClellan a full broadside, before the same thing happens to him. Little Mac’s already shakin’ in his boots thinkin’ that he’s outnumbered. Seein’ enemy sails where none exist.”

I raised an eyebrow. “The pigeons told you all this?”

She peered regally at me through her spectacles. “What, you think they just sit around all day ploppin’ on statues?”

“Hey, ease up. A couple days ago I didn’t even know that animals could talk.”

“That’s all right, girlie,” Ernie laughed. “A couple o’ days ago we didn’t know humans could think.” Roberta found that funny, too. And I even heard Jasper snickering in my head for a second.

So there I sat, listening to a mouse and a parrot ridicule my species and give me left-handed compliments.
Won’t this make for an odd memoir in my old age?
They gave us some more detailed information about Jackson’s corps hustling from the Shenandoah Valley to flank McClellan, and about suspected positions of other Confederate and Union forces. Since brigades seemed to be shifting non-stop, though, that news was already out-of-date. We made plans for them to fly over us every two hours starting at noon the next day. I expected to get to the outskirts of town by late afternoon if we pushed it, which Tyrell could be counted on to do. By then I hoped we’d have enough good intelligence to decide how to get through or around the enormous masses of men in our way. If anything urgent needed to be communicated to us, Roberta said she’d send a robin friend of hers. Less likely to cause suspicion than a parrot in glasses carrying a mouse on its back, we all agreed.

Other than the roads being clogged with more bodies, civilian and military, than on the first two days of our trip, nothing much changed on Wednesday. Rested from my heroic afternoon nap and an uninterrupted night’s sleep, all cleaned up (an actual hot bath in the Grangerfords’ house! Woo!), and full of food from a real breakfast, I felt spry and saucy. Romulus seemed to have shrugged off the wound transfer already, although shrugging off Tyrell’s nasty comments looked to be more of a chore. Every step closer to Richmond worsened the Reb’s tone toward the Marshal, who stayed stoic and took it all. Me, I’d have knocked him off of his horse. Then again, I wouldn’t have been strung up from a tree by the locals for doing it, so maybe Romulus knew what he was about.

Jasper kept trying to get me to pilfer another cigar, but I made it very clear that I’d bathe in Washington Canal and arm-wrestle manure monsters before I ever smoked again. Nobody on the road wore their Sunday finery or their best perfume, so stranger-stroking or sniffing were out, too. I told him that if we got the chance in Richmond I’d get hold of some imported chocolate and gorge myself. Once I’d explained to him about chocolate (‘God’s apology for the flood’) he whooped for joy. For once I agreed with him.

Just after noon Romulus caught up with me. With a worried look on his sweaty face he whispered, “Trouble, I thinks.”

I gripped the cup where it hung on my belt. If he thought there was trouble I wanted to be ready for anything. “Where?”

“Not sure, but somethin’ don’t feel right. A darkness in the air, somehow.”

“Well, we’re in a war zone, you know.”

He shook his head, looking all around without trying to be obvious about it. “Ain’t that. More like Merchantry bizness. Your Stone’s still quiet?”

Touching my chest and feeling nothing cold there, I nodded. “Warm as toast.”

“Well, that’s somethin’. Expect ‘em to be mortals in daylight, anyways. ‘Specially with all o’ these witnesses.”

Now I was looking around and seeing nothing, too. “Stragglers from the Legion, maybe? That boss of theirs got away. Don’t how many of ‘em are left. Plenty of new deserters to refill their ranks these days, I expect.”

“Could be. But you oughta know, miss, that the Merchantry has its own renegades to watch out for.”

Huh? I’m only hearing about this
now
?
“Say that again? Merchantry renegades? I thought they were this great well-oiled machine of world domination?”

“They is, but nothin’ that big can hold together perfect. They’s more than one opinion ‘bout just how to run that machine.”

“Dissension in their ranks?”
That’s about the best news I’ve had all week.
“Good news for us, right?”

Romulus nodded, squinting into the sky at a circling buzzard. “Yes, ma’am. Unless one o’ their rebel groups has taken it into they heads to snatch you befo’ you gets to London.”

“Whoa! That’d explain why Venoma told me to get to London on my own but the bad guys keep still attackin’ me. That bounty the Legion talked about might be from one of the dissenter groups. Makes sense, huh?”

He still watched that buzzard, which now swooped lower, right over my head. “It do, at that.”

I frowned at the big ugly bird. “That buzzard one of ‘em? You want me to get Tyrell to shoot it?”

Grabbing my arm hard, Romulus hissed in my ear, “No! That’s Lenny.”

“Lenny? He’s a friend of yours?” I could believe anything, after the talking tree.

“We used t’ work together…befo’.” Romulus had a faraway look in his eye.
Must be rememberin’ the good old days, back when he could relax by the hearth and chew a nice bone.

“Uh…okay. Why’s he here?”

“That’s what I’s wonderin’. Might be lookin’ fo’ a rabbit. He sure do love his rabbits.” We followed Lenny’s flight, which went lower and lower. The giant bird raced along the ground to our left, just off of the road. His talons, bigger than my own hands, snatched at something in the grass. Those huge wings beat the shimmery summer air and lifted the buzzard back up high. A large wriggling snake, a venomous copperhead, struggled to free itself from his grip.

“Good ol’ Lenny,” smiled Romulus. “Lookin’ out fo’ us, he is.”

As he spoke good old Lenny tore the snake in two with one easy snap of his good old beak. After watching the pieces fall to earth he circled over us one more time. I swear it looked like he saluted us. Then he waggled his wings and disappeared to the south, where his normal prey would soon be lying in the sun, full of bullet holes.

“I suppose that wasn’t just some poor innocent snake that just happened to be mindin’ its own business?” I asked.

“No. You kin always tell. If he eats ‘em, they’s just food. If he kills ‘em and leaves ‘em, they’s enemies.”

Great. A buzzard with standards.
“So now I have to worry about every livin’ thing around me?”

“Not just now. You always had to worry ‘bout that. And Bullies. And Venoma. And mortal bounty hunters. And maybe the Assassins Guild, too.”

There’s an Assassins Guild? Murderers with their own trade union? Somehow that don’t surprise me. Probably a Loyal Order of Poisoners, too.And a Torturers’ Fraternal Association.

“That’s just wonderful. Remind me again who all is actually on
our
side?”

Romulus gave me a grim smile. “Pretty much the whole world, miss. They’s just too ‘fraid to show it. That’s why you’s here. To give ‘em courage.”

Oh, so it’s the blind leadin’ the blind. At least I know where I stand…underneath a giant burden of ‘save humanity or else’, that’s where.

“Wait a minute. You say I’ve always had to worry about things bein’ out to get me. You mean that literal-like, don’t you? Like since I was born?” He didn’t reply, just looked at me as if I were a drooling idiot, which I guess I was back then. “So that must also mean that I’ve been watched over my whole life, too? By who? I don’t remember seein’ any guards.”

“That’s the idea. We wanted you to grow up normal.”

That made me see red. “Normal? Movin’ from our farm in the dead o’ night, with just the clothes on our backs? Growin’ up with no Pa? That’s normal?”

Romulus didn’t look at me, but stared straight ahead as he walked. “Couldn’t be helped. We tried to stop it, but…”

Stop what? Does everybody know the details of my life except me?
“Then you do know what happened to Pa? Tell me! Ma won’t say a word about it.”

“Ain’t my place to say.”

“Well, whose place is it?”

I’d gotten pretty hot about the whole thing, and loud, too, I guess. Tyrell eased Alcibiades over and almost casually kicked Romulus with the side of his boot. “Say, boy, you’re upsettin’ Miss Mary. Get along up front and shut your mouth.”

Without another word Romulus picked up his pace and moved past the captain about thirty feet. Tyrell stared down from his giant golden horse. Al just snuffled at me, hoping to find an apple. Both of them had a disappointed look. “What was that about?”

I reeled myself back into my role as Mary. Gritting my teeth, I said, “Just a little lesson on respect, is all. He’ll be all right now.”
Sorry, Romulus.

“In my experience they remember their lessons best if you use a whip. I’d be happy to---“

“No!”
Oops, that came out too strong.
I took a breath. “No. Papa always used to refuse to beat the hands. Said it just made ‘em more resentful. We treat ‘em like simple-minded children. Seems to work better.”

“But even children, begging your pardon, miss, have to be spanked every now and then. For their own good, I mean.”

I gave him a long, hard stare that must’ve cooled off the summer afternoon by ten degrees. “Don’t even think it. You ain’t my Pa…sir.”

He touched the brim of his hat with a white-gloved hand. “As you say…ma’am.” Spurring Alcibiades more sharp than necessary, he moved away without another word. I watched him for a moment to make sure he didn’t abuse Romulus again out of spite, but they stayed well apart.

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