Bring Me Back (12 page)

As Ian comes over and sits next to me, I hand him his plate.  Picking up my fork, I cut a small piece of pie off and bring it to my mouth. “Mmmmm.” I close my eyes and moan at how amazing it tastes.  When I open my eyes, Ian is staring at me with his mouth slightly open.  Embarrassed, I shrug.  “I warned you it was my favorite.”  He continues to stare at me for a few seconds more and then digs into his own pie.  I am conscious of any little noises I let slip as I continue eating, trying to control myself as I revel in this exquisite dessert experience.  When I am done, Ian stands and takes my plate without saying a word.

Moments later he returns with two cups of coffee and sits back down.  I thank him and take a drink, noticing that he is watching me closely.  “Do I have some pie on my face?”  I ask, smiling at him.  He shakes his head and sets his cup down.  His face is suddenly so serious that I start to feel a little bit nervous.

“Ian?  Is something wrong? I ask quietly.  He puts his head in his hands, “Shit Ally, I need to tell you something.”

Chapter 30

~Ian

My heart is in my throat.  I don’t know why I chose now to do this now.  I guess as I sat there, watching her, knowing I am falling in love with this woman, I feel the need to let her know that I betrayed her. 

“Ian,” I hear her whisper, “You’re starting to scare me.”  I look up and lock eyes with her.  I know that if we are able to build a relationship, I have to lay this all out there if she’s ever going to be able to trust me.  I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath.  “Ally, I did something that I shouldn’t have, and I’m hoping you will allow me to explain before you ask me to leave again.”  I see her bite her lip and can tell I’m making her really nervous. 

“Tuesday, after you told me to leave, I went into town to drop off some of the work I had completed at the office.”  I begin, watching her closely.  “After doing that, I needed to pick up groceries because I didn’t have anything in my house to eat since I had been staying with you here.”  I said, looking around.  She nodded, listening.  “Well, I ran into Ronnie and he asked how you were feeling.”  I swallowed hard, “Umm, he told me that he thought it was very nice of me to help you when you were sick.”  She nodded at me, “I agree.” She said quietly looking down. 
God this was killing me! 
“Ally, he umm….he said he felt bad for you, knowing you had been through so much already with umm…with the murder and all.” Her head snapped up so fast it almost made me jump.  “He what?”  She gasped.

I felt like the floor had dropped out from under me.  The look on her face showed so much pain that I could hardly breathe.  “How does he know?”  She was shaking her head, like she couldn’t quite believe it.  “Ally,” I said softly, “He overheard a private conversation between his boss and Mr. Reddy from the hardware store.  He said they were trying to figure out how to get things out to you so that you didn’t have to come into town. He’s a good kid, and has been very discreet.”  She was sitting there trying to process everything.  She finally looked up at me and shrugged.  “I guess it doesn’t make a difference.” 

Now it was my turn.  “Ally, that isn’t the main reason I wanted to talk to you.”  I said, scooting closer to her.  She was looking at me with such confusion.  “Ally, I did something I shouldn’t have.”  I paused again, trying to control my heart rate. “After talking to Ronnie, I came home and searched your name in Google.” 
There, I said it
. 

***

The next couple of minutes seemed to go by in slow motion.  I watched as Ally stood up and walked to the front door.  She didn’t run, she just slowly walked outside. 

“Shit.” I moved quickly for the door, calling her name.  As soon as I stepped onto the porch I saw her.  She was standing against the rail, staring toward the trees.  I could see her rapid breathing with the rising and falling of her back from behind.  “Ally?”  I whispered as I walked up behind her.  She didn’t move, even when I touched her shoulders.  “Ally, it’s too cold to be out here. Let me take you inside.”  When she still didn’t move or answer me, I put my arms around her, pulling her back until her back was pressed against my front.

 “Ally, I’m so sorry I betrayed you.  I should never have done that.  I just missed you so much these past couple of days, and I didn’t know.”  I kissed the top of her head. “I didn’t know, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

She turned around, taking my hand and lead me back inside.  Sitting down next to the fireplace, she looked up at me and took a big breath. “Ian, I’ve never told
anyone
this before.”

Chapter 31

~Ally

My mind was so jumbled with thoughts, and then all of a sudden it was clear as day.  I started talking, and I knew I wasn’t going to stop.

“I had gone on a date.”  I whispered, and I felt Ian’s arms tighten around me, urging me to go on. “The front light wasn’t on.  I didn’t understand why….They always left it on when I wasn’t home.  I went inside and I could I could hear something—crying—someone was crying.”

“I started to walk toward the crying.  There was a horrible smell—God, the smell was awful!  I walked into the living room and they were just sitting there.  My parents were on the couch side by side staring at the TV that wasn’t even on.”

I was shaking my head, “Why wasn’t it on? My dad was crying Ian, he didn’t cry,
ever
, so I couldn’t wrap my head around it.  I called him, and they both turned around. Oh God, there was so much blood! Their faces were swollen and bleeding
everywhere
.”

“My mom was saying something to me. Run? I couldn’t understand at first, it just sounded like gurgling.
‘Run Ally!
’  My mom was telling me to run, so I did.  I turned around and ran into a wall, but it wasn’t a wall….it was a man.”  I could feel myself starting to tremble, but Ian’s arms just held me tighter. 

“I looked up at
him
and he was smiling at me.  He was pure evil and I was so scared.  ‘
Welcome home’
…That’s what he said to me and then, he hit me.”  I felt a sob leave my throat, and Ian kissed me on the head. 

“Oh God Ian!  It felt like my face exploded, and then I fell down.   I could hear him yelling, and then there was another man standing over me—kicking me—he was kicking me in the side.  My mom was screaming, and then I was sliding across the floor.  He had my hair…He was dragging me by my hair!”  I was gasping for air. 

“They were arguing and yelling at my dad.  They wanted something—they were looking for something.  Why didn’t he just give them what they were looking for?  I didn’t understand. They pushed me onto the couch next to my mom, but she couldn’t touch me.”  I was sobbing uncontrollably, but I knew I needed to say it all out loud.

“Her hands were tied behind her so she just kept saying ‘Shhh, baby, shhh.’  He yells at my dad, he says he’s done, and then I see a gun and my dad falls forward as the other man kicks him in the head.  The sound is deafening, and echoes off the walls.  Dad isn’t moving.  I hear my mom singing—a
Billy Joel song
. 

“Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be”

“He’s screaming at her to shut up, but she doesn’t.  She keeps singing to me.  He drags her to the floor and presses the gun to her head.  “
NO!
” I scream, but he shoots her anyway.” I can hardly breathe. 

Ian is rocking me, “It’s okay Ally, it’s going to be okay.”  He holds me and rocks me. 

I tell myself it’s almost over, so I continue, “I throw myself onto my mom’s back and he drags me off.  I can’t stop screaming, and then I hear the gun go off, and wonder who else they shot.  I try to listen, but I don’t hear anything.  I can’t move.  The smell…the awful smell is
blood.
I try to lift my head, but it feels so heavy.  I want to get away, so I start to crawl—crawl to my room. I am almost there and then I feel hands on me.  I start screaming again, but everything goes black.”  I am shaking harder than I ever have before.  I lean into Ian, trying to get closer—trying to forget.  I haven’t cried since that night, and now I’m afraid I might never stop.

Chapter 32

~Ian

“It’s going to be okay Ally, it’s going to be okay.”  I keep rocking her, holding her, kissing her head.  She is shaking so much—sobbing and gasping—and my heart is breaking for her.  “Oh God Ian, they killed them!  They killed my mom and dad!”  She wails.

“I know.”  I whisper.  She looks up at me, her face streaked with tears. “I was supposed to die too Ian.”  She whispers and inhales a scattered breath.

I lift her chin with my hand.  “Ally, you
weren’t
supposed to die, that’s why you are still here.  You’re supposed to
live
, don’t you see that?”  She shakes her head.  “I’m not living Ian.  I’m just barely existing.”  “I know it feels like that Ally, but you are so strong.” 

“No Ian, I’m not…
Not at all
.” 

“Of course you are Ally! Strength is in looking back and seeing what you have been through and
knowing
you were strong enough to make it through.  Sometimes it’s not what you have lost, but what you still have -
that
is what makes life worth living.”  I smooth her hair back and kiss her head again.

We sit there for almost an hour in silence.  I hold her and rock her until she stops crying. The fire is dying down and I’m really starting to feel the long day set in. 

The sun has set and there is a full moon shining outside the window that makes the trees look like they are shimmering.  “Ally?  Are you awake?”  I whisper in her ear.  I hear her sigh.  Readjusting her, I look into her eyes.  Her lashes are still wet from the tears and her cheeks are flushed.  She has been through so much tonight, but I can’t help but notice how beautiful she is.  Smiling, I nod at her, and she nods back—our unspoken language.

“Come on, why don’t you go take a hot shower, you’ll feel much better.” I say as I help her to her feet.  When she stands up, I can’t help but pull her back into my arms, holding her and cherishing this moment.  With one more kiss on the head, I start to lead her to her bedroom. 

As she’s heading into the bathroom, I let her know that I’m going to run home for just a moment, but that I’ll be back.  I grab my coat and keys and walk quickly toward my house.  I want to be back before she gets done.

***

When I walk back through Ally’s kitchen, I can still hear the shower running.  I’m a little nervous about how she will react to my suggestion, but it is something I really think we need to try. 

I wait until I hear her open the bathroom door and then I walk to the bedroom.  Standing outside the door I ask, “Are you dressed?”  “Yes, come in.” She calls back.  When I walk around the corner she turns and smiles. “You changed?”  I smile, “I didn’t want to sleep in my jeans.”  I say, raising my eyebrows.  Tilting her head to the side, she smiles slightly. “You’re staying with me?”