Broken (40 page)

‘I see.' Mattie twisted the cord. ‘Is this normal procedure? I mean, I've only been on the parenting payment a few weeks. Isn't this a bit early for a review?'

‘Not necessarily. It's just –'

‘Did someone ring you?' interrupted Mattie. ‘About me?'

There was a silence and then he spoke again, rather stiffly ‘I wouldn't know. But if that were the case, I wouldn't be at liberty to tell you anyway. Now really, it's quite simple and this is just a courtesy call. Okay?'

‘Okay.' Mattie hung up the phone slowly and turned to face Hannah. ‘Well, at least I now know what his next step was. He's going to strike at me from every angle.' She looked down at her hands, which she was surprised to see were trembling visibly. ‘Every bloody angle. Until there's nothing left.'

The locksmith arrived just after lunch, a friendly middle-aged man wearing a pair of bone-coloured bib and brace overalls. He worked quickly and efficiently, installing deadbolts over the standard locks on both front and back doors, and also installing window locks throughout the unit. Mattie filled out Hannah's blank cheque with the total amount
and paid him. But as she closed the door on him, and engaged the deadbolt, Mattie was surprised to find that she still didn't feel safe or secure. Instead she had a deep-seated belief that if Jake wanted to get in, he would, regardless of shiny new deadbolts and double-sided window locks. When it came down to it, they might slow him slightly but they wouldn't stop him.

She left for school at twenty past three, having decided not to attempt the early pick-up again. And although she tried to tell herself this was because she didn't want to disrupt the children's routine more than she had to, she knew the real reason was fear. Simple fear, curled down deep in her gut where every now and again it sent out trembly tentacles to remind her of what she was up against.

Mattie smiled at a few women she knew as she walked through the school grounds but did not stop for any conversation. With her hands shoved deep into her windcheater jacket pockets so that nobody would see her nervousness, she strode purposefully towards the prep classroom and did not pause until she got there. Then she took a deep breath and peered through the long window over the room to see if Courtney was there. And she was. Sitting cross-legged on the floor beside her friend Georgia and listening to her teacher. Mattie stared at her for a few more seconds. She'd been so convinced the child would
not
be there, it took a while to persuade herself otherwise.

‘Not picking the kids up early today?'

Mattie turned to smile at Marie, who was watching her curiously. ‘No, not today'

‘So everything's okay now then? With the kids, I mean?'

‘Oh, absolutely. It was just a couple of doctor appointments. One after another, you know how it is.'

‘Tell me about it!'

The bell rang, a strident clanging that was immediately followed by the shuffling of chairs and the rushing of feet as children ran to fetch their bags. Then doors up and down the corridor burst open and they swarmed from every room. Except from the prep room, where they had to be physically collected. Mattie stood in line and edged forward as mothers squeezed out with children in tow.

‘Courtney Hampton!' announced Miss Thomson with a brisk clap on seeing Mattie in the doorway. ‘You may go now.'

‘Mummy!' Courtney ran towards her mother and thrust her schoolbag into her hands as she ducked past. ‘Can I play on the playground for a bit?'

‘If you're quick,' replied Mattie, picking up the bag that had tumbled to the floor. ‘Just till I get there, then we're going straight home.'

Courtney was already gone, running out of the double doors and around the corner. Mattie followed in a more leisurely fashion. By the time she got to the playground, Courtney was nowhere in sight, but Max stood by the crowded climbing frame with his schoolbag by his side.

‘Not playing today?' asked Mattie.

‘Just wanna go home.' Max scuffed his shoe in the pine chips and watched the dust fly up. ‘I feel sick.'

‘Do you?' Mattie bent down and put her spare hand on his forehead, concerned. ‘You don't
feel
hot.'

Max shrugged. ‘But I feel sick.'

‘Okay then, we'll head home. I'll just find your sister.' Mattie straightened, shading her eyes to search the multitude of scrambling children for her daughter. ‘Did you see her come past?'

‘Yeah.'

‘Where?' Mattie looked down at Max, rather impatiently.

‘Over there.' Max pointed towards the fence. ‘With Dad.'

Mattie's heart seemed to leap into her throat, strangling her. Her fingers opened involuntarily and Courtney's bag fell to the ground as Mattie followed Max's pointing finger until she saw, over by the school fence, Courtney chatting happily with her father. Jake, dressed in his work suit, was leaning against the low fence and laughing. He saw Mattie looking over and waved cheerfully.

‘My god . . .' Mattie stared, trying to comprehend the fact that he was there. She'd really thought that when the children were still in their classrooms at three-thirty he was going to leave it for now. Let her have them tonight.

‘Can we go?' Max kicked at the pine chips again.

‘In a minute.' Mattie was still staring at the fence. Jake leant over it and kissed Courtney on the top of her head and then, suddenly, turned and walked away. Mattie blinked nervously, unwilling to feel any relief just yet. She watched as Courtney came running back across the schoolyard, her pigtails flying behind her.

‘Can I play now?'

‘What was Daddy doing here?' Mattie asked in a strangled voice.

‘Oh, he just came to say hello. And Max was rude and wouldn't come over.'

‘Don't care,' mumbled Max.

‘Did he say anything? For me?' asked Mattie, trying to keep her voice normal.

‘No, why? Can I play now?'

‘Definitely not.' Mattie shook her head emphatically and picked up both bags. ‘We're going home. Max isn't feeling well.'

‘Unfair! I didn't get to play at all!'

Mattie didn't bother answering, just set off at a steady pace towards the back of the school where she'd parked the car. She only just prevented herself from breaking into a run and concentrated on keeping her breathing even, trying to remain calm. Or become calm. But all the time she half expected a hand to suddenly fall on her shoulder.
Why hello there, sweetheart, fancy seeing you here
! They reached the car without incident and Mattie threw the bags into the back seat.

‘My turn to sit in the front!' yelled Courtney.

‘I don't care,' replied Mattie, scanning the other parked cars. ‘Just get in.'

Courtney pulled open the front door and leapt in, Max climbing into the back a little more sedately. After Mattie had reassured herself that Jake's car was not in the vicinity, she got in and slammed the door, locking it quickly, which automatically locked all the other doors with a loud click. Courtney looked at her, surprised, but Mattie ignored her, instead starting the engine and watching her hands shake against the steering-wheel.

They drove home in silence, even Courtney picking up on the tense vibe that emanated from her mother. Mattie pulled into the carport,
still nervously glancing around even as she walked up to the front door and unlocked it. When it didn't open straight away, Mattie experienced a frisson of panic but then remembered the new deadlocks. She fiddled with her key-ring, isolating the shiny brass key and pushing it shakily into the new lock. Finally the door swung open and she ushered the children in, pulling the door closed behind her and listening to the double click as both locks engaged.

The evening went fairly slowly after that. Mattie fed the children baked beans on toast for tea as she suddenly remembered she hadn't prepared anything else. Nor was there much food in the cupboards as a grocery shop was well overdue. Mattie herself settled for a weak scotch and coke, an uneasy compromise between hitting the bottle with a vengeance and total abstinence. She made a huge effort to act normal, to appear unflustered and in control, but she didn't think she was fooling anyone. Least of all Max, who sat on the beanbag with his arms wrapped around his knees, his eyes deep pools of discontent. Every now and again he half-heartedly complained of a stomach-ache, although without a great deal of conviction.

But things came to a head after Mattie read them both a story and kissed them goodnight. About ten minutes later, as she was standing in the kitchen trying to decide whether to have another scotch, Max emerged and promptly burst into tears. He felt sick, he didn't want to go to school tomorrow and he didn't want to go to his father's. At all.

Mattie had never felt worse than when she had to tell him he had no choice. That
she
had no choice. She felt as if she'd stabbed the child in the heart, or that she'd let him down so badly that he would never forgive her, even if she ever forgave herself. Finally she took him to bed and tucked him in again, while Courtney snored softly in the bed below. She tried to kiss him but he turned away, facing the wall.

So, with such an evening behind her, Mattie sat on the couch at about nine o'clock feeling frustrated and deeply unhappy. The television was on low in the background but she wasn't really watching. Instead she sat and tried to think, while drinking scotch so weak that it provided no answers, or even temporary relief. The rawness of her earlier fear had abated during the evening but its ongoing proximity
was evidenced by its rapid return as soon as a car drove slowly down the driveway and came to a stop right outside her unit. Mattie jerked upright and listened intently as the car door opened, then slammed shut, and the footsteps started towards her front door. Now frozen, she stared straight ahead with her hand wrapped tightly around her glass to stop it from trembling. And when the sound of a key came, trying to fit into the lock, she leapt up and backed away to the other side of the room, staring at the front door and almost expecting it to magically open. The sound of the scrabbling key paused and shortly afterwards came a brisk knock.

‘Mattie? You there?'

It was Jake, sounding friendly and cheerful.
Her
Jake. And for one wild moment, Mattie was tempted to fling the door open and throw herself at him with relief.
Jake, I'm
so
glad to see you! I've had such a dreadful week and I've needed you so much!
And this idea was so ludicrous that it made her hiccup a giggle that surprised her. She put her drink down on top of the television and walked quietly across the room towards the door, watching it intently.

‘I see you've got new locks. Very nice. Did you like my little present this morning? Found it by the side of the road and knew you
had
to have it. You barracking for Collingwood and that.'

It wasn't her Jake after all. And the realisation brought a deep shaft of loss.

‘And I see you didn't use one of the early slips I dropped off. Wise choice, sweetheart. After all, you've stuffed those kids around enough, don't you think?'

‘I haven't –
you
have!' Mattie burst out, clenching her fists.

‘Ah, she lives! But no, don't you try to pin this on me, you little minx,
you're
the one who left and started the whole thing. I'm just trying to get my family back together and let me tell you something, sweetheart.' Jake's voice suddenly dropped the friendly bantering tone and became deadly serious. ‘I'll stop at nothing to get you back where you belong. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner all this can stop.'

‘Go away' croaked Mattie, but it came out more as a plea than a demand.

‘Certainly.' Jake's banter was back. ‘Far be it from me to stay where I'm not wanted. Just dropped by to deliver some papers for you.'

‘Papers?' repeated Mattie, thinking of the interim orders. Why would he have them?

‘Yes, just some information I believe you're after. Save you spending the day at the library having to track it down. See, I'm always thinking of you. Now, pay particular attention to page five. I think you'll find that most pertinent. Bye now, sleep tight.'

She heard Jake's footsteps walking away from the door and down the path towards the car. Then came the sound of the car door opening and, a few seconds later, shutting again. But Mattie stayed where she was until she heard the engine start and the high-pitched whirr as the car reversed out of the driveway and into the road. Then it roared off until its noise faded into the distance.

Only then did she move, walking slowly to the door and undoing both locks before pulling it open. On the porch was a manilla folder containing a thick wad of papers. Mattie picked it up quickly and shut the door with more force than she'd intended so that it slammed noisily and she jumped, her heart galloping. For a moment she stayed where she was, certain the noise would have woken the children, but the unit remained silent except for the murmuring of the television in the background.

Mattie sat down on the couch and picked up the folder as gingerly as if she were picking up a venomous spider. She opened it and several computer printed sheets slid smoothly into her lap. There were ten altogether, and they seemed to be information regarding the subjects Mattie had researched at the library earlier that week. Child support, divorce, property issues, child residence and contact. How had he known? Mattie chewed her lip as she flicked through the pages and tried to work out the purpose behind delivering these to her. There
had
to be a purpose. Or did he simply want her to know that he was aware of her every move?

Then she remembered that he'd made particular mention of page five so she pulled that one out and let the others slide, with the folder, onto the couch next to her. Page five, at first glance, was just like the
rest. It started off with a paragraph about divorce, how the decree nisi was not absolute until twelve months after the divorce was granted. But after this paragraph was a story written in first person. And this, Mattie knew without any doubt, was what he wanted her to see.