Broken (47 page)

Hilda had picked up the form and was reading it.
‘Mein Gott.'

‘That
bastard
!' Hannah slammed down the plunger angrily ‘How
dare
he?'

‘Easily it seems,' replied Mattie, feeling quite untouched by the news.

‘It says here that you're not allowed to ring him, or contact him,' said Hilda. ‘What about when he has the children? Can you not phone to see how they are?'

‘Obviously not.'

‘That bastard,' said Hannah again. ‘Then
we
need one of those too!'

‘Why?' asked Mattie wearily.

‘Because it's not fair, that's why!' Hannah stared at her sister crossly. ‘He's the one who's violent, not you! All you did is retaliate, and I hope you hurt him!'

Mattie smiled. ‘The policewoman did say he had a nasty black eye.'

‘Good.' Hannah picked up the plunger again and started pouring out two coffees. ‘I hope he loses his sight.'

‘Mattie –' Hilda pointed at the IO – ‘would this affect your hearing? For the children?'

‘I hadn't thought of that.' Mattie looked at it, and tried to care. ‘Probably'

Hannah put a mug in front of Hilda and a refreshed one in front of Mattie. Then she took her cup of tea and sat down again, frowning at her sister. ‘You don't seem very worried about this.'

‘I'm not. Not really'

‘How can you
not
be?' Hannah shook her head, perplexed.

‘Because it won't make any difference, not in the long run.' Mattie took a deep breath. ‘See, I'm going back to him. And before you start, I've thought about this long and hard, and I'm not being rash. It really is the only way'

‘No!' Max burst into the room and ran to his mother. But instead of flinging himself on her, which was what she half expected, he stopped about a foot from her and stood with his fists clenched, staring at her furiously.

‘Max, let me explain –'

‘No! You can't!'

‘Max, come on!
Look
at us!' Mattie waved her good arm towards the lounge-room to take in Courtney also. ‘We can't go on like this. We just can't!'

‘Then I'm running away' Max glared at her, and then suddenly kicked his bare foot out, connecting hard with her shin. Mattie gasped and held her hand out to stop him doing it again.

‘Max!' Hannah jumped up, shocked.

‘You're as bad as he is! I hate you both!' Max ran from the room, his footsteps echoing up the passage and into the children's bedroom. The door slammed.

‘He
kicked
you!' said Hannah, staring at Mattie.

‘He's just upset.' Mattie rubbed her shin and felt tears shimmering in her eyes. Although the kick itself had not been terribly painful, the fact that Max –
her Max
– had lashed out like that was almost unbearable.

‘He is unhappy' said Hilda, stating the obvious. ‘He does not want you to go back to his father. He thinks you will be hurt again. He thinks he might lose you.'

‘He's more likely to lose me if I
don't
go back to his father.' Mattie knew she should go to her son, talk to him, but could not summon the energy to face his anger.

‘You can't be serious.' Hannah looked at her with thin lips.

The tears in Mattie's right eye stung the swelling in the corner and it started to throb. Mattie got up and washed her uninjured hand as well as the fingertips of the other before taking two painkillers. She glanced through the kitchen doorway and saw that Courtney, too, had vanished. And she was glad, because it meant that at least someone had followed Max.

‘Mattie? Tell me you're not serious.'

‘God, Hannah.' Mattie glared at her sister, so frustrated that it felt like even her blood was overheating. ‘At least
try
to understand. How am I going to live like this? Look at my hands.' She held out both her hands and they trembled visibly, like an old lady's, with the wet part of the bandage now hanging loosely. ‘I can't go on like this. There's something else every day and this is only the start. And it's not just me, the kids are wrecked too. Absolutely wrecked.'

‘But we're gaining ground!' protested Hannah. ‘Like changing the locks and –'

‘He's already got the keys. Stole them out of my bag. And would you like to know what he did on Friday night?'

‘What?'

‘Came around here and left the kids at home, alone. Then he said he'd wait on the doorstep until I let him in, so the longer I took, the longer they'd be alone. I threatened to call the police and he laughed, said he'd tell them I'd rung him all panicked because there was a prowler or something. That I'd set him up to make him look bad.'

‘What did you do?' asked Hilda softly.

Mattie snorted as she slid back into her seat. ‘What could I do? I let him in. And you know what he wanted?'

‘What?'

‘Sex. That's what. It'd been two weeks, see, and he wanted his conjugal rights.' Mattie spoke sarcastically, but her eyes shimmered and she looked at the window over the sink as she spoke. ‘And when I refused, he ran the same story. The longer I held out, the longer the kids would be alone.'

‘So you did.' Hannah made it a statement, not a question.

‘Yes. Of course I did.'

‘You poor, poor girl.' Hilda reached out and laid her fingers gently over Mattie's injured hand. ‘This man is a rotter.'

The old-fashioned word made Mattie glance at Hilda and smile, despite herself. But still the tears that had been filming her eyes for the past few minutes spilled over and she started to cry. Or maybe it was
because
of the sympathy, rather than in spite of it.

‘But if you go back, he becomes even more powerful,' said Hannah, less aggressively this time. ‘And you're putting yourself at risk. Terrible risk.'

‘No, I'm not. It won't be as bad,' Mattie hiccupped wetly pulling a tissue out of her pocket with her spare hand and blowing her nose. She folded the tissue over awkwardly and wiped her eyes, treating the right one very gently, but the tears just kept coming. It was like a slow, continual purge that could not be turned off until it was spent.

‘She can't go back.' Hannah looked at Hilda. ‘She just can't.'

‘But she feels she cannot go on like this either,' said Hilda, still patting Mattie's hand.

‘The law's an ass.' Hannah picked up the intervention order and threw it, but it only travelled about a foot away before curling over on itself and then fluttering to the floor, where it lay flat and easily readable.
Complainant – Jake Hampton. Aggrieved family member
.

Hilda stared at the paper and then released Mattie's hand and sat back. ‘But maybe he made a mistake with that. After all, does it not help Mattie if they can never be together, yes? That she must stay away from him?'

‘Not really.' Mattie rose and threw the scrunched tissue into the bin. Then she got the tissue box down from the top of the fridge and took it back to the table. ‘He doesn't care about what the paper says, he just wants to intimidate me. And it'll make him look good for the interim hearing. Like
he's
the victim.'

‘Bastard.' Hannah glared towards the kitchen window and then suddenly clicked her fingers. ‘I know! What about if you move in with me temporarily? All three of you?'

Mattie tried to smile at her sister's generosity but the effort failed. ‘Thanks, but it wouldn't work.'

‘I don't see why –'

‘You just don't get it.' Mattie grabbed another tissue and wiped her left eye roughly. Then she dabbed at the other eye and looked at her sister tiredly, her earlier frustration having dissipated. She took a deep breath. ‘See, he really
does
think he's the victim. He really does. He thinks that I've done the wrong thing, that it's all my fault. I'm his wife, he loves me and I
belong
to him, I'm his property – just like the money, the house, the kids. And
I
left
him
. Therefore whatever he does to get me back is wholly justified. For
my
sake as well as his. And don't for a minute underestimate the lengths he'll go to accomplish that. Hasn't this last week shown you anything? Don't you get it?'

‘But that makes no –'

‘It doesn't
have
to make sense,' wailed Mattie, even while tears dribbled down her cheeks. ‘And I didn't say he was right, did I? I just said that's how he feels. And that's why he'll never leave me alone.
Never
! He'd rather see me
dead
, or the kids
dead
, than give up!
Now
do you get it?'

There was silence after this outburst, the only noise being Mattie's continued snuffling and the rasping noise the tissues made as they were pulled from the box. Hannah looked down at the table as if an answer might lie in its wooden surface, while Hilda drank her coffee and stared over towards the window. After about five minutes, Hilda spoke.

‘The way I see it, you have only one choice.'

‘That's what I've been trying to tell you.' Mattie started crying even harder. She put an elbow up on the table, rested her forehead against her uninjured hand and just sobbed, too miserable to feel embarrassed.

‘Oh, no. Not
that
choice.'

‘What do you mean?' Hannah sounded suspicious.

‘Why the same as young Max before.
He
had the right idea.'

‘By kicking me, you mean?' Mattie laughed wetly and heard the edge of hysteria scuttle along the ridges of the humour. She hiccupped, and felt drunk.

‘No, of course not. By leaving. Running away'

Mattie uncovered her face and stared at Hilda with disbelief. The older woman passed her another tissue and pointed at her nose. Mattie blew it noisily.

‘What do you mean?' Hannah nudged Hilda to get her attention. ‘Are you serious?'

‘Very serious,' replied Hilda calmly. ‘It is the only way'

‘For god's sake, how can I run away? It's impossible.' Mattie shook her head dismissively almost annoyed at the ludicrous suggestion. She took another tissue and wiped at her eyes, forgetting momentarily that the right one was swollen. The pain was harsh and instantaneous, and she flinched.

‘Nothing's impossible. It just takes a little planning.'

‘Where would she run to?' asked Hannah, seriously.

‘Does it matter? As long as it is away from here?'

‘I suppose not.' Hannah stared narrowly down at the table and then glanced back over at Hilda. ‘You
are
serious, aren't you?'

‘I said I was. She could take as much as she can fit in, say, three suitcases when she leaves. Start again somewhere else.'

Hannah stared. ‘But won't she . . . ?'

‘Look –' Hilda leant forward – ‘you know how he told her about just taking off with the children? Well, why not her first? Lord knows, she's got a better reason to than he does. And she will not be the first, there are a lot of women, and some men, who just take their children and disappear. Some have good reason, like her, and some do it just to be spiteful. But how often do you read about someone being tracked down who
wanted
to vanish, yes?'

‘He'd find me,' whispered Mattie, scrunching the tissue within her hand and feeling her nails dig into her palm. ‘Eventually he'd find me.'

Hannah glanced across at her sister and cringed at the sight of her blood-red, inflamed eye. ‘Jesus,' she muttered, shaking her head.

‘No, not necessarily' replied Hilda. ‘He is not superman. And really, what have you got to lose? Spending your life wondering, each weekend, if you will ever see your children again? Or having a life with him, and who knows how that will end? So what do you have to lose?'

‘Nothing!' said Hannah excitedly ‘She's right, Mattie!'

‘You're talking about packing up and leaving, with the kids, and starting again somewhere else with next to nothing.' Mattie tried to make it sound as ridiculous as it was. ‘Just . . . leaving. Just like that.'

‘Exactly!' Hannah thumped a fist onto the table. ‘And what's more, you won't even be doing anything illegal because there're no orders yet on Max and Courtney! In a few weeks, when the interim ones are handed down,
then
you'd be breaching them, but now – nothing! There's nothing!'

‘Beat him at his own game,' added Hilda, her black eyes shining. ‘Just like there was nothing to stop him picking up the children last week when it was not his turn.'

‘And you'd be doing this for the children as well as yourself,' added Hannah. ‘Because you're right, you
can't
go on like this. But neither can you go back to him.'

Mattie held up a hand. ‘I really appreciate the fact that you both care. Really, I do. But what you're talking about is impossible. I mean, the kids would
never
see their father again, do you realise that? And I know you think I'm signing my own death warrant or something by going back, but you're wrong. Things only got really bad
after
I left. It wasn't like that before.'

‘God, Mattie.' Hannah frowned crossly. ‘It mightn't have been as bad but he was still
hitting
you. Well, wasn't he?'

‘He said he'd get help. He said if I go back he'll get counselling.'

‘A leopard cannot change his spots,' said Hilda darkly. ‘Not spots like those anyway And what sort of example are you setting for those children?'

Mattie ignored her. ‘Besides, what you're talking about . . . the logistics are –'

‘Not that bad,' finished Hannah. She reached out suddenly and grabbed Mattie by the wrist of her good hand, holding it up so that they could all see the tremor for a moment before Mattie snatched it back. ‘And besides, that boy in there would never get over it if you went back. Hilda's right, think of what you'd be showing those kids. That violence pays off.'