Broken (7 page)

The air hit me in the face as I stepped out of the plane, man it smelled so clean the sun was shining and the sky was like a clear blue, (Cam once said he felt free because of this very thing) I had never felt so NORMAL, as I did in this moment. I may not know how to deal with rejection but I could do
Miami all day long. Grabbing my over sized LV bag I headed across towards my car. Gus will have to tend to himself and my luggage I needed to clear my mind. I hit the glades just to drive and clear my mind.(epic fail) I missed my hummer, unfortunately seeing it reminded me of Cam and how much fun we had the day he taught me how country boys rambled. He was so at ease. Thinking about that day started a fire in me I couldn’t control I couldn’t give up on him, I wanted him, I needed him. The air was stale, without him the happiness was gone. I headed home to start on Operation bring Cam back to me. I may have some stalker issues to deal with because I am not letting this go.

I can still remember our last supper on the floating restaurant the night before I showed him my life style and sent him away. I remember sitting across from him dressed to kill and thinking I could stare at him for the rest of my life. He just has this look to him it’s so easy, the way I figure life should be. We are only on this earth a short time we should enjoy it, embrace it, not fight and argue and plan, we should just be! And with Cameron that’s what I do. I am free I laugh and smile and they are real I am just me and we have the best time. He is going on and on about some crazy farming story and trouble he and his boys caused for the ole man he works for. I just want to hear his voice I don’t care if he is telling me how fertilizer is made, which I am sure he knows! “
Lexi your stunning tonight, you put the stars and moon to shame. Everything from your purposely messy curls to your tiny hot pink painted toes it’s all just perfect. Thank you for everything. But mostly for allowing me to be the one guy you picked to spend this time not dating” he winks and clink our glasses. He pays the check and we take a stroll down the beach before we head home. My shoes in my hand I walk to the edge of the water and kick it a little, smiling because for once in the last few years I am truly happy. He of course takes it further and ends up drenching me when he plows into me knocking me into the water. I can’t even be mad thou seeing as how he plants a huge kiss on me and we roll around like rollie pollies (which Cam told me all about yesterday)! Trying non-successfully to make it back to the limo he stops right under a streetlight jerks me around and picks me up like Baby on dirty dancing (how I love Patrick Swayze) sliding me down he trails tinny kisses from the swell of my breast to my neck and then slowly on my lips .I hear the click before I see the flash and I know the paparazzi is there so I give them something to post! I pull him in closer, sink my kiss deeper, & yes ma’am I give them the straight up Hollywood fairy tale & pop my toe up on one foot. This man is my prince!  He really is perfect I believe he was made just for me. Reality sets in thou and I know I have to show him the real side of me, I don’t deserve a man like him, but I can’t help but feel how natural this has all been, It’s not strained or forced could this be the real me? Do I have to hurt him? I already know the answer Cam could never be happy here without his friends, family, and country life. He isn’t meant for the city and the easiest way to set him free is to be honest with him and show him the life I usually live.

First things first, Gus had sent Cam the air ticket it was open he could use it whenever he was ready. I had arranged for him to receive an unlimited American express to use for whatever his heart desired.(Which came back declined by recipient)
  He was a country boy and loved a store called Scruggs that sold country boy stuff so I had them deliver the nicest big green tractor to the farm he worked at to get his attention. I had it surrounded by flowers and all the girly stuff. I knew he would be like WTF but I had to get his attention. The people who set it up for me also delivered him a letter. In which I poured my soul out to him. I told him why it had to be him, how I felt, why it was different, and how I would change my whole world for him. It was no longer Lexi’s world But Ours. I didn’t want to continue on without him beside me::

“Every mountain that I’ll climb, every valley that I’ll walk through, I will look to the sky and think of you. Every song that we use to sing, every word that we use to say nothing sounds the same; I just can’t help think of you and how I pushed you a way. My memories cloud my every
move, my need grows so strong for you. I miss us so much it hurts, I can’t decide if I am worse for your touch. The pain I’ve been drug through it cut me bone deep, but this, your memories are something worth the keep! The horrors of the nightmares linger like a still movie in my mind. I just have to give you enough time. From this day my world is at your feet,  I will spread my arms take a deep breath and look up and in that time you will always be mine, but only in that time. Some things aren’t meant to keep they are meant to dangle just out of reach, for me that is the love we had.  Cameron Please please know you can come home to me when you are ready. I love you”

I set on my front steps staring out towards the water and couldn’t help but notice everything setting in my front yard, not to mention all the bows floating down by the dock. I went out and bought Cam everything he would need to be comfortable
here.I even bought enough so when his friends came to visit they could go out have fun and all have their own rides.

On the water set 4 ( of course I already had 2 of my own)  brand new jet skis all salt water ready ,  right beside the water where the 4 wheelers & beside them sat my white one. I had bought one just like it in every color they had. All with the mods I originally wanted. The closer we got the more they cost. Next was sitting a Solid Pearl White Avalanche, jacked up on some 36 inch tires, new suspension system, and competition style radio replaced the factory mess. It was HUGE but he was country and even in Miami he would need it. Besides it would come in handy out at the glades. After that set his brand new Enzo F150 Ferrari only 499 will ever be made, I had them push it off the trailer so it literally has 0 miles on it. If Cam never comes home it will sit at “0” to show me that’s how much my love meant to him It’s a new hybrid that still gets from 0-60 in 3 seconds and tops out at 229.9 mph. Cam loved mine and this one is even better!  I got it in Red/Carbon Fiber because it stands out and I want everyone to see me with my man in it every time we go out. Now the next to the last thing sitting here believe it or not the only thing more expensive than the Enzo is the Ferrari V4 Motorcycle made to match the Enzo to a tee. It was a concept bike but I can change things like that without a problem! It’s totally customized. With f-16 fighter jet controls & formula 1 race car buttons it’s truly one of a kind. Tron ain’t got crap on Cam!!! They couldn’t tell me exactly how fast it would go but said to let them know if we ever grew the balls to find out. Everything had huge bows on them. Just like they did the day they were all bought. It’s been over a week now, I have not heard from Cam, and I refuse to look at the text from Maggie, he would come and when he did I would be here. I know all the money gifts won’t bring him back but it helps me cope. Val had set my plate down hours ago but I couldn’t pick it up I couldn’t take a chance of moving my eyes. When Cam got here I had to be ready to hand him the 1 most important gift.

Gus changed the bows out every day and cleaned all the gifts. I on the other hand looked like I had been thrift store shopping with a homeless family;
Mackelmore himself would crack up if he saw me.  I was in need of a shower and I was losing weight. I decided Cam wasn’t coming no matter how much I prayed. I guess this is one of those prayers you hear about; you know the ones they say are better left unanswered. I dropped my hand into my hands let a tears fall and pushed myself up to make my way in.

A long shower helped me feel clean, pulled on my yoga pants and a tank top, never taking the time to even dry off.
  Hair still soaked I just moped around eating ice cream straight out the package. All my memories eating me from the inside out. Only to remember I had left gift #1 outside on the steps. I was telling Gus to bring all the vehicles in tomorrow. No reason to return them I had room to store them. I’d have Valeria pack up everything else inside as well his shampoo brand & all personal items I got him. I wasn’t trying to buy his love just make him feel at home. But he didn’t care he didn’t love me back. I get it finally all the time I’ve waited has passed with nothing, I GET IT; I AM A LOSER WITH A CAPITOL L.

Suns almost gone as I stand on the top of my rocky type steps (just a few weeks ago he ran up them with me in tow, man I miss him so much), I thought I heard a motor but no one comes this far down they know better. I had stuck gift 1 back in my pocket and stood there spooning my ice cream as the yellow cab came to a stop. My heart dropped when I realized
Cam with a single bag stepped out of the car. OMG MY SPOON IS HALF WAY TO MY MOUTH AND ITS HUNG OPEN, SHUT YOUR MOUTH LEXI SHUTTTT! I dropped the ice cream and went to make my way slowly down the steps. Cam reached back in and grabbed a carrier. A carrier? I stopped and just kind of went all still like I had seen Channing Tatum in my yard. I just couldn’t make my legs move.  The cab pulled off and he set his stuff down and before I knew it he had me wrapped around him with his hands in my hair hugging me so tight I could not breathe. “Oh Lexi God I have missed your face, please forgive me for not calling, I just I needed to tell you everything in person I should’ve said that night” he let me down enough my feet were actually touching. We stood there forever just looking at each other. “MISS LEXI GUS IS AB….” We turned to see a very happy Valeria standing there with her eyes lit up and a hand over her mouth, like a streak of lighting she turned screaming at Gus in Spanish and was gone. She had snapped us back to reality. “Lexi before I say anything what (he motions out towards the yard) is all that?  Is your company doing a giveaway or something?”  I couldn’t help but giggle. “No Cam this is yours, I want you to stay here and never leave, I want you to be comfortable and have everything you ever wanted” I jumble all together in one huge word. He stares at me all crazy before speaking, yes he so nervous what if he came to tell me to leave him alone, now I have went and done it. “Lexi baby (baby did he say baby? That’s good right?) I don’t need all this; all I need to be happy is you. I should have told you at the hotel, I was just so mad and so sad I couldn’t even think straight. Baby you mean so much to me your perfect in every way for me, you were made for me and I want you all of you forever. Sorry it took me so long to get here, I couldn’t leave the farm without training someone.” I grabbed him and kissed him like it was our last he was mine finally he was never going to leave me, I am not alone anymore, and like that I felt the jolt when my heart started to mend itself again. It was going to be ok!  “I want to show you Cam I bought you everything you would need to be at home, I lead him down to start at the jet skis but he stopped and ran back to his bag well his carrier he opened the door out ran the fattest most adorable little weenie dog. Oh gosh this was his “girl back home” haha I couldn’t help but giggle. As we finally made our way down and I explained about his friends coming over he laughed at me and smiled all the while the Oscar Mayer at my feet jumped and yapped at all the birds while running around in circles. After he did a cavity search of his bike & sat on it making faces like he was speeding faster than the sound of light I told him he had 1 more gift outside. We started walking towards the steps to make our way up when he made it very known it was all to much and he was happy with just me. I stopped and handed him the small box. He just stood there smiling, “uhh open it Cam it’s not a freaking ring just open it” and he did. He was confused and that was understandable. In the box was a single key. “ It’s a key to my house Cam, you won’t really need it because you are on my list of family members, and can come and go as you please, I will also give you the house codes as well as the staffs numbers, my home is open to you and all that you need is at your finger tips, the key is actually useless but it’s a gesture Cam, its more to my heart because I have never allowed anyone in my home without me since my parents passed, but I want you to know its open to you because now it’s our home if you will just stay with me”

When Cam looked from the key to my face it was like the earth froze and my lungs deflated. Cam had tears I his eyes and if he blinked big fat drops would for sure roll down his face. “Alexa from the first time I tried  introducing myself to you, this is all of ever thought about, I set myself up for failure knowing you weren’t the boyfriend wanting  type and I lived 100s of miles away didn’t help. But like you said Lexi you are it for me baby, you’re all I want. I promised you right out there on the grass I would come back for you and I did, I am here always” And just like that I knew how “R” felt in Warm Bodies. Cam’s love alone changed me from the dead zombie state I lived in to the woman I was meant to be. My heart was finally whole, scarred but whole again. Broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken isn’t worth having.  You can’t appreciate a whole heart if you never knew the pain of a shattered one. And mine had been shattered and rebuilt with stronger enforcement and I was ready for Cam and our new life together! (Wonder if he will go to work with me and rub my feet every day?... by choice of course)

We are wrapped in each other arms where we belong, as he backs me towards the dock & crash down on the grass, our favorite spot. He never loses his grip; he kisses me hard enough to make me forget all the worry of him not coming home to me sooner. “ALEXA baby I want you right here right now, I don’t want our first time to not be special but this is it. It’s time” Cam can barely get it out between moans and grunts. He is breathless.

“SHUT
!THE!FUCK!UP!CAMERON!AND!MAKE!LOVE!TO!ME!”

I all but scream at him.
Not even a full breathe after I say it he is pulling my t-shirt over my head right here on the lawn in the broad daylight. OMG this MAN will be the death of me. He throws the shirt and stops, just staring at me with a shimmer in his eye and a smirk on his face. I can tell he is memorizing everything about me. He is looking at me from my face to my belly button and taking it all in. “MINE” is all his says and he his hands start moving across my cheek down my neck crossing from the left side to the right as he moves across my breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. My body is humming for him and I can’t help but wiggle a little I want him now. This will be the first time I have ever done this without total control.  His hand moves down the center of my stomach and circles my belly button and makes his way back up as he caresses me he is studying his map making sure he doesn’t miss one single detail, he intends to find his buried treasure.  A raspy moan escapes and I can’t help but place my hand over his to feel what he feels. He runs his hands around my waist pulling me up on his lap motioning for me to wrap my legs around him. He pulls his shirt off and pulls me close. Skin to skin hugged close just looking in each other’s eyes. This alone is building my excitement I am about to shoot off his lap like the damn Apollo, I am spiraling here holy hell. Finally he starts with his tongue. Running it over my neck and slowly making his way down the swell of my already swollen with passion breast and once he takes my nipple into his mouth I can’t help but clench my legs tight and grind down, I can feel his hardness against my ass. “Cam please” I beg. He continues to use his hand on one and his mouth on the other, and then slowly he swaps to treat both equally. Running his hand down my hips he lifts me up to strip away the yoga pants (OMG I AM IN RAGS) away. His hands are digging into my skin as he squeezes me close making sure he doesn’t lose me again. I can feel his hands kneading into my thighs, they are so strong. Grinding again I throw my head back letting my hair tickle the top of my naked ass. Hands back holding me up I arch my body towards him. I barely open my eyes now and I see him watching me again as his hands devour me. I am feeling more wanton like this, naked on my front lawn than any other time ever, and the pope himself knows what I’ve done. I am soaked to say the least my body is begging for the connection.  His lips start right above my belly button and I almost buckle sucking in a deep breath. I try to stay still he has me how he wants me (WTF have I turned into the Sub my damn self?)  He lands tiny kisses all around my waist. I never knew I could feel more beautiful than I already did (we already knew I was vain) he makes me feel stunning sitting here on my knees with my body bowed back like a  masterpiece of fine art, the center piece in the middle of a well manicured garden. Oh now I can feel my desire running down my leg. I need Cam now and he taking his sweet time. My body is alive and humming to the motion of his soft caresses. His hand is slowly making its way up my inner leg; I beg more in the form of a wiggle towards him and a barely there whimper. As his hand grazes across my sensitive skin I swear I am already drooling and eyes rolling back in my head. I don’t even know if SEX is needed I swear this may just do the trick. Without any indication his finger slides into me with a gentle force. Moving his finger in a slow circle pushing & breathing harder I can already feel the trimmer running through me. He uses the other hand to pull my head back and expose my throat to him; he is guiding me where he wants me. His tongue is moving all over my body and when I think I have had all I can take I feel us sliding down into a natural position with him holding himself over me, his hands never stop moving. As he pushes his hard penis into me I get hung up and can’t suck in air fast enough, I feel like all the bad in my soul has just been released and floated away. He makes me feel good, he makes me feel like me again. Back in the moment I can see Cam staring into my eyes with sweat pooling in his hair line. He thrust everything he has into me but pulls back so slow, he is teasing me and worshipping me all at the same time. I grab a hold of him pulling him closer to me wrapping my legs around his waist so he can go deeper. He makes these amazing little grunts as he hammers into me again and again. My body is milking him for all he is worth. I feel like an earthquake is taking place, everything in me is violently shaking; I can’t contain the scream that rips from my mouth.

“FUCK.ME.BABY.YOUR.SO.DAMN.GOOD.AT.THIS.UHHHH” I have to clench my hands into his skin to hold me in place. With that scream I feel him his release filling me full of hot liquid. I’m a pile of cooked noodles. All mushy and useless, I have just made love for the first time in my life & to my soul mate my best half. I can get use to this.