Broken Ever After (16 page)

Taking my seat once more
, I had nothing to do but wait for the end of the exam and stare at Jamie. He nodded towards my paint box on the table and brushed his finger at his cheek to tell me I had paint on me. I looked down at my clothes, holding out my hands in a gesture that said ‘where don’t I have paint?’. He smirked at me and I sighed rolling my eyes; I reached into my bag for my compact mirror and a small packet of wet wipes and began removing the small spots of paint from my face and arms. I had small splashes of paint on my chest too, so in careful slow downward sweeps from my neck to my cleavage, I wiped the paint away while holding Jamie’s gaze. He swallowed hard and looked around the class nervously before looking back to me.

I took the hem of my purple tank top in my hands and slowly pulled it up and over my head
, leaving me in a smaller white one that I normally used when I went running. I could see from the rapid rise and fall of Jamie’s chest that he liked what he saw. I stood up from my seat and turned slightly to the side so it wasn’t obvious I was looking at him; I pushed my thumbs into the waist band of my yoga pants and slowly pulled them down over my backside revealing the shorts I had on underneath, then bent forward to pull them down my legs and quickly tucked them away in my bag.

I stood up and removed the hair
-tie that was holding my hair in place and let it flow down my back in tight curls. I sat back down in my chair noticing Jamie’s eyes hadn’t moved from where I was stood, I smiled to myself and threw my feet up on the desk to rest; Jamie came back to his senses and I gave him a cheeky wink before grabbing my iPod to drown out the whispers between two guys behind me.

Jamie raised an eyebrow at me
, sat for a minute studying his papers and quickly rose from his seat. He turned to gaze out of the window and removed his suit jacket, turning to place it on the back of his chair. He walked around the desk to perch himself on the front corner, if I stretched just a little with my feet I’d be able to brush over his thigh.

One by one
, he removed the cufflinks from his shirt, pocketing them into his trousers; he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt ever so slowly, it made me want to run my lips and tongue up each and every single inch of skin as he exposed it and carry on up to his neck.

Jamie loosened his tie slipping the dark blue silk out from the knot
and then slowly pulled it through his collar. He opened the two top buttons of his shirt. I wanted to open the rest for him, I wanted to kiss where the next fastened button lay against his chest, my core was already hot for him, I pressed my legs together tightly and revelled in the slight pressure I felt there; I drew my bottom lip between my teeth trying desperately not to make a noise as I imagined throwing myself over the desk at him. His eyes darted around the room, before settling on me and giving me his sexy smirk.

The bastard! He knew exactly what buttons he was pushing and loving every second of it. He stood up putting his hands in his trouser pockets to pull them tighter against his sexy behind and walked away from the desk chuckling under his breath.

Jamie announced the end of the exam and headed over to some of his students to see how they did with their pieces. I waited for him with a scowl firmly plastered on my face. He noticed me waiting to talk to him and slowly made his way over.

“
Hey” his voice was smooth like a caress, so soft that I could almost feel his fingers trailing over my cheeks as he said it. “Did it go well?” He asked looking down at my work.

“
I don’t know. I did all that I wanted to and then some, but now it’s all here I’m not sure it’s good enough.” I sighed and lowered my voice to a whisper. “And that wasn’t funny! I was getting rid of all the paint, you deliberately tried to tease me and that’s not fair”

“
I think it looks great. You all set for your exams in the morning?” Jamie lowered his voice to a whisper too. “Getting rid of paint?
Bullshit!
You knew
exactly
what you were doing. You had every male eye in the room on you for your little performance, all of them getting hard-ons watching you! No one but me watches
my
girl undress!” I felt a flutter roll through my stomach as he called me his girl

“
Your girl?
That sounds a little possessive” I said with a sly smile, enjoying the flutters still rolling around my stomach.

“
It was supposed to. You’re
my
girl, don’t
ever
forget that Angel.”

“
Hmm… I’m your what? I think I need a reminder.” Jamie looked around the classroom to see students still in the room with us. He looked in physical pain as he held himself to the spot. I twisted my smile into a smirk. “I’ll tell you what…” I stepped close to him and lowered my voice again. “I’ll concentrate on remembering until Saturday; then you can remind me.
All. Day. Long
.” I winked at him and turned heading for the door. I left Jamie stood in the art studio looking dazed as he watched me walk out

***

Thursday evening I broke down after my exams, I couldn’t concentrate on my math revision, I stumbled my way through my piano piece several times, nothing was going in and I was pretty sure that when I woke in the morning I would be over the moon if an asteroid decided to take me out. I rang Jamie in a blind panic.

“
Hey baby, are you ok?” Hearing his voice tipped me over the edge and I sobbed.

“
No! I’ve been going over this stupid book for hours and I still can’t feel any of it going in! Why do I have to be so stupid with maths? Can you do my exam for me?” I pleaded with him and he chuckled at me. “Hey it’s not funny!”

“
I’m sorry, Angel, it’s all too easy for me, I don’t see how you can’t get it, but it’s just like art! You think it’s funny that I don’t understand anything about art. I thought Distemper was a virus caught by dogs or that Bisque was just something you eat before you told me otherwise. We all have different strengths; maths just isn’t one of yours.”

“
Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it’s not working.” I sighed grumpily down the phone.

“
I’m sorry, I know you are going to be fine, I just wish you’d cut yourself some slack.”

“
You’re no help whatsoever! I should have called Lily; she would have hung up by now and came over to slap me.”

“
You want me to come over and slap you?” He asked incredulously.

“
I want you to do… something, maybe not slap me… I need something else to think about, I’m going crazy here! I’m totally freaking out and on the verge of a panic attack. I think I may actually be having one right now.” I gasped as I clutched at my t-shirt feeling my heart pound beneath the fabric.

“
I can think of plenty of things to do to keep your mind occupied, Angel, but I’m trying
not
to torture myself with thoughts like those just now. Unless you’ve changed your mind and you’ll come and meet me?”

“I wish I could… I’ve got to pack my things for tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait to see you in your dress; I don’t see why you won’t send me a picture of it or at least tell me about it.”

“
Because it’s a surprise, Jamie! I picked it thinking of you, I’m wearing it
for
you! I wouldn’t even be going if you didn’t persuade me to.”

“
Hmm… I can’t wait.” He sighed.

“
What are you wearing?”

“
Just my boxers” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“
Jamie! I meant tomorrow night, not now! Unless you really are only wearing boxers tomorrow, then I’m going to have a queue behind me full of girls and possibly a couple of guys wanting to throw themselves at you and your sexy body.”

“
You think I have a sexy body?” I groaned.

“
That is beside the point; I asked what you are wearing
tomorrow!
”

“
What do you want me to wear?”

“
Just your boxers” I said smiling, trying to hold in another giggle.

“
I had planned on just wearing a black suit; I don’t really think shorts would be deemed appropriate by Mr Wright, I’d be fired on the spot!” I smiled, we’ll match. Well, almost.

“
Do you still have that plain green silk tie?”

“Green tie?” He paused. “Let me go and check.” I could hear him open a door then run up a set of stairs, opening another door, then another. Jesus, how many doors does he have? I could hear hangers moving and Jamie mumbling to himself as he rifled through his things. “Got it.”

I smiled to myself.
Perfect!

I snuggled down into my duvet to watch a film on TV with Jamie
, wishing that it was Saturday already. I woke in the night with my TV still flickering away in the dark and my phone still in my hand with a message from Jamie.

From Jamie: I wish I could watch you fall asleep
again. Have I ever mentioned how cute I think you are when you sleep? I wish I could hold you all night again; that was the best sleep I’ve had in my life, knowing that I got to wake with you beside me. I feel right when you’re in my arms and I never want to let you go. Goodnight my Angel x

Friday morning I woke with a stomach filled with dread. I stretched as I leaned over to grab my phone from the side to message Jamie.

To Jamie: Good morning
, Mr Matthews x I’m sorry I fell asleep on you last night! And no, I think you need a refresher on how I look asleep before saying that again! X

From Jamie: Good morning
, Miss Stevens. Good luck today baby, I’ll be there for you. You’ll do great I know it! X and is that an invitation?

To Jamie: I
’m just focussed on getting to the end of exams so that I can spend the whole day with you tomorrow! Haha Possibly? My parents know there are a million parties going on this weekend so don’t expect me home… at any point.

From Jamie: I can
’t wait to see you today… and tonight… and mostly tomorrow. For ALL of tomorrow! I want to wake up with you on Sunday x

My stomach flipped. He wanted me to stay with him on Saturday… And I wouldn’t be his student any more… Saturday couldn’t come quick enough.

I hurried to meet Lily for the walk to school. The smile on my face which Jamie had put there didn’t match the huge knot in my stomach.

“
Oh my God, I feel so sick! I can’t breathe! I’m going to pass out!” I said as we walked.

“
Will you calm down? You are making me nervous too. I will slap you!” She said sternly.

“
But I’m going to fail!”

“
Just… Shh! You are
banned
from talking to me right now!” I looked at her apologetically but she just shook her head at me. We got to school and Violet was freaking out even more than I was if that was even possible!

“
Hey Vi, what time should we come to yours?” I asked trying to distract her from her imminent panic attack that was threatening my hold over my own nerves.

“
My mum said she’d come get us all after school and drive us all to get your things.”

“
Cool… I have a surprise for you guys by the way!” I said clapping excitedly, they were all going to love my (Jamie’s) present. “Everyone gets a limo to prom right? Just because we’re going together doesn’t mean we can’t have one, so I booked one for tonight!” Lily, Violet and Megan screamed, hugging me and jumping up and down excitedly. We’d spoken about it a few weeks before and said how we were bummed that we didn’t have boyfriends to do that for us. Mr Matthews and Mr Wright ran out of the exam hall to see what all the commotion was.

“
Sorry, I just told them about our car for prom.” I mouthed ‘thank you’ to Jamie and he winked back as I walked by him to enter the exam hall.

“
Enjoy your ride girls” he called to us all. A collective ‘We will’ erupted from them before they walked in the hall behind me. I took my seat and began chewing on my pen nervously waiting for the papers to be handed out. Finally, just as I was contemplating running out, the doors were closed and Jamie walked down my side of the hall handing out the exam papers while Mr Wright handed out the other half. As Jamie placed my paper on my desk he knocked one of my pens to the floor, when he placed it back he whispered in my ear.

“
You’ll be fine. Relax” and he carried on handing out the rest of the papers.

Thanks to all of
my hard studying I sailed through the first half of the test, but I became stuck; I only had forty-five minutes left and started to panic. I looked up nervously for Jamie but he wasn’t looking my way, I could feel tears start to well up in my eyes but I wiped them away remembering Jamie’s advice.

‘
If you can’t answer a question, move on and answer the rest, don’t waste time on something you don’t know. Come back to them when you are done and attempt it even if you think your working is wrong.’

With that I went to the next page.
I had to go back at the end to attempt the harder ones with tears in my eyes. A girl beside me stealthily handed me a tissue and I tried to give her a grateful smile. My mind wandered from my exam to whether the marker would give me extra credit for an increasing radius of tear stains in my writing.

When I
’d finished I looked up to see Jamie watching me with furrowed brows; I immediately looked back down to my desk again. Mr Wright called time five minutes after I had finished and he and Jamie began collecting the papers.

“
Wait for me” Jamie said as he collected mine, I noticed he leant down to a couple more people from my class as he got theirs too. We were dismissed and I waited outside the exam hall for him with the others. We were probably the ones who had always struggled the most in his class. I loved that he was such a caring teacher, not many others would stop us to see how we were after the exam.

“
Hey guys, how did it go?” There was a round of answers, ‘Rubbish… I’m going to die… I failed… Kill me now… Why did I bother?’ I think I was the only silent one not sure what to say. I was pretty sure I’d answered it all wrong anyway, what did it matter what I said? I’d never get in to a decent university. I’d disappointed my mum, my dad, my uncle Austin. I’d disappointed Jamie… Would he even still want me if I was a total failure with something he was passionate about? I’d just embarrass him.

“
Liv, you ok?” Jamie asked. I looked up to see everyone staring at me like I was a science project that they had no idea how to start. A twisting feeling ripped through my stomach and I gripped my arms around myself tightly.

“
I’m gonna be sick.” I got up and ran around the corner to the bathroom. I threw the door open with a force that I was sure would start an earthquake any minute.
I’ve failed!
I repeated over and over in my head as I was reunited with my breakfast. I’d failed. I’d disappointed everyone that I loved.

Thank god it was done with but if I never had to work out polynomials or figure out an inverse function ever again
, it would be too soon. I stiffened as I felt an arm go around my stomach and a hand grip my hair as I held myself over the toilet afraid to move in case there was anything left in my stomach to lose and began crying.

“
Shh… You won’t have done that bad; in a few weeks you’ll see this was all over nothing and you did fine… Shh…” Jamie stroked my hair down my back, holding me close until I stopped sobbing enough to talk.

“
I got stuck… And- And I panicked. I remembered what you said, I moved on and went back at the end.”

“
That’s good, baby.”

“
I think I answered most of them right, but if I think that then I must have done badly, right? I went back and I couldn’t see anything was wrong, but well… It’s me so they were probably all wrong.” I sighed and began to sob again.

“
Come on, splash some water on your face and let’s go get you something to eat and drink before your music exam.” I shook my head.

“
I can’t… I can’t do another exam,
I can’t!
”

“
You’ll automatically fail if you don’t turn up, now come on!” I asked for a minute to sort myself out and rinse my mouth with water then walked out with Jamie to the dinner hall.

“
Why are we going in here? I have my lunch with me.”

“
I’m buying you lunch.” He smiled at me.

“
Oh… Um, thanks.” I smiled back weakly. I didn’t exactly feel like eating but we grabbed our lunch and sat in a quiet corner talking about the exam and I tried to remember some of the questions to see if I got them right. I hoped no one noticed our feet pressed together under the table: his feet sandwiched mine, his calves pressing against mine. It was the only contact we could have for now and it was killing me. I kept my eyes peeled as students and teachers gave us odd looks as they watched us talking and eating; my red rimmed eyes clued them in that he was just being kind when I was upset.

“
Are you looking forward to tonight?” He asked desperate to get me off the topic of my doomed exam.

“
No, did you hear those girls? I’m going to be deaf by the time I get here!”

He laughed at me.
“Yeah, we thought someone was being murdered in the hallway.”

“
I’m going to need ear plugs; do they come with the car?” I laughed. “Thanks by the way.” I looked down at my half eaten dinner.

“
It’s just a car.”

“
No not that, well, yes there is that, I just meant before… in the bathroom. I’m sorry. I just… I’m sorry.” I smiled at him nervously, hoping it looked as sincere as I meant it.

“
Hey, no worries; I’m just glad that I could be there for you.” His hand twitched on the table where it rested across from mine, looking like he wanted to hold my hand, before he bunched it into a fist and moved it to rest in his lap, his legs squeezed mine under the table.

“
It means a lot that you were.” I held his gaze across the table, hoping that I could convey with a look, exactly how I felt.

I slowly lifted my index finger to my lips. If anyone saw it would just appear as a gesture of silence, but to us, it was our thing.
Our thing.
Jamie lifted his hand, his finger pressing to his own lips, mirroring me.

From behind my lips I gave him a small, coy smile before lowering my hand back to the table. I looked around feeling self-conscious over our little public display, nervous in case anyone witnessed it.

“I’ve dreaded that exam all year.” I said as another teacher passed by our table.

“
I know, but it’s done now.” He looked at his watch. “Come on, you have fifteen minutes before your exam starts. I bet your friends are wondering where you are.”

We walked together over to the girls and I had to keep my arms folded over my stomach to make sure I didn
’t try to hold his hand. Or I could blame feeling sick. No it was definitely to avoid holding his hand. I noticed his were tucked in to his trouser pockets, not his usual way of walking with one in his pocket and the other by his side.

“
Liv,
where have you been?
” shouted Lily, before noticing Jamie beside me and giving me a wide eyed stare.

“
Calm down
mother!
” I yelled back and Jamie laughed at me.

“
She had a panic attack after the exam and was sick so I made sure she was ok and ate before her next exam. I need to go up to class now but can you inform whoever is supervising your exam, of what happened, she may still be sick.”

“
Yea sure” Violet said, feeling my head. “Are you ok?” I nodded weakly.

“
She ate a little and I made sure she drank lots of water so she should be ok as long as she doesn’t see another maths paper any time soon.” he ruffled my hair. “Right, you take care and good luck for this afternoon… Ladies.” He nodded to us as he stepped away.

“
Mr Matthews” I called as he began walking away. “Thanks” I smiled and he winked back at me. I slumped to the grass holding my stomach trying not to think about being sick again. Lily sat down beside me nudging my arm.

“
Looking after you again… I told you, he sooo wants you! Did you see him wink at you? I’m starting to see why you’re so obsessed with him” I was too wound up to get into that conversation with her again so I did my best to just smile at her as she swooned down on to the grass.

To my surprise
, once I sat down at the piano in the music hall a calm descended over me and I was able to play well I thought, a new knot formed in my stomach as I tried to concentrate on getting ready for the evening.

Once we got to Violet
’s house I jumped in the shower, I needed to wash my hair ASAP if it was going to dry by the time prom began. I was leaving my hair in my natural curls as Jamie mentioned a few times that he liked it that way.

When it was dry,
I pulled my hair up on the right hand side with my Grandma’s hair comb, leaving the rest to hang naturally down my back and frame the left of my face. Lisa brought in my jewellery boxes that I had given to her for safe keeping and helped me put my necklace on. I slipped my earrings in to my ears, placed my ring on my left ring finger as Grandma had worn it and was finally ready. I glanced over myself in the mirror one more time. One more night of pretending… Saturday was a different story. Saturday, we could be free.

Lisa lined us all up and clapped with tears in her eyes.
“Oh you girls all look so grown up! I remember when all of you first started high school together and now you’re all eighteen and leaving sixth-form. Where have the years gone?”

“
Mum, shut up, you’re embarrassing yourself!”

“
Ok, ok! Right it’s almost seven. Your car will be here in a sec, you girls need to get downstairs.” She snapped a couple of pictures of us all together and a few on our own; then once the car pulled up she took a few of us all with that too. I made her take some with my camera so I could show Jamie later on.