Broken Pasts (19 page)

“
You
have Rhea,” he whispered softly. “So I think you made
out like a bandit.” I tried to keep the grin off my face, but
I couldn't. I turned to Nathaniel, tried to kiss him, but he pulled
away and my heart ceased beating for a moment.
Is this where he
tells me that we made a mistake?
I opened my mouth to say
something when Nathaniel wrapped his hands around mine and looked at
me with all of those secrets burning in his eyes.

I
stared back at him and realized that I was mistaken. Not secrets,
secret.
A big one, a life changer, something that could ruin
what we hadn't even had the chance to build.

“
Theresa,”
he told me, voice low, serious, and dark. He was going to a
different place, Nathaniel Sutherland was, and I was almost afraid to
follow him there. Almost. “I have to tell you this. What you
do with the information is up to you, but you have to know.” I
took a deep breath and nodded, prepared for the worst.

“
Give
me your best shot,” I said as he locked eyes with me and took
me up on that offer.

“
I'm
a murderer.”

CHAPTER 21

I
am definitely messed up,
I thought
as I stared at Nathaniel. My man of mystery was exactly what I had
thought he'd be – trouble. Still, I knew the circumstances, so
I was willing to hear him out.

“
Gillian's
ex?” I asked, hoping that this wasn't going to be some horrible
climax where Nathaniel admitted that he was actually the one that had
killed his wife and went all psycho on me. I stared into his eyes
and wondered how stupid I could possibly be to even think
that. He nodded and closed his eyes like he was remembering
something he'd rather forget.

“
As
long as we're telling secrets here,” he said. “I have to
do this.” He opened his eyes and looked me straight in the
face. “Besides Cedric, you're the only person in the world I'm
going to tell this to.” Nathaniel grabbed my hand and put it
to his lips, pressing his hot mouth to my skin. “If you feel
the need to kick me out or turn me in, follow your conscious,
Theresa.”

“
Nope,”
I said, kissing him fierce and hard. “The only thing I'm
following now is my heart. Say what you need to say and then let's
bury our pasts together.” Nathaniel brushed my hair away from
my face and tried to smile, but it wouldn't take, not yet, not while
he was still holding this all back from me.

“
I
didn't come home to find Gillian dead,” Nathaniel admitted as
if he was ashamed at himself for lying. “I came home to find
her
dying.
I saw Tom plunge
the screwdriver into her chest for the last time. I saw her seeing
me and saying goodbye as she collapsed to the floor. And then I was
standing over him and the screwdriver was in
my
hands…
” Nathaniel stopped speaking and sat up. I could feel his
stress like we were connected, feel it flowing from his skin and into
mine. “I'm not a violent man, Theresa, but I will defend the
ones I love,” he said. “Or at the very least, I'd die
trying. Instead I ended up in a pool of blood with Gillian's body on
one side and Tom's on the other. I killed him and I don't even
remember it, not a single moment. One second he was standing and the
next he was falling.” I leaned my head on Nathaniel's chest
for moral support and tried to relax as he put his arms around me.
He needed me just as much as I needed him. Our broken pasts were
rising to the surface, but they weren't going to stay there for long.
“I called Cedric and he helped me stage the crime scene.
Fortunately,” he said, and I could see that he was choking on
that word, like he was disgusted with himself for even saying it.
“For me, it was an open and shut case, but you have to know
because one day, they could reopen it and come for me. There's
always that possibility.”

“
And
one day you could realize how much trouble I am. There's always that
possibility.” Nathaniel laughed, not his chocolate laugh, it
wasn't the right moment for that, but his real one, the one that was
so
human.
It was nice to see
that I could break the tension. I tried to be surprised or disgusted
or angry with him, but I couldn't drum up any of those emotions. All
I felt was sad. I wanted to scoop Nathaniel up and take him away
from that pain, and if I was reading his face right, he wanted to do
that very same thing with me.

Unfortunately
for us, Gary had other plans.

When
Nathaniel's phone rang, he didn't ignore it much as I wanted him to.
After all, he was a bodyguard first and foremost. His instincts paid
off as he dug around in his discarded pants. When he found the
phone, he looked up at me with a frown.

“
It's
my friend from the police station,” he said and answered it
with a somber
hello.
As he
listened on the other line, I stood up and grabbed my robe, wrapping
it tightly around myself to ward off the chill that was creeping up
through the wood floor and winding its way through my body.
Nathaniel was putting his pants back on. Not a good sign. “Okay,”
he said. “And thank you.” When he hung up, his face was
grim.

“
What?”
I asked, feeling like I might burst if he didn't tell me right then
and there. “Did they find Gary?”

“
They
searched his house, but he wasn't there,” Nathaniel said and
then paused as if he wasn't sure he should share his next bit of
information with me.

“
Nathaniel,”
I began and yes, I was using my 'mom' tone, so sue me. This was
serious. “We just spilled our deepest, darkest secrets. Don't
back out on me now.” He nodded and picked up his jacket,
removing the pistol from the holster, a move that scared the
crap
out of me.

“
Gary
had … pictures of you. Hundreds of them stapled to the wall,
in drawers, spread out across his bed. He had a … shrine, I
guess you'd call it, in his closet. There was a lock of your hair, a
pair of your shoes, even … ” Nathaniel stopped talking
like he was ashamed with himself, as if this was somehow his fault.
“Your empty gun case.” I didn't waste time arguing or
questioning him, I just threw myself to the floor and reached up
inside my box spring. He was right; the case was gone. “I'm
sorry,” Nathaniel told me as I rose to my feet and looked at
him with an expression of desperation plastered across my features.
“I should've been more careful. I – ” I put my
hands on his upper arms and squeezed gently.

“
You
were too busy wooing me? I know, but it doesn't matter. Let's just
get the fuck out of here before he shows up.” He nodded and
reached down for his coat, tossing it over my shoulders as I dug out
some clothes, stuffed them in a duffel bag and slipped a pair of
flats on my feet.

I
followed Nathaniel into the hallway, watching as he flicked the
lights on as we went, moving with our backs to the wall and our
hearts pounding in our throats. At least, mine was. Nathaniel
looked like a freaking God with his muscular chest bare, his pistol
clenched between his sure fingers, so maybe his heart was still,
waiting, listening for any sound that might alert him to Gary's
presence.

“
Stay
behind me,” Nathaniel instructed as we moved around the corner
and into the dining room. The house was peaceful and each light
illuminated another bit of darkness, another shadowy corner proving
that wherever Gary was, he wasn't here.

Still,
I didn't breathe until we were outside, until Nathaniel had checked
the car and told me it was safe to climb in.

“
Where
are we going now?” I asked him as I adjusted the heating vents
so that they pointed straight at me. January nights could be
unbearably cold, even more so when your heart was iced over with
fear. Nathaniel smiled over at me, but the expression was tight. He
was tense, that much was obvious, and I didn't blame him, but it did
scare the
shit
out of me.

“
To
my place,” he said, and despite the potential severity of the
situation, I got goose bumps. It had been awhile since a guy had
taken me to
his place.
There was just something so attractive
about that, so personal. I kept my smile to myself and tried to use
the quiet drive to break my thoughts up, make them a bit more
manageable. Nathaniel had killed a man. Okay. I could get used to
that. Or maybe I didn't need to. Maybe it didn't bother me as much
as it should, but knowing what had happened to his wife, knowing how
painful it was to go through something like this, I couldn't blame
him. If I'd been in his position, I'd have probably done the same
thing.

I
unhooked my seat belt and scooted over to the center seat, so I could
put my hand on Nathaniel's thigh. As I looked up at his strong face
,
lit by the lights from the odometer, I wondered if the guilt ever ate
away at him, if it made things harder, or if he even felt any at all.

Too
bad I was about to find out the hard way.

***

Nathaniel
drove us down a series of side streets that I'd never been on,
winding us through suburban neighborhoods and down small side
streets, all the while keeping his gaze locked on the rearview
mirror.

“
Are
we being followed?” I asked him, and at first he didn't answer.
After awhile though, he shook his head and gave me a guilty smile.

“
No,
but I wanted to be sure, just in case,” he told me as he
steered us back towards the highway and took the first exit off
towards a neighborhood I had never been in before called Shrouded
Hills. There was a long, narrow road that led straight up a hill.
All along it were beautiful houses, built into unusual shapes to
accommodate the slope. There was some impressive architecture up
there, and I could only imagine how beautiful it would be in the
daylight, when all of the little details were visible. “Maybe
we could take a walk in the morning?” he asked me with a wicked
smile. “That is, if we can bother to drag ourselves out of
bed.”

“
You're
back to flirting already?” I asked my bare chested bodyguard.
“That didn't take long. I guess we're safe up here then?”
Nathaniel shook his head.

“
You're
not safe until Gary is behind bars,” he said, letting his
sentence stretch out with this imaginary
or … or until he's
dead.
I didn't respond, waiting tensely as we pulled into
Nathaniel's driveway.

The
house at the end of it made me sorry for ever wanting the one across
the street from my rental. It was massive, too big for one person,
and towered over us with brown siding, cheerful, frosted porch lamps,
and a surprise
package on the
doorstep. Nathaniel didn't see it until it was too late, not because
he wasn't looking but because he didn't have
time
to look. No sooner
had he opened his door and come around for mine, than I heard the
shot.

With
my
pistol
in hand, Gary shot Nathaniel Suther
land in the chest.

Blood
bloomed out from Nathaniel's wound as he stumbled back and hit the
hood of the car at the same moment a scream burst from my mouth,
filled the night air and shattered the perfect gentle silence of
suburbia. Gary didn't stop, didn't even slow down. He just kept
walking towards me with his brown hair slicked back and his eyes
glossy. He didn't speak, not one single word, but I heard a whole
chorus of demons howling in my head when I met his gaze, when I
caught my first glimpse at what a broken man really looks like. Is
this what Nathaniel saw when he found Tom with Gillian? Is this how
he felt inside? There was a helpless rage deep within me, bubbling
up from the darkest depths, born from the best of intentions.

I
crouched down, scooted forward, hoping with every beat of my heart
that I'd have enough time to reach Nathaniel, to take the gun from
his fingers and defend myself. I didn't know if he was dead, but he
wasn't moving and there was blood everywhere, so much blood. I had
to crawl through it to get to him, kneel in it while I pulled the
pistol from Nathaniel's fingers, sit in it while I looked up at the
man who used to be known as Gary Harper.

“
Stop,”
I told him, as I swallowed my fears and my uncertainties and went to
this calm, quiet place that only those on their last breath can find
within themselves. Trust me, it isn't a place you want to visit.
“Don't move, Gary,” I told him as I watched his face, his
arms, his hands. If he tensed, I would pull the trigger, I would
shoot him and I wouldn't care if he lived or died.

“
Why?”
he asked as he lowered the barrel from my head to my heart. “So
you can fuck with me again? I don't think so, Theresa. You broke my
heart, so I'm going to break yours. It's only fair.”

Gary
moved; I moved.

Time
ceased to exist and everything stilled.

I
closed my eyes, pulled the trigger and felt an impact. At fir
st
I thought I'd been shot, but when a thump sounded before me, I opened
my eyes and found that it was just the recoil from the pistol.

Gary
Harper was dead. I had hit him right between the eyes, killed him
instantly, which was a more merciful, painless death than Nathaniel
was going to get. I didn't waste time crying over my ex-husband,
contemplating the intricacies that separated
self-defense
from
murder,
wondering about the fine line between life and death.
All
I heard was Nathaniel's wet breathing, so I dropped the
gun, and moved over so that I could put my hands on either side of
his face.

“
Nathaniel?”
I whispered, knowing that I should call 911, but unable to leave his
side. Someone in the neighborhood would call it in. They'd have
heard the gunshots, and I just couldn't bring myself to leave
Nathaniel's side in case he didn't make it. If he slipped away from
me while I was on the phone, I would never forgive myself. His head
moved, turned to face me, found my lips with his bloody ones and
kissed me. All the while he kept his eyes closed and his hand over
the wound on his chest.