Broken Pasts (11 page)

“
I
don't care,” I said, feeling angry not just at Gary's recent
behavior but all of it. I felt tricked by him, used. He'd fed me a
false personality, tricked me into liking him, made me feel
wanted. Then he'd flipped everything around and started threatening
me. It wasn't fair; it just was not fair. I couldn't keep getting
the short end of the stick. I deserved to be loved, didn't I? Rhea
and I deserved the house with the fruit trees and the wraparound
porch, right? I hadn't told anyone, but I kind of had my heart set
on that house. It might seem stupid. I mean, if not Gary then
someone else might swoop down and buy it, but there was something
about him doing it that just set me off. And it really had nothing
to do with the stalking incidents, at least not in the forefront of
my mind. This was about the principle of the thing, and sometimes
principle is all we have.

“
I'll
wait outside,” Cedric mumbled as he took a position by the
front door. I grabbed the knob and let myself in. Nathaniel was
right behind me.

The
realtor, a pretty woman in a red suit jacket and black pumps, was
staring at me like I was crazy. Gary, who looked much better now
than when I'd seen him earlier, smiled at us, ever the perfect
gentleman in a charcoal gray suit. His hair was slicked back and he
was clean shaven. He was even wearing the watch I'd given to him for
a wedding present.

“
Good,
you're here,” Gary said as he put his hand on the realtor's
shoulder. “Miss Aimes, this is my wife, Theresa.”

“
Ex-wife,”
I corrected, feeling this tiny sliver of fear work its way into my
heart. It was cold and sharp, a painful reminder of the e-mails and
the phone calls and the way he stood outside my window and
stared.
God, Theresa, what are you doing here?
Gary's smile faltered
but only briefly. Miss Aimes looked confused.

“
Theresa,
honey, don't be so cruel. I didn't put in the offer without you, now
did I?” he said, like this was all some big, stupid joke. I
glared at him and forced myself to swallow past the fear.

“
You're
not buying this house,” I said and Gary held up his hands in
surrender.

“
Okay,
not this house then. I thought you liked it is all. We can look at
other houses.”

“
We're
not looking at anything,” I told him, feeling brave with
Nathaniel at my back. It might've been because he was a bodyguard or
because he was armed, but I don't think so. I just liked having him
there. His presence was comforting. I glanced at him briefly and
noticed that he'd taken up an overly professional position with his
arms crossed in front of him, sunglasses back in place.
I knew
it. It's a defense mechanism.
“You're leaving. Now.”

“
Theresa
– ”

“
Now!”
I said, but the only person that was startled by my voice was Miss
Aimes.

“
Maybe
we'd better call it a day?” she suggested and her voice was
mousy and weak.
I hope I never sound like that,
I thought as
Gary's brown eyes found mine. They didn't look the same as they had
before, when we'd first met. Back then, they'd be gentle and
friendly, warm. Now, they were shiny, too shiny, like Gary wasn't
really home. This man might've looked like Gary, talked like Gary,
but he wasn't Gary. There was no soul behind those eyes, just want,
hunger. It scared me, really scared me.

“
Theresa,”
he said again and his eyes found Nathaniel, gave him a once over that
said volumes about his opinion of the man. “Why don't we talk
about this outside?”

“
Why
don't we,” I said, but my voice had lost some of its oomph.
Miss Aimes let us out, carefully locking the door behind us. When
she saw Cedric, she nearly had a hear attack. After she was done,
she practically ran to her car; she didn't even wait for us to get
off the porch.

I
stood there with Cedric and Nathaniel at my back, feeling protected
but kind of silly, too. What if someone were to drive by and see
this? What would they think?

“
Theresa,”
Gary began, but I cut him off. I really didn't feel like listening
to him talk. The things he'd said in his messages and his e-mails
had been enough. When he stepped forward, I moved back and he
paused. Gary licked his lips and glanced over at my house.

“
Please
leave me alone,” I said. I didn't beg, just asked. My voice
was calm and assertive but not aggressive. Gary's eyes swung back to
me and held onto my face, searching for some emotion that I wasn't
giving him. The shine was still in his eyes, but he seemed
marginally more sane now than he had when he'd been standing outside
my house that morning. Maybe he'd started taking his medication? I
mean, I didn't know if he had any or not, but it was the most
plausible explanation for his flip-flopping behavior. Gary had a
mental disorder of some sort, I was sure. “Just stop,” I
told him. “I don't love you anymore.” I paused. Love.
It was such a strange concept. It was something that should be
everlasting, something that could wipe out any disagreement or hurt
or pain, and yet, it was, more often than not, the cause of those
very things. And in my life, it'd always come in short, little
bursts that faded faster than they'd begun. It made me question if
I'd ever even had it all. I told Gary so. “In fact, I don't
think that I ever loved you, Gary.” It was harsh, and as soon
as I said it, I regretted it. Even though I knew it was true.

I
felt Nathaniel shift behind me, but he didn't say a thing. Neither
did Gary. He just stood there with that strange glaze in his eyes
and looked at me like
I
was the crazy person.

“
And
we're not getting back together, do you understand that?”
Still, no response. “Gary?”

“
I
love you, Theresa,” he said before he descended the steps and
disappeared.

CHAPTER 12

Cedric
and I were playing a game of chess when Rhea came through the front
door. I stood up quickly and caught sight of her friend's mother,
Sheila I think it was, disappearing down the front walk. I'd asked
her to walk Rhea to the door, but I guess she hadn't felt the need to
say
hi
to me. I supposed it was because Sheila was one of
those lunching, married-to-a-doctor type mothers. She didn't work
and spent all day driving around town in her Escalade, shopping. I,
on the other hand, was a twice divorced single mom with a business to
run. I wasn't included in her preppy little club which was fine by
me, but I still found her behavior rude. It's why I always took
Jamie to school functions.
“Oh, you're a doctor?”
she
would say and put her arm around my waist, making me fidget.
“Well,
I'm
a lawyer. And a lesbian. Ever get some from a chick?
Beats nasty old dick any day.”
I sighed at the memory and
watched to make sure that Rhea locked the door behind her. No sign
of Gary since the house incident, but I wasn't going to write him off
just yet.

Rhea
paused and raised her eyebrows at the sight of the big man.

“
Where's
Nathaniel?” were the first words out of her mouth. I gave her
a half-smile and kissed her head.

“
Did
you have a good time?” I asked as I got her a glass of juice
that she didn't ask for. I was overcompensating.
How stupid.
When she gave me a weird look, I felt cornered and blurted out,
“He doesn't live here you know.”

“
Duh,”
Rhea said as she scooted past me and down the hall. “But why
is
he
here and not Nathaniel? Do you have two boyfriends or
something? What would Dad think?” I rolled my eyes and tried
to resist the urge to tell her that I didn't give a shit what her dad
thought.
He left me because I had cancer. He left me because he
never loved me, because reproduction was more important to him than I
was.

“
Are
you hungry?” I asked instead.

“
No,”
Rhea called out, voice muffled by her partially closed bedroom door.
“We had duck breast with apple honey sauce.” And then
she slammed the door closed completely. Cedric was shaking,
obviously trying his best not to laugh. I put my hands on my hips.

“
Duck
breast?” I said, feeling like I wanted to do a little stalking
myself, chase Sheila down and slit her tires. Who feeds duck to a
nine year old? Whatever happened to mac 'n' cheese? Hot dogs?
Pizza? “Well fuck me sideways.”

“
Ms.
McMaster, if I may,” Cedric said, steeling his face as he
turned to look at me. Despite all of his professionalism sputters, I
had gotten him to eat a sandwich
and
play a game with me.
Now, unfortunately, it looked as if he was getting all serious
bodyguard on me. “I think it might be time to start working on
your case?” I sighed and flopped down in the chair next to
him, giving him a
look.
It never worked on Rhea, but it was
worth a try.

“
Gary's
gone now, isn't he?” I said, but the words sounded pretty
pathetic. He was gone, but our parting had not exactly gone
smoothly. He acted like he hadn't even heard me. A confession of
love from a crazy person is probably not the best sign that they're
done with you. I gave another sigh and sat back, raising one hand in
surrender. With one last sorry glance at our chess game, I said,
“What do you want me to do?”

“
Let's
go through the e-mails,” he told me, and I shivered. I had
kind of wanted to go through them with Nathaniel.

“
I
have a feeling they're … inappropriate,” I told Cedric
and glanced away, not because I was ashamed, but because I was
disgusted. I had a feeling my face was squinched and wrinkled.
Cedric put his big hand on my shoulder and gave me a friendly shake.
It felt more like an earthquake, but I could tell he was trying to
treat me like a friend and not a client.

“
We
have to record the number and the frequency, print out anything that
has a threat in it, and block him from sending anymore.”

“
It's
kind of a joke, isn't it?” I asked as I glanced back up at his
big, square face, round nose and dark eyes. “This whole
stalking thing? I mean, come on, the guy has been sitting outside my
house for days. That deserves a one way trip to the crazy shack in
my opinion.” Cedric shook his head, and grunted agreement.

“
I
couldn't agree with you more, and if I could change it, I would,
trust me. Nathaniel's been working for years trying to get stricter
stalking laws. Nobody wants to listen. Nobody seems to care. It's
something that happens to somebody else, never to you.”

“
His
wife … ” I began and then paused. Cedric already
looked uncomfortable, and I could tell he didn't want to talk about
his friend's past behind his back. “What was she like?”
The big man smiled with square teeth and chuckled.

“
Two
peas in a pod … ” he mumbled, and before I could
question him about it, he launched into this animated speech about
Gillian and all the wonderful things she did and was a part of. The
woman sounded like Mother freaking Theresa. If I said I wasn't
intimidated, I'd be lying.

Gillian
Sutherland had been the director of the local animal shelter,
single-handedly changing it from what was a death camp for dogs and
cats to the county's first “no kill” facility. She baked
apple pies for the local fair (and came home with the blue ribbon
five consecutive years in a row), raised foster kittens and puppies,
and grew an organic garden. Holy shit. I didn't want to bad mouth a
dead woman, but how could I compete with that?

Whoa,
whoa, whoa, Theresa. Compete? You don't need to be competing with
anyone or anything. What are you thinking? That you like Nathaniel
Sutherland? Don't even go there.

I
swallowed hard.

“
She
sounds … perfect.”

“
Aye,”
Cedric said with a nod. “She was beautiful. You're a lot like
her actually.”

“
Right,”
I said tugging at a strand of my dark hair.
In looks maybe.
Either Cedric was a mind reader, or I had my thoughts written all
over my face.

“
You've
got the same spirit. You're a strong woman, Theresa. I think that's
what Nathaniel sees in you.”

“
Sees
in me?” I asked, and I felt like a teenager gossiping with a
girlfriend.
You mean, he like, totally likes me?
I sat up
straighter and wished I had a glass of wine in my hand, just so I
could look more grown-up. Cedric smiled and pointed at my laptop,
sitting forlornly on the edge of the tabletop.

“
E-mails?”
he asked, and I could tell by the set of his shaggy red brows that we
were done with this conversation.
For now.

***

I
had a horrible night's sleep.

First
off, I had a sex dream featuring the one and only, Nathaniel
Sutherland. In it, he gave me
the
most fabulous oral sex and
then while I returned the favor, he whispered sweet nothings in the
moonlit air. When I'd awoken from that dream, I'd had to deal with
the fact that Cedric was standing in my doorway and that he almost
certainly had heard
noises.
I talked in my sleep, a lot. It
was something that Glen had
hated
about me. The jerk. So I'd
gotten up, stolen a quick sip of Jäger (I do
not
have a
problem) and stolen back to bed.

My
next dream – nightmare actually – had been about Gary,
standing over my bed in the dark with a knife in one hand. His eyes
had been glassy and blank, like they'd been at the house yesterday.
He'd then proceeded to stab me, over and over and over again until I
was lying on my back in a pool of black blood, screaming and calling
out a single name. Nathaniel. Now what the fuck does that mean?

When
I told Jamie, she was as unhelpful as always.

“
Theresa,
don't be dense. You like the guy. Is it that hard to understand?”

“
I'm
in a transitional period in my life, Jamie. I don't need a man right
now.”

“
Don't
need,
want.
There's a difference. Everybody dreams of having
someone to love, Theresa. It doesn't make you any less of a woman.
Women can love men. It's okay to want and still be a headstrong,
self-assertive, independent go-getter, which you are.”

“
Are
you eating during my pep talk?” I asked her as she chewed and
snapped and ground something in my ear.

“
Listen,
if you want to chill out and relax, come out with me tonight. I'm
going to dinner with a bunch of power hungry demons from work. It's
a girls only night, should be fun.”

“
I
don't know … Nathaniel said he might be able to take me
shooting.”

“
I'll
pick you up at eight, 'kay?”

“
Jamie
… ”

“
And
bring your sexy hunk for security. Just in case.”

“
But
– ”

She
hung up on me.

I
sighed and exited the bathroom as Cedric moved seamlessly out of my
way and did his best to blend in with the wall behind him. It wasn't
working. He was just too damn big.

“
Want
some pancakes?” I asked as I opened the fridge and searched for
bacon.

“
I
hate pancakes,” Rhea said as she came out of her room in a pair
of Hello Kitty pajamas and glared at Cedric like he was the enemy, as
if somehow, it was his fault that Nathaniel wasn't here.

“
You
love pancakes,” I said as I grabbed the eggs and put them on
the counter. “I always make you pancakes on Sundays.”

“
I
want an omelet,” Rhea said as she eyed the growing file on the
corner of the table. It was as thick as
War and Peace
and
about as pleasant a read. “With chives.”

“
What?”
I asked as my daughter rolled her eyes and gave me a look.

“
A
chive is a perennial plant related to the onion,” she told me,
as if I'd never heard of it. “Often used to season food.”

“
You're
nine,” I said and started on the pancakes anyway. Rhea sighed
and stomped off to watch cartoons, turning the volume up to a level
she knew I didn't approve of. I left her to it and tried to focus on
my cooking as I thought about Gillian Sutherland and her apple pies.
“Hey Cedric,” I said, glancing at him around the fridge.
“The man that killed Gillian, her stalker, did he kill
himself?” Nathaniel had said that he'd come home and found
them both dead, so I had just assumed, but maybe that wasn't it at
all. Maybe Gillian had wounded him critically in her fight to save
her own life. She sounded like a woman who could take care of
herself.

Cedric
didn't respond, not for a long time. I even had to peek at him to
make sure he was still there. Just as I was about to repeat my
question, he answered me.

“
Yes.”
And that was it, no elaboration, nothing. His face was cold and
blank, not just a professional facade, but something else. Cedric
was hiding something from me. I knew that just as surely as I knew
that Nathaniel had other secrets, things he hadn't told me. It was
instinctive. I cracked an egg into the pan and let it go, for the
moment. Of course, my mind supplied all sorts of other answers.
Is
the killer still alive? Did he escape? Is he out there now?
I
hoped not. I hoped Cedric was just being strange because it was a
such a difficult subject for him, but I doubted it. Something was up
with these two, and I was always game for a good mystery.