Broken Pasts (20 page)

“
Theresa,”
he whispered to me as tears rolled down my cheeks and landed on his
chest, his perfect, beautiful, bloody chest. “Can I tell you
another secret?”

“
Yes,”
I whispered back, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice.
Nathaniel's face was pale, too pale, and he was shaking violently,
like he was cold. I brushed my hands down his face and ran my
fingers through his hair while I waited for what could very well be
his last words.

“
Don't
make fun of me, but I … ” He paused to catch his
breath. “I believe in love at first sight.”

“
Do
you now?” I asked with the world's fakest laugh.

“
I
do,” he whispered as he leaned forward just enough so that he
could whisper in my ear. “I fell in love with you the first
moment I laid eyes on you.” In the distance, I could hear the
sound of sirens, but Nathaniel couldn't. His chest was still moving,
but his head was drooping to the side, and his eyelids were
fluttering like runaway butterflies. I folded myself against his
side
and waited for the
ambulance, knowing that if he died, my last chance at happiness would
die along with him.

EPILOGUE

“
Are
you coming?” Jamie asked as she stood outside my bedroom door.
She had on a thick, red coat with black fur around the hood and on
the edges of the sleeves. It looked good on her, not so good on me.

“
Do
we have to wear matching coats? Aren't we a little old for that?”
I asked as I compared her made-up face to my own. I'd chosen to go
au naturel. It'd been five years since he'd died, but I wasn't
beyond getting a little teary. I mean, I was lucky that I wasn't
traumatized beyond belief.

“
Speak
for yourself,” she said as she turned on her heel and started
out the bedroom door and into the hallway. Immediately, shouts began
to emanate from the living room, something about how grape soda
doesn't go well with white sofas. I didn't want to know. I looked
at myself in the mirror, locked gazes with the Theresa McMaster from
five years ago and tried to see if I had changed. I had. There was
no doubt about it, and in my opinion, it was for the better. I was
stronger now, more sure of who I was and who I wanted to become. I
was growing and changing everyday, finding new reasons to smile,
leaving behind regrets and indecision.

“
Do
we really have to do this?” Jamie asked as she came back in the
room and found me staring at myself. “I mean, we can go to the
park
without
visiting his grave, you know.”

“
I
know,” I said as I plucked at the edges of the red coat and
wondered if I should wear black, but then, I wasn't in mourning, I
was just paying my respects to a man I had once thought I loved.
“But this is the right thing to do. I
want
to visit
him.”

“
You
always get all emotional,” she said, hands on her hips and a
frown on her face. “Are you going to be okay this time?”

“
I'll
be fine,” I said thinking of the gunshots and the blood. “It
was a long time ago. I'm okay now, really.”

“
You
better be,” she said. “Because if you're lying to me,
I'm going to kick your ass.”

***

I
marched up the cement steps with Rhea dragging her feet behind me,
groaning.

“
This
is fucking stupid,” she said, and I couldn't help but remember
all of Jamie's teasing over the years. Teenagers really were
monsters from hell. “I didn't even the know the guy.”
Jamie smacked Rhea in the back of the head with her purse.

“
Quiet.
You did, too, and he was important to your mother.” She
paused. “Well, for a short while anyway.” She paused
and glanced over her shoulder at her sons, her husband, and the baby
daughter clutched in his arms and shook her head. “I can't
wait till Alice is a fourteen year old brat.” Rhea rolled her
eyes and stuffed her earbuds in her ears. Loud music accompanied the
rest of our climb until we were standing at the foot of a stone
obelisk.

It
was a lonely place to be, even with the sun shining bright and
cheerful in the sky and the birds singing from every available tree
in the park. I laid a bouquet of pink carnations on the grass in
front of the headstone and tried to smile.

“
I'm
sorry you died because of me,” I said while the others milled
around behind me, desperate to get out of this place of death and
start our hike. Only Jamie stood beside me, one hand on my shoulder
for support while I wondered what might've happened if things had
been different. Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked them away.

“
Don't
go there,” Jamie said, and I nodded. There was no reason to.
Fate had intervened, thrust her wicked hand into my life and things
had turned out all the better for it.

“
Am
I running late?” a voice asked from beside me, and I turned
with a smile to find my husband with a little hand clutched in each
of his.

“
Nope,”
I said. “You're right on time.” I kissed my fingertips
and placed them on Gary Harper's grave. I'd killed a man, yes, but
I'd had no other choice. He'd threatened me, and it had put
Nathaniel's life at risk. That was unforgivable.

“
She
was starting to get emotional again,” Jamie said in a singsong
voice as my boys pulled their hands away from Nathaniel and raced
right around me, straight into her arms.
Auntie
Jamie was
their favorite. I'll admit, I was a little jealous.

“
You
shouldn't go there,” Nathaniel said as he wrapped his hands
gently around my neck and raised my lips to his, soft, tentative,
perfect.

“
That's
fucking gross,” Rhea said as she scowled and moved away from
us. Nathaniel wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against
his warmth, holding me like the world could fall away, and it
wouldn't matter. He wouldn't let it take me, not then, not now. I
belonged to Nathaniel Sutherland and he belonged to me.

“
You
don't have to worry. I'm here. I promise that I'll always be here.”
And then he kissed me like he couldn't get enough, would never get
enough. I kissed him back and hoped that he never did.

Never
once did he break that promise.