Broken Soldier: A Novel (9 page)

Rafa tried to take a piece of tuna, but fumbled it with his chopsticks. They were hard enough to use right-handed, and using his left hand made them nearly impossible. Everyone pretended not to look as he tried a second time and barely managed to get the fish to his mouth.

Paul held up his phone. “You guys catch the weather update on the way into town?”

“No,” Emily said. “All we saw were flurries.”

“There’s a pretty serious snowstorm coming. You might not want to go back to the cabin.”

Rafa looked over at Emily. His stomach fluttered at the thought of not staying the night with her. Even if he had to leave Boulder, he wasn’t sure he could leave her. A woman like her was once in a lifetime, and not something a man could leave behind. Certainly not a man like him.

“So what you’re saying is there’s going to be fresh powder in the morning?” Emily grinned and poked Rafa’s arm. “There’s nothing like fresh powder. It’ll make it easier for you to turn.”

“That sounds fun.” If only that were true. He’d agreed to the weekend for the opportunity to spend time with her. Skiing was secondary to that. He just didn’t know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings.

Paul snagged a piece of salmon and paused, inspecting the pink flesh. “If you get stuck in the cabin and need a lift out, call me and I’ll bring the truck out Sunday.”

“Alright.” Emily practically beamed.

Being stuck in a snowbound cabin for a weekend wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Rafa let his eyes follow her curves. He didn’t understand why any woman would worry so much about her appearance, but Emily truly looked amazing. He just wanted to pick her up and spin her around and smother her with kisses.

Christa pointed to the last piece of sushi on the platter. “Em, have at it.”

Emily shook her head. “I’m full.”

Christa gave her a look that made Rafa think she saw through Emily’s protests, too. It just showed that he needed to prove to her that she was beautiful.

“You hear anything else about a job yet?” Paul asked.

Emily tensed, pretended to look away, but Rafa could tell that she was listening closely.

“The opportunity at The Citadel fell through.” Rafa rubbed his knee. “No explanation, but my professor emailed me. Said he thought some folks at Department of Defense lobbied against me.”

“Do you want me to talk to my old man?” Paul asked. “He’s still got some pull. Could put in a good word for you. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“If they don’t want me, I’m not going to press the point. It just means I have to find something else. Maybe something closer.”

Emily seemed to relax. Her foot pushed against his and she smiled at him.

“You’re not, like, out on the street on Monday or anything, are you?” Christa asked.

“My lease is up at the end of the month,” Rafa said, “So I’ve got a little while longer, but if I’m going to find a teaching job, I need to land something before the schools are done hiring for next semester.”

“They might already be,” Paul said. “Don’t they try to hire in the summer?”

Rafa shrugged. “Maybe, but I thought that if I didn’t apply, I wouldn’t know for sure.”

Their waiter came by and offered dessert, but when Emily declined, so did Christa and Paul. The waiter brought the check back and left it between Paul and Rafa.

Rafa reached for it, but Paul beat him to it. “I’ve got this,” Paul said.

Rafa tried to grab it again, but Paul pulled it away. “I’ll get ours,” Rafa said.

“You’re a wounded veteran and about to be unemployed.” Paul opened the leather folio and peeked inside. “I’ll get this.”

Rafa swallowed, forcing himself to relax. It was the little things that hurt. Dealing with random crap from strangers at the sporting goods store rolled right off his back, but the little, well-meaning jibes from friends reminded him that he wasn’t the same person anymore.

“Alright,” he said, voice even and controlled.

Emily took a sip of her water, giving him that knowing look. It was uncanny how she could see through him and tell what he was really thinking. “If this weather is going to get worse,” she said, “we should get going soon.”

Christa smiled politely. Whatever was going on with her and Paul, Rafa didn’t want to be in the middle of it. Maybe it was a good thing they weren’t going back to the cabin. “Yes, you should. Paul, it’s time.”

“Hey,” Paul said, “I’ll call the cabin tomorrow and make sure you guys aren’t snowed in, okay?”

“Sure.” Rafa patted his pocket, making sure he had his phone. “Call my cell.”

They rose and left, wishing Rafa and Emily well.

“Let’s stop on the way out and get some supplies,” Emily said. “Just in case.”

“Sure.” Rafa followed Emily out to her car, his artificial foot tapping on the concrete.

S
NOW
 pelted the windshield, a swirling white fog. The road itself was nearly impossible to see with an inch or more of powder already on it. They were still a couple miles short of the cabin, and Rafa was starting to worry that they wouldn’t make it.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” he asked.

Emily gripped the wheel, her knuckles as white as the world outside the car. “I’ve got it.”

“I can switch, if you’d rather.”

“Rafa, I’ve got it. I’ve been driving on snow since I was fifteen.”

“But--”

“No offense, but you need both hands on the wheel here.” She peered out the window, never once looking his way.

She couldn’t see him flush with shame and frustration. He just wanted to help. He huddled into his seat, keeping his mouth shut and his concerns to himself.

The wheels spun briefly, and the car slid across the road. Emily cursed, jerked the steering wheel over, barely keeping them from the guardrail beyond the left edge. He hadn’t really noticed it on the way in, but with a valley on one side and a fairly steep ditch on the other, the roads were practically a death trap. It made him thankful to be out of Afghanistan. A road like this was a prime spot for an ambush.

“We’re okay,” she said, panting. “We’re okay.”

She got the car in the middle of the road, not bothering to stay in her lane. It didn’t exactly engender confidence, but Rafa wasn’t going to offer any more criticism. She knew what she was doing.

They crept along in an uncomfortable silence. The snow worsened, and the road disappeared entirely, only distinguishable by the fact that a guardrail lined the left side and a dark ditch the other.

The wheels spun again, and the engine revved up. The car turned a little, then stopped entirely.

“Uh...” Emily gave it more gas, but the engine only whirred louder. “I think we have a problem.”

“It’s too deep,” Rafa said. “Do we have anything to dig with?”

“No.” She let off the gas and released the wheel. “This is bad,” she said, reaching for her purse and pulling out her phone. “Correct that. This is really bad.” She held up the phone. “No reception.”

Rafa checked his and found the same thing. “Is this normal?”

“Uh huh.” Emily squeezed her eyes closed. “We can’t be far from the cabin.”

“So we walk.” Rafa looked outside at the snow-covered landscape. He couldn’t see far, maybe fifty yards, but everything was blanketed with white and more was coming down steadily. “Do you think you can rock the car back and forth enough to get out of the highway? It would be a shame to get sideswiped by a plow.”

“I’m not sure if the plows will even come out this far, but I’ll try.”

She put the car in reverse and punched the gas. The tires spun, but the car didn’t move. Rafa cursed whoever had dreamed up the idea of front wheel drive.

“I’ll push, okay?” he offered.

“Be careful,” she said.

He zipped up his coat and pulled on his one glove, then got out into the cold. The snowflakes fell so fast and so heavy it was like being in a monsoon. He bent his head against the wind and moved to the front of the car. His shoe and his jogging blade made for lousy traction, but he got his back against the front bumped and heaved.

It took ten minutes of frigid work, but with enough rocking and enough cursing, he got it unstuck. The wheels spun and slipped, spraying him with snow, but she got the car backed up to the shoulder and stopped.

Rafa went to her door and waited for her to put on her gloves.

Emily got out and tugged her cap onto her head. “I think we’re going to be walking.”

“I think you’re right.” The snow was already building atop the car, more than an inch already in place. “Perhaps we should take our groceries, no?”

 Emily popped the trunk and together they each took a bag. The snow kept blowing, big, wet flakes swirling around them.

They walked down the highway, making good time despite the accumulation on the road.

“It’s really quite beautiful,” Rafa said.

“Practically romantic.”

Rafa held up his bag of groceries. “I would offer to hold your hand, but...”

Emily grabbed his empty cuff. “I’ll take what I can get.” Her fingers slipped inside, holding the edge of the coat. They walked onward, the only sounds their breathing and the crunch of shoes on snow.

“Did you not like the sushi?” Rafa asked, after a few minutes of relative quiet.

“It was fine.”

“But you hardly touched it. You had what, two pieces?” He looked at her face.

Emily looked away, unwilling to meet his eyes. “I just wasn’t that hungry.”

“You are beautiful. You are more beautiful than a man like me deserves.”

“You’re too sweet, Rafa.”

“I see how you run, how you ski. You take care of yourself. Do not starve yourself, okay? I’ve seen what that can do to a person, and it’s terrible.”

Emily pursed her lips. She started to respond, but stopped herself. When she spoke again, Rafa could tell that she was choosing her words carefully, “I used to be big. Really big. I don’t ever want to be like that again. Unless you’ve been that size, you cannot understand what it’s like.”

“I can understand not being happy with how you look.” He kicked the snow with his blade. “I cannot ever get back what I’ve lost.”

“And I do not wish to ever gain back what I have lost.”

“I understand more than you think. I used to have a... friend that wasn’t happy with how she looked. She starved herself trying to please others.”

“The girl Paul mentioned?” She said it softly, no accusation and no jealousy in it.

Lorena. She was still a difficult memory. “Yes.”

“How long were you two together?”

It felt like she could see right into his heart. “Two years, half of it long distance.”

“She was Spanish?”

Rafa nodded.

“If you were at West Point for part of that, it really was long distance.”

“That was part of the problem, but not all of it. I was so sure of myself. So sure of what I wanted out of life and what kind of officer I was going to be. Lorena, that was her name, tried so hard to conform to what she thought she should be.”

“So what happened?”

“Iraq. Afghanistan. War. I couldn’t make her a widow, so I ended the relationship.” He swallowed, remembering back to that sweltering Madrid evening. The tears in her eyes. The ache in his heart. It was something he had never wanted, and never wanted to put himself, or anyone else, through again.

“It was hard on you.” Emily squeezed his coat sleeve.

“It was, but it’s the past. A lot has happened since then.”

They reached the driveway to the cabin. Snow drifted along the trees that lined it. Beyond, up the slope a ways, the lights from the cabin glowed in the darkness, a distant nimbus in the falling snow.

“It’s practically a Thomas Kinkade painting,” Emily said.

“But colder.”

She laughed. “I suppose that’s true.”

Emily slowed, and they stood and looked at the house. She turned her head up toward him, and he met her lips, kissing her long and deep. Snowflakes landed on his cheek, cool and wet, but he cherished the moment.

They parted and continued walking. “I’m glad you came with me this weekend,” Emily said.

“And I’m glad you invited me.”

“If you don’t want to ski tomorrow, we don’t have to.”

“We’ll see. It was harder than I expected, but I’ll try again if you want.”

“That might be nice.”

They walked up the last hundred yards to the house in companionable silence. It really was good to be there with her, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do about a job, but he was certain that whatever he did, he would find a way to do it without hurting Emily.

T

Rafa’s nose and cheeks were pink, and the snow in his hair was starting to melt and run down his face. The way the white flakes mixed with his dark hair gave her a momentary vision of how he would look later in life, and she liked what she saw.

He grinned at her. “You’re giving me that steak-knife look again.”

“Just admiring.”

“Are you ready to go to bed or...”

Emily licked her lips. “I’ve been ready to go to bed since the first time I set eyes on you.”

Rafa laughed, a quick burst of surprise. They went to the master bedroom together. Emily found herself stifling a yawn as she pulled back the comforter.

“I’m going to shower real quick,” Rafa said. He went into the bathroom, leaving her time to clean up and change into something a little sexier.

Sheer black lace that covered her, but didn’t actually hide anything. Christa had helped her pick it, “just in case.” She lay down on the bed, waiting for Rafa to return.

The water in the master bath turned on, so Emily leaned back, resting her eyes. Just imaging him in there and naked warmed her core, and she thought about going in to join him, but she did so want him to see the negligee.

#

Rafa came out of the shower wrapped in a fuzzy robe. Emily was on the bed, stretched out in a stunning black nightie, her eyes closed. She turned toward him as he climbed into bed.