Building Faith (Long Beach Series Book 2) (19 page)

I'm confused as hell about what just went down, and I wait for Faith to clue me in. The sexual tension between us has always been intense, and she'd been more than ready to go. I'd seen it in her eyes. She'd wanted me inside her just as much as I wanted it. Things changed when I got her on the bed. Had it become too much of a reality and she'd gotten scared? Were we moving too fast? I know she's not a virgin, but maybe she needs more of a build up to actual sex? Maybe makeout for a few more weeks before we take it to the bedroom?

She seems to be trying to sort out her thoughts, so I patiently gaze around my room and try to put myself in Faith's shoes. I swear everything was good up until I settled her on the bed. I remember her looking around briefly, and she'd gotten an odd look on her face, but I'd been too focused on kissing her to really think about it. Had something in my room set her off? Or had she noticed how tense I was and it had rubbed off on her?

Had she sensed my uncertainty over the fact that I've never had regular sex on a bed before, at least not since that fucking camp. Faith will be the first woman that I haven't restrained or maneuvered into a position where her hands aren't free. Since I planned for her hands to be unrestrained, I've also been worrying over how I'll react if she touches my dick. I have issues with that kind of stuff, but I trust Faith. I
want
to feel those small, soft hands of her stroking me. But wanting and actually feeling it are two completely different things. Is that how she'd felt tonight? She'd wanted me, but had knowing it was actually going to happen scare her in some way? Had she thought I was going to do something that she wasn't going to like?

Son of a bitch!

It hits me like a punch to the gut. I'm such a tool. I have a reputation for tying women to my bed, but I didn't think to warn Faith that I had no intention of restraining her. She'd gone into tonight blind, not quite sure what to expect, and I'm betting her ex never did any of the shit I do. When it comes to sex, the guy sounds like a selfish prick who had only cared about himself. I doubt he ever did anything other than missionary. I need to ask Faith though, because if dickhead ever did attempt anything with restraints, Faith might be frightened of it if he did her wrong.

I quickly remind myself that I will never restrain her anyway, no matter how much that fantasy haunts me at night. I won't let my darkness touch Faith. I'll dirty her up, but not with that kind of kink. There's plenty of other ways to spice up regular sex.

My thoughts shift as I realize I do need to find out if her ex has ever done something to make her fear anything sexually. Now probably isn't the time to ask. I'll keep that question in mind for the next time I can throw it out there without making the conversation awkward.

I glance at Faith to find that she's studying me intently, probably watching the emotions that are flickering over my own face. I feel everything soften inside me as I gaze back at her. She's beautiful inside and out, and she's special. I will never treat her like I've treated the rest of the women that have seen my bed. Faith will get the part of me that no one else has, and that means the restraints can't happen. She's not going to be just another fuck. She's more.

It also dawns on me that I truly am a dickwad. Has Faith wondered how many women have lain in this bed? Women analyze the shit out of
everything.
Now that I'm trying to see things from her point of view, I'm betting the thought has crossed her mind tonight. Knowing Faith, probably more than once.

“Ace?” she asks tentatively.

I shake my head and give her an apologetic look. “We should have talked first, but the look in your eyes earlier had me thinking with my dick instead of my brain. That seems to happen a lot these days, don't it?”

Her lip quirks up slightly in the corner, and it eases the tension on her face. “Everything I wanted to talk about tonight kind of flew out of my head when you came out in that towel,” she confesses.

“I think it's safe to say we both want each other. Pretty damned bad.”

She nods, but then her eyes drop to her hands, a clear sign that she's nervous again.

I lean forward and touch her cheek, needing to see those pretty eyes of hers. When she looks at me, I give her an assuring look and stroke her smooth cheek with my thumb. “I wasn't going to restrain you, and I should have told you that.”

Her eyes search mine with an innocence that tugs at my heart. “You weren't?”

“No, Angel. I don't want that with you.”

Confusion flickers across her features, and she pulls back, causing my hand to drop. “You're distracting me,” she explains in reference to my hand. I watch her pink lips purse tightly for a minute before she asks, “But you do that to all the girls you sleep with, right?”

Fuck. How do I explain this shit without telling her about what went down years ago? I don't want her to know what a pussy I'd been. No guy wants to share his weakness with his girl. I clear my throat and rub my jaw as I try to navigate this conversation without giving too much away. “I do, yes. But you're different,” I tell her. “I have my reasons for liking restraints, but I don't want you that way. I want you free to be who you are, to react instinctively when I touch you.”

She still looks confused. “Is this because of my past? Is that why you want to treat me differently?”

This is not going well. Not at all. “Can I ask you something?” I ask, reaching for her hand. I need to be touching her in some small way. I'm worried we might be getting into a conversation that could possibly scare her off, but I've decided I have to ask. I rub my thumb against her small palm, trying to soothe her so we can get all our shit out in the open so we can move on.

Her eyes meet mine and she nods.

“Did Justin ever tie you up?” I ask carefully.

Those big, blue eyes of her widen to saucers. “Did he...?” A blush creeps across her cheeks. “No. We never got that creative. It was just regular sex.”

“He never pinned you down?” I ask, needing clarification.

She shakes her head.

Relief shoots through my gut, but I still persist. “Did he ever do anything you didn't want to do, even though you told him not to?”

Realization dawns on her face, and her hand tightens around mine. “I have no bad memories where sex is concerned,” she assures. Her nose wrinkles in the cutest way as she admits, “It was kind of boring compared to what I've experienced with you so far.”

I can't help but grin. “You haven't experienced anything yet.” Heat flashes in her eyes, and she wets her lower lip, her eyes automatically flashing to my piercings. The fact that she finds piercings fascinating makes me almost want to get my dick pierced. Almost. First, I have issues with people touching it, so it'll probably never happen. Second, even if I didn't have my issues, I don't think I could handle the whole having another man up in my junk with a big ass needle. As I look at Faith's flushed face and see the desire in her eyes, I know that when we eventually get around to having sex—it's going to be off the charts.

“So, you didn't want to tie me up because you thought it might trigger something?” she asks me, drawing my thoughts back to the conversation at hand.

Her eyes are full of questions that I don't really want to answer. My eyes narrow on her, and I toss the question right back at her. “Did you
want
to be tied up?”

She hesitates and slowly shakes her head. “Not really.” Her eyes immediately turn worried as she quickly adds, “Not that I don't ever want to try it, but it's a little intimidating...just the thought...you know?”

I squeeze her hand, wanting to reassure her. “I already told you I don't want that with you. There's a lot we can do that's not missionary that'll be exciting enough without it, okay?”

“But if you like it...”

“Angel, I said I don't want that with you. I didn't care about them, I care about you. Moving on,” I say, desperate for the topic to be over with. “I think we'll slow things down for a bit. How about when you're ready to take things to the bedroom—your bedroom,” I clarify, “you let me know and we'll explore sex with each other when you're comfortable and ready for it.”

“Why my bedroom?” Her voice is soft as she looks at me searchingly.

I knew it.
She hates the fucking bed we're sitting on. It doesn't show on her face, but the fact that she's studying me closely tells me I hit the figurative nail right on the damned head. I give her a look and quirk an eyebrow. “You think I didn't realize the bed turns you off? I didn't get it right away, but I figured it out shortly after you put a stop to things.”

“Oh,” she looks embarrassed and sheepish at the same time, which makes her look adorable. “I knew that no matter who I would sleep with next, that I wouldn't be their first or second or anything like that. I know you've been with...a lot of women.”

“I'm not going to lie, I have,” I confirm bluntly, refusing to lie. “I can tell you this though, I've never been with anyone I really care about. Not like you. You'll be my first in that regard.” In my book, Zoey doesn't count. I wasn't as fascinated with her as I am with Faith. Yeah, I'd cared about her when we'd slept together, but it had been a meaningless fuck because we'd both been drunk.

Shit.

Does Faith know I've been with Zoey...and Bev? Bloody hell. I bet that won't go over real well. It's definitely not worth bringing up this early on with our relationship, but sooner or later I'm going to have to come clean with her. She's gotten close with Zoey, and through Zoey she'll get to know Bev.

Faith slowly nods. “So my bedroom it is. I'm going to be honest, your past intimidates me. I don't have much experience...”

I lean forward and touch the bottom of her chin so that I can peer into her eyes. “I love that you're not experienced,” I say, giving her absolutely no reason to doubt my words.

“You do?”

“Hell, yeah. I get to be the one you try new stuff out with. I get to see your reaction and be the one to learn what you like, don't like, and what really sets you off.” I give her a devilish grin. “I'm looking forward to that.”

“Me too,” she says softly.

“Backing off now,” I mutter as I release her chin and sit back. “Sitting too close to you is going to start trouble.”

This causes her to smile as her eyes gleam. “I like your kind of trouble, but I have to agree, not tonight.” She turns serious. “Ace, we're both serious about this, right? We're not going to date other people?”

“No one else,” I agree.

She looks relieved. “And what do we do about Caleb?”

A sigh escapes me as I run a wary hand through my hair. “I think it would be wise if we keep what's going on between us to ourselves. My reputation is pretty bad, and he's warned me off you a couple of times now. He's going to be against us the second he hears about it,” I warn her.

“You really think so?”

I give her a look. “He's seen me go through women like I go through bottled water. Yeah, he's going be against us.”

“If this works out between us, we'll have to tell him eventually,” she points out.

“I know. Let's make sure we got something solid first. Going to him now would be a mistake. If we've got a good thing going and we've been together for a while, we'll tell him. That way we've already cemented our relationship, because I can tell you right now, he'll cause trouble.”

“But he's so laid-back. I can't see him deliberately sabotaging our relationship.”

“Faith, he'll come after me. You know that, right?” I ask, needing her to take off the figurative rose-tinted glasses she's wearing.

Worry flickers in her eyes. “What will happen between you two?”

“Bad shit until he can forgive me for going behind his back,” I tell her bluntly.

“I don't want to ruin your friendship—”

“You're worth it,” I cut in.

Her gaze locks on mine for a moment, and I watch as the resignation seeps in. “It's getting late. I think we covered everything, or are we leaving anything out?”

“I'm sure there's more to talk about, but the important stuff has been sorted out.” I rise to my feet, forgetting that I'm wearing nothing but a towel. The knot has loosened up and the towel begins to slip down my hips. I grab it quickly, flashing a few pubes but not my dick.

Faith is still sitting on the bed, and she's frozen to the spot, her eyes glued to my crotch. I watch as she literally bolts off the bed and rushes out of my room, tossing a “Call me later!” over her shoulder.

I chuckle knowingly. That girl wants it bad. I turn and holler out the door, “We're going bungee jumping!” while knotting the towel again.

“What?” she calls back.

I walk out of my room and down the hall to find her standing at the apartment door, her hand on the knob. “We're going bungee jumping tomorrow. Be ready by noon,” I inform her.

She flashes me an excited grin. “You're the best, you know that?”

Before I can answer her, she's gone.

With a shake of my head, I walk back to my room to put on some clothes. My eyes narrow on the bed as soon as I walk through the doorway. I like restraining women. Hell, I love it. But I don't
need
it, at least not with her. Faith isn't the type of woman you restrain, especially with the past that she has. I'll never hold her down or take away her ability to move.