Bullet (17 page)

“Jennifer?  I don’t think so.  She went with a guy to the dance, though, so maybe.”

He nodded and we continued walking.  “No biggie.  Just figured I’d ask.”

And somehow, Zane and I made it through that awkward phase to become solid friends.  Ethan, though…after expressing newfound interest in me at the dance, he was nowhere to be found.  Zane and I wound up eating meals alone, sometimes with Jennifer, other times without, but Ethan often had reasons not to be there.  Cold again.

That Thursday at dinner, Jennifer,
Zane, and I sat at a table, and I noticed Zane
was
starting to get friendlier with her.  I was okay with that.  He wanted a relationship, and I wanted him to be happy, so I didn’t intend to stand in the way.  Jennifer seemed distracted, though.  Halfway through our meal, she said, “Val, I can’t stand it anymore.  I have to tell you something.”

I set down my fork.  The girl was really upset, and that’s when I noticed she hadn’t really eaten much.  “What?”

“You know Charlotte?”

I almost started laughing.  “As in
the roommate from hell
?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded.  She said, “I saw her walking in the library with Ethan, and they were holding hands.”

She could have gotten the same reaction from me by kicking me in the stomach with steel-toed boots.  It took me a few moments to catch my breath.  “Ethan and
Charlotte
?”

“Yeah…”  Her voice grew weak.  “And…I
can’t tell you anything else.”

“Oh, no, Jennifer, you can’t do that.  What else did you see?”

“Uh…crap.  They…were kissing.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  No, that was okay.  That was fine.  Yeah, it was.  Maybe it was the kick in the teeth I needed to finally move on from the stupid obsession I had with Ethan.  Knowing that he had no interest in me aside from toying with me as though I were a mouse to his cat…that was a revelation I needed.  “Okay.”  I picked my fork back up and started scooting the green beans around that side of the plate.

“You okay, Val?”  Zane lowered his head, trying to catch my eye.

I looked up.  I wasn’t going to force a fake smile, but I
was
going to do my best to sound optimistic.  “Yeah.  I’m fine.”

He took in a breath
, and I saw him clench his jaw.  “Okay.”

“Wait.  What?  What are you hiding,
Zane?”

He looked shocked.  He hadn’t expected me to be able to catch it in my state.  “Nothing you want to know, Val.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You don’t.  You think you do, but you don’t.”

“Damn it, Zane, haven’t we been completely honest with each other about everything?”

“Don’t play that card, Val.”  I just stared him down.  I could sense Jennifer wanting to
get up to avoid what would happen next, but she stayed.  Zane sighed.  “They…uh…they’ve been pretty hot and heavy this week.”

“What about Mercy?”

“What do you mean?”

“
Mercy—the girl he took to the dance.”

“I have no idea.  All I know is he and this girl Charlotte hooked up Sunday at the library and have been inseparable ever since.”  He pointed the tines of his fork at me.  “Don’t ask me to tell you anything else, Valerie Quinn.”

In spite of (or maybe because of) the heavy emotions I’d been experiencing, the way he said it made me laugh…as though I’d been torturing a confession out of him, one that would get him into some heavy shit with Ethan.  Maybe, though, he was wanting to spare my feelings.  Whatever the case, I’d respect his wishes.

And I didn’t say another word, but I was growing angrier and angrier.  Fine if Ethan didn’t want me, but why
did he have to pick Charlotte?  He knew about the bad blood between her and me.  Hell, he’d even defended me against her the night after the concert.  Was he trying to become my enemy?

On our way back to the dorms,
Zane asked, “You okay?”

I shrugged.  “Yeah.”

We got to our building, and Zane said to Jennifer, “Do you mind if I steal her for a few minutes?”

She smiled.  “Of course not.  I have a huge test to study for anyway.”

We stood outside while Jennifer went in through the glass doors.  “What?” I asked.

“Seriously—you
gonna be okay?”

I shrugged.  “Hell if I know.  I’m just wondering what the hell is wrong with Ethan.”

He chuckled.  “I’ve often wondered that myself.  But…in all seriousness, Val…I think what’s wrong with Ethan is…
you
.”

“
Me?
”

“Yeah.  He has…some fucked up notion about wanting to keep you pure and innocent.”

“What?”

“Yeah…he calls you his
muse
.”

Now I was floored.  “
What?!
”  He just nodded and shrugged his shoulders.  “So exactly what the hell does Charlotte Edwards have to do with anything?”

Zane
smiled, closed his eyes, and shook his head.  “The guy’s got needs, Val, and when little Miss Mercy didn’t exactly put out and Miss Edwards offered to polish his knob, how could he say
no
?”

“But…of all people…”

“Hey.  I never said he was smart.”

I couldn’t help the glare I knew was forming on my face.  “Or loyal.”

“Hey…I’m not gonna make apologies for him.  I think he’s being stupid, frankly.  But I really do think he’s fucked in the head when it comes to you.  I think he’s doing this shit out of a misguided attempt to keep you on a pedestal.”

“That
is
fucked up.”

“Not as much as you’d think.”  He put his arm around my shoulders and started leading me toward the door again.  “But let’s get you inside.  You’re shivering.”

Yeah…but I was feeling colder inside.

* * *

Later that night, I decided I just needed to talk to Ethan.  I couldn’t stand this anymore.  Ethan Richards had put a bullet through my heart, and I wanted some resolution.  So I texted Zane and asked him to let me know if or when Ethan was there.  He texted back: 
Not here yet. Will let u no.

So I tried to focus on reading my Art Appreciation textbook
.  Later on, though, I got another text: 
He’s here and she’s leaving.

That was my opportunity.  Jennifer had already fallen asleep, so I wouldn’t have to explain where I was going.  I just grabbed my key, tucked it into my jeans pocket, and raced down the hall to the stairs.  Our buildings, along with one other, were connected through a glass walkway at the ground level, and I ran down the stairs of my building on the far side where the walkway was.  Just as I got to the ground floor, Charlotte was starting to walk into our building.  She spotted me and stood in the doorway, blocking my way out.

I tried to keep my voice calm when I said, “Excuse me.”  It was icy, but it wasn’t hostile.

Charlotte wore a clingy blue satiny dress with a low neckline.  It didn’t take much imagination to see the curves of her body, and she seemed confident showing off her cleavage.  Her lips curled into a sneer.  “Planning to see Ethan?”

God, how’d she know?  That pissed me off.  “That’s really none of your business.”  I got closer to her.  “Excuse me.”  This time I stated it more as a demand than a request.

“Why?  You think if you go up there now, he’ll accept you with open arms?”

“Why do you care?”  I could feel a fury building inside me, the likes of which I’d never felt before.

She smiled and leaned against the doorframe.  If it had been during the day, she wouldn’t have been able to get away with blocking the doorway, but this late at night, there weren’t many girls in a hurry to get back to their rooms.  “Ethan and I have had a little bit of fun together.  He’s tasted me and, believe me, he’ll be begging for more.”

So…was she trying to tell me she and Ethan had slept together?  Whether or not it was true, I knew she was trying to make me angry.  I had to try to keep my cool.  But I couldn’t help myself.  “If you’re so
tasty
, why don’t any of your other boyfriends ever come back for seconds?”

I could tell from her eyes that I’d hit a soft spot.  She stayed calm, though.  I hadn’t expected her to.  I thought she would come at me like she had the night she moved out.  And I had been ready for that; I was prepared to fight if I needed to.  This confrontation had been a long time coming between the two of us.
  “You’re so smug.  I just want to slap that look off your face.  But I know you’re just upset because Ethan wanted
me
, not you, so you’re just jealous.  I’ll give him what he wants.”

I started laughing.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself.  “I don’t think he really wanted your
chlamydia.”

She was starting to squirm.  She moved out of the doorway just slightly to get closer to me.  I still couldn’t have just gone around without shoving her aside, though.  She lowered her voice.  “Valerie, why does it bother you so much?”  She wound a finger through a lock of her black hair.  “At least now I know why you thought he was so cute.  You should see him in bed.  He fucks like a stallion and gets this wild look in his eyes—”

“I don’t want to hear it.”  I moved forward so that we were close.  “Excuse me, Charlotte.”  I didn’t want to hear about her pleasurable night with the guy who should have been
my
boyfriend.  I was tired of her games, so I shoved my way between her and the door.  She didn’t make it easy, and she grabbed my arm to pull me back.

“I’m not through talking to you, Valerie Quinn.”  She hit me on the jawbone.  It wasn’t very hard, but I hadn’t been expecting it, and I lost my balance.

When I regained my footing, I said, “Charlotte, I’ve had enough of you.”

Now…keep in mind I was a young
, inexperienced thing from a small town.  I’d never physically fought another soul in my life.  Not only did I not know what I was doing, I felt like an idiot.  But something my little brother had told me once stuck with me.  He’d said if you let the bully hit you, he’ll keep hitting you.  Hit the bully back, though, and it’s all over.  And that’s what I thought Charlotte was—just an overgrown bully.  So, like it or not, I thought I needed to fight back.  And that’s what I did.  I punched her in the stomach.  I didn’t punch her hard, but I didn’t want her to think I’d just cower and run off like a scared little girl.  She wrapped her hands around her stomach.  Hoping they were the last words I’d ever have to speak to her, I got close to her face and said, “Don’t mess with me, Charlotte.”  I started to leave again through the open doorway.

I’d thought we would be done, but s
he grabbed my hair from behind and pulled me onto the floor.  Holy shit…that hurt.  It felt as though tiny needles were poking through my skull.  When I hit the floor, so did the back of my head.

Before I could even register what was happening, she was squatting over my stomach.  “Valerie, you’re mine now.  And Ethan’s not here to save you this time.”

I tried to fight back, but she’d pinned my arms down with her knees, and I couldn’t move.  Charlotte had a snide look on her face.  “First, let me tell you about my evening.”  I started to squirm, but I couldn’t move.  “We went out to eat first.  He looked good enough to eat.  And those eyes…mmm…so I grabbed his hand under the table and made him touch me.  And guess what?  I had my first orgasm right there in the restaurant.  But all that did was make him want me more, so when we got to his truck, I let him have me anyway he wanted.”

I was repulsed.  I did
not
want to hear about Charlotte’s sex play with
my
Ethan.  I don’t know how I did it, and maybe it was because she wasn’t paying attention anymore, but with all my force, I arched my back and managed to gain enough wiggle room that I could throw her off.  And then I got on top of her.  “I told you, Charlotte, I don’t want to hear it.”  I growled at her and then got off.  I walked away, sure for some stupid reason that she would leave me alone this time.  I was now walking down the wide walkway between the dorms.  I paused and watched her through the glass door and, even though she’d stood up, she stayed her distance.  Finally, I turned around and started walking to Ethan’s dorm room, and I started to feel better.  I didn’t know if I was hurting worse physically or emotionally, not that it mattered.  I’d need some time to heal up, but first I wanted to finish what I’d planned.  Stupid me, though.  I was lost in my thoughts and wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, and Charlotte must have slipped her heels off, because as I walked past the humming soda machines, I couldn’t hear her feet on the polished tile.  She jumped on me from behind, throwing me onto the floor.  She held me down, with me lying on my stomach.  She wormed her fingers through my hair and started bashing my head against the floor.

Oh, God,
that
hurt.  I tried to twist my head so my nose wasn’t taking the brunt of the blow, but my forehead was getting plenty.  Even though I was pushing against her hand, she’d managed to throw my head into the floor once, and it hurt like hell.  The second time, I knew what to expect and was fighting it, but I felt lightheaded and nauseous.