Bullet (20 page)

“Truth hurts.”

“How do you figure he’s a
pussy
?”

He sneered.  “Have you noticed how he’s not spending any time with you?”

“Yeah…and he said it’s ‘cause he has to practice, practice, practice for the show this weekend.”

“And that’s complete and total bullshit.”

I was confused.  “How so?  You
are
playing, right?”

“
Yeah.  Yeah, we’re playing.  And that part’s sweet, even though five songs we played together for the first time last weekend.”

“But that’s good.  And I bet you all did great together.”

“Yeah, Val, but you’re missing the point about what a shit Ethan is.”

I let out a breath.  “Okay, I give.  How is Ethan a shit?”

“I wish you’d ask
him
.”

“I’m asking
you
.  You brought it up.”

He rolled his eyes and finished chewing the bite of salad in his mouth.  He didn’t say anything for several minutes.  I just sat there, fork in hand, not moving, waiting for him to talk.  “Have you noticed that Ethan’s cooled a little bit?”

Yes, I’d noticed, but as I’d said, I thought he was focusing on their big night.  I shrugged.  “Yeah.  So?”

He sucked in a breath.  “Know what?  I can’t do this.  I can’t be Ethan’s little messenger.  You’re
gonna have to talk to him yourself.”

Anger started bubbling up inside me.  “What?  Now you’re telling me Ethan put you up to this?”

He shook his head and looked out at the sea of students pouring into the dining room from the serving area.  “Just talk to him, Val.  Talk to him, okay?”

“I thought you were my friend,” I said and picked up my tray. 
Yeah, I was shitting on the messenger, but I was upset.  I scraped off my plate and left the tray on the belt that pulled all the dirty dishes into the kitchen and left the dining room without looking back.  Then I went to their dorm room.

When I got there, it was quiet inside.  I’d expected to hear Ethan banging out some guitar riffs.  But then I did hear something
, and the door opened right after.  And there was Ethan, along with a raven-haired girl wearing a hot pink tank top.  I swallowed hard.  No words would come out.  Me…he’d called
me
his
wordsmith
, and yet I couldn’t find a single word to say.

It could have been innocent.  Could have.  But the girl wasn’t wearing any shoes
, and her hair was mussed up.  Ethan’s shoes were off too.  And I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes, so I just backed away while I could still save face.  I heard him say, “Val…”

But he didn’t come to get me, and before I got to the end of the hall, I heard the door close.

So that was it, huh?  Now I knew where I stood.  I was up on some pedestal.  He couldn’t
soil
me, but he could sure as hell cheat on me?  That didn’t make much sense.  And when I got back to my room, Zane was standing in front of the door waiting for me.  Without a word, he just wrapped me in his arms and let me cry until there were no more tears to fall.

* * *

Although I’d spent the next two days just focusing on homework and ignoring Ethan’s texts, I still planned to attend the Fully Automatic show that Saturday night.  After all, some of the lyrics were mine, and I’d never seen them performed before.  Besides, Zane and I had become close friends, and I hadn’t seen Nick and Brad since early December the following year.  As far as I was concerned, Ethan could fuck off, but I wasn’t going to miss the show.

Friday night,
Zane joined Jennifer and me for dinner.  I said, “You sure Ethan’s not going to show up?”

“Yeah.”

When we sat down, Zane asked, “You’re coming tomorrow night, right?”

I nodded.  “Yeah.  I plan to.”

“What about you, Jennifer?”

“What?”

“I told you about that—the Fully Automatic concert at The Cave.”

“You’re playing,
Zane?”  He nodded.  Yeah…maybe there was still a spark between the two.  That made me happy, because Jennifer was a sweet girl and Zane was a nice guy, and both deserved each other.  “Then…maybe.”  She looked at me.  “I could drive us there.”

“Sounds great.”  Until
she’d said that, since it was April and spring was fully in gear, I’d planned on walking.  With a friend driving, though, it would be a lot easier.

The show started at seven, and Fully Automatic wasn’t the first band.  There were three bands playing that night, and I didn’t know which one would play first.  I let Jennifer borrow some of my clothes
, and I put on a black tank top, spiked wristbands, black leather pants, and black heeled boots.  I was probably overdoing it, but I didn’t care.  I hoped Ethan would see me in the crowd and regret what he’d done to me.  I put on bright pink lipstick and dark eye makeup and off we went.

The place was just as dark as I’d remembered.  Jennifer pointed out one of the tables a little back from the stage.  “Do you care if we sit there?”

“You don’t want to get close to the stage?”

“Isn’t it dangerous there by the
moshpit?”

I laughed.  “Well, it can be.  How about we sit here for now and move up front when the guys play?”

She agreed.  So we sat at the table, sipping at the bottled waters we’d purchased, waiting for the show to begin.  They were blasting plenty of metal, but the actual bands weren’t yet playing.

I saw someone sit next to me
, so I turned my head.  It was Brad, and sweet Jesus, he looked better than ever.  He was still gorgeous, but his hair had grown some, and he had let a few days’ stubble accumulate on his face.  I smiled.  “Hi, beautiful,” he said as I looked over.

I wanted to jump him and get all excited, because I’d really missed him, but I wanted to keep my cool.  He’d delivered his line as
suave as could be, so I didn’t want to just spaz out.  “Well, hello back, gorgeous.”  I propped my head on my hands, resting my elbows on the table.

Holy shit.  There was still some weird magnetism vibrating between us, as though no time had passed since I’d last seen him.  I realized at that moment that I felt more sexual attraction for Brad than I’d ever felt for any other guy
on the planet, including Ethan.  What I thought I’d felt for Ethan was more permanent, more loving, while what I felt for Brad was primal, animalistic, and irrational.

“Um…this is my roommate, Jennifer
Manders.”

Ever charming, Brad offered his hand.  “Jennifer.”  But when she put out her hand to shake his, he instead brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

“How debonair,” I teased.

He lowered his voice.  “
You
…I’ll kiss elsewhere.”  I lost my ability to breathe.  But then he spoke louder again and said, “So…you here to watch us play, or is this just a coincidence?”

I didn’t plan to quit flirting now.  “I came to watch
you
.”

He smiled, and I could tell he was trying to gauge how much of what I’d said was true and how much was just teasing.  “
You’re here just for me?”

“Yep.  Just for you.”  I smiled back and then he winked at me, as though telling me he didn’t care if I was full of shit or not; he just appreciated the effort.

“Gotta go.  I’m hanging at another band’s merch table to see how it’s done.”  He kissed me on the cheek and then stood.  “See you after the show?”

“Maybe.”

He raised his eyebrows and pointed at me.  “You better be here.”  And off he went.

Jennifer said, “Oh, my God.  Who
was
that?”

“Brad Payne.  He’s in Ethan and
Zane’s band.  He sings part of the time, plays guitar.”

“Holy cow.  He’s hot.  And he really likes you.”

Yeah, well…I’d thought Ethan liked me too.  I wasn’t about to get my hopes up again.

Chapter Thirteen

JENNIFER AND I were completely wired and ready by the time Fully Automatic came on stage.  I’d had a mini concert in Brad’s garage months ago, but I’d never really seen them onstage, and I certainly hadn’t heard them singing my words.  I might have been angry feeling like I had to watch them had Brad not put in an appearance beforehand.  I wasn’t ready to see Ethan.

Both Ethan and Brad split up the singing time.
  Most of Ethan’s singing really
was
my words, and even though I was so angry at him I could spit nails, it felt good to hear my stuff.  Jennifer fell completely in love with Zane watching him onstage and she seemed mesmerized, but she still took time to ask, “Hey, is that the poem you told me he converted into a song?”

“One of many.”

It didn’t escape my attention that when Brad could spot me just off the edge of the stage, he focused on me.  His gaze penetrated deep into my soul and made me feel better about Ethan.  I noticed that Ethan noticed me once and then avoided looking at me the rest of the time.  Good.  Let the bastard squirm.  I knew that wouldn’t happen, though, because at some point, Ethan would hit that point where he experienced a performance high, and no one else existed.  I’d seen him do it before…disappear into Ethan’s music world.

The second to last song, Brad said, “I’m dedicating this song to the cute brunette standing near the edge of the stage.”  He looked over at me.  “You know who you are.”  He made sure I
did
know it by looking me straight in the eyes.  And since he’d made such a production out of getting my attention, I made sure I gave him plenty of mine.  I had plenty of admiration to give him.  He’d stripped his shirt off midway through the show.  I’d already noticed a new tattoo on his left arm, but I had no idea that he’d had a couple under his shirt.  But more impressive than the tats was the definition of his abs and pecs.  He was covered in a slight sheen of perspiration which just made each muscle stand out more.  He’d been wearing a Black Label Society t-shirt over knee-length faded jean shorts with black Converse shoes.  I scanned his calves for more tattoos and found none, but I knew that could change over time.

His hair, now fully past his chin, was damp, and I saw a bead of sweat slide down the side of his face.  His
dark eyes, though, were hotter than anything else on his body, and he was caressing me with them every chance he got.  “This song is called ‘Want You’.”  Okay, so that really got my attention, and I knew I hadn’t heard this song when I was in his garage.  Had he written it since I’d last seen him?

I didn’t catch all of the lines, but I caught enough, because this song didn’t have screaming vocals—they were all clean.  And even though some of the lines still suffered from what he’d described as
being generic
, they got the point across better than any other words could have.  And I wasn’t the only one who thought so.  By the end of the song, some of the girls in the crowd were waving their lit-up cell phones over their heads.

I’d heard the chorus enough to know what he sang:

“Want you, baby, be mine tonight.

I need you more than words can say.

I’ll make you my queen, make you my whore,

But I know I can’t have you anyway.”

I wondered if the actual words were supposed to mean something to me or if he just wanted to dedicate his sexiest song to me to send a message?  Either way, I got the hint.

After the last song, one that would
have become their signature (had things not changed), called “Bullet Through My Soul,” they got their stuff off stage so the last band could set up.  Jennifer and I enjoyed the third band halfway through until Brad came out and headbanged with us for a few minutes.  Then he urged us to come backstage.

Well…if you could call it that. 
Backstage was barely even a room.  Crammed in there were several band members from both Fully Automatic and the first band.  It was quieter, though, and we could talk.

Zane
joined Brad, and I could tell something between him and my roommate had reignited.  I was glad, because I wanted them to be happy, but more than that, it meant I was free to feel like I didn’t have to entertain my friend.  Brad said, “We’re gonna go party at Zane’s in a minute.  Much as I wanna stay and headbang, ‘cause this band’s awesome, Ethan’s in a hurry to get out of here.  So…you’ll come by after?”

I smiled.  “Yeah.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.  I said
yes
.”

“Just making sure.”

Zane actually kissed Jennifer before the two of us went back in the crowd.  Jennifer was ready to leave; I could tell.  But I told her the guys would want to clean up before we got there, so it wouldn’t hurt to give them some time.

We left when the last band was done playing, and then we had to wait some for the parking lot to clear out.  When we got to
Zane and Ethan’s, I knocked on the door, hoping against hope that Ethan didn’t answer the door.  I still couldn’t look at him.