Bullet (25 page)

And this time I looked at him as we sang the chorus the last time.  Yes, he knew.

And, based on the audience reaction, I think they had an inkling too.  I just hoped Ethan and the other guys didn’t pick up on it.  Well, I figured Ethan was clueless.  I’d seen him play enough to know that if it wasn’t his guitar, it was off his radar, so I figured I was safe there.

Brad threw his guitar pick in the audience and then wrapped his hand around my neck to pull me close.  He kissed me on the cheek and said, “Thanks for being a good sport.”

I just smirked at him and then tried to figure out how I was going to get off the stage.  I needed to maneuver past some of the platforms and amps they had near the edge.  Getting up might have been easier.  But I found a space wide enough for my butt and sat on the edge, then dropped to the floor.  As the applause died down, I heard Brad say, “Wasn’t she great?”

They started playing the next song, something hardcore to switch gears and move out of ballad territory, which was good for this crowd who looked ready to start
moshing.  I stood next to Jill and Chad again, and Jill said, “I’d forgotten how great your voice is, Val.  You
wrote
that song?”

I grinned.  “Just the words.  Brad wrote the music.”

“That was great.”

I was glad it was dark, because she couldn’t see me blushing.  I focused my eyes back on the band.  Well, so much for being off Ethan’s radar.  He looked pretty irritated.

But the rest of the time I watched them, I not only enjoyed the music, I basked in that feeling of being onstage.  It was such a high, and I can’t describe what a rush it was.  To feel like I was giving my soul to a throng of people, and they were loving it and giving it back…incredible.  Those of us onstage were joined with the crowd by the music.  So part of me envied the guys onstage.  I knew they’d worked hard for this moment and all the moments that would follow, but now I’d gotten a taste—a
real
taste—and suddenly I experienced clarity.  These four men loved being in their band more than anything else in the world, something they’d dedicated themselves wholly to, something they loved beyond everything else.  Why couldn’t I do something like that?

Well, I couldn’t.  I hadn’t had enough musical training, for starters.  My music reading ability was pathetic at best.  I might have
loved
music, but I couldn’t write it, couldn’t perform it save singing, and even despite that, I knew I was no Lita Ford or Cristina Scabbia.  So…I needed to just relish the memory.

They were so good, and I was sad when it was over.  I knew the other bands would be great, but they’d pale in comparison, mainly because I didn’t know them and didn’t know any of their songs like I did those that belonged to Fully Automatic.

While the band took their equipment off stage, Chad went outside to smoke and Jill went with him.  I considered going too but didn’t want to miss if any of the guys came out to say
hi
.  Sure enough, Brad came out a little while later and gave me a hug.  “Still want to kill me?”

I couldn’t help but grin.  “Yeah.  A little.”

“They loved you.”

I wanted to believe that.  “They loved
us
.”

He shook his head.  “Nope.  I know better.”  I rolled my eyes
, and he took that as a cue to change the subject.  “So…wanna party with us after?”

I shrugged.  “Maybe.  I came with Jill and Chad, though.  Is it okay if they come along?”

“Of course.  The more, the merrier, right?”  I smiled.  “You coming to tomorrow night’s show too?”

“I wanted to but…oh, yeah.  Never mind.”

“What?”

“Well, I didn’t think I was
gonna have money for tickets, but I forgot Chad and Jill paid for their own.”

“So?  Text me when you get there, and I’ll get you in the back door.”

“Actually, it’s a bar, so should I even be there?”

“Who cares?  If you’re with me, they can’t say shit.  You’re part of the band.”

“Oh, no.  You’re not getting me to sing again.”

He paused for a moment, looking in my eyes, trying to read something.  “You trying to tell me you didn’t like that?”

“No, I did.  But I don’t want to get too used to it.”

“Why not?”  No.  He was getting too close…not bodily, but he knew.  How was it Brad was always able to read me so easily?

I was trying to change the subject when Jill and Chad showed up.  “Hey, guys.  Brad wanted to know if you wanted to party with them after the concert.”

Chad said, “Probably not.  Sorry.  I have to work in the morning.”

I didn’t want to make them feel bad about it, so I said, “Not a problem.”  I turned back to Brad.  “You’ll be partying tomorrow night too, right?”

“If you have to ask, you don’t know me very well.”

I gave him a fake look of disgust.  “And you’ll be in my hometown tomorrow night.”

He smiled.  “Yeah.”  The rest of the band joined us eventually, and we enjoyed rocking out to the other two bands.  By the end, I was tired too and glad I wouldn’t be partying, but tomorrow was Saturday, which meant I could sleep late and, therefore, stay up later.

When it was time to leave, I hugged them all and told them
good night.
  Ethan held me longer than he should have, and he asked, “Will I see you tomorrow?”

I smiled in spite of myself.  He had a hold on me I couldn’t explain.  “Of course.”  And so he kissed me again, right there in front of everybody, tongue and all.

And stupid me.  I couldn’t help but kiss him back.

* * *

The next night, I decided to play up my sexy side.  If Ethan wanted me back (and I hoped to push it that far), he was going to have to
win
me back.  But I had to make him want me.  So I wore a leather mini wraparound skirt with a red baby doll t-shirt and matching sandals.  My toenails were painted pink.  I knew I looked good and couldn’t wait to see Ethan’s eyes.  I’d dreamed about him all night, and I knew it was because he was making me feel like he cared again.

I decided to walk.  It was a warm evening in late spring
, and my parents lived less than ten blocks away.  As planned, I texted Brad when I got to the bar where they were playing.  It was an old biker’s bar that I hadn’t thought people went to very often, but Brad assured me they’d be packed.  It just so happened the guys were playing with the same two bands they had the night before.  My town was just an hour away from the Springs, so it wasn’t too far out of their way, and I thought it was cool that they were playing together twice.

Brad texted me to come to the back because there was a door there, so I walked around the old building and, sure enough, Brad was standing outside leaning up against the wall.  He smiled, but the smile quickly faded, and it took me a few seconds to figure out why.  I hadn’t anticipated the effect my clothes would have on
him
.  I’d only been thinking about Ethan when I’d chosen my outfit.  He let out a long slow whistle, but then he tried to lighten the mood, so I had no idea what he really thought.  “I do believe this is the first time I’ve seen your legs, young lady.”  I grinned but wasn’t sure what to say.  He stood up straight as I got closer.  “Sure I can’t talk you into singing with me again tonight?  You kicked ass doing it on the fly last night.”

I considered it.  Once I’d actually started singing, my nerves had settled and I’d enjoyed it.  No, that wasn’t true.  I hadn’t just enjoyed it.  I’d relished it, eaten it up, imagined myself doing it over and over and loving every second of it.  Yeah, Brad had put me on the spot last night, but we’d managed to do a great job never having rehearsed before.  Now, I could say we’d at least done it and done fine.  So did I really want to do it again?  “Yeah, okay.”

“Good.  Now I can take
Worrying that Valerie’s gonna kill me
off my list.  Seriously, you won’t have to worry about being underage in there then, because you’re part of us.”  He started walking, leading me inside the building.  “Maybe we could have you do
two
songs.  Maybe you should sing ‘Metal Forever.’  I fucking love that song.”

“Oh, no.  I’m not stepping on Ethan’s toes.”

He lowered his voice as we made our way through the hallway.  “
You
wrote the goddamned song, Val.  It should be your choice.”

I stopped walking.  A few steps further and he realized it, turning around.  “I wrote it for
him
.  He sings it.  End of story.”

He sighed and then grinned.  “Fine.  But you’re cool with a duet again?”  I nodded.  “Or would you rather sing it solo this time?”

“What would
you
rather do?”

“I asked you.”

I was torn.  Part of me wanted to sing solo, just to see if I could do it without choking, but the audience was there to see Fully Automatic, not Fully Automatic
and
Valerie Quinn.  I felt like I’d be cheating the audience if I sang it solo.  And so I told Brad that. 

“That’s cool.”

He led me onstage to where they were setting up Nick’s drum kit.  Zane was helping him, but Ethan was over to the side tuning his guitar.  Yep, immersed in it again, oblivious to all else.  Typical.  But Brad asked them, “Got this?”

They were just about done.  I looked out at the bar floor
, and there were already a lot of people ready to rock out.  So he turned around to me again and got close, putting his arm over my shoulders.  “Sure I can’t talk you into singing one more song?”

I smiled.  “Yes, I’m sure.”  I looked around.  “So, where do I hang until then?  Can I join the audience?”

“Maybe you could, but I’m not sure how we’d get you back up here in a smooth fashion.  You wanna just hang out over there by the side of the stage, kinda out of the way?  Maybe we could get a chair out of one of the rooms in back.”

“I guess that would be okay.”  If I hadn’t seen them the night before, I might have been upset by it, because I had wanted to watch them.  But I’d seen them in action now, and so I could watch them from the side this time.  He left to find a chair
, and I turned back around to see what progress was being made on the drums.  That’s when I noticed Ethan looking at me.  I had no idea what he was thinking, because his expression gave nothing away.  He didn’t look happy, though, and that’s when I realized he’d seen Brad’s arm around me.  I could have kicked myself.  How would Ethan and I ever stand a chance if he didn’t think he had a shot?

So I walked over to him, smiling.  “Hey, Ethan.  How
’s it going?”

He shrugged.  “Fine.”  Again, it felt like
something weird was going on.  He wasn’t acting normally.  He acted mellower than he should have been at that moment—he should have been hyped—and his pupils were dilated again, just like they’d been last night.  I might not have been worldly, but I was pretty sure Ethan was on something.

Had he already noticed my outfit?  Did he not care?  Or had he just wanted to see if I’d come running?  Well, if his kisses last night were simply designed to see if I’d be the stupid starry-eyed girl who’d respond to the snap of his fingers, it had worked, and I felt foolish.  I decided right then that I wouldn’t say another word to Ethan that night unless he spoke first.  So I just nodded and walked over to see
Zane and Nick.

“Goddamn, girl, you’re
gonna steal all the attention.  Yeah, these biker dudes love to
hear
us, but they like to look at women like you.”

Woman? 
That was a first.  I didn’t know that I quite felt like a woman yet.  Still, it was flattering.  “What makes you think I’m gonna steal your attention?  I’m not even gonna be up here.”

His expression changed.  “I thought Brad was going to have you sing a few songs.”  Oops.

I shook my head.  “Nope.  We’re doing what we did last night, but that’s it.  He asked about another, but I’m just doing the duet again.”

He nodded.  “Oh.  That’s too bad.”

I was going to ask him why when Brad showed back up and showed me where he’d placed the chair, but he told me to move it to wherever I thought I’d get the best vantage point.

Soon, they started their show, and Brad only asked me to do the song we’d agreed upon.  I’d been nervous, based on what
Zane had said, that Brad might try conning me into something more, but he didn’t.  And, just like the night before, the crowd seemed to like it, even though they hadn’t been expecting me.

I helped them take their equipment off stage when it was over, and once we had it tucked out of the way for the next band, we then had to take it out to
the rented trailer attached to their van.  Brad said, “Check out our tour bus, Val.”

I started laughing.  It was a long navy blue van that had seen better days.  “Complete with kitchen and bathroom, right?”

“Gotta start somewhere.  At least, tucked in all the right places, we can fit all of us
and
any extra shit we need to tote that won’t fit in the trailer.  When we get more of our own amps and shit, the little trailer won’t cut it anymore.  For now, though, it works.”