Burden (20 page)

“Then what?”

“Listen to
him
.” She didn’t mean a person, she meant my bear. How could I be so stupid? How many times had I implored her to listen to her bear, swearing to her that her bear would never steer her wrong in terms of what I needed from her—what our bears needed from each other.

I released a great huff of air, closed my eyes and let him guide me. He begged me to hold her, he plea
ded with me to soothe her ache. Sitting down on the couch, I pulled her to me and she melted immediately. I told her everything, every single detail about her mother, what it could mean for us if we were separated, about her being kidnapped and about me feeling like I was no better than the rest. I told her about Horace and she confirmed she’d healed him many times form the beginnings of cancer. She shivered in my hold after I ceased speaking. I tried to move, wanting to see her face. There were so many emotions swirling in her head.

Then after what seemed like hours she got up and left me sitting there and went to bed without another word. I crawled in behind her sometime later. I wrapped my arms around her
, praying to the Creator she didn’t push me away. She turned in my grasp to face me.

“I won’t leave you.”

I didn’t know if that made me happy or not.

“Your mother has a lot to teach you.”

“So what? I go and learn more about how to heal and break what we have in the process? There has to be another way.”

“There’s not. Believe me, I’ve wracked my brain for days about this.
If I go you’ll be distracted. And she says everything she needs is at her home, near the land of her people. There’s no other way. If you don’t go, she could easily claim rights over you anyway. And I won’t accept the alternative.”

“Which is what?” She was getting more and more agitated.

“The alternative is you stay here, we complete the mating rights, we have cubs, and you are happy…for a while.”

She pushed back with her hands on my chest, “And then what?” She squinted, daring me to speak the unspeakable.

“Then you get angry. Either because you can’t heal someone, or because your mother dies without you ever really knowing her and learning from her like you could’ve, or one of the cubs hurt themselves and you’re unable to help them.”

She flopped on her back and crossed her arms in rebellion. “So what? I’ll get over it.”

I sat up and chose my next words carefully. I needed her to understand what she was giving up—for a life with me. I could see her reflection in the TV screen, and when she released her arms I began, “You won’t. It will begin with your aggravation over not knowing your mom and not being able to pass your gift on to our children. Then that frustration will turn into full blown anger and it will fester and eat away at you until you realize the target of all that hate—me. Before you know it you’re leaving a room as soon as I enter it, I’m staying out late drinking myself into oblivion because I can’t stand how much my mate despises me and we’ve gone years and years without a hint of love. I won’t do that to you.”

She rolled her eyes and sat up
beside me, “You can’t know that. You’re being dramatic.”

“Yeah, I can. I was the child of one of those matings.”

She leaned over and bumped her head on my shoulder, “I swear, I could never hate you.”

Though I believed her words, I had to stay true to my resolve. So for the night, I would accept her truth and let us be happy. But I wouldn’t let her suffer the fate of my mother.

She tried to hide a yawn, but I heard it.

“Come on, we need to sleep. We’ve had a big day and I’m not going in tomorrow. We can sleep in, I can make my mate a huge breakfast and then we can do whatever you want.”

She threw herself back on the pillow and then wound her arms around my neck, “We didn’t decide anything.”

“We did,” I said, pulling her tighter to me, “We decided that I love you and I want you to be happy.”

“Goodnight, Hawke.”

“Goodnight, Echo.”

We spent the next week avoiding the elephant in the room. Neither of us spoke of it, but I knew when she stared off in space and furrowed her perfectly shaped eyebrows that she was thinking about it. I came home to her as soon as I could at night after my day off and spent most of the night just staring at the woman who changed my world with the first beat of our hearts.

But my promise would be kept—even if it killed me.

He wasn’t with
me anymore. Sure, he was in my presence, physically, but there was this notch in our bond that I could hear creaking and cracking as it split us open. And my bear made attempts to reach him through our bond—the anguish she felt after her mate failed to respond was almost too much to handle. But I tried to get through it, hoping to the Creator that he was just going through a rough patch. I thought maybe after my mother visited and he saw that I wasn’t going with her, he would be okay. And certainly she wouldn’t claim some stupid rights over me as if we were in the sixteenth century.

That Friday night he came in and
he was completely on edge. He snapped at me over dinner for no reason and then went to his office for the rest of the night. I sat by myself, read those damned romance novels, and wished for my mate to come back to me in spirit. I imagined this was how his mother felt, isolated and alone, reading her novels while her mate, the Alpha, was secluded in his icy office in his frozen state of mind. I flipped the page of the paperback novel and realized the pages of it were slightly rippled and warped. I moved my thumb over the waves on the paper, leaving a wet spot on the page. I didn’t even know I’d been crying. That’s what the ripples on the pages were—they were the tears of Hawke’s mother as she cried, fantasizing over a life and a love she no longer possessed.

No, that wouldn’t be me.

I got up, replaced the book in its shelf, and stalked into the office. Hawke was hunched over his desk working more on his scowl than any actual job. I cleared my throat and I felt a response in his heartbeat, but nothing else.

“Excuse me, Sir. Have you seen my mate? He’s tall, handsome, loving, sexy as hell and he always spends lots of time with me? I’ve been missing him.” I tried to be sassy and smart but the last sentence broke free coupled with a teardrop.

He looked up at me and echoed my sentiment, the tears welling up in his eyelids.

“I’m here,” he croaked
, unconvincingly.

“You’re not. Physically
, you’re here, but mentally you’re somewhere else. And your bear…”

“My bear what?”

“He pulls away from her,” I rubbed a circle with my fist over my chest, feeling her despair like it was an ultra-painful form of heartburn.

He stared at me for the longest time and a jumble of decisions flitted through his mind.

“Run with me,” he demanded with a sad, half smile.

“Okay.”

My bear would never deny him.

I walked out the back door, and I no longer cared for pretentions. I stripped myself bare right in front of my mate but true to his nature, his eyes remained locked with mine. He walked over to me and I gasped at the proximity of us, with nothing on.

“I will love you forever. I hope you know that. No matter what happens. No matter how far you are away from me, we,” He grabbed my hand and touched it to his chest over his heart, “You will always be our mate, our first thought in the morning and our true desire in the night. Nothing will ever change that.” I was struck dumb by his completely honest profession. Then he bent down slightly and kissed my mark. But before I could grab him and show him how deeply his words had stung me, he’d shifted.

I smiled as the shift came over me, reveling in the change in posture and gait as my bear took over. It was then that I realized exactly how hurt she was. She didn’t run away playfully, waiting for him to follow. Instead
, we just laid down and waited for our mate to reach out to us. I felt the warmth and wetness of his nose as he muzzled my own. But it wasn’t until after a thorough showing of affection that my bear responded. She finally got up, accepting his wordless apology and ran with her mate. He’d done a complete about face and now showered my bear and, in turn, me with love and affection through our run. We shared a meal of swamp rabbit and played under the setting sun. He was mine again in this form, but it was his other form that I really worried about.

The next morning, he got up before me, whisperin
g a morning greeting into my ear and then slipping out of the room. I put on a long sleeved sweater dress and some black knee-high boots. I’d bought the outfit on one of Martha and my shopping trips. I pulled a brush through my hair and braided it over one of my shoulders. This was it. I was going to meet my mother and I hoped to the Creator I didn’t completely turn her off.

Hawke walked into the room as I finished up and his heart thumped almost
violently in his chest, causing mine to do the same.

“What?”

He smiled, and for a second I thought my Hawke had returned to me, “It’s you. What did I ever do to deserve a mate as captivating as you?”

I blushed under his praise, “You’re you. That’s what. I can’t think of a more deserving male.”

“Your mother is here, my love.”

Cardiac arrest took over, “I didn’t hear the door.”

He chuckled, “She’s pretty graceful and light-footed. Besides, I saw her approaching and she came in behind me. She’s waiting for you in the living room.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Don’t you think you need time with her alone?”

“I guess so. Yes. No. I don’t know.”

He took my arms in his hands, “Go down there. She’s very kind. You’ll love her—and if you need me, I’m a breath away.”

“Okay.” I smoothed down my dress one more time and went downstairs, leaving Hawke in our bedroom.

I saw her as soon as I came upon the railing of the stairs. She was looking at pictures of Hawke on the mantel, and I realized we’d never taken pictures together. I would have to see what he thought about that later. As my foot landed on the floor, after the bottom step, I muttered a simple, ‘Hello.’

“Hello Echo. Hawke was certainly right in saying you are very pretty.”

“I look just like you,” I answered.

“That’s true. You bear a striking resemblance. And thank goodness for it. We may have never been reunited otherwise.”

She made no move to hug me, no dramatic tears or dramatic declarations. She stood, a pillar of strength and calm. I half expected a lone breeze to blow through our house and make her white dress billow out around her. That’s the kind of spirit she conveyed, one of tranquility.

“Hawke says I was kidnapped.”

She looked at me like I was insane, “Yes, of course, did you think I left my newborn babe in the woods to be eaten?”

My eyes must’ve given her the affirmation of her sarcasm. “You did. You thought I gave you up?”

“I was told they’d found me in the woods. Almost twenty years of lies tends to wear down on a person.”

“Well, I hope it doesn’t take twenty years to reverse it.”

I shrugged.

I sat on the couch and motioned for her to join me.

“We really should be going. We should get started as soon as possible. Are you ready? Do you have everything packed,” she asked matter of factly.

“We? Should be going? Where?”

“She’s ready and packed,” Hawke emerged at the top of the stairs with two duffel bags in tow.

“Hawke?” I meant to sound angry. I meant for my words to come from my m
outh and knock him on his ass—but instead it came out like an orphan asking if she was being moved to the next new mommy.

“Yes, M
ate. You need to train with her, hone your skills. And you need to get to know your mother. I won’t let you make the wrong decision just because you want to stay here with me. I won’t let you think of yourself as a burden anymore.”

“I will not go!” I shouted at him. Just as my voice blasted out, the front door opened and in came Rev, Aspen, Tarrow and Flint. “What is this?” I asked of their presence.

“We have a meeting,” Hawke shrugged but refused to meet my gaze.

“You can’t make me leave.
I won’t go. I belong to you.”

Hawke moved his head back and forth, pretending to crack his neck. Our hearts were frantic, beating in no rhythm at all, just hammering around in our chests.

“I made a promise. I will do what’s best for you, even if it kills me.”

“Then you’ll have to make me leave by force.”

“Don’t make me do this, Echo. Please don’t make me.”

I lunged at him, hugging him, hoping the pressure of my love would make him stop this nonsense. After a few seconds
, he pushed me away, looking at the floor. “You have to go. You have to do this.” He was whispering to me now.

“It will break our bond. I won’t live without you. Don’t you know you are my life?”

Tears ran down his face, “And you are mine. Which is why...”

I questioned him with my face. And then I felt it through him, through our bond. I felt a power I’d never
experienced. It caused my skin to flush and goosebumps to prickle my arms.

“Echo, I command you to go with your mother until your training is complete and she is satisfied with your progress. Don’t call me. Don’t come back until then. Don’t try to contact me. Leave now.”

My mate’s voice pulsed through me and I stepped away from him as my bear screamed for her mate. I turned, completely out of control of my own body, grabbed my bags and followed my mother, who was already in the doorway, holding the door open for me. I felt like a puppet in a vice, being guided, but robotically, towards his intended destination. I went onto the porch, and was followed by this horrible woman and Hawke, and saw a car, the steam from its muffler let me know it was started and ready to go. I got into the car like an idiot and in the rearview mirror I could see that the Betas weren’t there for a meeting at all.

They all had hands on my mate, holding him down, restraining him as he fou
ght his bear for its other half—me.

My m
other didn’t speak until we breached the gates of the other clan’s lands, hours later. And as the gates closed behind us, I was released from Hawke’s command. I’d cried for so long that I’d run out of tears. I could feel his power let go of my muscles, freeing my body, and floating away. I turned around in my seat and looked back. My desire was there, the need to get back to my mate but as my hand clamped down on the door handle it cramped under the weight of his previous command.

He should’ve commanded my heart not to break. He should’ve commanded me not to miss him. He could’ve done that, at least.

“He called me yesterday. He knew you would object. I didn’t agree with his tactics but I hope you can get past it and learn from me. I would love nothing more than to teach my daughter our legacy of healing.”

“I will try. I just can’t understand how he would risk breaking our bond.”

“He is living by a set of bear standards. Your bear will most likely forget him. She will mourn him for a while and then her thoughts of him will grow less and less frequent until she won’t even remember his name.” She smiled as she looked to the clouds, speaking heinous words.

“Why are you smiling?
How can you smile?”

I was beginning to hate this ghost who’d blown into my life and ruined it. I didn’t care what she thought she had to teach me
. The only reason I would listen to a damned thing she said was to get back to my mate. I’d wished all my life to belong, to have a mother and a father who loved me. But at that moment, I hated that I’d ever wished for it.

“Because, Echo, what your mate forgets, though I tried to remind him, is that you are not all bear—not all shifter. We humans do not forget the ones we are in love with as you are in love with Hawke. A few months doesn’t make us forget them or throw away what we once had. And I researched it a bit, even bear mates who are separated can re-bond once reunited.
I wasn’t completely callous in this, though it may seem so to you.”

I let out a great breath at her revelation.
It wasn’t the end of Hawke and me, or our bond. He just didn’t know it. With just one explanation, she gave me the tiniest of comfort. But she still pissed me off.

“And him?”

“You know the tale of a male dying if the female does?”

“Yes.”

“The same goes with the bond. You will always be his mate. If you chose not to, your bond would break and you would be able to find another mate. But on his end, the bond is permanent and cannot be moved. You will always be his mate. Nothing can change that.”