BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY (11 page)

She sat on the sofa, her usual position of legs tucked
under and a glass of wine.  The ‘lighthouse’ book lay next to her. 
Since her return from Cornwall last August it had lain hidden away on in the
drawer, out of sight.  But today she was drawn to looking at it
again.  A sip of wine as Dutch courage and she picked the book up. 
What was she afraid of?  The book wasn’t going to bite.  All those
months ago when she had originally found it she had been happy to have a final
link with Rob.  Now she didn’t know what to think. 

She had taken to going for walks in the park,
cleaning her house into a frenzy and alternating with days that she just didn’t
want to get out of bed.  But her absence in the Reynolds family gatherings
was not going un-noticed.  Her cousin Marie was very vocal in Carrie ‘Pulling
herself together’ or another classic line she had heard was ‘Are you dating
yet?’  So far she had avoided a christening, her cousins twenty first
party and another cousins happy divorce party coincidently the same cousin
Marie’s party.  In her absence she had sent her regrets and gifts. 
But on her calendar next month the day before birthday her Aunt Peggy and Uncle
Johns ruby wedding anniversary.  Amongst the Reynolds family it was joked
that that a family party was the cause of her early birth.  Her Mum had
been late having Claire and assumed Carrie would be the same.  She danced
throughout the night and when she got home telling her husband she was feeling
unwell everyone assumed it was from her dancing activities.  Not
suspecting that her labour had started.   Within hours of returning
home she was on her way to the hospital.  At 07.05am Carrie made her
appearance.  Every year and every anniversary party that came and went it
was referred to.  The ruby anniversary was a party she could not shy away
from. 

She had three months left of the sabbatical and the
break from work with the responsibilities it brought had been a relief. 
Would she go back in three months’ time?  She didn’t know but there was
time enough to think about that later. 

She picked up the book.  Heavy in her
hands.  It was more of a coffee table type book.  Illustrated with
glossy pictures of New England lighthouses.  She flicked through the pages
and stopped at page 23.  There on the rocks a single yellow butterfly. 
Page 37 and 51 were the same – a single yellow butterfly.

A shiver ran through her body from top to toe.

On page 23 – Portland Head Light in Cape
Elizabeth.  The waves were crashing on the rocks below the lighthouse and
buildings.  There she could see the yellow butterfly clear and
crisp. 

On page 37 – Portland Breakwater Light.  Again
the yellow butterfly on the rocks.

Finally page 51 Cape Neddick ‘Nubble’
Lighthouse.  No surprizes that there also was a butterfly on that page.

A plan began to form in her brain; she would go and
see the lighthouses.

It made sense, didn’t it?

Before she talked herself out of it, she turned on
the ipad and started her research.  She felt that fate was driving this
decision and that Portland was the place to go to.  Three hours later she
had booked the flights.  Gulp!  She couldn’t fly direct from Glasgow
but could fly to New York and then get a connecting flight to Portland. 
As she was on ‘sabbatical’ from work that negated the need to request any leave
or vacation time.  No pets to look after or plants to water.  She was
free as a bird.  The flights were booked for three days’ time with an open
return ticket and a hire car too.   She would look for accommodation
tomorrow once she had researched the area a bit better.   Weather
wise she didn’t know what to expect for June but at least it wasn’t
snowing.  An almost ideal time to travel but she would have to pack warm
and well for her trip. 

The only fly in the ointment would be telling her
parents and sister of her plans.

Tomorrow would be time enough for that.

Making her travel arrangements had distracted her
for the evening from thinking too much about Rob.  But for the first time
in months she had a purpose again and it felt good.

When she made her way to bed a short time later she
was weary with the need to rest.  She removed the carefully arranged
pillows and throw from the bed.  Folded them neatly onto the chair next to
her dressing table and pulled back the duvet.   A quick visit to the
bathroom to brush her teeth and she was ready for bed.  There on her
pillow a shiny penny.  It hadn’t been there a moment ago when she fixed
the bed, she was sure of it.  She picked the penny up and placed it on the
side table in the dish next to ‘Robs’ ashes.

“Good night, my darling” she whispered.

She didn’t set the alarm, let her body and the calls
of nature wake her.  She fell into a deep sleep and dreamed of lighthouses
with waves crashing.

When she woke the sun was shining bright but it was
only a little after eight in the morning.  She made a pot of coffee, some
toast before starting her search again on the internet.  The TV on in the
background.  She paid little attention to the breakfast TV show but wanted
to listen to the news so she turned up the volume.  The recent fuel hikes
the main topic of conversation and not much else she surmised. 

“Coming up after the break, all the latest Hollywood
news and gossip!”

She cleared the crumbs from the table and washed
away the remnants of her toast.  Another mug of coffee and she returned to
the internet search.  She had narrowed down her accommodation choices and
emailed off some availability enquiries.   

The ink on the pen was running out and she had a
rummage through the drawer on one of the side tables for a spare. 

“Rumours are rife here in La La land that
billionaire playboy Nico Devanti and supermodel Lea are about to tie the
knot!  Lea has been spotted at
the
top wedding dress designers here
in Beverly Hills.  It’s no coincidence that Lea has been visiting
jewellers too!  Hearts will be breaking if the rumours are true but their
reps are denying any nuptials! Now that’s a sure sign of imminent wedding
bells!”

The presenters debated this at length.

“At last .. found a pen!” 

Starting writing her to do list for her trip.

Mmm she wondered if her Aunt had been following the
latest gossip on Devanti?  Oh would Belle get an invite to the celeb
occasion of the year?  If anyone could it would be Belle.

The phone began to ring.  She checked the
caller display – it was her parent’s number.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The opening words from her
Mum.  Eh was she rumbled already for her trip?

“What?  Tell you what Mum?”

“That Claire is moving!”

“Mum, Claire swore me to secrecy.  It’s not
official that they’ve got the lease.  How did you find out, inspector?”

“They popped over last night after their
viewing.  Well, I hope their bid is accepted with the letting agency”

The next ten minutes her Mum changed the topic of
conversation and Carrie inserted the occasional yes or no in response when she
paused for breath.

Carrie promised to visit later that afternoon and
that she would not go for any rainy walks in the park.

Her momentum to research her trip lost and she
decided to go shopping instead.

A few hours later she had added a few more ticks to
her to do list.  Currency, clothes and toiletries purchased. 

Only her Mum’s car was parked in the large driveway
of the detached villa that was her childhood home.  Since her father had
talked of retirement he had reduced some of his working hours.  Today must
be a working day.  Her Mum was busy fussing round the immaculate house
that had neither cushion out of place nor magazine off centre on the
table. 

“Hi Mum,” she was immediately enveloped in a
hug.  “Dad at work?”

“Yes, back in a few hours  ... well he better
be on time as we’ve got theatre tickets for this evening.  How are you
darling?  You look tired,”

 “Oh Mum, I’m so fed up crying.”

“Carrie, it’s normal to feel the way you do. 
Are you still taking those tablets?”

She picked up her cup of tea.

“I’ve cut back quite a lot now that I’m not at
work.  I think it was too stressful for me to go back when I did.  I
wanted some normality in my life.  A routine.  Then I started making
errors and feeling like an idiot.  Lost my confidence.”

The cup of tea still in her hand, she took a sip
trying to phrase in her mind how she was going to explain to her mother she was
going on a trip.

“So I’ve decided, I’m going on a trip.”

“That’s a good idea Carrie, just what you
need.  Have you booked somewhere nice or are you going to see Belle
again?”

“No, not Belle’s… a little further afield this
time.  I’ve booked my flight and I’m going to America.”

“What?  On your own?  But why?”

Before her mother could ream off more questions than
she could answer Carrie interrupted.

“I leave on Friday evening, yes two days away. 
On my own.  I know you will think I’m a little crazy but it’s something I
have to do”

Carrie took the book out of her bag and passed it to
her Mum to see. 

“When I stayed at Belle’s last year, I didn’t tell
you everything that happened.  I told Daddy some of it but I didn’t want
you to worry.”

So Carrie told her Mum all about that fateful mug of
tea in a greasy spoon café with a psychic called Sheena who had a message from
Rob.

“I’ve tried to forget about it, to rationalise it
but I can’t explain the book that I found – which was unopened by Rob she
couldn’t have known about it – pennies and butterflies everywhere.”

“Carrie you can’t go.  Not now.  There
will be a perfectly sensible explanation behind this.  You have always
liked butterflies and don’t they say once it’s in your mind it’s something you
look for… if someone says I haven’t seen a yellow car in ages .. suddenly you
see a yellow car!”

“Mum .. its not like that .. I’m not going mad.. I
know what I am doing”

“Does your father know this?  And Claire, does
she know all about your trip?  It seems I’m the last to know what you are
doing, what’s happening in your life.  I’m only your Mother, I worry and
worry.  We have a new baby on the way and if Claire moves you are needed
here.”

“Dad doesn’t know about the trip, neither does
Claire.  I only booked the flights last night.  I know you worry,
please don’t.  This is something I have to do.  I have to try and get
my life back.  I’m always here for Claire, going away for a week or so
isn’t going to change that.”

The book was on the coffee table, her Mum had given
it a fleeting glance dismissing it and Carrie returned it to her bag.  She
picked up her empty mug and took it into the kitchen to wash as she always did
when at home.  When she returned to the living room her Mum was still
sitting on the sofa.

Carrie picked up her car keys and jacket.  “I’m
going home now Mum,” she kissed her Mum on the cheek good bye. “Enjoy the theatre
and I will speak to you later, and don’t worry.  Everything will be okay.”

“Oh Carrie!  Of course I worry, I’m your
Mother, I’ve worried for the last twenty eight years of your life, that’s not
going to change now!”

She made the journey home in the usual twenty
minutes.  Took the bags from the boot of the car, she hadn’t thought she
had bought so much.  The phone was ringing when she opened the door. 
Checking the caller display it was her sisters’ number.

“Carrie .. what are you playing at?.”

“Hello to you too sis.  Let me guess you spoke
to Mum?”

Carrie explained, again, what she was intending on
doing.

“I think you are mad Carrie.  Why now? 
Why not go to the Canaries or Italy if you need a holiday?  But New
England on a goose chase or should that be a bloody light house chase?”

“Claire I won’t insult you saying you’re hormonal or
anything like that!  But I am going on Friday and I would like you to
support me in this”

“Hormonal .. of course I’m hormonal I’m six months
pregnant but you’re my little sister and I love you and I am worried about
you.”

“I can’t go on like this Claire, I have to do
something positive or I will be locked in like this forever.”

They said their goodbyes and Carrie sunk low into
the sofa.

“Well that went down like a tonne of bricks!”

All she needed now was a call from her Dad and she
would have a hat-trick of disapproval.

A few hours later she checked her emails and the
responses from the hotels she had made enquiries with.  It was her
intention to stay two weeks at the maximum to give her time to get to the
lighthouses and see a little of New England.  If she was ready to come
home earlier she would book an earlier return.

A scribble on her notepad and she started to plan
her itinerary.  She planned to travel Friday and check into an airport
hotel when she arrived that night. The hire car she would collect on Saturday
from the airport.  Saturday drive from Portland to Cape Elizabeth. 
She confirmed her reservation at a boutique guest house in Cape Elizabeth, for
a one week stay which she could extend if required. A short drive along route
77 and she would be there in fifteen minutes or so the directions advised her.