His voice caught as if he found it difficult to go on. Naeth lifted a hand to gently run his fingers along Reijir’s jaw. Reijir half-closed his eyes and, turning his head, pressed a kiss to Naeth’s fingers. Naeth shivered at the tender gesture.
“I would very much like to know what he did to hurt you so,” he murmured. “If only to ensure that I don’t do the same.”
Reijir shook his head. “You couldn’t hurt anyone even if you did your utmost,” he said. “There isn’t a spiteful bone in your body.”
“And yet I did hurt you,” Naeth pointed out. “Please, Rei, tell me.” He hesitated then
whispered, “You can trust me.”
Reijir’s smile became luminous. “Yes, that I can.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Twenty-five years earlier…
Reijir rode into Balas and headed for his lover’s house. He was a familiar figure in the village after more than a year of nigh weekly visits to one of its inhabitants. And of late, many a night’s stay as well. Darion’s neighbors considered him Reijir’s leman now that they’d consummated their affair though Reijir had not yet presented Darion with the requisite earring, something he’d been planning to commission the coming summer.
As he dismounted in the small yard of Darion’s house, he felt the familiar thrill of homecoming race through him. This feeling of belonging always came upon him when he visited, a feeling that came not only of the Deir he loved so dearly but also the house itself. After all, this was where he had learned what it meant to give of his heart and himself so wholly and freely.
He still remembered the first time he saw Darion in vivid detail.
Reijir had just returned from Rikara to spend the summer recess in Ilmaren. By then he’d gained much confidence at university and from keeping company with his Essendri cousins. He’d left Ilmaren a shy and solemn lad and returned one year short of his thirtieth summer an assured, outspoken youth who very favorably represented his House in appearance and deportment.
His first morning home he ventured down to the city to see if there had been any changes in the time he was gone. Darion was among the young folk who gathered in the tavern where Reijir chose to have his midday meal, ostensibly to dine but in truth so they could have a look at the newly returned second Arthanna son.
Darion caught his eye not because he was comely of face and form, though he was undoubtedly both with his tawny hair and dark blue eyes. Rather it was because he alone of his companions had not fawned over Reijir after the introductions. Instead he had boldly seated himself at Reijir’s table and demanded that Reijir do something about the absurdly high tax his sire had recently imposed on goods brought in from other fiefs. He captured Reijir’s interest in that moment, and Reijir had proceeded to fall in love with him even though Darion was several years his senior and no innocent in love or love play.
That was another of Darion’s many attractions, Reijir had to admit. It was Darion who taught him about physical pleasure and the ecstasy to be gotten from the coupling of their bodies. And it was Darion who gave him such joy of heart and body that he hoped one day to bind to him. But for now, making him his leman would have to do. He intended to propose to Darion when he reached his majority and the constraints of age no longer hindered him.
He let himself in, the absence of resident servants for so large a house always a discordant note. He took the stairs two steps at a time and traversed the wide corridor to Darion’s bedroom. The sound of movement told him Darion was inside. He opened the door and stepped into the room. Darion turned around in surprise, his hands still in the midst of folding a shirt.
Reijir frowned at the sight of trunks by the bed and an assortment of belongings apparently being readied for packing away. He looked at Darion, eyebrows lifting in puzzlement.
“What’s all this, Dar?” he asked, indicating the heaps of clothing on the bed. “Are
you going somewhere?”
As he spoke, Darion hurried to him. Preempting more questions, he sealed their mouths in a torrid kiss.
For several heartbeats, passion held sway as Reijir was sorely tempted to sweep everything off the bed and bear Darion down on it for a quick tumble. Momentarily giving in to temptation, he pulled Darion flush against him and deepened the kiss until they were both gasping with the need for more intimacy.
Darion unbuttoned Reijir’s tunic and shirt until he could slide his hands inward to stroke his chest. Breaking their kiss, he pressed his mouth to Reijir’s neck and let his tongue draw a moist trail from under Reijir’s jaw to the hollow at the base of his throat.
Reijir groaned and almost forgot the reason for his visit. But reason somehow managed to overcome lust. He shakily pushed his lover’s hands away and pulled back slightly. Darion stared at him with wide eyes.
“Are you actually turning me down?” he teased.
Reijir shook his head. “Only for now,” he breathlessly said. “I need to ask you something first. Keiran says
Aba
came here last night.
Darion started then replied, “He did.”
“And?”
“He told me he had made you his heir.”
“What else?”
“He also said he would never countenance a marriage between us.”
Reijir frowned. “And you’re leaving just because he said that?”
Darion blew his breath out. “Surely you know there’s no chance for us now,” he said a little peevishly. “Your sire openly objected to me before. All the more will he act on his objections now that you’re his heir.”
“
Aba
knows I’ll sooner leave Ilmaren than allow him to dictate my choice of mate,”
Reijir insisted. “He can create obstacles to keep us from marrying, but he won’t outright forbid us. Not if he wishes to keep me here. And time is on our side, Dar, not his. All we need do is wait for the day I succeed him.”
Darion looked away. “If you indeed succeed him. He could rescind his decision as easily as he chose to bypass Keiran. Indeed, if only to ensure that I don’t wed into your family, he could disinherit you and leave you a nameless pauper.”
“Did he tell you so?” Reijir grimaced when Darion nodded. “Yes, that sounds like something
Aba
would do,” he unhappily admitted. “He has no qualms about using people’s loyalties and sentiments against them.” He took Darion’s hands in his and lifted them to his lips. “Let me take care of this, Dar. If I have to bring the matter to the Ardan himself, I will.”
“I hardly think that wise, Rei. What would people say if you were to trouble the Ardan with so petty a problem and you a future Herun?”
Reijir pursed his lips. “You’re right, of course.
Heyas
, but I hate this business of being a fief-lord! A pox on
Aba
for foisting so thankless a job on me.” He pulled Darion into his arms once more and touched his forehead to his lover’s. “Nevertheless, don’t upset yourself over this.
Aba
will back off when he realizes what forcing the issue could cost him. Besides, this is your home. He has no right to order you to leave without valid cause, and much as he wishes it were otherwise, spite is not reason enough to exile anyone.”
Darion smiled a little crookedly. He slipped out of Reijir’s arms.
“Truth be told, I had been thinking of leaving,” he said, walking back to the bed.
“Had we not met, I likely would have made my way to Rikara by now. You were the only reason I stayed on, Rei.”
Reijir was surprised. He’d known of Darion’s difficulties, but not that his lover had planned to relocate to Rikara.
“You wanted to leave? Why?”
“There was nothing for me here. After I paid off my parents’ debt, there was naught but the house left. I was only able to keep it because of your help.”
Reijir could not gainsay him. When he first met Darion, the Deir had been struggling to maintain the standard of living to which he’d been accustomed, a standard threatened by his spendthrift parents’ ways and later by Darion’s own inability to manage his resources with prudence. Darion had slowly sold off property until all that remained was his house, a large and gracious abode that was really much too costly for a Deir of modest means. Reijir frowned at the critical assessment of his lover’s lifestyle, the first time he’d thought thusly.
And I was only able to keep it because of your help.
That statement bothered him, he realized. It implied Darion had not left because he’d found someone who could help him financially.
Heyas!
What did that make Reijir then?
More to the point, who felt more threatened by the potential loss of his inheritance?
Darion had cleared the bed of the piles of clothing and now reached out his hand invitingly to Reijir. But Reijir could not shake the unease of his barely formed suspicions.
He grabbed Darion by the wrist.
“What did
Aba
offer you in exchange?” he anxiously asked.
Darion caught his breath then tried to pull away, but Reijir’s hold on him was unyielding. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he protested.
“Oh yes, you do. Else you would have told me of his visit and bade me a proper goodbye,” Reijir pointed out. “That you tried to leave in secret belies that. You didn’t want me to know because you feared I would stop you.”
Something clicked in his mind as he spoke. Reijir stared at his lover in dawning comprehension. “Nay, you agreed to leave not because you fear for my prospects but because I’d have naught to offer you if
Aba
disowns me.” His grip grew tight enough to force a gasp out of Darion. “The truth, Darion,” he demanded. “What did
Aba
offer you?”
“He granted me a great tract of land in Solandra,” Darion reluctantly answered. “And all the landholder’s rights that go with it. I’ll be a landlord in my own right, Rei. I won’t need to depend on you any longer. I’ll even have property to pass on to my sons.”
“
Our
sons,” Reijir angrily corrected. “Saints above, Dar, they could inherit the entire fief!” he cried in one last desperate outburst. “Why won’t you let me fight for us?”
“What if there’s naught to fight for?” Darion countered. “If your sire changes his mind again, it will be for the worst. He’ll leave you with nothing, Rei. You know he will.”
That effectively doused whatever still remained of Reijir’s passion. He released Darion with a scowl of disgust.
“And of course you wouldn’t want me then,” he spat. “Deity’s blood! I was a fool to believe that you loved me!”
“I do love you,” Darion insisted. “Were it not for the exigencies of my
circumstances—”
“You mean the need to serve your profligacy,” Reijir cut in.
Darion gasped in indignation. “Are you calling me an opportunistic cad?”
“What else should I call you?”
“Well, I like that!” Darion huffed. “I could have pursued your brother if a rich patron was all I wanted. After all, he was the heir then. But nay, I settled for you, Reijir Arthanna, the second son. I won’t deny I was relieved when you offered to pay the rest of my debt, but that wasn’t the reason I propositioned you. From the moment I saw you, I knew I had to have you.”
“With the intention of dropping me as soon as trouble reared its head,” Reijir sarcastically said. “I never thought you so craven that you would flail from a toothless threat.”
Angered, Darion shouted, “Fie on you to accuse me of cowardice! You can’t even defend yourself from your sire’s beatings!”
Reijir jerked back as if he’d been struck. He stared at Darion, speechless with anguish and utter disillusionment.
“
Heyas!
I didn’t mean that, Rei!” Darion exclaimed, eyes wide with dismay at his indiscretion. He placed a placating hand on Reijir’s arm. “I’m so sorry, that was uncalled for. Surely you know I don’t think you weak or cowardly. It was my anger that spoke.”
Reijir yanked his arm away. “No more!” he snapped. “Leave here before sundown or I’ll have my people run you out for all to see.”
“What?” Darion was aghast. He tried to catch hold of Reijir’s hand, but Reijir evaded his touch. “Rei, please, you’re being unreasonable!”
“You have no leave to call me by name,” Reijir coldly informed him.
He ignored Darion’s stunned expression and brutally suppressed the welling hurt within as scarlet memories of his name whispered, moaned, cried out in the depths of many a sultry night assailed him.
“Don’t show your face in Althia again if you value your health,” he added more quietly but with no less venom.
He turned his back on the Deir who had taught him not only the pleasures of the flesh but also the delights of first love. The same Deir who now dealt him his first lesson in the risks of gambling one’s heart and sent him down the rutted road of innocence lost and trust betrayed.
“He moved to Solandra and took over the estate
Aba
promised him in exchange for breaking with me,” Reijir somberly replied. “He’s quite rich now and wed to a like-minded Deir.”
“Like-minded?”
“The son of the town’s Second Elder, a Deir of good name and impeccable breeding but close to impoverished.”
“So he bartered his new wealth for respectability.”
“You can say that.”
Naeth wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I’ll never understand how people can rank riches higher than love and the support of family and friends. And it appears your sire’s
word was of little worth among your people. Else Darion wouldn’t have been so quick to take his bribe.”
Reijir shrugged. “It doesn’t change the fact that he preferred the surety of prosperity over the consequences of a relationship with me.” He drank the last of his wine and set the glass aside. “Without the certainty of any inheritance in my future, I was useless for his purposes.”
“I still can’t believe he gave up a life with you,” Naeth said. “I’m sure he didn’t realize what he was losing. Verily, people like him should be pitied. Just like Uncle Syvan. He must have been a very lonely Deir, don’t you think? Whereas my
aba
never wanted for love and esteem for all his lack of wealth.”