Caching In (27 page)

My parents not talk to each other? In all my years, I never witnessed such a scene. Each morning they ate breakfast together, and when my dad left for work, she gave him a kiss and a long hug, and wave from the window. I couldn’t imagine them arguing with one another, or one giving the other the silent treatment. “What made you able to pick up the pieces and stay together, and get pregnant again?”

“Faith and love.” She didn’t even think about the words before she said them. “I believed, and still believe, something wasn’t right about the pregnancy. I miscarried for a reason. I don’t know why, and I never
will
know why, but the one thing I was certain of was my love for your father. The doctor told me I couldn’t rule out another miscarriage, but I wanted to be a mother and raise a family. I came to terms with it, and realized I couldn’t let this grief rip us apart. And I thank God every day I didn’t. You and Perry are wonderful, and I couldn’t ask for two more perfect children.”

Perry and I floated far from perfect status, and she knew that. I understood, though, what she was trying to convey, glad she took the time to confide in me. “Thanks for telling me all this, Mom.”

“Of course, dear. I want you to understand everyone deals with loss in their own way. Look at you and your father. You two held a special bond and moving on was hard for you. Do you remember those first few weeks after he first died? You laid in bed, sick for two whole weeks. Then, you stayed with me for three months until you finally were okay to be alone with your grief. These things take time. Seth thought he was ready, but when the reality of love and moving on with his life stared him in the face, he got scared. Give him a bit, and I’m sure he’ll come around.”

This mother - the advice-giving, caring, and wanting to help one - was way different from the gossip-driven, self-absorbed mom I grew up with. I liked this version of her, and I hoped she would stick around for a while.

----------

After the long discussion about my mom’s miscarriage, and Seth, I opened up about losing my job. When I told her, I waited for her to either yell at me for being so asinine to get fired, or offer to help me out as she did sometimes. For the record, I never would accept the help. However, she did neither. “Open up the classifieds and start looking for a new job,” she told me. I teased her that no one read the newspaper anymore, and she lectured me about technology and its addictive effects. Then she surprised me.

“I’m very proud of you,” she praised me.

We pulled up to my apartment as she said the words. My hand already gripped the car door handle, but I couldn’t move. “For what?”

My mom put the car in park. “For taking a stand, despite what you thought the consequences may be. Even though your allegations against your boss were wrong, and you lost your job because of it, you stood up and defended Chelsea when you thought she couldn’t. You’re a great friend.”

“No, I’m not. I totally suck. I ditched Chelsea in the Dells. No wonder when Seth came she left so willingly.”

“She’s a wonderful friend, too, Ally. Even though things didn’t turn out how you wanted, Chelsea left because she knew how much you cared for Seth. She wanted to come today, but when she called me to tell me what happened, I asked to go instead.”

I thought my mom missed church because she
had
to come. Finding out she skipped her most favorite thing of the week to come comfort me, well, that meant the world. Almost as much as if my dad were sitting with us.

“Don’t beat yourself up. Call Chelsea. Give Seth space.”

When she touched my shoulder, her hand felt different. “Mom?” She moved her hand back and it just about blinded me - a huge diamond ring on her finger. “What’s that? Are you … engaged?”

Her flinching lips and eyes tried to hide her smile, so I smiled to show my acceptance. “Paul proposed last night.”

I looked at my mom, her face glowing, and it gave me no choice but to be happy for her. My dad may have been the love of her life, but he was gone now, and she deserved the chance to move on. I congratulated her and gave her a hug, ready to move on with my own life.

I spent the next couple weeks searching through every job site possible, and contacting employment agencies. My skill set was plentiful, but I had
no clue
what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to stay in the banking industry. No way. I had my fill of Daryl’s in my life, and while I would encounter more managers I didn’t care for, and hold more jobs in my life when I wouldn’t obtain a promotion I wanted, my last job tainted me. I needed something new and fresh.

With my mom’s advice (okay, urging), I began volunteering at her church. Over the next month, I met so many great people. I helped collect clothes for the homeless, visited nursing homes to keep residents company, and my favorite was helping out in the church daycare. I especially loved reading to the kids. Maybe I’d start putting that library card to use and get some books of my own.

The only constant in my life, though, was how much I missed Seth. I did what my mom suggested and gave him space. No phone calls, no texts, no drop-ins at the bed and breakfast. One time I thought I saw him at Wal-Mart and instead of giving a nice hello, I ducked behind the coffee makers. The day I saw him, I thought my world came crashing down. It didn’t, though, and life continued on. As much as it moved forward, though, I didn’t truly feel happy. I wanted Seth back.

CHAPTER THIRTY

I didn't care how anyone saw me. I sat on the grass leaning into my father's headstone and hugged the granite as though the object were actually him. If alive, my father’s arms would be wrapped around me, letting me bury my head into his chest as he held the back of my head telling me everything would be okay. My dad, a very strong man, came off as tough and solid on the exterior, but his inside was always soft as a marshmallow. He hated seeing me in pain, but at the same time he made sure I understood pain was a part of life. When I fell off my bike for the first time, he assured me once the wound healed, and I learned to ride without falling, I’d never look back, happy I pushed through the injury. Every time I fell, he told me to take the energy and put it into my focus while riding. Each time I started to lose my balance, I recognized so and steadied myself until finally, I never fell again. I tried out for the softball team once in middle school and got cut at the last minute. My dad picked me up from the devastation and told me to try harder. We worked together over the next year to better my swing and make sure I caught everything I could. I made the team the next season, and while I only stayed on for one summer, I was glad I did. Somehow I thought my dad would be able to help me through my heartache with Seth. He would say the right things to convince me to move on, or counter my mom’s advice and suggest I march on over to the bed and breakfast and stand up for love. Ever since my dad died, I still went to him with all my problems, and our one-sided talks always helped. Today, though, I wanted his spirit to wrap me in his arms and comfort me, and I sobbed, unable to feel his presence, and pissed off I couldn’t.

I sat on the ground for near twenty minutes crying my eyes out and pitying myself, and being mad my father wasn’t around, until no more tears formed. I pushed myself off the ground, determined to accept life and move forward. I arrived to the cemetery late that Sunday due to volunteer commitments, and, and the sun just began to set. I started on the pathway to the bench in the cemetery overlooking the pond. I wanted to sit and take in the remaining sunset, remember my dad, and consider my future. I sat down on the bench, putting my arms on either other side of me on the back. The pond reminded me of when Seth and I went fishing. Was that our second date or our third? I guess that depended upon if we considered our first geocaching outing when we first met a date. I opened up to him about how my dad would take me fishing and how much I enjoyed the silence. Everyone needed time to themselves, but the solitude inside me right now ran much deeper. Not only did my heart ache weeks after our breakup, but every single part of my body. I missed my dad terribly and wished he were able to guide me. He probably could make things easier.

“Excuse me is this seat taken?”

I jumped and turned around, surprised to see Seth standing behind the bench. He appeared tired and torn apart, much like my heart. “What are you doing here?”

He stepped around and stood in front of me. When he stared back at me, I realized how much I missed him. The day he walked out on me, I thought my life fell apart. My mom, of all people, helped me through by suggesting the volunteer work, though I never got over him completely. Now, I wanted to throw my arms around him and forget all that happened between us.

“Is it okay if I sit next to you?”

“Of course.”

“Amazing view isn't it?” He stared into the pond.

“Definitely is.”

“This is why Alyssa and I chose the spot.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. I turned around and searched for Alyssa. “Is she here?” Perhaps the two of them got back together.

“That's not what I meant,” he said. “Willow is buried right over there.” He turned and pointed around me to some headstones to my left. “Alyssa and I wanted her to be near beauty because hers was unmatched.”

I gazed at him as he continued to speak, never placing his eyes on me, but focusing only on the pond. “When we found out she was pregnant, we were quite surprised. We’d only been dating about six months when it happened, and we rushed to get married. We wanted to do it right if we were going to have a family. Everything moved along normally in the pregnancy and then Alyssa started having complications.” He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The doctor told us to be keenly aware of any changes, and we started going in every single week for ultrasounds. When Alyssa reached twenty-nine weeks, almost thirty, things took a turn for the worse and the doctor needed to deliver Willow. Her heart wasn’t beating at a healthy pace, and she was in distress.” He moved his hand from his face, placing them on the bench. “Willow was gorgeous, but so tiny. She weighed just under three pounds. I couldn’t even hold her. They whisked her away to the NICU and covered her body in wires. The only way I could touch my daughter was through the arm holes of an enclosed box like bed.” He lifted his shoulder and buried his face in it. “She lived for fifteen days. Fifteen long, emotionally draining, beautiful days - both the best and worst days of my life.”

I watched Seth as he sobbed, and I put my arms around him. He nestled his head in my neck, his eyelashes blinking tears onto my skin. “I lost the biggest part of me, Ally. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

All this time I worried about him dealing with his past and moving on, it never occurred to me he
was trying
to move on. Losing his present concerned him. I didn’t want to lose him, either, and I never planned on it. “Seth, I … I don’t know what to say.”

He sniffled and lifted his head. “I found your cache.”

I’d honestly forgotten all about it. When I returned from the Dells, I considered removing it and unpublishing it from the database, but I got lost in my mom’s church and I pushed the cache to the back of my mind. In fact, I hadn’t been out geocaching since the last time with Seth, but was in the early stages of planning a trip with the church.

“I loved it, Ally. I wasn’t the first to find, though.”

I remembered how much Seth wanted to be the first. Well over a month and a half had passed since I placed the cache, so it didn’t surprise me someone else got to it first. The cache had been designed like
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
and I placed a key inside, along with a felt heart. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, Ally. Just tell me you’ll go geocaching with me again. And we’ll be exclusive geocaching partners.”

This was the Seth I’d fallen in love with. Corny, funny, romantic, and full of love. I couldn’t look into those eyes without melting. I never fell out of love. I still wanted to give myself to this man. “Totally.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

“Thank you for staying with us. I hope you enjoyed your weekend.” I handed the printout to the couple checking out from Aunt Ellen's Bed & Breakfast.

I’d been working there just over a year, and was so happy I found something I loved to do. Seth and I were going strong, too, and we worked well together. Chelsea broke things off with Daniel completely, and rather than go through court and fight for Daniel to pay child support, they agreed he would send money as able. James was a wonderful baby, and at eight months old smiled all the time, with a giggle that warmed me. Seth loved when we visited them, and seeing him so happy brought a completion to me I never thought possible. Kate warmed up to me after a few months. I think after seeing what a good place Seth was in, she figured she better like me! Once she realized I could do a great job at the bed and breakfast, she cut her hours to part-time. Seth and Kate’s dad stayed at the bed and breakfast while Kate worked, then she brought him home and kept an eye on him there. He started to get better, wandered less, and he, too seemed to be moving on from the death of his wife. The appointment Seth and Kate went to the day Alyssa covered? They bought the B&B from their dad. They now owned the place completely, and business was booming.