Caching In (23 page)

“It's been almost a year now. I'm learning to live day by day.”

I still remembered the day when they sat Josh and I down and told us about Trina’s cancer diagnosis. We expected after her treatments, everything would be back to normal, but it wasn't. The cancer proved to be too aggressive, and before I knew it, Trina passed away. She and Chris, together since high school, had been part of each other’s lives for such a long time. The loss devastated everyone, and Chris broke down, losing a lot of weight and refusing to move on. Now, he looked healthy, and hearing about his new aspirations with working in the Dells, I realized he finally started to move forward.

“As long as we’re issuing our sympathies here, sorry about what happened with Josh. I know you find it hard to believe, but I didn’t realize what was going on. He kept me in the dark. Had I known, I would’ve told you as soon as I found out.”

“Don’t worry about it, Chris. I dealt with it, and moved on.”

He placed his bottle on the bar. “You did? Do tell.”

“I should clarify I
did
move on, but I’m not quite sure where we are right now.”

“How do you mean?”

Chris always asked questions and showed genuine interest in other people’s lives. Josh only ever cared about himself. In a different time, maybe Chris and I could have ended up together. Either way, I considered him a great friend. I explained the situation between Seth and me, and considering my past with Josh, he didn’t think I overreacted too much.

“It sounds to me, Ally, like you got it pretty bad for this guy.”

“I do.” I tapped my glass on the bar. “I did.” I slid it in a small circle. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m meant to be a spinster.”

“A spinster? Come on, Ally. You’re not even thirty.”

“Next month.”

“Wow. That’s amazing. You’re thirty and aren’t married with three kids to tote around. So fricking what? I’m almost thirty, and widowed. I’m not complaining about how lonely I am, and believe me, I’m painfully lonely without Trina by my side. You know what, though? You move on. Get over it, Ally. I don’t know why you and Seth broke up, because I don’t see a real reason in the story you told me, but work it out.”

I asked the bartender for another beer. If Chris was going to rip into me, I needed another.

“Is that a good idea?” Chris asked. “You’re already a little buzzed.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Your cheeks are flushed, you’re looking tired, and you’re pushing your chest into my shoulder as you say that.” I backed away. “All the tell-tale signs Ally Couper is buzzed.”

“Okay, okay. A tiny bit.” I squeezed my fingers together to show him how little. “Just one more, okay? And let’s
dance
!” Conversation diverted, and I wanted to do what I came here for - fun!

“No, no, no. I believe I promised not to let you dance.” He tried to pull me back down to my stool.

“Who the hell cares? Little-Miss-Perfect left.”

“Far from perfect.”

“Okay, well Little-Miss-Party-Pooper.”

“How about your pregnant best friend who needed some rest?”

“Whatever.” I took a swig of my beer and yanked Chris out of his chair, and dragged him out on the dance floor. “You’re dancing, whether you like it or not.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Someone stood on top of me, grinding a drill directly into my forehead because it offered the only explanation for the excruciating pain. I smacked my lips together and groaned. “What happened last night, Chels?” I pulled the covers up to my chin and rolled over.

“You got pretty drunk.”

I shot up in bed at the sound of a man’s voice. “Chris? What?” I glanced around the room. One bed. A dresser. Dark walls, wood floors. This wasn’t my room. It wasn’t even a hotel room. “Why am I here?” I touched under the covers. “And why am I only in my underwear and bra?”

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my
God
! I got plastered and slept with Chris.
Chris!
The only thing worse than sleeping with your ex was sleeping with your ex’s best friend. I needed to tell Josh. And Seth. Shit. How would I tell Seth?
Should
I tell Seth? Screw it. We broke up, so I didn’t owe him a thing, but Chris and Josh were best friends, and I, well, I was a horrible person.

Chris sat down on the bed, and as the mattress sunk in with him beside me, I grasped the covers tighter. “Look. We both got pretty drunk last night.”

“Oh, no.” I pressed my hand to my forehead.

“One thing led to another, and …”

“We …”

He nodded. “We sure did.” He touched my knee over the sheet, and I pulled away. “You really let yourself go, Ally. You were quite a mess.”

What the hell? He insulted my performance in bed? What happened registered as wrong on so many levels, but cut me some slack. I wanted to punch him, and cry, and punch him some more. My headache sliced through my brain, and now I felt even shittier, if that were even possible. “I’m sorry, Chris. I don’t know what to say, and I don’t remember the sex.”

“Sex? Who said anything about sex?”

I pointed my finger at him. “But, you said.”

“Oh, no, I’m not talking about sex.”

“You said one thing led to another and we…”

“Ended up at the tattoo parlor. You begged me for a tattoo of this guy Seth’s name on your right thigh.”

I shoved the covers off my legs, not caring if I exposed my bra and underwear. I grabbed my leg, checking every inch of my skin for ink. “I don’t see anything. Please tell me it’s not somewhere else.”

“It’s not. I wouldn’t let you do it.”

“Oh!” I flung my head back. “Thank you, God!”

“It’s actually, Chris.”

“Shut up, jerk! So we didn’t sleep together?” My mind raced through all the things wrong with sleeping with Chris, and my regret list was getting much too long.

He smiled. “No. I’m only screwing with you.” He pulled open the curtains, and the sunlight pouring into the room, forcing me to shut my eyes and groan at the pain in my head. “You drank
way
too much last night. After your third beer, I came back from the bathroom and found you doing shots with some random guy.”

I tried to play the night back in my head. “I don’t remember talking to anyone but you.”

“I’m not surprised. By the time we left the bar, you could barely walk. I managed to get you to the tattoo parlor, where you begged me for the tattoo. You finally accepted my refusal after you puked the first time.”

“Um. The first time?” What the hell did I do?

“Yeah. The first time. You lost it in my car once, too, and again when we got back here.”

“I vomited in your car?”

He raised his eyebrows, but still wore a smirk.

“I’ll pay for you to get it cleaned.” Realizing my still exposed body, I wrapped the sheet around me. “Why am I almost completely naked in your bed?

“After you finished puking your guts out, you passed out. I managed to get your stinky ass clothes off you, washed them, and slept on the chair.”

“Chris, I’m so sorry, really. How embarrassing.”

“Don’t be. I get it. Your clothes are in the dryer, if you want to take a shower. Chelsea will be here soon to pick you up.”

In this midst of this story of my wayward evening with Chris, Chelsea didn’t even cross my mind. Pissed didn’t even begin to explain how she probably felt about me. I promised her we would be back to the hotel in an hour; instead, I ditched her, got wasted, and spent the night away from her. During her birthday celebration, nonetheless. I didn’t know if I could get out of this one. I finally convinced her to be friends again, and now my stupid decisions forced me to do it one more time. “A shower would be great.” I paused. “And Chris?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for not taking advantage of me. You’re a good friend.”

“You are too.”

The thing was, I knew I wasn’t.

----------

I didn’t recognize the woman looking back at me in the mirror. The Ally I grew up with was strong, with her priorities straight, and her shit together. She didn’t screw over her friends, lie to her mom, and puke all over her friend’s car. I squeezed my hair with the towel, trying to dry as much of it as possible. I didn't find a hair dryer, but, considering Chris’ lack of hair, that wasn’t at all surprising. The best thing about my shorter hair was air drying took much less time. I hoped coffee waited for me on the other side of the door, and I planned to drink it along with downing an aspirin to get rid of my headache. The shower helped a bit, at least. I slipped my day old underwear back on, along with my bra. I got my finger wet and scrubbed my teeth. My breath surely smelled, and hopefully the coffee helped a little, but coffee breath might be worse. I didn’t really care.

Topping my to-do list was apologizing profusely to Chelsea. If she didn’t forgive me, I certainly wouldn’t blame her, although it’d make for an interesting drive home. From bashing her relationship with Daniel to ditching her at the bar last night, I should go down in the hall of fame as worst friend ever. Did that category exist? I let out a sigh when Chris knocked on the door. “I brought your clothes.”

Even though he saw me in my bra and underwear, I widened the door. “Thanks.” I took the clothes, noticing they were different from what I wore last night. I opened the door again. “Chris? Where did these come from?”

“From me.”

That voice. “Seth? What … what are you doing here?”

He peeked his head in the crack of the door. When he looked into my eyes, the one crease in his forehead lifted as he realized (and I as well) I stood only in my undergarments. I didn’t even cover up, forgetting for a moment we (kind of) broke up. “Chelsea called me. She said you had an interesting night.”

“That’s an understatement.” We kept staring at each other. “Let me get these on. I’ll be right out.”

I shut the door, panic taking over me, my breaths increasing each time I tried to grab more air. What did this mean? Did he come here to officially break up with me? Walking away from me in the restaurant parking lot didn’t send a clear enough message? I was a wreck and couldn’t blame him. The Ally I was needed to take over and confront him, be strong, not allowing myself to hold back from everything I wanted to say. If Seth couldn’t find the strength to move on like Alyssa, and move forward with his life, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I didn’t want to live in the past. I ran my fingers through my hair and tucked it behind my ears. The sink bracing me, I stared myself down. “Here goes nothing,” I said to my reflection.

When I stepped back into the bedroom, Seth sat on the bed and Chris the chair opposite him, both laughing. “I like this guy.” Chris slapped his knee and thumbed over to Seth. “Dude cracks me up!”

I liked him, too. A hell of a lot. Seeing him walk out of my life forever was going to suck. Our relationship barely had been given a chance. Things between us would have been amazing, if he’d only allowed himself to focus on the future. We could use three different kinds of birth control if my getting pregnant freaked him out so much. I wasn’t in a rush, anyway, to have children. My thoughts didn’t mean a thing, anyway. He only came dump me in a more gentlemanly manner.

“Hi.” Seth greeted me as though we hadn’t spoken moments before.

“Hi,” I replied back like we were two middle school students on their first date. Ever.

“Okay, you two, I can see you are engrossed in conversation, so, with that, I’m going to head out. I’m going to get some breakfast.” He shook Seth’s hand and looked at me. “Go ahead and lock up on your way out.”

The door shut behind Chris and I stood there, not sure who should speak first. “So, Chelsea called you, huh?”

“Apparently your friend Chris called her, and she tracked me down at the B&B. You’re familiar with how the chain of events goes.”

“Why did you come all the way out here? You walked away from me, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember, and I’m sorry. I should have taken the time to explain.”

I placed my hands on my hips as I shook my head. Sucking in air as I held back the tears, I kept my head moving at a solid pace. My head pounded, but it remained shaking as I contemplated how to respond. What did I want from him? An apology? For him to grovel at my feet? Then what? Did that suddenly put us back together and we forgot everything that happened? No, because Seth still had a daughter he buried way too young and he hadn’t yet learned how to manage the pain. Issues with jealousy blocked my full trust for him as I wondered if I would assume every girl he spoke with was someone he potentially could cheat on me with. Josh scarred me more than I ever admitted. I skipped past his attempt to apologize. “Why didn’t Chelsea come get me?”

“Chelsea went home.”

“She what?” Shit. Now I did it. I pissed her off enough she called my ex-boyfriend to drag my sorry ass home so she didn’t have to. I brought her to Wisconsin Dells to celebrate her birthday, not meet up with an old friend, get piss drunk and forget all about her. After this, I doubted she would ever trust me again.