Caden's Dilemma (Indiscreet #6) (17 page)

“He was hurt. I saw his shoulder, it looked pretty bad. He said it was shrapnel and there was an older wound on his thigh he told me came from a sniper.” Johnny watched Danny’s face turn white. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. You guys kept my secrets and I couldn’t even keep Caden’s for two days. No wonder he doesn’t want me.” Brian gave Johnny a hug.

“It’s going to be all right. I promise.” Brian picked up a piece of Danny’s coffee cake.

“How can you promise me that? He walked out of here on Friday night calling me a liar and worse. I shouldn’t even care what he thinks or does next. Why bother telling me he’s going to therapy? I mean nothing to him.” Brian reached into the vee of Johnny’s T-shirt.

“And he means nothing to you?” Brian pulled out the dog tags.

“He told me to get rid of them, I couldn’t give them up.” Johnny’s eyes finally overflowed.

“So this isn’t such a hopeless case.” Brian put the tags back under Johnny’s T-shirt and gave him a hug.

Johnny turned red. “I’m not used to all this hugging and stuff. I came from a very undemonstrative family. We weren’t physical at all. I had two Asian grandparents, one Vietnamese grandfather on my father’s side and a Japanese one on my mother’s. Asians, in my experience, aren’t very cuddly.”

“Yet you crave touch,” Greg said, quietly.

“I guess I do.” Johnny hung his head.

“And not just any touch, one particular person’s touch, right?” Brian pushed as he poured himself a cup of the blossom tea.

“You don’t have to drag me over broken glass to get me to admit I love him. I told him that on Friday night.”

“What if he asked to come see you, would you let him?” Brian asked, taking Johnny’s hand.

Johnny shook his hand loose. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can stand that kind of hurt again. He said some hateful things.”

“I think he was taken by an unpleasant surprise. He’s not my patient until this afternoon so this is basically the last thing I can say. Caden sees himself as a savior.”

“Religiously?” asked Brian. “Because if that’s the case, we go home and Johnny says good riddance.” Brian turned a laser focus on Greg.

“No, he wants to be the one who does the giving. He’s never learned how to take because he’s been giving all his life. Even to you, Danny, before you had Gary, didn’t he come running home taking all his accumulated leave because you called and said you had a Master? He wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“What has that got to do with me?” Johnny asked, looking around the table.

“He doesn’t realize he has things that you need. He doesn’t think you need him.”

Johnny threw his hands up in the air.“I tried to tell him that but he wouldn’t listen. I need help to give this money away properly.”

Greg tried to give Johnny an explanation. “You don’t need to give all of your money away, not even half of it. Do what you want for charity but let him help you.”

“That’s just the point, I need someone to help me, I can’t do this. I can barely keep this house together despite all the money. I can’t expect Aubrey and Mrs. Mills to know when to get the chimneys cleaned. I need a Master’s direction, his strength. I’ve been strong for so long, I feel like I’m drowning.” Johnny hung his head. “So many people have much worse problems than I do, yet I complain. What’s one broken heart compared to a vet who lost his legs or a gay teen out on the street at thirteen? Why can’t I be content with the gifts God gave me instead of wishing for the impossible?”

The subs watched as he took the medal he bought for Caden and rubbed it between his fingers.

“Because maybe it’s not so impossible after all—will you put yourself in our hands?” Jim asked in a serious tone of voice.

“You came when you didn’t have to come. Even when I as much as told you to go away you persisted and I feel better. You guys are the best friends anyone could have. Yes, Jim, I’ll put myself in all of your hands. Right now they are the only hands I trust.” Johnny looked around at the serious faces at the table. “Do what you will.”

§ § §

“You have some nerve showing your face at this table today.” Bear growled on his third Kona and still not awake as Caden sat down. “And you didn’t bring anything with you.”

“Yeah, if you weren’t such an ass wipe we would be sitting here eating banana bread, scones, coffee cake and two kinds of muffins but our boys were too busy trying to clean up your mess this weekend to take care of us,” Cisco barked. “I didn’t even get my breakfast this morning. Greg was on the phone, then making muffins, but not for me. I’ll have to either eat here or go to the hospital cafeteria.”

Reed motioned for a waiter and he went around the table and the Doms placed their orders.

“All of our subs are in a pissy mood. You damn well better show up for your appointment tomorrow afternoon. Greg cancelled two other appointments to see you,” Cisco grumbled. The waiter brought out a coffee carafe and set cups in front of everyone. “Finally, Bear hogged the Kona.”

“Greg didn’t have to do that.” Caden was aghast that Greg and Cisco would do something like that for him after what he did to Johnny.

“Yes he did, despite you being more of an asshole than I was and that’s going some, you’re still Danny’s brother and therefore, family.”

“I’ll be there, but what do I do in the meantime about my fuckup? How do I get him to talk to me again?” Caden looked at Bear plaintively.

“You don’t do anything. Let the boys handle it. They’ll know what to do. Just follow their instructions,” Bear told him, pouring himself his fourth cup.

“It is just as I’ve been saying for the last year, who’s the Dom?” The table broke out into laughter.

“You’ll get him back if he still wants you, the boys will make sure of it, but if he doesn’t I wouldn’t want to be you.” Reed passed around a plate of hot, buttered toast and three kinds of jam.

“Where are the eggs?” Cisco looked around for the waiter.

“You got a taste of the silent treatment yesterday when Jim snubbed you. If our boys knew about this meeting and that you were here today with us, they’d have our balls for breakfast,” Reed said succinctly, summing up the general mood of the table at large.

“Then why are they helping me?” Caden asked, very confused.

“Because in order to help Johnny, they have to help you first,” Cisco said, still angry. “Is he bringing the eggs?

“Cisco, if you’re that much of a pain in the ass to live with it’s no wonder Greg doesn’t kill you in your sleep.” Bull attacked his potatoes and bacon.

“I’ll have you know that Greg is very organized. There is never a thing out of place. He worked so hard in the beginning that I was beginning to fear for his health. I got a cleaning woman in five days a week to help him. But that’s how you have a relationship, you pay attention. Everyone here at this table knew Masato/Johnny whichever was crazy about you and you were crazy about him, yet you let money get in the way.”

Cisco looked directly into Caden’s eyes. “I had a man who took my money and my family along with my heart. I didn’t let anyone get in for ten long years. Then these two,” he pointed to Bear and Reed, “made me join the club and convinced me that having a sub is different. As soon as I saw Greg I had to have him. I knew him before from the hospital, but this was a side of himself he hid at work. I kept telling myself there was no such thing as love until Greg proved constantly that there was. Every day he still packs me a lunch. He always puts a funny note, a little surprise or just a yellow sticky with a smiley face, and aside from when Greg has lunch with me, it’s the highlight of my day until I get home to his arms at night.”

“When you find the right one and let him go there is no worse feeling on earth,” Reed said sadly. Bull agreed.

“Well I knew Danny was the one the first day I laid eyes on him, but I figured I if I played with him often enough that the others would stay away. They didn’t. I didn’t know that he hadn’t had sex with any of them but then I was insanely jealous. I even bid for Jamie in a jealous fit,” Gary admitted, but not proudly.

He sipped on his coffee with a faraway look in his eyes. “Danny wasn’t available one Wednesday night when I came in a little late. Friday was the auction. I was never so ashamed of myself as I was when I held out that paddle the last time. I was putting Bull in the poorhouse because of a jealous rage. And it wasn’t even Danny’s fault. He was a service sub and had to do his job.” Gary turned to Bull. “Had I won the bid…I would have paid my money and deferred to you anyway. It was what I deserved.”

“Does that mean you owe St Mary’s thirty thousand dollars?” Cisco almost leaped across the table to corner him.

“Waving donations at Cisco is like waving Jamie at Bull. Both come running.” Bear laughed.

The table guffawed. “I’ll expect your check in the mail or you may be able to get off the hook by co-chairing the next fundraiser with Bear. With all your new fancy New York friends, I’m sure I can squeeze your thirty thousand out at least ten more times. Which you will donate anyway because your brother-in-law is an ass,” Cisco said, perfectly serious as he brought up the calendar on his phone. “What time are you free tomorrow, Bear? Coordinate with Gary and get back to me.”

Bear gave Gary a
you’re in for it now look.
Gary shot the look back to Caden.

“Hate to tell you this, buddy, but as long as the subs are upset we don’t get any. If we say a wrong word about the situation, we get all the little pleasantries of which you were informed. Cisco’s already getting silence, Danny’s crying all the time, Jamie’s organizing again, Brian is in high pout and Jim is just plain pissy.” Reed motioned the waiter and got a little Irish for his coffee as he brought the eggs to the table.

The other five looked at each other and did the same. “And this, our newest member, is all on you. Each of us, except Bear, has had our own monumental fuck-ups, and the boys have stood strong every time. You’re only allowed one of these before we murder you,” Cisco said pleasantly as he took a spoonful of eggs. “I still say Greg’s are better.”

“Talk to Jim,” Reed answered, irate.

§ § §

Tuesday Afternoon

“I appreciate you taking the time to see me, Greg,” Caden said as he walked into the room holding out his hand. Greg took it and shook it but Caden could see it was grudgingly.
Talk about walking into the enemy camp.
Cisco was even glaring at him from his office door before closing it
.
There were two chairs and a couch in Greg’s office. Greg didn’t come out from behind his desk so Caden sat down at the chair in front of the desk.

“Why are you here?” Greg asked, almost belligerent.

Caden sputtered, “But, you were there this morning, you know why.”

Greg narrowed his eyes. “This morning told me why they thought you should come, not why you think you should be here.”

“I’m here because I love Johnny and I was a stupid-son-of-bitch about his money,” Caden said, lowering his eyes.

“You love Johnny but have issues about money. How did your family treat money?” Greg asked, his voice not quite so unkind as before.

“My father was cheap. He owned ten dry cleaners but Danny didn’t even have a cheap computer for homework.” Caden started massaging his temple.

“You’ve always had to work harder than most for everything you’ve achieved.” Greg leaned forward.

“You’re beginning to sound like a gypsy fortune teller. Yes, because my dad took most of what I earned for room and board. I got out of town as soon as I finished high school and never looked back except for short visits to Danny when I’d take him to Great Adventure or the Planetarium. I was ashamed when I found him living on the street, ashamed that I hadn’t looked after him better, he was my little brother for Christ’s sake. I knew what my parents were like and they were getting worse by the day when I was still there.” Caden ran his fingers through his short hair.

“So you got to be the hero to Danny until Gary came along and it bothered you that Gary could provide for Danny better than you could. Because you, Danny’s savior, were being replaced.” Greg leaned back. “Well?”

“Yes, you’re right. I did resent Gary in the beginning. But I realized he wasn’t showing off, he just gave Danny what he thought Danny needed. He knew all the time it wasn’t money.” Caden sat up. “Danny didn’t need money, all Danny needed was Gary.”

Greg stared at him from across the room. “And…”

“Johnny didn’t need my money, all he needed was me.”

“Got it in one…that doesn’t mean you don’t still have issues you need to deal with from combat, your parents and your guilt about finding Danny out on the street. I can see you once a week and we shouldn’t take that long to take care of those. Don’t worry, your insurance at Indiscreet pays for it.” Greg pushed away from his desk. “You weren’t as pigheaded as I thought you would be when they told me what you did. Fix it or leave and let him move on. I think, idiot that he is, he’d rather have you stay. On a personal note, rather than a professional one. I know I’ve been crossing lines throughout this session and you are free to report me to whomever you wish—”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Greg put up his palm. He continued as if Caden hadn’t interrupted.

“I can speak for all of the subs. You’re still on our shit list and that means that all of our Masters are going to suffer until you make things right, or leave. Danny’s waffling on the leave part but he’s beginning to come around. Call it incentive. Remember something about subs, you have control only because we allow it. One word from us and it all stops—the scene, the collar, the contract, everything. You aren’t afraid to take on that level of commitment from another man. Why would you let a stupid thing like money stand in the way of you and a man who lets you beat him, who could stop you with a single word but doesn’t, a man who loves you more than you deserve?”

§ § §

Caden walked out of Greg’s office feeling like the ass wipe he was. He couldn’t even go in to Cisco for sympathy. The subs made a decision and it was going to affect all of the Doms in their circle.