Call Me Crazy (15 page)

They both begin to head towards the door. “Hey,” I step towards them, my head is screaming at me to shut up, but my heart is yelling louder. “Um, can you get me a piece of paper and pen?”

Candy shakes her head knowingly as Zeke reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a piece of paper that had been folded one too many times, and a pen. He hands them to me but b
efore he lets go his eyes meet mine, “Some things only come once in a life time― remember that.”

C
hapter 11

“When my mom told me to remember my choice during dark times, I didn’t know those dark times would come knocking at my do
or before my choice had even been declared.”

~Trey

“I’m headed out to see mom, Shichu.” I grab my keys off the counter and slip my phone in one pocket and my wallet in the other. My grandmother comes around the corner of the kitchen doorway, a single brow raised.

“Just your mother?”

“Don’t start grandma,” I tell her dryly.

She shrugs, “It’s not my business, but you seem to be spending a lot of time with her. You haven’t bothered to introduce her to your mother… or me for that matter.”

I walk over to her, lean down, and wrap her in a hug. “I’m not going to rush things with her. She seems…,” I take a breath trying to pick the right words, “fragile. Not all of the time, but sometimes when she doesn’t know I’m watching, I see the pain that she hides from whatever it is that has caused it.”

She reaches up as my mother has always done, pats my face, and looks into my eyes. “Well, if she is a wounded animal, then it is right to take it slow. Then again…,” I see worry suddenly frame her features and her eyes drop, “You’ve dealt with so many wounds in your young life, maybe it’s time to find someone who doesn’t require so much of your strength.”

I feel my body tighten. There have only been a handful of times that I have been angry with my grandmother, and those moments didn’t last very long, so I’m surprised to feel the rush of anger that fills me from her words.

“Our hearts don’t choose their match based on the baggage they may or may not have.” My words are nearly a growl. I turn to look at her as she clasps her hands beneath her chin and a smile stretches across her face.

“You would be such a fine Chief.”

“You were just testing me?”

She nods. “A lesser man would agree with me. I’m glad to know that your experiences with your mother haven’t warped your ability to love.”

I blow out an annoyed growl and squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them, she has walked away and is humming a favorite tune.

As I’m driving to the hospital, I consider what my grandmother has said. There is definitely something in Tally’s life that has caused the lost look that I sometimes see. She is too young to have something so terrible to happen and I can’t imagine there is anything that would keep me from her. There isn’t much worse than watching a disease destroy your own mother to the point that she attempts to take her own life.

As usual, my mom is in the corner of the rec room, only this time she is holding a book in her hands. When I get closer, I realize that it is a Bible. I find it odd because she has never shown any interest in the Christian religion, though she does believe there is one creator of all.

“Planning to convert?” I tease, taking a seat next to her.

She glances up at me and there is such sorrow in her eyes.

“What’s wrong mom?”

She closes the book and gently sets in her lap, folding her hands on top. Her shoulders slump forward while she drops her head forward briefly before finally looking at me.

I can tell something is really wrong and I feel a prickle of fear crawl up my spine.

“Are you okay? Do I need to get a doctor?” I’m desperate to figure out what is happening because the anguish I can feel coming from her worries me.

“
No, I don’t need a doctor,” she answers at last.

“Okay, can you tell me what’s going on?” I ask wanting her to elaborate.

“I’m just sad today. It’s nothing to worry about.”

She’s lying to me. I don’t want to upset her so I decide to let it be. The rest of our time I tell her about Tally and the conversations I’ve had with her.

“You look tired,” I say after a long pause in the conversation.

“Yes, but I want to sit just a little longer.
You go ahead and go on. I love you.”

“Do you think your meds are working?”

She hesitates, but then finally nods. “Well enough, I suppose.”

“Mom…,”

She cuts me off. “Trey quit worrying about me. You have enough to worry about.”

“Okay,” I tell her as I reach over and hug her. I stand
, glancing back once while I walk out of the rec room. I only have a second to consider mother’s last statement when Candy’s door flies open even faster than usual and she storms out.

“We need to have a powwow,” she tells me gruffly.

“Can it wait until after I see Tally?”

Candy gives me a look that
shouts,
you did not just say that
and then adds, “If I thought it could wait til after you see Tally I would have said, ‘Hey we need to powwow
, after
you see Tally.’” Turning away from me, she cups her mouth and yells, “Zeke!”

The big man that generally
sits at the back doors comes striding towards us. His usually smiling face is masked now with a tight jaw and narrow eyes.

“Candy, I’m not asking. I want to see Tally, now.” I start bec
oming agitated with her, but I tell myself
I’ve never man-handled an old lady and I don’t want to start now.

I am trying to think of reasons that Candy would have for doing this and one hits me, “Is she alright? Has
something happened to her?” When she doesn’t answer, I ask another question that occurs to me, “Have I done something?”

“Well if you did, I hope you at least enjoyed it.” She cackles at her joke and then grabs my arm and turns us in the opposite direction of Zeke. With his long stride, it doesn’t take long for him to catch up.
Candy’s footsteps quicken and I’m surprised that she can keep up with my own long strides, but she doesn’t seem to even be out of breath. As we turn a corner, I realize where we are. The pair is leading me to the back doors, to the bench where Tally and I always sit. Maybe Tally is waiting there for me and Candy insists on playing a joke on me to make me think that something is wrong. That is, after all, something Candy would do.

As soon as we are at the doors, Zeke reaches around me, pushes it open, and Candy tugs me through the passage. The bright summer sun makes it hard to see and my eyes take a second to adjust. When I can see what’s around me, I definitely don’t see a girl named Tally. Now I’m just plain pissed.

“Where’s Tally?” I snap at Candy. I see Zeke take a step closer to me and turn my head to look at him.

“There is nothing about you I fear,
so you can give up the scare tactics.” He must see truth in my eyes because he simply shrugs and steps back. His face relaxes as he folds his arms across his broad chest.

I turn back to Candy and see that she’s holding out a worn, folded piece of paper. I feel my stomach drop to my feet and
I know that I don’t want to take that paper. I don’t want to know what it says and I know that is irrational because it’s just a piece of paper, right?

“Take it, Trey,” Candy tells me with an unusually kind voice.

My eyes snap up to hers and the sorrow in them tells me everything that I need to know.

“Where is she, Candy? I’m not playing around. Where is she?” My jaw tenses and I feel every muscle in my body become rigid. There I stand, Candy’s own personal Indian Totem pole, staring at a piece of paper that is going to crush me.

“Please, Trey, she wanted you to have it. Please don’t make this any harder. Just take the paper and go.” Candy’s words sound like they’re coming through a tunnel as I hear the blood rushing through my veins. My heart pounds in my chest and I feel it all the way to my throat. She continues to speak, but I can’t hear her over the throbbing. Then a word finally breaks through the noises in my head.
Gone
. I heard the word gone.

“Wait.
” I shake my head, waiving my hand in front of her. “What did you just say?”

Candy huffs, “I said she’s gone. You asked. I’m telling. So would you please take this damn piece of paper so that I can go terrorize the delusional patients who are playing Bingo?”

I reach out to take the paper and feel as if I am moving in slow motion. I feel every movement, from the extension at my elbow all the way to my hand’s grasping motion and then I feel the paper’s texture in my fingers and a burning sensation making me want to drop it, but not being able because it’s from
her
.

I unfold it slowly
, hoping that the worn creases do not tear. I see my name hastily scrawled at the top. Knowing she thought of me when she wrote it makes my mouth and throat begin to feel like sandpaper as I try to swallow. My eyes drift slowly down, not wanting to get to the other words that I know are there. I notice splotches all over the paper that could only be from her tears. My jaw tenses and I squeeze my eyes closed. I have to force my hands to relax so that I don’t crush the note. With nowhere else to look, I land on her words.

Trey,

There is so much I need to tell you, but I can’t. I’ve known you all of a week and all we ever did was sit on a bench at the back of a mental hospital and talk, yet ours was the most meaningful relationship I have ever had. I will never know what I am to you, but I figured out what you are to me, what you give me, and it’s something that only you could. You gave me hope. It may not sound like much, but it could mean the difference between life and death. With you, I was able to really be me. Because of you I know that when I can’t find the real, whole, untarnished Tally, it doesn’t mean that she is gone.

This might freak you out because you barely know me.  And I wish that I could see your face when I say it, but I can’t, so
I’m saying it anyways.

I love you Trey Swift

Y.A.~ Tally

I stand there reading the letter over and over hoping maybe it will change and say something different. I finally look up from the letter and realize I’m alone. I look back down with frustration that she hasn’t left an address or phone number, something…anything. I know she felt what I did when we were together. Why would she not even at least
want to keep in touch and where the hell was she going? She never mentioned moving. I feel anger stir as shock begins to fade and realize that she didn’t explain in her letter why she left. My body freezes as I look at the back doors. There is one person who would know everything, because she makes
everything
, her business.

I’m trying to get my raging emotions under control and a little surprised that I’m responding this way.
Are you really
? I ask myself. Fine then. I’m reacting exactly as a man who has just lost his world.

I reach Candy’s closed door and knock on it a little harder than normal etiquette dictates.

The door opens, but only wide enough for Candy to squeeze out. She pulls it closed tightly behind her and slaps on one of her many smiling faces, choosing one that basically says
why are you still here?

“I need her address or phone number. Preferably both.” Being the man of the house for so long n
ow, I have learned that you get more accomplished when you tell instead of ask.

“Why would I have that information?” she asks. I notice that she seems even more restless than the other times
that I have seen her. She scratches her leg and then tugs at her shirt as if to make sure it is on straight.

“Because you are her aunt and you seem very close to her. Surely you plan to keep in touch with her.” My eyes narrow at her and I get that stabbing feeling in my neck that I have been played.

“Yes, well, we had a falling out. There was yelling, scratching, all sorts of name calling, and then, just like that, she was giving me the finger and walking out of here.” She folds her arms on her chest and begins tapping her foot as she looks up at me.

“You do realize that I’m not that dumb, right?” I start to clench my hands, only to remember I’m still holding Tally’s letter. I fold it up, slowly using the time to get my ire in check.

“What harm…?” I start but she cuts me off holding her hand in the air.

“Look, I didn’t want to have to tell you this. You seem like a nice guy and I’m sure you have an incredible teepee, but Tally didn’t want you to have her number. She said it’s over, a summer thing. She starts school back soon and she needs to get ready for the stress.” Candy cringes and bites her bottom lip. She obviously thinks she’s said too much.

“That’s an awful lot of crap, Candy. How did you fit all of it in your mouth?” I mock. My control is gone. Candy, and Tally for that matter, are trying to play me like a fool.