Can I Wear My Nose Ring to the Interview?: A Crash Course in Finding, Landing, and Keeping Your First Real Job (47 page)

A
S YOU BEGIN TO GRASP
the scope of your new job, you’ll need to learn existing systems and protocols and then begin to implement your own. Find out how colleagues and the previous job-holder set up their systems. I never mind receiving an e-mail or request from a new colleague asking, “Is there a standard procedure on this?”

Keep a “procedures” folder: Every time you learn how to do a new task (use the database, fill out a frequently used form or contract), save the information in this folder so you won’t have to repeatedly bug colleagues for the same information. Sometimes new jobs have a fair amount of lag time; it may be a while before you have enough work to keep yourself busy. If that’s the case, look into areas of the office that aren’t getting enough attention. Setting up or improving departmental systems is a great way to use your spare time.

Q. I asked for a specific chunk of time off, and my boss said it fell during a really busy period. I’m in a bind, since I told a friend I’d go on vacation with her and we already put down a deposit….

A.
It may not seem fair, but your boss’s needs and even his vacations come first—especially when you’re new to the job. If for some reason it’s really important for you to take off a particular period of time, ask as far in advance as possible. You might offer to come in early or stay late or to work from home in the weeks before or after your trip. See if that does the trick. But if the issue involves your family or your health, do what you need to do. No matter what anyone says, I believe family and health come first—but I don’t mean rushing out to buy something on sale for Mother’s Day or to an “urgent” midday appointment for teeth whitening. Apologetically explain the situation to your supervisor in broad terms (no need to delve too deeply if the issue is personal), and make arrangements to get your work done.

Lunchtime at a new job can be lonely at first. Office mates pair up and head out as if Noah’s ark has just docked, and you’re left wandering the halls like a kid on the first day of school. But don’t be afraid to eat alone for a few weeks. People truly are judged by the company they keep, and when you’re just starting a job, you don’t know enough about that company.

While you should be friendly to everyone, don’t rush to
befriend
anyone (even those who rush to befriend
you
). Form office friendships with care and discretion. Beware of outcasts and “black holes”: people who strike up friendly conversations and then
just keep talking
, sucking you into a void from which there is no escape. Take time to observe colleagues and supervisors in meetings and one-on-one. Figure out the official and unofficial pecking order. Be discreet in your observations about one colleague to another: For all you know they are related, dating, married, or divorced. Beware of making comments when you think no one’s listening, like in a bathroom, an elevator, or a cafeteria line. The walls have ears.

While office relationships are important, you don’t need to bend over backward to connect right away if that’s not your style. The most important part of your job is your work. So be as friendly as you really are. If you’re the social type, great—reach out, ask people to join you for lunch or for a drink after work. If not, get to know people slowly, accept invitations, and make an effort to attend company events. Try not to hide at your desk.

A note on office etiquette: Remember in third grade when Johnny went around the room delivering valentines or invitations to his birthday party—but not to everyone? You don’t have to include the whole office, but don’t publicly exclude people. It’s mean.

While the office may be the most likely place to meet people, workplace relationships are dangerous. If they pan out, that certainly provides motivation to show up to work! But if they don’t, you’re stuck seeing your ex every single day and watching him establish new relationships. (That’s one form of torture not monitored by Human Rights Watch.) Worse, you could be jeopardizing your job. It all depends on the company and on the context, but in general, proceed with caution. A few tips:

Check the employee handbook. Many offices actually have rules against interoffice relationships. Is it worth getting fired?

Be very, very careful about dating a subordinate or a boss. In the first case, you could be opening yourself up to a sexual harassment suit; in the second, to allegations of favoritism. Are you willing to risk your job over this person?

Don’t allow yourself to get so distracted that your work starts slipping.

Don’t flaunt the relationship in public. (It should go without saying, but don’t get physical at the office.) On the other hand, there’s no need to go overboard in an attempt at discretion. Taking separate elevators and ducking behind potted palms will just provide more grist for the rumor mill.

Don’t use company phones or e-mail to conduct your relationship. Assume your private love notes will go public.

Don’t flirt at the office. If you’re interested in someone, take it off-site.

Don’t use the office as your dating pool. It’s one thing to meet someone at the office, and it’s another to date every new hire in accounting. Reputations develop at the speed of light—protect yours.

HOLIDAY PARTIES AND OTHER SOCIAL EVENTS

Being a good colleague is like being a good roommate, friend, partner, or family member; an office is shared space, and you are part of a community. Being a good employee is somewhat more complicated. But keep the following rules in mind, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming
both
.