Can't Let Go - A Contemporary BWWM Romance (20 page)

One
by one, Ayla’s cousins shuffled down the
aisle linked
arm in arm with Antoine’s men. I recognized his brother, his stepbrother, his
cousin, and his best friend. There was another guy I didn’t recognize, but he
looked an awful lot like Ayla. It was probably her brother.

I
reached down to grab a program out of Kevin’s hand, but he was clutching it
tightly.

The
bridesmaids carried enormous bouquets of white and blue flowers, which
contrasted beautifully against their champagne-colored dresses. Not one of
Ayla’s cousins could hold even half a flame to Ayla’s beauty, and I couldn’t
help but wonder if she wanted it that way. Ayla loved to have all eyes on her.

I
glanced over at Kevin, who hadn’t eased up once from his program. He studied
that thing like a hawk, or at least it looked like he was.

I
whipped my pen and notebook out of my purse and began jotting a few notes about
the bridesmaid dresses and bouquets. My mind was elsewhere, and I knew I
wouldn’t remember a lot of this stuff
come
Monday
morning.

As
soon as the last bridesmaid and groomsman took their places, the church organ
began to play the Wedding March. Church pews creaked as everyone stood up and
turned towards the back of the hall where Ayla stood linked with her father. A
sheer veil covered her gorgeous face as her father beamed proudly. Together
they walked the long road to the front of the church where Antoine, smiling
like a fool in love, waited.

As
everyone else was focused on Ayla’s entrance, I was focused on Kevin. His
entire demeanor had changed at the mention of someone having cold feet. In the
back of my mind, I knew he wasn’t over her. I was an idiot to believe him for
one second.

“Who
gives this woman to be wedded to this man?” the balding, white-haired preacher
in a long gold robe asked. His voice echoed over the speakers and filled every
corner of the room.

“Her
mother and I do,” Ayla’s father said as he nodded towards Julianne. For the
first time ever, I saw Julianne with tears in her eyes.

Ayla’s
father lifted her veil, kissed her sweetly on the cheek, and then placed her
hand in Antoine’s. From six rows back, I could tell that Ayla was almost
avoiding Antoine’s eyes. She could hardly look at him. I saw her long, pretty
lashes batting wildly, and I knew she was fighting off tears. The only question
was whether they were happy tears or sad ones.

I
watched as Antoine squeezed Ayla’s hands quickly to get her attention. As soon
as she looked up at him he
mouthed
“I love you”. She
smiled, but didn’t return the sweet gesture.

On
the inside, I was cringing. It was like watching a train wreck about to happen.
Ayla clearly wasn’t happy, but somehow I felt like I was the only one who
noticed. That was, until I looked over at Kevin. His watchful eyes were all
over Ayla, taking in her every breath and every move. It was like he was
analyzing her.

I
reached down and took Kevin’s hand in an attempt to remind him that he and I
were in this together. It wasn’t easy watching our ex loves marry each other. I
hoped he remembered our conversation about being secondhand. He held my hand back
but the embrace was loose and cheap. He wasn’t in it with me. That was my final
confirmation.

I
felt the pew shake a bit as his left leg started to bounce. He was nervous. He
was thinking about something. He bit the nails on his free hand. I’d never seen
him like this before. He’d always been so calm and together.

“Friends,”
the pastor continued. “We have been gathered here today to celebrate the holy
matrimony of Ayla Grace Giovanni and Samuel William Jackson. Marriage is not to
be entered into lightly, but reverently and discreetly and advisedly. Into this
holy estate, these two people present now come to be joined.”

I
glanced at Kevin again, who was now sweating bullets and getting antsier by the
second. I nudged LaLa on my right and directed my eyes back towards Kevin. She
shot me a “What the hell?” look, and I shrugged in return.

LaLa
shook her head as if to tell me I’d lost him, he was a goner, and I’d never be
able to fill Ayla’s shoes, and I knew right then and there that LaLa was right.

I
slipped my hand out from under Kevin’s and placed it folded neatly in my lap.
He didn’t even notice. He gripped the seat of the pew as his leg bounced and he
shifted the weight of his body back and forth.

“You
okay?” I whispered to Kevin, nudging his side.

“Yep,”
he said. He was a bit short with me and obviously preoccupied.

“I
shouldn’t have brought you here,” I whispered. “You’re not ready.”

He
said nothing. I wasn’t even sure he even heard me. He was so focused and
attuned to what was happening up at the altar.

“Do
you need to leave?” I whispered to him. “What is the matter with you?”

“Nah,
I’m fine,” he whispered back. I was pretty sure he was annoyed with me.

“If
any person can show just cause,” the pastor continued. “As to why these two
should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

I
watched Kevin out of the corner of my eye. Part of me wondered what would
happen if he stood up and objected, but I knew that would never happen in a
million years. That sort of thing only ever happened in movies or cheesy
romance novels. He wouldn’t disrupt a wedding as elaborate and exquisite and
expensive as this one. He wouldn’t make a fool of himself. He was smarter than
that.

Or
so I thought.

The
next several seconds seemed to almost happen in slow motion. I felt his body
weight shift again next to me and before I knew it, Kevin was standing up. My
jaw dropped and my mouth formed a giant “O” shape as I reached up and tugged on
his navy blue blazer.

“Kevin,
sit down!” I whisper-yelled. “What are you doing
?!
”

The
pastor didn’t notice at first, and I thought it would give him enough time to
sit down and pretend he didn’t just do that, but soon people started noticing.
Guests began to gasp and gawk and turn around in their seats. They all cranked
their necks to see
who
the young man was who stood up
and objected Antoine and Ayla’s beautiful union.

I
was afraid to look up at Antoine and Ayla, but I did it anyway. Antoine looked
livid. His brows were creased and he was clinging onto Ayla’s hands tightly. I
saw him ask her what was going on, but her eyes were fixated on Kevin.

“Who
invited him here?” she called out.

“Get
him out of here!” Ayla’s father yelled from the front row.

A
team of two men wearing black suits and ties and black sunglasses came
seemingly out of nowhere and walked towards Kevin. Kevin threw his arms in the
air as if to surrender and then walked towards the back of the church to let
himself
out.

I
glanced up at the front once more where Antoine was rubbing Ayla’s long, lithe
arms and trying to comfort her as tears began to spill down her cheeks. I saw
him ask her again what was going on, but she shook her head. Within seconds,
she hoisted up her dress and ran after Kevin.

I
covered my mouth with my hands and shrunk down in my seat. None of that
would’ve happened had I not asked Ayla those prying questions earlier and had I
not brought Kevin as a date.

“Don’t
for a second think any of this is your fault,” LaLa whispered to me. It was
like she could read my mind.

“I
have to go talk to him,” I said to LaLa. “Someone needs to calm him down.”

“That’s
not your job,” she said with an eye roll. “Let the cards fall, my dear. Stay
out of it.”

“I
can’t,” I said.

As
guests began to speculate and talk amongst
themselves
,
I ducked out of my pew and headed back to find Kevin. In my mind, I expected
that Kevin was halfway to the car already and Ayla was crying off all of her
makeup in her dressing room.

I
turned back and watched Antoine, who stood confused with crossed arms, up at
the altar talking to his brother. I’d have to talk to him later—if he
even wanted me to. I hoped to God he wouldn’t blame me for any of that, but it
was hard to say what was going through his mind at that moment.

I
slipped around the corner and headed out towards the side exit next to where
Kevin had parked. Before I could reach the door, I heard hushed voices coming
from down the hall. I tiptoed backwards and hid around a corner, praying no one
would notice me.

“Why
did you do that?” I heard Ayla say as she fought back tears.

“Because
I still love you,” Kevin replied.

I
immediately saw red with those words, but I tried to control my breathing and
maintain my hidden station. I wanted to hear the rest. I wanted to hear the
truth, finally, from the horse’s mouth.

“I
missed you so much, Ayla,” Kevin continued. “This last year has been the worst
year of my life.”

“Yeah,
but you moved on,” she replied. “You’re dating that girl from my mom’s work.”

“She’s
not you,” he replied. “No one could ever be you.”

I
heard sniffles, presumably Ayla’s, and the sound of two lips smacking together.
I wanted to jump out from my hidden location and confront them, but I knew it
wasn’t worth it. I had already lost the guy I thought was going to change everything
for me. I didn’t want to lose my dignity too.

“Do
you still love me?” Kevin asked. “Be honest.”

Ayla
was quiet and paused before replying, “Yes.”

There
it was. I wondered how I’d not picked up on it before. At the coffee shop, she
acted like he was this obsessed, stalker of an ex and she laughed at the
mention of him. It was all a front. Nothing but lies to cover up the way she
really felt. I wondered if it was just as hard to see him with me as it was for
me to see her with Antoine.

“It
killed me seeing you with him,” Kevin said. “Watching you day in and day out.
Watching someone else steal my happiness. Our happiness.”

“I
couldn’t trust you, Kevin,” Ayla said. “That’s why I ended things.”

So
there was part of the truth coming out. Ayla had indeed ended the relationship.

“I’m
a changed man,” Kevin replied. “On my father’s grave.”

“I
want to believe you,” Ayla replied.

I
peeked my head out from my hiding spot to see them in a full embrace with her
head on his shoulder. He was rubbing her back and they were holding each other
close.

“Believe
me,” he said as he pushed her away and cupped her delicate cheeks in his strong
hands. “I want you back, Ayla. I will do anything. I love you. I can’t imagine
spending my life with anyone else but you.”

“Why
did you have to wait until now?” Ayla whined. “Why are you doing this today of
all days?”

“I
had to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life,” he said. “I knew
you didn’t belong with him. He’s not good enough for you, Ayla. No one is. But
I’m going to try to be if you let me. I promise you that.”

Ayla
cracked a smile for the first time since I’d seen her that day as she peered up
into his eyes.

I
had to
admit,
they were both ridiculously good
looking. They looked like a couple from a magazine photo shoot. It was
sickening how pretty they looked together, and had I not been involved with
Kevin, I’d have been oohing and aahing over their little moment. But instead,
my blood was boiling over and I’d heard enough.

“Oh,
there you are, Ayla,” I called out to them as I walked from my spot. “I’ve been
looking for you.”

Kevin
and Ayla took steps away from each
other
as they knew
they’d just been caught red-handed.

“So,
um,” I said. “People are wondering what the heck is going on.”

Kevin
and Ayla exchanged looks.

“So
what are you going to do?” I asked as I turned towards Ayla. Her cheeks were
stained with mascara and her makeup was a full on mess.

“I
can’t marry Antoine,” she said. She turned toward Kevin whose face lit up with
sheer joy.

Kevin
leaned in and kissed her mouth hard and with a kind of passion I’d never seen
from him before.

“I’m
tired of the games,” Ayla said. “I just want to be with you.”

“Really,
Kevin?” I asked. “After everything we’ve been through? The talks we’ve had?”

I
didn’t know why I was fighting for him. I could never compare to Ayla. Not in
Kevin’s eyes. It was a lost cause.

“I
was a fool to believe a single word you ever said to me,” I added. It was like
word vomit. It just kept coming. “Good luck with that, Ayla.”

I
pointed to Kevin like he was some sort of disgusting pond scum and spun around
on my heel only to bump into Antoine who was standing there with a dumbfounded
look on his face.

In
the heat of the moment, I’d forgotten all about Antoine. I’d forgotten that
this was his special day, too. I’d forgotten how much hurt this was going to
cause him.

“W-what’s
…” Antoine stammered. “What’s going
on here?”

“Yeah,
you two definitely owe him an explanation,” I said with my hand on my hip.

Kevin
stared down at the ground like some sort of coward as Ayla fidgeted nervously
with her delicate little fingers. Ironically, she twisted and tugged at her
diamond engagement ring.

“I
don’t know how to say this, Antoine,” she said as she looked up at him. “But I
can’t marry you.”

With
those words, Antoine’s entire world came crashing down around him. I saw it on
his face. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to hold him. But it wasn’t the time or
place.

“Ayla,”
Antoine objected.
He was going to fight for her
,
I knew it
. “Can we speak privately?”

He
shot her a look before nodding to Kevin and myself.

“No,
Antoine,” she said. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing more to talk about. Let’s not
make this harder than it is.”

“So
that’s all I get?” Antoine said with a huff. It was rare to see him get angry,
but I could tell he was reaching his boiling point. “A year together.
A whirlwind romance.
And this is what I get? No explanation
and you won’t even talk to me?”

I
wanted to tell Antoine that Ayla was selfish and self-centered. I wanted to
tell him he deserved better. I wanted to tell him Kevin was an asshole and they
deserved each other. I wanted to grab him by the arm and take him out of there,
but I couldn’t.

“Just
go, man,” Kevin said to Antoine as he slipped his arm around Ayla’s tiny waist.
“Let’s not make this harder than it is.”

I
saw tears well up in poor Antoine’s eyes and instinctively I reached over to
take his hand. He promptly yanked it away and walked off. The sight of Antoine
stomping away in his black and white tuxedo, throwing his blue floral
boutonniere on the ground, was nothing short of heartbreaking.

I
turned towards Ayla to see if she showed any signs of empathy or remorse of any
kind, but she was fully engaged in Kevin and his schmoozy embrace. I shuddered as
I thought about what a jackass he was. I believed he was a good guy. I believed
all of his bullshit lies. They deserved each other.