Can't Let Go (17 page)

Grace’s first night back in Mitchell’s penthouse was pure hell. Everything she needed was already taken care of but she felt uncomfortable and restless. One of the bodyguards explained that Mitchell was traveling and he wasn’t sure when he would be back. She knew what that meant- he was avoiding her. Maybe that was best. They both needed time from each other. He would calm down, she told herself. She would wait until he was ready to come back to New York.

She spent two years in this penthouse but without Mitchell it felt empty despite Maggie and Evie being there with her. There was
a nursery with a princess theme for Evie and a room right next door for Maggie.

“Just give him time,” Maggie said to Grace.

A week passed without a word from Mitchell. She recovered from her injuries but that didn’t stop her nightmares. She felt exposed, vulnerable and alone. She moved into his penthouse thinking they would be able to work through this only to find he had no intention of being around at all. Had it only been two weeks ago when he declared his love for her? Could keeping Ray a secret erase all the promises and feelings between them?

Grace went to a
party she couldn’t avoid. Small talk was all well and good but it grated on nerves that were already stretched to the breaking point. She was relieved when a familiar, friendly face led her outside for fresh air.

“I can’t believe you’re engaged to the bastard,” Landon said, looking down at her ring.

Grace shrugged. “Me either.” She knew she sounded flippant and from the sharp look he gave her, Landon caught it.

“Were you forced?” he asked carefully.

She laughed a little hysterically. Who forced whom? “It was mutual.”

“Then why are you here alone?”

She blew out a breath and leaned on the railing as she looked out over New York. It seemed like years ago when she was at a party like this and reassured Casey she would fly to Texas. She felt a pang in her heart when she thought of her sister. Damn it. She missed her so much. She wished she could talk to her and get her take on what was happening. It was what sister’s did- support each other no matter what the circumstances. She felt as if she’d lost a part of herself and seeing Evie mimic Casey’s smile was bittersweet.

“I screwed up,” Grace admitted.

Landon’s brows rose as he leaned on the rail beside her. “Was it an unforgiveable sin?”

“Maybe.”

“Hmm. So you’re not talking but you’re still engaged?”

“That’s it in a nutshell. He’s complicated.”

“You don’t say,” Landon said dryly

She changed the subject and he let her. He escorted her for the rest of the night and although she saw the frowns and whispers she didn’t care. She and Landon were friends.
Nothing else. She knew that and that’s all that mattered. She went home after midnight to the quiet penthouse and watched Evie sleep.

Grace worked from the penthouse and although there was work and Evie to tend to she found herself constantly checking her phone. After three
more days with no word from him Grace couldn’t take it anymore. She called his phone and got forwarded to voicemail. She called his secretary, Max and his pilot. None of them answered her call. When she left a message threatening to leave New York he called within ten minutes.

“Running away from New York isn’t going to stop your mom.”

“I know that,” she snapped. “I need to know what we’re doing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” she said with exaggerated patience, “that I am living in your home and never once have we been in it together since I moved back. I know you’re angry but we can’t work this out if you stay away from me.”

She felt as if she were fighting for her life here, for Evie to have a father. Even though his voice was cool and detached she kept remembering him in Paris- the naked need on his face, the love. She could have that again, she told herself, as long as she fought for the right to have it. He couldn’t just
 
stop
 loving her, right?

“I’m busy,” he said icily.

She scoffed. “You took off at a moment’s notice to come with me to Texas and Paris. You know how to make time so I’m begging you, Mitch. Please come back so we can talk.”

“Talk about how you lied to me? I don’t think we need to go over that again.

Now who was being stubborn? “I can’t change the fact that I kept Ray a secret from you. What are you going to do?” she challenged.

“I don’t know.”

“Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know.”

She swallowed. “You want to call off the engagement?”

“We can’t.”

If it wasn’t for Evie he would break it off?

“Please come back. I need you here with me-” she began, laying it all on the line.

“Don’t Grace. I don’t want to hear it,” he said in a flat voice.

“Not two weeks ago you told me you loved
me, that you wouldn’t let me go. You’re gonna let Ray rip us apart?” she shouted, tears running down her face.

“It wasn’t Ray that tore us apart. It was you. You didn’t trust me enough with your secrets and I’m tired of trying to keep up. I need to go back to work.”

He hung up.

Grace did what she did best- threw herself into work with gusto and buried her pain under piles of paperwork. She was on autopilot as she divided her time between Evie and her laptop. Maggie’s daughter asked her to fly to California for moral support since she was getting a divorce. Grace assured Maggie everything was under control although she wished Maggie would return soon- not to take care of Evie but because somewhere along the road Maggie turned into the mother she never had and a friend she could rely on.

She noticed that Evie seemed unusually restless. She developed a cough and Grace was constantly wiping her runny nose. Grace cuddled Evie on her lap at her desk in her bedroom and the baby drifted off to sleep against her chest. Grace brushed back Evie’s hair and focused on a thought that was revolving around in her mind- Texas. She didn’t know where she stood with Mitchell. Could she marry him knowing he was only doing it for Evie’s sake? That they would marry in name only and he couldn’t even stand the sight of her? Could she release him even though it would give Vicky a chance to take Evie from her? What she did know was that she couldn’t continue to sit here, listening to the empty silence of the penthouse. It no longer felt like home to her and she wouldn’t just sit here, waiting for him to show up.

As far
back as she could remember she wanted to be successful, to differentiate herself as much as possible from her mother. But in her heart she wanted what most women wanted- home, family, contentment. It was what she wanted for Casey and now that she had Evie- she wanted it for herself. She didn’t want to be involved in court battles for money, to use a child as a pawn. She wanted away from all of that. She wanted her life to be simple. She thought of Casey’s house in Texas and had to resist the urge to pick up the phone and get tickets. Before, she hadn’t considered what she would do with the house she bought for Casey and Evie. It was everything Casey wanted- all the way down to the white picket fence. Yearning filled her. With her condo filled with bad memories of both of her parents, she had no intention of going back there. She wanted to go home- to a place she felt safe, even if she was alone.

The following day, Grace booked tickets and packed
two suitcases. The bodyguards were confused and alarmed. When she told them she was going to Texas they tried calling Mitchell on his phone but he didn’t answer.

“He won’t care,” Grace told them and walked past before the tears could fall.

“I don’t know what’s going on with the boss but he told us not to leave your side so we’ll go where you go,” a guard said.

E
vie cried on the plane and Grace and the rest of the passengers were relieved when they landed. Mitchell’s guards grabbed her luggage and a car. Grace was grateful because she had her hands full with Evie. They drove out to Casey’s home on the outskirts of the city. As they drove, Grace soaked in the lushness of Texas and took a deep breath and felt the muscles in her lower back and neck relax. It was as if the distance from New York made Mitchell’s rejection easier to bear. She felt as if she could breathe here. She loved how open and vast Texas was. When the car turned down the driveway, her heart began to pound and she leaned down to press a kiss to Evie’s cheek.

Grace put Evie on her hip as she stepped out of the car and walked into the house.
The walls were filled with windows. Light streamed in and reflected off glossy wood floors. Evie stopped fretting and as if intuitively she realized she was home. Tears streamed down Grace’s face as she saw signs of Casey throughout the house. Grace went to the nursery and set Evie down for a nap before she walked into Casey’s room.

The sweet perfume Casey liked to wear hung in the air. The pajamas she wore the night before
the accident were thrown on the bed and stuffed animals and old baby bottles littered the floor. It was like a sledgehammer to her chest. She sank onto the bed.

“Casey, I can’t do this without you,” she whispered.

She and Casey agreed that New York wasn’t where they wanted to raise Evie so what was she doing? Maybe she could live here and drive Evie to school like a normal mom. She had enough money in the bank to give her enough cushion to figure out what she wanted to do in Texas. She could start a new business or work for someone else. She was so tired of being strong, of waiting for the other shoe to drop with her parents or Mitchell. She needed stability in her life and Evie’s and she would never have that around Mitchell. She loved him but not telling him the truth wrecked the bond they’d been rebuilding. Maybe she wasn’t meant to be with him. She had to start thinking that way. It was either that or stay in his penthouse, miserable and aching for him.

She wiped her tears away and started cleaning the room. She could take
the time she needed to figure out what she would do about Mitchell, about her parents. She would figure it out. This house was a haven that would allow her to heal, find out what she wanted and what Evie needed.

Grace cleaned and made the bodyguards comfortable in two of the guest rooms and worked on her laptop as she ordered food
to be delivered and fed Evie. During Evie’s bath Grace noticed that the baby’s cheeks were unusually rosy. Grace tried to play with Evie but the baby screamed and cried. Grace wondered if she sensed that Casey was supposed to be here and she wasn’t. Grace was at her wit’s end when she set Evie down for the night.

Hours passed and night fell. Grace stepped outside and looked up at the stars that blanketed the sky. The night was quiet except fo
r the sound of insects chirping. She felt more centered here than she did in New York. The quiet and distance began to clear the haze from her mind. She went back into the house and paused by Evie’s doorway and leapt forward. In her crib, Evie was gasping for air. Grace picked her up and saw that Evie’s lips were blue and her skin was so hot Grace felt as if she’d been singed.  

Her first thought was to call Mitchell and then she stopped herself. As he said, she liked to handle things on her own so that’s what she was
would do. She roused the sleeping bodyguards who rushed them to the nearest emergency room. Evie was immediately admitted and examined. The doctor said she had bacterial pneumonia and was severely dehydrated.

Grace
sat at Evie’s bedside, head in her hands. She felt like the worst guardian alive. Why hadn’t she noticed there was something wrong? If she hadn’t been so distracted by her own problems she could have responded faster. Evie let out a whimper, catching Grace’s attention. Evie had a tiny oxygen mask over her face and an IV in her arm. She looked tired and miserable and Grace would gladly spare Evie this but all she could do was sit and wait.

“Dada?”
Evie said plaintively.

“He’s traveling, baby,” she said even though Evie wouldn’t understand anyway.

Is this how things would be in the future? Mitchell would always be traveling or working and she would be making excuses for him whenever Evie asked.

“It’s gonna be okay. I’m here,” she murmured, rubbing Evie’s arm soothingly.

Evie turned sad jade eyes on her and moaned in gibberish. God, she wished she could take away the pain. After Evie fell asleep she spent the night sleeping lightly. A nurse came in before sunrise to check on Evie.

“You’re her mother?” the nurse said sympathetically and didn’t notice the startled look on Grace’s face. She made faces at Evie who cracked a small smile. “You have to get better for your mama, honey. She’s really worried.”

Evie repeated, “Mama?”

The nurse beamed and pointed at Grace. “Yes. Your mama’s right there.”

Grace went over to the bed and talked to Evie while the nurse fiddled with the oxygen mask and IV. The nurse noticed the agony on Grace’s face and touched her arm.

“Don’t beat yourself up. Give
Evie a day or two in here and she’ll be fine,” the nurse reassured her.