Captured Secret (The Captured Series) (35 page)

When I pull in the parking area, I have it in my head that I can get through the next couple hours and then I’m out! I’ll be away from Ty, but first, I have some shit to say to him. I walk in and he is in his bedroom talking on his phone. Emails to answer are waiting. The flat looks like it did when I left, and finally, about thirty minutes later, the phone rings. It’s our one thirty client. The wife is stuck with the kids in a broke down minivan.

Okay, I decide I’ll go home and get ready for Emily’s shoot. Slowly, I walk back to the bedroom and hear Ty is still on the phone. His voice is stern and loud. “And what do you want me to do about it? Here? Hell no, and that’s not the first time I’ve told you that! I’ll help, but this place is off limits. Really? Do I have to explain it? You can’t be serious.” His voice is angry. Like almost scary angry. “Look. I cannot and will no longer deal with this shit today. I have my own fucking problems. I’m going to go fucking ballistic and you’re going to see me on the news if we don’t end this conversation. Do you understand me?” Ty throws his phone across the room. I just stand and stare. His breathing is fast and I can see his heart ticking in his neck. I fucking hate that I care. I hate that I want to slowly walk over to him and ask if he needs a shoulder. I continue to flick my eyes over his messy bed and think of party girl screaming his name while he fucks her. He drops his hands from his hips and turns toward me. My face is as numb as my body. I keep pushing that numbing feeling to my heart, but it won’t latch on, even when I demand it to.

“They cancelled. The last one, car trouble,” I say flat. Our eyes flick over each other’s face for what feels like an eternity. Finally, I say, “Why Ty? What did I do wrong? Just when I think it’s going good, and now my standard of good is days at a time, I feel happy, you flick the fucking switch.”

At the same exact moment, he says to me, “I’ve been thinking.”

Again, we speak over one another’s answer. I say with my brow pulled together, “About what?”

He replies to my first questions, “Nothing, Stella.”

“Why her, Ty? You told me we would be spending the night together.”

“You should go out on a date with Jason.”

“What? Why?”

“Zoey is right, he likes you.”

“How is it that you and Zoey decide what I want and need? Don’t I get a say?” His blank face is my silent answer. Obviously, he knows those questions are rhetorical.

His voice is low and he looks over my shoulder as he speaks. “Jason is a really nice guy, Stella. How could it hurt to go out on a simple date? She…I… We think you should get to know him. You…you…and him…you both want the same thing. You know?” I know that Zoey had this talk with him, but honestly, I’m not buying that her asking him to talk to me is what brought this on.

“Wow. Was it the dishwater blonde hair that got your attention? Or was it how she sees more in you than I do. I mean that’s what she told me this morning when she wanted me to let her in for her wallet. Did you look at her in the mirror while you fucked her from behind and feed her your bullshit lines? Because I wouldn’t consider that one beautiful, Ty! I’d say she’s far from perfect. And I am not afraid to call a woman like I see her. That model today in the park was gorgeous. So, it’s not jealousy talking. But some advice, you may want to book her a day at the salon for some professional highlights.”
Oh God, Stella! Petty shit, get back on track!
I’m starting to get hot. I know my chest has turned red which is one of my annoying signs that I am angry.

“Stella, that woman knows nothing about me. And that’s bullshit. Do not put words in my mouth...” I cut him off.

“Really? She knows nothing about you? Her wallet was here. She was here with you! And you promised to be here with me last night, asshole! So there is something, Ty! Something that she had that I didn’t! What was it? You can tell me? Shit, for my future, Ty, you should tell me! Whatever turns you off about me so fucking fast, you should tell me what it is! If you don’t, the next guy may shatter my heart over and over, just fucking like you do.”

He shoves his hands in his pockets. “You don’t turn me off. You didn’t do anything. I just…we just…I can’t do what you want. That’s the bottom line. It’s not you, Stella.”

I feel the rise of my stomach again in my throat. “I actually have some pride, believe it or not. I know you must think that I’ll settle for just about anything, and honestly, I don’t blame you. It’s all I’ve ever shown you. But I worked really hard at not settling for less than what I deserve. I totally get that I got what I deserved from you. I know that we were nothing more than fuck buddies, but for me, I felt a friendship. I honestly thought that you, at least… at least, felt that for me! Do I think that you think I’m special? Do I think you want to date me? Do I think you want a relationship with me? Do I think you love me? I want you to feel all those things, Ty! But I didn’t! Because I’m not fucking delusional! But I did think you had some respect for me. Last night, spoke volumes without even speaking a word to me. What did you think? That I would crumble if you told me you wanted to go home with her? Did you think I would fucking break?”

“NO! Stop! Stop now!” He breaks my rant. “I’m trying to be the fucking good guy here! Can’t you see I’m trying to make it to where you are happy, Stella! I want you to feel the same way that Zoey and Pierce feel for one another! I want you to not settle for me giving you bare minimum! I want you to feel complete.”

I breathe in and out, in and out, in and out. “When we met, you told me that you were outspoken and didn’t have a filter sometimes. You told me that was maybe one of your faults. And you sit here and bullshit me, Ty? You want to fucking bullshit me?” I look right in his eyes, pick up my phone and find Jason’s number.

“I’m just trying to do what’s best for you, Stella.”

“Bullshit!” I push the speaker button right before the phone is answered.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Jason’s voice should soothe me, but it doesn’t. It actually pisses me off even more.

I try to will my voice to sound strong and confident. “How do you know I’m gorgeous when you haven’t even seen me today?” It comes out a shaky mess.

“Well, let me see you and I will confirm it. But I’m almost positive you are gorgeous today and I don’t need to see you to know that.”

“I’ll need you to confirm it. Dinner? Tonight? 6 pm?”

“Hell ya, girl! Wanna just do The Wall Street for food and drinks?”

“Yeah, that sounds great. I have a photo shoot with Emily here at Ty’s studio today. Want to just park here and walk over?”

“I’ll be there. It’s a date. Hey, is Ty okay if I park there for a couple hours?”

“Oh, yeah! Ty’s a great sport about that. Ty will do anything, Jason, to make me happy. So, it’s a date. See you soon.” I hang up and grab Ty’s wondering eyes with my own. My voice is soft because I feel like I’m going to explode inside. Literally, blow the fuck up! Poof! “It’s done, boss. Just to prove to me that you’re doing this because you and Zoey want what’s best, you should call her and tell her what a good job you have done. Make sure you tell her about the fucking joy spread across my face. Oh, and am I safe to have Jason pick me up here? I understand none of this bothers you.” My eyes fill with tears and I hate myself for it. “But I would rather not see you with your girl from last night again. Please, Ty, if we have an ounce of friendship. Tell me if she’s coming or if I’m going to find her here tonight when I come for my car. Because...” The lump won’t let me speak. He looks upset as he grips his hair on top of his head. He looks like he might go jump off a building, and his eyes look as if he may go postal. I really don’t care. At least hurting me is hurting him. “I just can’t watch you with her, Ty. Her hands on you, you smiling, while she spoke seductively in your ear was enough to make me sick. A little warning goes a long way.”

“Is that why you left last night? You saw me talking to her?”

“No, I saw you smiling and her lips were practically touching your ear. Who the fuck am I to break that up? I am no one to you.”

The wall he has built back up has me standing on my tiptoes, and I still can barely see him over it. His phone rings in the corner. Obviously, it works still.

He finally speaks, “I was a dick last night. I get all caught up in hanging out with you and being alone with you. Zoey came to me… told me to encourage you to see Jason. She wants you to be happy, and believe it or not, so do I. It had been bothering me all night that Jason can give you everything you want, yet I can’t.”

“You won’t!”

“You’re right. I hate to admit it, but you’re right. I wish you could better understand why. I was listening to Zoey. I had just talked to Jason hours earlier. I knew she was right. It hurt that I can’t be that man for you.”

“You won’t!”

“I can’t! I can’t, Stella! The woman, Claire was her name. She was at the right place at the right time. I was sure you and I should end what we are doing. I know I hurt you more than I make you happy and you…you just make me feel confused day in and day out. What you saw was her pushing up against me, telling me that my girlfriend was occupied and if I had a minute, she could occupy me. I was telling her what a turn off it was that she was okay to fuck around behind my girlfriend’s back. I brushed past her and went out to join you guys again. Carson told me if I was looking for you that you got a call and left to meet up with a guy. He said you looked excited. I was confused. I was sure it was Jason. I got pissed so we drank for several more hours. Zoey drove me home and Pierce followed. Claire followed them without an invite. She came up after they left. I let her in. I was mad and tried to call you over and over and you didn’t answer. And I’ve made sure Zoey doesn’t know about us, so I couldn’t call her and see if you were home.” He sits on his bed and hangs his head.

“Did you fuck her?” Oh, God, please say no. Please say no.

“No, but she…” He scrubs his face. I get ready for the final nail in my coffin.

“Just say it Ty. We aren’t together. I agreed to your fucking emotionless terms.”

“She went down on me.”

I gasp and my knees nearly buckle. Breathe, Stella. Breathe. Breathe. I square my shoulders, run through my body, and find a fucking dumpster. It’s huge and I start shoveling my emotions in. The shovel is too small and isn’t making progress. I find an earthmover and that scoops up way more for the dumping process. It fills quickly. I’m crushed. I knew this would be the way it felt. I find some pride lying around after it just got its ass kicked and beg it to stand the fuck back up and help! I am thankful that it staggers back to the upright position.

His phone rings again, and I think, because I haven’t replied, and because I’m just standing here like a statue, he picks it up and shouts, “I told you I would be right there! What more do you want? In a fucking minute, I said! If you call back, consider it a deal breaker! You understand me loud and clear? Good.” And he disconnects. “So Stella, Jason doesn’t sound so bad, huh? I’ve hurt you again. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’ve never wanted Jason, Ty.”

I turn on my heels and run to the studio bathroom, lock the door and slide down the door. I hear him behind me, just outside the door. Then I hear him turn, walk to the front door and out of the flat. The door is locked from the outside. I have to release some pressure. I can’t release it all or it won’t stop and I still have photos that have to be taken. So, the slow leaking from my eyes to the floor will have to do. Emily is due at about three o’clock, so there is time for this to drain out of me.

M
Y
ASS
IS
FINALLY
WAKING
UP
as I pour a glass of chardonnay. I sat on it for over an hour on the hard bathroom tile. It was a good hour. It helped me get my thoughts back together. It helped me see the sad reality. I’ve never been enough for him. It saddens me every day that his lips have never touched mine. He gallivants around with other women, flirts with other women, and now gets blowjobs as well.

It was a fun ride when I got on it. I kept my hands and arms in the cart and buckled my belt, but now, the ride has come to a complete stop and it’s time to get off. I’m still wrangling with my heart and brain as I wrap my hair in a towel and take a body shower. My heart says, ‘But you can’t pick who you love, and it’s Ty. It wasn’t planned, but it most certainly has happened. He was hurt by another. She scarred him. Give him time to see you are the one.’ My brain says, ‘Oh shut up, dumbass. Listen to what is being said. We aren’t special. We never have been, open your damn eyes. Wake up and smell the fucking wine.’

I have resigned that I will do this shoot for Emily, even though every part of my body wants out of this studio. She has been nothing but sweet to me and I want her to succeed. If I can help, I will. I am having dinner with Jason. It’s dinner, not sex, a relationship or marriage. It’s just dinner, and it may be nice just to have an open conversation and not have to guess what the guy you are with is thinking.

I drop eye drops into my red eyes. My hair goes in hot rollers, and then I whirlwind around in my robe, trying to tie up all loose ends. I enter numbers into QuickBooks. Orders that I planned on sending out today get done. I reply to the two emails, go onto Facebook, and update Ty Caulder Studios’ status: It’s a great Sunday! Enjoy your day everyone! I laugh internally at that one. It’s more like Fakebook today.