Capturing the Single Dad’s Heart (4 page)

‘So you've actually been in Caitlin's shoes?' Nate asked, looking surprised.

‘From what you've just told me, pretty much,' Erin said.

He sucked in a breath. ‘I know this is a big ask—because you don't know me, either—but, as you clearly have a much better idea than I do about what she's going through, would you be able to help me, so I don't make things even worse than they are for her right now?'

‘I'm not perfect,' she warned, ‘but yes, I'm happy to try. Maybe we could meet up at the weekend and do something together, so Caitlin can start getting to know me and I can try and get her talking a bit.'

‘Thank you.' He looked at her. ‘And what can I do for you in return?'

She flapped a dismissive hand. ‘You don't need to do anything.'

‘If you help me, then I need to help you. It's only fair.'

She couldn't resist teasing him. ‘So if I asked you to do a stint in the sensory garden with a bit of weeding or what have you, you'd do it?'

‘If that's what you want, sure.' He paused. ‘Why is the garden so important to you?'

It sounded as if he actually wanted to know, rather than criticising her. And he'd shared something with her; maybe he'd feel less awkward about that if she shared something in return. Not the whole story, but enough of the bare bones to stop him asking more questions. ‘Because I know someone who had a really bad car accident and ended up in a wheelchair. He was helped by a sensory garden,' she said. ‘It was the thing that stopped him going off the edge.'

‘Fair enough,' he said. ‘Don't take this the wrong way but, if you're going to help Caitlin and me, I need to ask you something. Is there a husband or a boyfriend who might have a problem with you doing that?'

‘No.'

‘OK. I just...' He blew out a breath. ‘Well, I've messed up enough of my own relationships. I don't want to mess up anyone else's as well.'

She smiled. ‘Not a problem. There's nothing to mess up.'

‘Good.' He grimaced. ‘And that sounded bad. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not coming on to you, Erin. I split up with my last girlfriend nearly a month ago, a few days after Caitlin arrived, and frankly I don't have room in my life for a relationship. All my time's taken up learning to be a dad, and right now I'm not making a very good job of it.'

‘I know you're not coming on to me,' she said. Besides, even if he was, it wouldn't work out. Love didn't last. She'd seen it first-hand—her own parents' marriage and subsequent relationships splintering, her brother's girlfriend dumping him when he needed her most, and then none of her own relationships since her teens had lasted for more than a few months. She'd given up on love. ‘I'm focused on my career and I'm not looking for a relationship, either. But I can always use a friend, and it sounds as if you and Caitlin could, too.'

‘Yes. We could.' He looked at her. ‘I ought to warn you in advance that most of her communications with me right now involve slammed doors or rolled eyes.'

‘You need a bit of time to get used to each other and to get to know each other better,' Erin said. ‘As you say, seeing someone at weekends and holidays isn't the same as living with them all the time. She needs to find out where her new boundaries are. Her whole life's changed and she probably thinks it's her fault she's been sent to live with you. Especially if she was close to her mum and now they're not getting on so well. What's the problem with her mum's new man?'

‘He seems a bit of a jerk,' Nate said. ‘Which isn't me saying that I'm jealous and I want Steph back—we stopped loving each other years ago, and the best I can hope for is that we can be civil to each other for Caitlin's sake. But he doesn't seem to be making a lot of effort with Caitlin.'

‘If you get involved with someone who has a child, you know they come as a package and you have to try to get on with your new partner's child if you want it to work,' Erin said. ‘If Steph's new man doesn't bother doing that, that makes it tricky for you. You can't take sides, because whichever one you pick you'll be in the wrong. If you take Steph's side, Caitlin will resent you for it; and if you take Caitlin's side, Steph will resent you for it. So your best bet would be to tell them both that you're staying neutral, that the bone of contention about Steph's new man is strictly between them, and absolutely refuse to discuss it with either of them.'

He leaned back and gave her a look of pure admiration. ‘How come you're so wise? Are you twice as old as you look?'

‘And have a portrait of an ageing person in the attic, like Dorian Grey?' she asked with a grin. ‘No. I'm twenty-nine.' But if she'd had a portrait in the attic, it would've been very ugly indeed. A portrait of sheer selfishness. She'd spent the last thirteen years trying and failing to make up for it.

‘Twenty-nine. So you're just about young enough to remember what it was like, being thirteen years old.'

‘And a girl,' she reminded him. ‘You're at a disadvantage, you know, having a Y chromosome.'

‘Tell me about it.' He rolled his eyes.

She laughed. ‘I think you might've learned that particular move from your daughter. I hereby award you a gold star for eye-rolling.'

* * *

‘Why, thank you,' he teased back.

Nate hadn't felt this light-hearted in what felt like for ever. Not since that first phone call from Steph, informing him that Caitlin was coming to live with him permanently as from that weekend and he had to sort out her new school immediately.

‘Thank you,' he said. ‘And I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot.'

‘Over the sensory garden?' She shrugged. ‘We agreed to disagree. And we're fine as colleagues. I like the way you explain things to patients, and I like the fact you don't look down at Theatre staff.'

‘Of course I don't. I couldn't operate without them,' he said. ‘Literally.'

‘Which isn't how your predecessor saw things, believe me,' she said. ‘You'll be fine. It's hard enough to settle in to a new team, but to do it when your home life's going through massive changes as well—that's a lot to ask of anyone.'

‘Maybe. I'm sorry if people think I've been snooty.'

‘Just a little standoffish. Shy, even.' She smiled. ‘They're a nice bunch. And they don't judge. Obviously I'm not going to tell anyone what you've said to me, but if you feel like opening up at any time you'd get a good response. There are enough parents in the department who could give you a few tips on handling teenagers, though I think the big one is to stock up on cake and chocolate. That's what my best friend's mum did, anyway.'

‘And do you get on with your parents now?'

* * *

Tricky question. Erin knew that her mother still didn't believe her about Creepy Leonard, and blamed Erin for the break-up of that relationship as well as for what had happened to Mikey. ‘We get along,' she said carefully. Which was true enough. She and her mother managed to be coolly civil to each other on the rare occasions they accidentally met. But neither of her parents had been there for her when she'd needed them most; her father had been too cocooned in feeling guilty about leaving his family for someone else, and her mother had already thrown her out. And her brother, Mikey, was already paying the price for helping her earlier.

She'd never forgive herself for it. If she hadn't called him in tears, hadn't confided in him about what had happened to her, he would never have come to her rescue—and he would never have had the accident and ended up in a wheelchair.

‘You just do your best,' she said with a bright smile. ‘So. You said you saw her at weekends and she stayed with you in the holidays. What sort of things did you do together?'

‘Things she finds too babyish now—building sandcastles, or going to the park or the zoo.' He spread his hands. ‘And how bad is it that I don't have a clue what my own daughter likes doing?'

‘The teen years are hard. You're growing up and you don't want people to treat you as if you're still a kid—but at the same time you feel awkward around adults. It's not all your fault,' Erin said. ‘You said your sister was a deputy head. Can she help?'

‘Liza's too far away. She lives in York and Caitlin's only seen her half a dozen times in her life. Though obviously Liza deals with teens every day at work, so I asked her advice. She just said to take it slowly and give it time.'

‘That's really good advice.' Erin paused. ‘What about your mum?'

He sighed. ‘She tries. Caitlin goes to her place after school until I've finished at work and can pick her up. But there's quite a generation gap between them and Caitlin doesn't really talk to her, either.'

‘It sounds like a vicious circle—the harder you try, the more distance you end up putting between you all.'

‘Yeah. You're right. We need help.' He looked bleak. ‘Though I feel bad about burdening you.'

‘You're not burdening me. I asked you what was wrong, and I offered to help. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to,' she pointed out. ‘I remember what it was like for me. And I was difficult at fifteen. Rude, surly, wouldn't let anyone close. I was the original nightmare teenager.'

‘And it got better?'

With her dad, at least; though they weren't that close. ‘Yes.'

‘Thank you,' he said. ‘It feels as if you've just taken a massive weight off my shoulders.'

And, oh, when he smiled like that... It made Erin's heart do a funny little flip.

Which was completely inappropriate.

If they'd met at a different time in his life, things might've been different. But he didn't need the extra complications of a relationship—especially with someone who had baggage like hers and didn't believe in love any more.

So platonic it would be. It was all she could offer him. ‘That's what friends are for,' she said. ‘Though, be warned, you might think the weight's back again plus a bit more, when I've had you weeding and carting heavy stones about and then muscles you've forgotten you had suddenly start to ache like mad.'

‘As you say—that's what friends are for.' He smiled again. ‘Thanks for lunch. My shout, next.'

‘OK. But I'm afraid I have to dash, now—I have clinic,' she said, glancing at her watch.

‘And I have Theatre.'

‘Want to walk back to the unit with me?' she asked.

He gave her another of those heart-stopping smiles. ‘Yes. I'd like that.'

She smiled back. ‘Right then, Mr Townsend. Let's go see our patients.'

CHAPTER THREE

W
EREN
'
T
 
FAIRY
 
GODMOTHERS
 
meant to be little old ladies with baby-fine white hair pulled back into a bun, a double chin and a kind smile, who walked around singing, ‘Bibbidi, bobbidi, boo'? Nate wondered.

But the one Fate seemed to have sent him was nothing like that. Erin was six years younger than he was. Although she wore her hair caught back in a ponytail at work, it was the colour of ripe corn and the curls that escaped from her ponytail made him think more of a pre-Raphaelite angel's hair, luxuriant and bright. She definitely didn't have a double chin; and, although her smile was kind, it also made his heart flip.

Which wasn't good.

If he'd met Erin at a different time in his life—before Caitlin had come to live with him, perhaps, or maybe after he and Caitlin had established a workable relationship—then he would've been interested in dating her. Very interested.

But right now, all he could offer her was friendship. And it was a relationship where Nate was horribly aware that he was doing most of the taking.

That evening, he said casually to Caitlin, ‘We're going out on Saturday.'

She looked at him. ‘Why?'

‘I'd like you to meet a friend of mine.'

She rolled her eyes at him. ‘I don't need to meet the women you date.'

‘She's not a date,' he corrected. ‘She's a friend. And I think you'll like her.'

Caitlin's expression suggested that she didn't think she would. At all.

‘Have a think about where you might like to go,' he said.

‘I already know that. Home,' she said.

The word cut him to the quick—the more so because he knew she hadn't said it to hurt him. She really did want to go back to the place where she grew up, where she knew everyone around her. ‘I'm sorry,' he said softly. ‘That's not an option. And I know it's hard for you to settle in to a place you don't know, living with someone you don't really know that well, and to leave all your friends behind and start all over again in a new school—but I'm trying my best to make it as easy as I can for you, Caitlin.'

Tears shimmered in her eyes. ‘It isn't fair.'

‘I know. Sometimes life's like that. The only thing you can do is try to make the best of it.' Awkwardly, he tried to hug her, but she wriggled free.

‘I have to do my homework.'

‘OK. But if you want me for anything, I'm here. I'm your dad, Caitlin. I know I haven't been there enough for you in the past, and I regret that more than I can ever explain, but I'm here for you now. And you come first.'

She made a noncommittal noise and fled.

Had he started to make some progress? Or was this how it was going to be for ever? he wondered.

He just hoped that his fairy godmother would be able to work the same magic on his daughter as she'd worked on him, and could persuade Caitlin to open up a little. To let him be there for her.

* * *

‘Erin, it's the Emergency Department for you,' Ella, the receptionist, told her.

‘Thanks, Ella.' Erin took the phone. ‘Erin Leyton speaking. How can I help?'

‘It's Joe Norton from the Emergency Department. I've got a patient who came in for an X-ray—but the department sent her through to us because when they'd finished she couldn't stand up, and she can't feel anything from the middle of her chest downwards. I think it might be a prolapsed disc or a spinal cord problem, but we really need a specialist opinion. Would you be able to come down and see her?'

‘Sure. I'm on my way now,' Erin said. She put the phone down, grabbed the pen to write on the whiteboard and smiled at the receptionist. ‘I'm stating the obvious here—I'm going down to the Emergency Department.' She wrote her whereabouts next to her name on the whiteboard, and was just about to leave the unit when Nate came round the corner.

‘Just the man I wanted to see. Are you up to your eyes, or can I borrow you?' she asked.

‘What's the problem?'

‘The Emergency Department needs our specialist opinion. Our patient might have a spinal cord problem, which would be me; or she might have a prolapsed disc in her neck, which would be you.'

‘I'll come with you,' he said.

‘Thanks.' She smiled at him and scribbled ‘ED with Erin' next to his name on the board.

Downstairs in the Emergency Department, she found Joe Norton and introduced Nate to him. ‘Depending on the problem, it could be either one of us, so we're saving a bit of time,' she said.

‘Thank you both for coming,' Joe said, looking relieved, and took them through to the patient. ‘This is Mrs Watson,' he said. ‘Mrs Watson, this is Dr Leyton and Mr Townsend from the spinal unit.'

Erin noticed that Mrs Watson's face was ashen and she was trembling slightly. Clearly her sudden inability to walk had terrified her and she was fearing the worst.

‘Dr Norton called us down as we're specialists in the area where he thinks the problem lies—so please don't be scared, because we're here to help,' Erin said gently. ‘Mrs Watson, we know some of your medical history already from Dr Norton, but would you like to tell us in your own words about how you've been feeling?'

‘Call me Judy,' Mrs Watson said in a shaky voice.

‘Judy. I'm Erin and this is Nate. He's a surgeon and I'm a neurologist,' Erin explained, ‘so hopefully between us we can sort everything out for you.'

‘I'm so scared,' Judy burst out. ‘It must be really serious for them to have called you. Does this mean I'm never going to walk again?'

‘Not necessarily, so try not to worry,' Erin said.

‘I know that's easier said than done,' Nate added, ‘but tell us what's been happening, and that will help us to work out what the problem might be and how we can help you.'

‘It started a few months ago,' Judy said. ‘I kept waking up with my right hand all numb and tingling. I thought I was just lying on my arm in my sleep, so I didn't want to bother the doctor with it. But then I woke up last week feeling a bit fluey—and after that I started getting real pain in my neck and shoulders. I took painkillers, but they didn't do a lot.'

The symptoms were starting to add up for Erin; she glanced at Nate, who mouthed, ‘TM?'

She gave the tiniest nod—she'd been thinking transverse myelitis, too—but said to Judy, ‘That must've been worrying for you. Did you go to see your doctor about it?'

‘Yes, and he said he thought it might be carpal tunnel or it might be a problem with my neck, so he was going to refer me for an X-ray.' Judy bit her lip. ‘That's why I came to the hospital today. I thought I was just going to have an X-ray and then everything would be sorted out—but then, when it was over, I couldn't stand up, and I can't feel anything from here down.' She pointed to the middle of her chest. ‘Dr Norton said it might be inflamed nerves in my neck, or it might be a prolapsed disc.'

‘That's very possible,' Nate said, ‘but we need to carry out some more tests to help us narrow everything down. I want to do an MRI scan of your spine—that's a special kind of X-ray using magnets and radio waves, and it doesn't hurt but you do have to lie as still as you can in a kind of tunnel for a few minutes, and it can be a bit noisy. Depending on what the scan shows us, I'd like Erin here to do a lumbar puncture.'

‘That's a lot less scary than it sounds,' Erin said. ‘It means I'll ask you to lie on your side and I'll put a needle into the space between two bones at the bottom of your spine and draw off a little bit of fluid from around your spine so I can run some tests on it.'

‘Does it hurt?'

‘No. I'll numb the area with a local anaesthetic first,' Erin said. ‘It takes about half an hour, and you can have someone with you if you like.'

Judy bit her lip again. ‘Dr Norton said he'd call my husband.'

‘Good. I'll make sure the department's contacted him,' Erin said, ‘and if you'd rather we waited until he's here before we do any of the tests, that's absolutely fine.'

‘I'd like James to be with me, please.' She dragged in a breath. ‘I'm so scared I'm not going to walk ever again.'

‘I know it's pretty frightening for you right now,' Erin said, squeezing Judy's hand, ‘but until we've done some more tests we can't give you any proper answers about why you can't stand up at the moment or what we can do to treat you. What I think we should do now is take you up to our department and settle you in with a cup of tea, and then we'll wait for your husband to arrive before we do the tests. Is that OK with you?'

Judy nodded.

Erin had a quick word with Joe Norton to explain what they were going to do, and the Emergency Department reception confirmed that James Watson would be there in half an hour and they'd direct him up to the spinal unit.

Once James had arrived and Erin had explained the situation to him, they sent Judy for her scan.

Nate looked at the results on his computer. ‘I can't see any signs of a prolapsed disc or any compressive lesions,' he said to Erin.

‘I'll need to do a lumbar puncture, then,' she said. ‘Obviously I'll get the lab to test for signs of lupus, neurosarcoidosis and Sjögren's as well, but it's looking more and more like TM to me.'

Nate was in Theatre when the results of the lumbar puncture came back. Just as Erin had half expected, Judy's white blood cell counts were elevated, and so was her immunoglobulin G index. So she and Nate had been right from the start. She knew that her patient was waiting anxiously for a diagnosis, and anyway this particular condition was her area rather than Nate's, so she decided not to wait for Nate to come out of Theatre to break the news.

Judy and James looked up anxiously when she walked into the room.

‘So do you know what's wrong?' Judy asked.

‘Yes. It's something called transverse myelitis,' Erin explained. ‘Basically it's a problem caused by inflammation of your spinal cord. It's quite rare so your GP probably hasn't even seen a case before, so I quite understand why he thought it might be a problem with your neck or your carpal tunnel. It's called “transverse” because the swelling's across the width of your spinal cord, and “myelitis” because it's to do with the myelin sheath that covers the nerves in your spine.'

Judy looked stunned. ‘How did I get it?'

‘Sometimes it's caused by a virus,' Erin said, ‘and you did say that you'd felt a bit fluey, so it might've been that. But sometimes there's no reason for it—it just happens.'

‘Will she get better?' James asked. ‘It's not—well...?'

‘The good news is that it's not fatal,' Erin reassured him, guessing what he was worrying about. ‘And the even better news is that we can treat the condition. I'll give you a five-day course of steroids, Judy, and that will reduce the inflammation and stop the pain.'

‘Steroids? Aren't they the things you hear about sportspeople taking when they cheat?' Judy asked.

‘No—those are anabolic steroids, which are a totally different type,' Erin explained. ‘The steroids I'll prescribe are the sort that occur naturally in the body and help to beat inflammation—actually, they're the same kind that people take for treating asthma. They'll reduce the pain and swelling, and if they don't help enough we can look at a couple of other treatments as well.'

‘How long will it take her to get better?' James asked.

‘It does take time and you need to be patient,' Erin warned. ‘Usually you start recovering in a couple of months.'

‘Months?'
Judy looked horrified. ‘But we were going on a swimming holiday in Greece in four weeks' time.'

‘I'm sorry—you're not going to be well enough for that,' Erin said gently. ‘It might be a couple of months before you're back on your feet, and then we find that between three and six months after the episode you'll recover more rapidly. And I do need to warn you that it can take up to a couple of years to make a full recovery.'

‘A couple of years?' James blew out a breath, looking shocked. ‘OK. Could Judy get it again?'

‘Usually TM is a one-time thing,' Erin said. ‘About a third of patients make a really good recovery, and a third find they have a slight permanent disability.'

‘Which means a third don't recover at all?' Judy asked. ‘Do you know which one I'll be?'

Erin squeezed her hand. ‘I'll be honest with you—right now, it's too early for us to tell how you'll respond to the treatment. But, as I said, we can start with steroids, we have some other treatments that we can try and we'll get you some physiotherapy with a specialist in neurological cases. The exercises will help you get back on your feet and improve your condition, and it's important that you keep doing them—but you will find that you get tired a bit more easily than usual, so you'll need to build up to things.'

‘I can't get my head round this,' Judy said. ‘So if this thing's caused by a virus, does that mean James could get it as well?'

‘No. TM isn't infectious and it's not hereditary,' Erin said. ‘I can put you in touch with the local support group, so you can talk to other patients who've had the condition. They can help reassure you that this isn't going to be the end of the world.'

‘It feels like it,' Judy said. ‘Right now, I can't walk. We can't go on holiday next month—and we were going to start trying for a baby after the holiday. We can't do that now, either, can we?'

‘It's not ruled out for ever,' Erin said, ‘but, yes, you will need to put that on hold for now.'

A tear trickled down Judy's cheek. ‘I feel so useless.'