Careful What You Wish For (9 page)

‘Yeah.’

‘So what happened?’

Ruth shrugged. It was as if she didn’t know how to go about friendship anymore. All the secrets and intricacies eluded her. She’d burnt her bridges the day they all came over to go shopping with her, to cheer her up. An involuntary shudder went through her as she remembered. After that day, hanging out on her own had become virtually her only option; in fact, it had begun to seem increasingly normal.

8

M
ary Ellen had organised the vouchers from her hospital bed.

‘Sweetheart, I want you to have a heap of nice new clothes,’ she’d explained as she handed over the envelope. Ruth’s heart soared. Everything she had was old and unfashionable.

‘Go on, open it,’ Mary Ellen had prompted.

Ruth gulped when she saw that her aunt had given her a thousand dollars. ‘But I can’t …’ Ruth stumbled on her words.

‘You can and will,’ Mary Ellen said. ‘I want you to have some nice things. Your mum knows about it. It’s to be spent on clothes and shoes. Maybe a little makeup, if you like. Nothing else, okay?’

‘But it’s too much,’ Ruth whispered.

‘No, it’s not,’ Mary Ellen said emphatically. ‘You’re growing up. You need a few nice things. Start off with a coat and nice boots. You’ve got great taste. Take your time and only buy things you love.’

‘Thank you
so
much!’

‘You’re welcome, darling,’ Mary Ellen sighed thoughtfully. ‘You either love clothes and fashion or you don’t. Your mum and Faye were never interested and that doesn’t make them inferior in any way, but if you are interested, as I know you are, it actually
hurts
not to have nice things!’

‘Yes,’ Ruth said quietly, brushing away tears with the back of her hand.

‘Your mum is the best, Ruthie, but she doesn’t really understand, does she?’

‘No.’ Ruth shook her head.

‘And money is tight. They’ve got three kids and they have to spend on essentials. That’s why I’m arranging things for you … in advance.’

A chill went down Ruth’s spine.

‘Please … don’t … go anywhere.
’
Ruth was overwhelmed by all she wanted to say. ‘Don’t …
go away
or anything.’

Mary Ellen took her hand and squeezed it. ‘You’ll be fine. I know you will.’

None of the conversation had seemed real at the time; even the vouchers Ruth held in her hand seemed like they were part of a dream. But she didn’t know how to begin to tell her aunt any of this.

After the funeral was over, Ruth’s mum wouldn’t leave her alone about the vouchers.

‘Ruthie, when are you going to buy your things with Aunty Mary Ellen’s money?’

‘Soon.’

‘It’ll lift your spirits to go shopping.’

‘I’m okay, Mum, really.’

‘You need some new things. And you have the money now.’

‘I know. I’ll go.’

‘Do you want me to come with you?’

‘No!’

Her mother had looked hurt, but said nothing.

Ruth shuddered. The very idea of going into those cool shops with her mother was the stuff of a nightmare. But the truth was she was terrified herself. She had no idea what she should buy first. To have so much money was scary.

Then one Saturday morning her mother broke the news that she’d organised a shopping expedition behind Ruth’s back.

‘All the girls will be over soon,’ Mrs Craze informed Ruth gaily, as she sat at the kitchen table finishing her breakfast.

‘Who?’ Ruth asked warily. Apart from Lou, who’d been over once – and what a disaster that had been – none of her other friends had ever even
seen
her house, so she had no idea who her mother meant.

‘Your friends, darling. Lou and Bonnie and Katy and who is the other one? I’ve forgotten.’

‘
What?
’ Ruth stared at her mother in horror.

‘I met Lou’s mother down the street,’ Mrs Craze chattered on proudly. ‘She told me that all your friends were concerned when they heard about Mary Ellen. Why didn’t you tell them, I wonder? Anyway, we got talking and decided that you should go shopping with your girlfriends.’

‘You did
what
?’

‘Oh, darling, please.’ Her mother’s cheerful expression took on an anxious edge. ‘I thought you’d love it. Going shopping with your friends will do you good.’

‘But
you
don’t know my friends!’ Ruth spluttered.

‘I met Lou that time,’ her mother said reproachfully, ‘and I met her mother at the parent–teacher night last week and we ran into each other again, so …’

‘You shouldn’t talk to other parents when you go to those things!’

‘Oh, Ruth.’

‘I don’t want to go shopping.’

‘It’s already arranged.’

‘But it will be so embarrassing! Besides, they’ve got better things to do.’

‘But they’re your friends. Lou’s mother said they’re all lovely girls and would be happy to come.’

All your friends are concerned for you
. Since the funeral, Ruth knew she hadn’t been herself. Her friends didn’t know what to make of her and Ruth didn’t know what to make of herself. It was as if she’d forgotten how to play the game. She came out with opinions that the others didn’t like and laughed in the wrong places. Her friends would raise their eyebrows or give the odd deep sigh to let her know she’d made another mistake. Most of the time she felt they were
putting up
with her. But it went the other way too. Sometimes when she was with them, Ruth only just managed to hold herself there. Part of her wanted to back away and start screaming … ‘So when are they coming?’

‘This afternoon,’ her mother sighed. ‘Try to be nice.’

Ruth gulped and felt a fresh spasm of nerves hit her gut.

‘Do they want to come?’

‘Why wouldn’t they?’

Where to begin?
Ruth looked pointedly around the messy kitchen, the strips of paint hanging from the ceiling and her brothers’ cereal-encrusted dishes, but her mother’s back was turned so she didn’t see.

‘You just don’t get it, Mum, do you?’ Ruth whispered.

‘What was that, love?’

‘Nothing,’ said Ruth. ‘So, Lou and who else?’

‘All the gang,’ her mother said brightly. ‘Bonnie and Katy and … Susie!’

The gang?
Ruth’s jaw began to clench. There were some things adults should never say. She walked out of the room without another word. Just the idea of having all her friends in her house made her feel faint with terror.

‘Now try to be nice, Ruth!’ her mother called after her.

* * *

‘Ruth! Your friends are here!’ Ruth got up from where she’d been lying on her bed and walked down to the kitchen.

Lou, Katy, Susie and Bonnie were standing in the middle of the room in a tight group, looking around suspiciously at the greasy wallpaper and battered fridge. Mrs Craze had made an effort, and for that Ruth knew she should be grateful. There was no mess on the table and the washing-up was done. Newspapers had been piled into the far corner along with her father’s boxes. It was well short of anything her friends would be used to, but it did look better than usual.

They were all dressed in cute clothes: halter tops, strappy singlets, jeans and tiny skirts. Lou was in pink and had her hair done in tiny plaits. Katy was wearing huge shiny earrings. They all smiled when they saw her.

‘Hey!’ plump little Bonnie squealed. ‘Love the jeans!’

‘Thanks.’ Ruth flushed. These were her old jeans, the ones she always wore. Bonnie was trying to be kind.
Or not
. Depending on how you wanted to look at it.

‘That necklace is cool.’ Lou reached out to touch the tiny beads of the lovely black stone necklace that Mary Ellen had left her. Her eyes narrowed. ‘Where did you get it?’

‘Picked it up at the market.’ Ruth tried to sound careless.

‘Now, who is going to have Coke?’ Mrs Craze was behind the kitchen bench getting out glasses.

Ruth went to help her mother, pretending this was normal. They never had bottles of soft drink sitting around in the fridge normally, so her mother must have gone out especially.

‘Now, I hope you girls have a nice time at the shops.

I have to go to work for a few hours,’ Mrs Craze said, looking at the clock as she set a couple of bowls of crackers on the table, ‘but I’ll see you all back here after you’ve been shopping.’

‘Bye, Mrs Craze,’ they all carolled politely.

Ruth noticed the amused way Lou took in her mother’s stout figure in her worn jeans and plain shirt as she walked out.

‘Work must be relaxed,’ she muttered, one eyebrow raised.

‘Yeah, it is,’ Ruth said, flushing even more furiously. ‘She doesn’t have to dress up. So … you want a drink first?’

‘Sure.’

Ruth poured the drinks and they all sat down at the table without speaking. She had a feeling that something wasn’t right, but couldn’t work out what exactly.

Eventually Lou took a deep breath and fixed Ruth with one of her haughty stares.

‘Why didn’t you tell us?’

‘Tell you
what
?’

‘That you were so upset about your aunt?’

The others murmured in agreement. They’d obviously had
a discussion
.

‘I mean, we knew she’d died and everything, but we thought she was just some old relative. We didn’t know that you and her were totally …
close
.’

‘Why didn’t you tell us you were so …
upset
?’ Bonnie sniffed.
When in doubt, always use the same words as Lou
. ‘Why keep it to yourself?’

‘I didn’t think you’d be interested,’ Ruth mumbled. Imagining her mother blabbing on to everyone about how her daughter was missing Mary Ellen so much made Ruth just want to curl up and die.

‘Not interested?’ Lou laughed. ‘But we’re your friends!’

‘I know, but … I didn’t want to carry on about it.’

‘You’ve got to be joking!’ Lou had on her deeply offended face. ‘You
know
I’m going to be a psychologist!’

Ruth tried to look apologetic. In fact, she hadn’t known that. Last she knew Lou was going to be a pilot, and before that a vet. From Grade Two to Grade Five she had been going to be a top fashion model, but that got sidelined when she didn’t grow as tall as everyone else. Needless to say, Bonnie and Katy and Susie were looking on seriously, nodding and frowning, agreeing that Ruth had committed yet another incredible blunder.

‘Well, sorry,’ Ruth said. ‘I just didn’t think.’

‘Anyway, now we know,’ Lou said magnanimously. ‘We’re your friends and we’re here to help.’

‘Thanks. It’s great of you all to come.’

They all smiled at this.

‘We want to cheer you up.’

‘Absolutely,’ Bonnie mumbled.

‘So what now?’ Lou said, looking around. ‘Shall we go check out the shops?’

‘That would be awesome,’ Susie answered for them all.

* * *

It
was
exciting at first. The shopping centre was very crowded, full of all kinds of people: gangs of teenage boys, families with little kids, buskers, businesspeople and ordinary shoppers, girls like themselves on the prowl. Although it was only a quick tram ride from the Craze house, Ruth had hardly ever been there, mainly because she’d never had any money to spend. There was so much to check out, and it was exciting to feel the vouchers in her pocket. She followed her friends around, staring at everything, not really listening too closely as they laughed and chattered and pointed things out to each other.

Finally they came to the store that Mary Ellen had picked out. Lou threw an arm around Ruth’s neck and pointed at the big bright letters. Ruth stared in at the shining black and grey counters and strategically placed spotlights illuminating the racks of clothes. No way in the world would she have ever dared to enter this place on her own, but with her willing bevy of friends, why not?

‘Cool, huh?’ Lou shouted over the loud pumping music.

‘Yeah.’ Ruth smiled tentatively. ‘Cool.’

Once inside, Lou, Bonnie, Susie and Katy split up and prowled about like experts, leaving Ruth floundering, not knowing where to start. Her friends called out loudly to each other, giggling and picking stuff out for praise or ridicule.

‘Can I help you girls?’ The young sales assistant was watching them warily.

‘Not yet, thanks,’ Lou called back breezily.

‘Hey, Ruth, you like this? What size are you? Is this the kind of thing you’re after?’

Ruth nodded uneasily. She felt foolish that she had no clear idea what she was looking for or how to find it.

Within minutes, they were all heading towards her with armfuls of clothes and shoes and pointing her towards the dressing-room.

‘Here you go.’

‘This goes with that,’ Katy said, holding out a pair of bright-red cut-offs and a tiny striped, frilly top. ‘And here are the shoes.’