Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) (18 page)

I know she’s going to fight me, but then again, she wouldn’t be Shelby if she didn’t.

I don’t dare turn on the light, afraid she’ll wake up and want me to take her home. I’m glad I left the blinds open, and the moon gives me enough light to walk to my bed. I bend, carefully setting her down. I pick the sheets and comforter off the floor, and place it over her body. I wonder for a second if I need to take off her jean shorts, but I quickly scratch that idea. The last thing I need is for her to think I tried to see her when she’s vulnerable. After pulling the covers up to her shoulders, I push the hair out of her face. She sighs deeply again, and I linger longer on her cheek. I want nothing more than to kiss her and lay right by her, but I know I can’t. I clench my jaw hating I’m going to have to either sleep on the couch or in one of the guest rooms. It’s going to be fucking tempting as hell not to slip in and hold her all night. But I need her to trust me and if she wakes up with me in the bed, that definitely won’t work in my favor. I rub her cheek with my thumb once, twice, and a third time before pulling away. Right as I’m moving my hand, she whispers my name, and I swallow hard hearing her say it. I wonder what she’s dreaming about. Is she dreaming of me? Maybe it’s her soul calling out to mine. I can feel that invisible force willing my body to touch her. To hold her and never let go. It would be so easy to listen to the force, to get in the bed, and do exactly what I want but I don’t. I lean down and kiss her softly on her forehead, then as hard as it is, I leave her to sleep.

I rub the back of my neck as I walk out of my room, and turn to shut the door. Making my way to the living room, I turn off lights as I go and shut off the movie and the TV. I pick up the popcorn bowls and set them down on the counter then I sit down on the couch, wondering if I should sleep here or across the hall from Shelby. I opt for the couch, that way I won’t be as tempted to be in the same room as her. Distance is probably the best option tonight. I huff as I grab a pillow, and pull a blanket off the back of the couch.

As I finally get into a comfortable position, I blindly stare up at the ceiling. Sleep doesn’t seem to be coming so instead, I think of Shelby. I probably shouldn’t, but damn if I can help it. I think of her on my bed sleeping soundly, and imagine I’m there with her. I can feel myself pressed against her body and feel my arms wrapped around her. I think of her warmth, and how soft she felt in my arms as I carried her to bed. I long to actually do this with her. I long to have her all to myself again. Closing my eyes, I try not to let the regret of what I did to her surface. If I let it, it will take me under, smother me, and then if I come out of it, I’ll be right where I was earlier. I don’t want to go back to the dark place I was when I realized I royally fucked up with her thirteen years ago. It’s something I’ll probably never forgive myself for, and all I can do now is make it up to her. Show her how I’ve changed, and how much I wish I could take it back.

As I finally start to let sleep take me, the last thing that crosses my mind is how different our lives could’ve been if I hadn’t pushed her away.  

I slowly open my eyes thinking I must still be dreaming. I’m surrounded by the smell of Carter on his pillows. I don’t think I’ve had such a peaceful night’s sleep in years. I blink a few times and rub the sleep out of my eyes. Looking around the unfamiliar room, I realize I’m not dreaming. I’m still at Carter’s house and in his bed. I must have fallen asleep during the movie, but I have no recollection of how I ended up here. Sitting up against the headboard, I push my hair out of my face. I’m still in shock that I’m here, in Carter’s house. It’s surreal, something I never thought would happen, but now that it has, I can’t help but be skeptical. I have to remember to keep my guard up around him because I just can’t let him totally back in my heart again.

Fear of being hurt again stops me from being too hopeful.

Smelling coffee, I slowly get out of bed wishing I had a toothbrush and some different clothes. But I’ll have to make do with what I have. I smooth out the wrinkles on my shirt and use my fingers to brush through my hair. Slowly walking to the bedroom door, I take a deep and calming breath before opening it. Making my way down the hall towards the smell of coffee, I try to calm my nerves. My stomach feels like it’s in knots, and I know it’s because I’m about to see Carter again. Spotting him in the kitchen, my breath catches in my throat. My heart drums rapidly in my chest, and my face warms. He’s leaning against the kitchen island, coffee cup to his lips. He hasn’t noticed me yet as he reads the morning paper, and I take my fill before he does. His hair is disheveled, and he’s either forgone shaving or forgotten. I find I like the scruffy look on him more than his clean face. Even his clothes seem wrinkled as if he got dressed in a hurry. He slowly looks up and when he sees me and smiles that heart stopping smile. Not kidding either. My heart literally feels as if it stopped beating knowing I’m the one that made him smile like that.

“Good morning.”

I tuck some hair behind my ear, hoping my blush isn’t showing like it feels. I like the sound of his morning voice. It’s husky, deep, and I can’t even lie and say it’s not sexy. “Morning.”

“How’d you sleep?”

I walk over to the stools, and sit down as I answer with, “Better than I have in a long time actually. I’m guessing you put me to bed?”

“That’s good to hear, and yeah that was me. I figured you’d be more comfortable in a bed rather than the couch. Trust me, I feel like I was hit by a car last night.”

“Did you sleep on the couch?”

He looks away, taking another sip of his coffee before he answers. “Yeah.” I can’t help but feel there’s more he wants to say, but instead he adds, “Do you want some coffee?”

“Sure, that would be great.” I watch him as he nods and turns to make my coffee. I lean my elbows on the counter, and bite my lip as I sneak a peek at his ass in his tight slacks. I wonder what he looks like naked. I know he’s changed a lot since the last time I saw him, and I can’t help but be curious. Time definitely has been good to him. He’s much more attractive now than when he was twenty. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always been handsome and I’ve always thought so, but now he’s a
man
. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen him in so long. Maybe because it’s been a very long time since I’ve felt a tender touch. Not to mention, how long it’s been since I’ve had sex. All I do know is that I’m going to have to be extra careful around him. It’s hard enough as it is not to fall back into our old patterns and knowing how I’m reacting to him, it’s a disaster waiting to happen. I dart my eyes away from him as he turns back around, and places my coffee mug in front of me. I take a glance at him and grin seeing him staring back at me. He chuckles another sexy sound, and I can’t get over how just one look; one sound from him, makes me feel as if I’m a teenager again. He continues to stare at me and finally I ask, “What are you staring at?”

He shrugs as he says, “You.” I swallow hard, and I look down at my coffee. I quickly snap my eyes back to his as he touches my hand. “I still can’t believe you’re here. I feel like this is a dream.”

“It’s not,” I whisper.

“Good. Because if it is, then I don’t want to wake up.”

I can’t help but look away from his intense gaze, and take a sip from my mug. We sit in silence for a bit, neither one of us knowing what to say. Thankfully, Carter picks his paper back up and begins to read again. Our silence it comfortable even if I’m feeling nervous from just being near him. But I push the antsy feeling away, willing myself to act like a normal person. It’s not an easy thing to do. Just imagine being around the one person who understands you more than anyone else ever could. Then add in the fact you’re attracted to this person, have a history with them, know them inside and out. That plus a force willing you to jump in their arms. Yes, it’s hard to stay where I am. A part of me already wants to forget about everything. All the hurt and shit I went through just to have him touch me. But the other part of me is afraid.

It’s the fear that keeps me rooted where I am.

I drink the last of my coffee and watch as he folds his paper in half, then places it aside. He notices I’m finished with my coffee and takes my mug with his, placing them in the sink. I see him look at the clock, and I know my time with him is almost over. I can’t deny the uneasy feeling that runs through me thinking about not seeing him. “What time do you work today?” I hope my question sounds as causal as I hope.

“I need to leave soon if I don’t want Dad to chew me out again.”

I frown, then remember Caden telling me he had a fight with his parents yesterday. I also recall how Carter didn’t want to talk about it with me last night. “Want to talk about it?”

He rubs the back of his neck, and I realize that seems to be a tick of his now. He didn’t do that when we were younger. “We just have a difference of opinions about the firm.”

“And?” I can tell he’s leaving something out by the way his eyes dart around me, instead of looking at me. Seems he hasn’t lost all his younger traits.

He sighs then says, “And I might have gotten angry at them, and my brothers for keeping your homecoming from me.”

“Okay. I can see why you would be upset about that, but that’s more my fault than anything.” His eyes snap to me and I add, “I asked Caden and Cason not to tell you. I assume one of them or both told your mom and dad. It wasn’t my intention to cause you to fight with them.”

“I know. I don’t blame you, or them really. I …” His jaw clenches as he says, “I was just angry and needed someone to blame. When I went over there, and Dad started questioning me about what my decision was about taking over the firm and I just snapped. Seeing you again, and knowing at the time you didn’t want me to know it really hurt.” I shrink back at his words, and I can’t help but replay Bethany’s words in my head. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you feel bad about it. Trust me, I’m going to apologize to Dad at work and to Mom later this afternoon. I didn’t handle anything like I should’ve yesterday. I’m more embarrassed than anything.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?”

“Because my father’s right. I’m avoiding taking over the firm and instead of confronting the reasons, I came home and got drunk. I should’ve taken responsibility instead of acting like well, the old me.”

I’m not sure what to make of his last comment. I can only assume he’s referring to the time after I left. “Why don’t you want to take over the firm? I can’t see anyone else doing it, but you. And do you really want someone else to take over?”

He seems to think about my questions before he answers with, “Honestly, I’m afraid.” I open my mouth to ask why, but he adds, “What if I fuck it up? Or what if I can’t live up to my father’s reputation? I know it’s a huge decision to make, and I’ve been going over it since Dad brought it up. It makes sense for me to step up, but at the same time I don’t want to let him down.”

I reach across the counter acting purely on instinct, and grab his hand. I watch him gaze at my hand on his and when he looks back at me, I know he feels what I do. Even if I can’t give him anything else right now. I can be here for him like I used to be. I can help him more than anyone else because I understand him. “You won’t fuck up, Carter. I know you have doubts and are worried, but I also know your Dad would’ve never asked you to take over the firm unless he knew you were ready.” I squeeze his hand as I add, “You have to have more faith in yourself.”

He places his other hand over mine and says, “Thank you. I needed to hear that, and it means a lot coming from you.”

He looks down and shakes his head. He smiles, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking. “What?”

“It’s just … you coming back, being here right now, and telling me what I need to hear, it’s like fate stepping in.”

I give him a puzzled look as I ask, “What do you mean?”

He’s still looking at our hands intertwined together as he explains. “It feels like this is how things were supposed to go. As if fate knew I needed you, and brought you back to me.”

“Carter,” I start, but he cuts me off.

“Don’t shut me out, Shel.” His eyes dart to mine, and the intensity of his gaze makes me suck in a breath. “You asked me, and I’m being honest with you. I promise it’s not a ruse to get you back. I know you’re not ready for that, but I was talking more along the lines of you coming back to me as my best friend. No one ever understood me like you did or knew what I needed to hear to make my choices easier. You do that.” He lets my hands go, and I watch him closely as he walks around the island, slowly making his way to me. My damn heart won’t stop racing, and I have to remind myself to breathe as he reaches me. I still as his hand cups my cheek, and savor the feel of his hand on me. His touch is gentle and warm, and I close my eyes taking in the sensations that run through me. My body seems to come alive at his sweet gesture. It’s as if my soul is overjoyed to have him back in my life, simply touching me. I let out a deep sigh, and glance at him when I hear him speak softly. “I’ve missed you so damn much. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you’re here.” He traces his thumb on my cheek as he says, “I finally feel complete again.”