Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) (19 page)

I don’t know what to say, so I just stare up at him. He smiles back at me, and slowly takes his hand off my face. I want to cry out at the loss of his warmth, but I know he needed to move away from me. I watch him as he walks back around the kitchen island, and swallow hard as he refuses to take his eyes off me. His gaze is intense, and I can’t stop the warm sensations that form in my stomach. I go to grab my necklace, but stop midway. Carter frowns then asks, “What is it?”

I debate on whether, or not to tell him I still have his gift. Then again, maybe if he sees I’ve kept it all this time, he’ll know I never forgot what we had. I reach into my shirt and pull out my keepsake. I hold it in my hand for a moment, and stare at it before letting it drop. Carter sucks in a breath when he sees it. I watch him closely as a variety of emotions cross his face. Shock, disbelief, and when he looks in my eyes again, he looks at me adoringly. As if he’s seeing me again for the very first time, with such love in his eyes. “I know we didn’t end things on a good note, but I couldn’t bear to part with it. Every time I needed strength or a reminder of what I left behind, I would look at it, and just knowing I had a piece of you made things easier.” I’m surprised by my admission, but at the same time, it feels good to open up to someone again. It’s been so long since I felt like I could trust someone with how I really feel.

“I can’t believe you kept it after all this time.” He grins, shakes his head, and his eyes light up. “Do you remember what I said when I gave it to you?”

Of course I remember. It’s committed to my memory, and it’s one that I used to think of often. “I do. Instead of me giving you a graduation present, you gave me this.” I glance down at my necklace, thinking back to that day. It was a happy day, and I was so proud of Carter for graduating, and getting accepted into Harvard Law. I wasn’t expecting a gift from him, but I remember being excited when he showed me what he bought. I blink, coming back to the present as I say, “As you put the necklace on me, you said it was to remind me how much you loved me. That no matter how far apart we were, it wouldn’t matter because our love for each other was strong.” I glance away from him, as I repeat his sweet words from a lifetime ago. “I remember you saying, that my necklace was your way of giving me your heart and that we’d always be able to find one another.”

I look back at Carter, noticing he’s rubbing his chest. I want to ask him if he’s alright. But I don’t. I know that day meant so much to the both of us. I could see and feel how much he cared about me back then. Which made when he broke my heart that much more painful. He clears his throat before saying, “I’m glad you kept it, and it’s brought you good memories when you needed them.”

I suddenly feel shy, and a bit out of place. The emotions running through me scare the shit out of me, and the room feels as though it’s closing in. Reliving the past then the emotions running through me now … it’s too intense. I look away from him and place my necklace back in my shirt. I get off the stool and say, “I think I should head back to Annie and William’s. I’m sure they’re worried where I am.” I don’t look at Carter. I don’t want to see the hurt in his eyes because he’ll know what I’m doing. I hate that I can’t seem to stay around him, but the wave of all the past emotions and the present ones colliding is overwhelming. I have to get away from it.

“Yeah, okay. I can drive you there since it’s on my way.” I nod and head back to his room to grab my shoes. I remind myself to breathe and stop over thinking everything. It’s stupid of me to act this way, but going for so long without feeling any of this … it’s frightening.

I quickly slip on my flip flops, and walk back into the kitchen to grab my purse. Carter’s sitting on the couch in the living room, and when he sees me, he makes his way to the door. We don’t speak as I follow him to his truck, and I can’t help but feel remorseful for shutting him out and running away. I just can’t help it. I’d rather push him away, than have him hurt me again. Once we get to his truck, he opens my door like the perfect gentlemen, and I climb inside. It takes me a few tries before I’m able to get in since it’s so high up, but Carter patiently waits until I’m situated then shuts my door. He climbs in and once I’m buckled in, he starts the truck and pulls out of the driveway.

The drive to Annie and William’s is quiet, but thankfully short. When Carter pulls in at their house, I want to jump out and run to the safety of my room. I quickly undo my seat belt, but before I open the door Carter grabs my hand. I still and slowly look at him. “I’m sorry I overwhelmed you earlier. But I want you to know I meant every word. I still want us to start over and give our friendship another shot, but I need you to promise me something.”

I relax in my seat and ask, “What do you want me to promise you?”

He lets out a rush of air then says, “That you won’t run every time you feel the need to. If you want to get away or feel like you need space tell me, and I’ll back off. I want you to promise that you won’t shut me out, and you’ll talk to me about why you feel the urge to get away.”

I turn away and look out the window as I consider his request. Running a hand through my hair, I wonder if by making this promise will I be able to keep it? I sigh, turning back to him and say, “Carter, I can’t promise you that.” He looks away from me and rubs his chin. Before he can say anything, I add, “It’s not that I won’t promise you what you want. It’s just going to take me some time to get used to opening up to you again, and getting used to feeling … the way I do when I’m around you.” I glance down at my hand in his, and I can’t believe I just told him that. “I went through a lot while I was in South Carolina, and all I can give you is, I’ll try.” I look back at him and see understanding in his eyes. “I will try to let you back in, but I just need you to be patient with me.”

He squeezes my hand and responds with, “I can do that.” I nod and reach for the door handle again. I open the door, and before I hop out he asks, “Can I see your phone?” I frown and shrug as I pull out my phone for him. He takes it from me, and I watch him as he punches in something. He hands it back, and I see he added his number into my contacts. I shake my head, and he says, “I’ll call you later.”

I smile as I get out of the truck, and when I turn to shut the door I whisper, “Okay. Until then.” I shut the door, and I know he heard me by the grin on his face. When I get to the porch, he honks his horn and waves to me. I watch him as he leaves and I realize I’m still smiling as I walk inside.

I can’t help the wide grin that forms when I notice Carter messaged me. I feel like a teenager again, and it’s all because of him. Two months of constant texting, late night phone calls, and hanging out … just feels right. I’ve kept to my word of trying not to run, and I’ve been getting better at not shutting him out. Plus it’s always been easy to be around and talk to Carter. He just makes it simple, and he doesn’t push me into talking. It seems as if we’ve never been apart, and I can’t help the excitement that runs through me every time he calls, texts, or when I see him. I open the message, reading what he says, and let out a giggle. I don’t giggle, at least I haven’t in a long time, but Carter brings out the giddy part in me.

“Someone’s in a good mood today,” Annie says as she sits on the couch by me. She and William have picked up on my old self, and I can tell they like the improvement.

“Carter’s being his usual self.” I send him a quick response then lay my phone down. “Do you and William have any plans for tonight?” It’s Saturday, and normally Saturday’s are our game night or bingo night at the community center.

Annie glances at me and she asks, “Why? Does Carter want you to come over?”

“He said he’s having a get together at his house later tonight. Since it’s cooling off at night, he wants to sit around the fire pit. I told him I’d think about it because I knew Saturday’s are our nights.”

Annie smiles brightly as she says, “I think we can spare you for one night. Go have fun, I know you want to.”

I grin knowing I’m busted. “Maybe a little, but y’all come first.”

Annie starts shaking her head as she declares, “It’s fine if you go. William and I can go to bingo and maybe go to the Steak House for dinner. See, you’ve given us a perfect reason to go out to eat.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Shelby. It’s time William and I do something together besides watch TV all afternoon. Plus it’ll be good for you to spend more time with Carter.” She reaches over, patting my hand. “I’ve seen the changes he brings out of you, and I know he makes you happy. Now go on and get ready. We don’t want to keep him waiting now would we?”

I laugh and reach over to hug her. “Thank you, Annie.” I pull away and get up from the couch. Before walking away I turn back and tell her, “He does make me happy.” I quickly glance away, and make my way upstairs. Admitting out loud how Carter makes me feel like the old me again is a huge revelation. I’ve known for a while, but I kept it to myself. I was afraid if I said it out loud or if I talked to anyone about it, it wouldn’t be real anymore. I can’t let my fears stop me from being happy. I’ve let it control me for a long time, but each day with Carter has shown me how to slowly let go of that fear. I can only hope one day I’ll totally be free of it, and be able to finally live the life I deserve.

I’m a bundle of nerves as I park in Carter’s driveway. I turn off William’s truck, and lean back in my seat. I can hear the music coming from inside the house, and I know everyone’s here since their vehicles are parked in front of the house. I’m not sure who was invited, and I didn’t even think to ask. When Carter asked me to come, all I could think about was spending more time with him. I suck in a deep breath, and grab my Cupcake Vineyards wine and my purse. I hop out of my truck and slowly make my way to Carter’s home.

Making my way to the door, I knock a few times. When Carter doesn’t answer, I open the it and walk inside. Music assaults my ears from the living room, and I set my purse down by the couch before making my way to the back porch. As I get closer, I can see that’s where everyone is. I can hear a lot of laughing and notice Caden is doubled over when I stop and stand by the back door. He’s standing by the porch rail, and I sweep my gaze around seeing who all is here. Cason’s sitting down by the outdoor table shaking his head at what I’m assuming is Caden. There’s honestly no telling what’s so funny, with the Harlow’s you can never tell. A skinny blonde is sitting across from Cason, and I wonder if she came with one of the twins. I clench my jaw as the thought of her coming for Carter, but I shake the unwelcome thought off. I frown when I don’t see Carter, and go to look for him. I don’t get an inch away from my spot by the door when I feel a hand on my arm. I tense for a second before relaxing when I realize it’s Carter who’s touching me. “Going somewhere?” He asks with his deep husky voice, and there’s no stopping my stomach from fluttering.

I slowly turn leaning my back on the door frame, and look up at him as I reply. “I was about to come looking for you.” His eyebrows raise, as if he’s surprised by my response. “You didn’t answer the door, so I just let myself in,” I add.

“Sorry about that. Caden insisted on playing this loud ass music, and I didn’t hear the doorbell.” I don’t really hear the music anymore. I know it’s playing, but all I can focus on is how close Carter is standing to me. I clutch the bottle of wine in my hand tighter as I take in his masculine scent, and swallow hard when he runs his fingers through his hair. It still looks damp from his shower, and he’s kept the scruff tonight. I wonder how that scruff would feel against my legs or on my entire body. He gazes into my eyes, and my face flushes. He grins and fuck me, I’m glad he can’t read my mind. It’s shocking how intense being around him is, and how just looking at him is starting to turn me on. I watch him as he looks down. I see his mouth moving, but I’m staring at his lips instead of hearing what he’s saying. “… for you?” He asks.

“What?” I shake my head, clearing my thoughts of Carter and I doing things that I know I’m not ready for.

He laughs and says, “Can I put your wine in the fridge for you?”

I glance down at the wine in my hand, and let out a nervous laugh and respond with, “Oh, right. Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” I awkwardly hand him the bottle, and when his fingers brush against mine, I suck in a breath.