Causing a Commotion (9 page)

She lifted her hand to hit him, but his gaze dropped, darkened, and she lowered it. When had she become so violent? She’d never wanted to strike a man as much as she wanted to smack the smirk off Colin’s face.

“You know nothing of my relationship with Steve.” She didn’t want him to know. Some things were private.

“He asked you to go with him to Washington D.C. and you refused. Why’s that if you were chummy?”

“So what? Everyone knows that.” Did they really? She hadn’t told except those closest to her. Perhaps Steve told prior to his leaving.

“Oh? Does everyone know that you were slotted to be the star of
Jane Millionaire
rather than your sister?”

He had her there, but she refused to let it show. That was privileged information. Very, very few knew the truth behind the sister swap that had taken place to save her butt.

Her acting abilities came in handy at times like these.

“Perhaps that could be the next story we cover on our new show? We could do an expose on me,” she suggested, stepping even closer and glaring directly into his eyes. “Then one on how a man could drink so much he could be completely unaware of his lover overdosing just a few feet away from him?”

His finger fell from the button. His face paled, the skin drawing tight, his eyes looking bleak. The elevator door slid open. Without a word he walked out, leaving Jessie feeling lost, frigid on the inside.

She’d no right to say what she had, hated that she’d lost her temper and attacked in cold-blooded vengeance at his weakest spot. Wished she could erase her words. She teased him and tried to push his buttons, but some things were sacred, not to be treaded upon. Even she knew that.

She’d crossed the line into things that truly were none of her business.

“Colin, wait,” she called, running after him, her designer shoes clacking on the tiled floor. He didn’t stop, but she easily caught him, grabbing his arm. “Wait. Please.”

* * *

Colin didn’t have to wonder who’d told Jessie about Karen’s death. The story had been in all the papers, on all the news shows. Actress overdoses while Journalist Boyfriend sleeps off Drunken Stupor.

From the beginning there had been an undeniable attraction, but she was an actress and he’d sworn off the breed after Karen died. Actresses were trouble and you could never take them at face value. He’d never even known Karen used drugs. Not until he woke up to a nightmare. One he’d lived every day since, but dealt with by keeping his life tightly under control.

There was no room for error in Colin’s existence. To do so might give way to his weakness. Jessie made him weak. Made him need release. Made him long to feel whole again. Which was preposterous. He was whole. Karen was who had lost her life.

Colin lost his life, too.

Lost the prestige he’d had when he’d faced second degree murder charges at Karen’s death. He’d been found innocent, but the prosecuting attorney’s arguments still rang in Colin’s head at night when sleep failed to come.

Yeah, he might have been found innocent of wrong doing, but Colin never would let go of the guilt that ate at him. Nor would he let down his guard, give in to the weaknesses within him. Not ever again. Not for alcohol. Not for Jessie.

His life was calm, controlled.

Colin ignored Jessie’s sideway glances when they sat on the Causing a Commotion set. The set consisted of a long desk, with room for guests, and also a living room like area with a sofa and two chairs that Jessie insisted upon for when they interviewed live on set. Deep green plants added a homey feel. Or were supposed to anyway.

Nothing about the changes felt homey to Colin.

Colin did his segments on how the Middle East Oil Embargo impacted the U.S. economy, on how a Japanese car plant had been given barely legal tax relief, and on how an environmental bill had been stalled in the Senate yet again.

He ignored Jessie’s sassy digs and sexy innuendos that played on his words, that gave the impression he’d meant something other than what he’d said with most everything he said. He ignored that she discussed the pros and cons of Brad and Angelina adopting another baby and took viewer calls that the station set up prior to the start of the show.

He ignored that when she looked at him, her eyes shined with apology at her parting shot earlier in the day even as her mouth quipped out something suggestive.

He ignored that she left an apology on his answering machine.

He ignored that when he lay down that night he couldn’t get her out of his head any more than he could get rid of a past that haunted him.

But Maria Arnold’s offer earlier that day that he could have his show back if he got rid of Jessie, well, that wasn’t something he could ignore.

* * *

Jessie held the Maid of Honor bouquet of red-laced peach roses mingled with baby’s breath. The traditional bridal march played and her sister appeared at the back of the church.

Jessie shot a look at Rob. His hand covered his heart and his eyes shined with love.
Love
.

Love that glowed back from Jill while she walked up the aisle, beautiful in her simple white gown. Beautiful and alone. Jessie longed for her parents, that they could have been here on Jill’s special day.

In Jill’s hands, she held red roses, loosely tied with long, silky peach ribbons.

Never had Jill looked more stunning than at that moment.

Briefly her sister’s gaze met with hers, they shared a smile, a look of love and understanding, then Jill only had eyes for Rob. Which was how it should be.

The remainder of the small ceremony passed in a blur. Jill and Rob exchanging vows. Jessie escorted by the best man, none other than J.P., to the back of the church following the ceremony. Picture after picture. The reception full of laughter and merriment. Jessie catching Jill’s bouquet. Jill tossed it directly to her, but she hadn’t intentionally caught it—-just reflexively. Just as J.P. caught the garter Rob flung.

Fragrant red rose petals floated in the air, raining down on the guests while Jill and Rob left the church and drove away in a sleek, white limousine.

“Maybe later,” she admitted, knowing J.P. understood how she felt. She gave him a quick hug, then stepped out of his comforting embrace.

Every single night in my dreams.
“No.”

“Can I ask you again next week? Next month?”

Jessie laughed. “You can ask, but it would probably be better if you didn’t. I might eventually say yes just to get you to quit asking and then you’d wonder if I’d done the nasty or if I was just saying I had.”

“Getting involved with Colin is a bad idea.” J.P. lifted her chin, making her look into his wizened pale blue eyes. “You know that. Relationships don’t last, and then you’ll be stuck working with him day after day.”

Everything J.P. said made sense. She’d told herself the same thing over and over from the moment she decided to do the show. If she’d wanted to sleep with Colin, she should never have taken the job. She had taken the job.

“Take my advice,” J.P. continued. “Enjoy the attraction between you. Play off it to make the show sizzle, but see it for what it is, a temporary thing that could destroy the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

She nodded although she wasn’t sure she agreed. She wanted to be an actress, not a talk show host. Since agreeing to do the show, she’d only auditioned for one part. One. How was she supposed to turn her dreams into realities when she wasn’t pursuing it full-hearted?

“I understand, but despite any attraction, Colin wants you off the show. He’s never made any qualms about that. What better way than to sleep with you, dump you, then make life so miserable that you walk away from the show giving him the best of everything?”

Because of the way he looks at me
. “I can’t.”

“Jess, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

No, she didn’t want that either.

“Colin’s a smart man. If he did his homework, and let’s face it, Colin’s not the type not to have done his homework, he’ll know your pattern.”

“My pattern?”

“You’re weak right now because of Jill’s wedding. Easy prey for a man to sweep in and devour. Colin will know this. He’ll also know that when a relationship gets messy or serious, you run.” J.P. pulled a cigar from the inside pocket of his tuxedo jacket. “You threw away the chance to be
Jane Millionaire
because of a man.
Causing A Commotion
is going to make you into the star you deserve to be. Don’t let Colin take that from you.”

Chapter Six

Walking into an empty house always gave Jessie the hibbey-jibbies. Knowing that this was the first of many hibbey-jibbey nights sat on her mind like a cold, wet blanket.

“Lucy, I’m home,” she called out in Ricky fashion while she locked the front door. No one answered.

No one would ever answer again.

Jessie swallowed. Maybe she needed to call that hypnotist, have him do an emergency session prior to his appearance on
Causing A Commotion
. Because tonight the fear raged full-throttle.

She was alone. Truly alone.

She’d heard of women who celebrated the moment of true liberation. Celebrated that they stood solid and true and single. Single. She’d been without a relationship for over two months. Longer than at any point in her life.

Oddly enough she’d just as soon face the emptiness than the self-disgust at picking up a stranger just to keep from facing her fears. She didn’t want a stranger.

She dropped her purse and keys onto the coffee table, glanced at her flashing answering machine.

Colin?

Now why would she think that? He’d never called her, why would he start now? Because she was alone and longed to hear his voice filling the void of the empty house didn’t mean he’d call. Didn’t mean he’d call even if he did know she needed him.

She stared at the phone. When had she ever waited on a man to make a move? If she wanted something, someone, she went after it. Him. It would be so easy to call Colin, invite him over, seduce him. Would he come if she dialed his number?

He wanted her, his eyes said how much, and she admitted she wanted him. It wasn’t like her not to go after something she wanted. But J.P. was right.

A fling with Colin wasn’t worth ruining
Causing A Commotion
. Now more than ever she needed the show to distract her from the reality that she was alone in the world.

She listened to her machine. Nothing from Colin. Disappointment filled her. Which was silly. He had no reason to call. No reason except that she might go insane from the enormity of her own thoughts and tight chest.

To fill the silence and divert her panicky thoughts, she switched on the television and flipped through the stations.