Celestial Desire (10 page)

Two Months Later

“How is she?” Zane jumped to his feet and asked the question before his uncle had even fully closed the door.

Mitch tossed his keys on the table and walked right past him. His face was as expressionless as stone, giving nothing away. “You’re back. Did you find the answers you were looking for?”

“It was business. You know that.”

“What I know is that right after Celeste came home from the hospital you blew town on some bullshit excuse.”

“It wasn’t bullshit. Damn it, Mitch, you know I need some serious investors if I’m going to get my own business off the ground.”

“You’ve got a hell of a sense of timing, Zane.”

No, Zane thought, it had been the perfect time to walk away. Before he did something
really
stupid. Unfortunately, his head hadn’t been in the right place and he’d blown the first two loan interviews. The rest of the time, he’d been crashing at Chet’s; at least he had a new tattoo to show for it.

              “You didn’t answer my question. How is Celeste?”

“Why don’t you go see for yourself?”

Zane scowled. “You know I can’t do that.”

“No, I don’t know that. You’re the only one who seems to see any reason behind your completely illogical behavior.”

Illogical?
Zane fought the sudden urge to laugh. As if anything logical had happened since Celeste’s appearance. He’d met the only woman he’d ever considered spending the rest of his life with. Fell madly and insanely in love with her and did everything he possibly could to make her do the same. Then killed her psycho ex and held her hand through a broken neck and jaw while having to hear in gory detail just how crazy the sick fuck was. Where was the logic in any of that?

At least Zane had a reason for walking away, refusing to see Celeste. Hands clenched into tight fists at his side, he spat out. “Celeste understands.”

“The hell she does!” Mitch’s voice raised. As if he’d been viewing Zane’s thoughts, he said, “You do everything you can to get into her bed and her heart, save her from the bad guy, and then, after she’s lying in a hospital bed and tells you that she loves you, you just walk away?!?
Who could possibly find any sense in that?
”

Zane sank down in the chair and placed his head in his hands. In his mind it made sense, but when Mitch put it out there like that, he felt like such a rat bastard. “What does Celeste say?”

“She says… ah, fuck it. You want to know what she says, go ask her yourself.”
 

* * *
 

Mitch went into his bedroom and closed the door, angry and frustrated because Celeste wasn’t saying
anything
. But the sadness in her eyes spoke volumes. Both he and Jessica had tried to talk to her, but she was being stubbornly close-mouthed, refusing to discuss exactly what had transpired between her and Zane, insisting that she was fine when it was so obvious she was anything but.

Twenty minutes later he emerged, feeling somewhat calmer. His hair was still wet from his shower, and he’d changed from his three-piece court-appearance suit into casual jeans and a USMC T-shirt.

Mitch took one look at Zane, still in the same position he had left him in, hunched over in the chair with his head in his hands. Anguish and pain rolled off of him in waves; he was obviously suffering every bit as much as Celeste. She’d retreated far into herself, physically there but mentally and emotionally closed off to anyone but her dog. She was going through the motions for her mother’s sake, but even that wouldn’t last much longer. If Zane didn’t do something soon, Celeste would be gone. Nobody wanted that to happen.

“Zane. Talk to me. You do love her, don’t you?”

Zane lifted his gaze to his uncle’s. Mitch was stricken by the sheer misery he saw in the younger man’s face. “More than my fucking life.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Zane exhaled heavily. “I love her
too
much. Can’t you see? Celeste already had one psycho in her life. She doesn’t need another.”

Mitch couldn’t have been more stunned if Zane had hit him upside the head with a two-by-four. He sank down onto the sofa across from Zane. “What?”

Torment roiled in his nephew’s eyes. “Do you know how I was able to find her?”

“You called in some favors, got a lucky lead from the rental place. Used the built in GPS to track the car to the motel.”

It was the story Zane had told the police. Mitch had been present for most of the questioning, acting as unofficial counsel. Zane hadn’t been charged with anything – it was clearly a case of self-defense, especially with the unregistered gun they found in James’ hand – but there was still a lot of paperwork involved.

Zane shook his head, looking as miserable as Mitch had ever seen him. “No. I called in all those favors after I already knew where she was.”

“Then how did you –?”

“I tracked Celeste, not the car.” Zane stood up and paced around the room while Mitch watched him warily. “When I took her for her tattoo, I had my buddy Chet chip her.”

“You
what
?”

“Fucking psycho, right? After you told me about her ex, I did a little research.”
 

* * *
 

What Zane had found made his blood run cold, and he’d formed the same opinion Celeste did long before she poured her heart out to him – when Bradley got out, he would come after her, and no piece of paper on file in a courthouse somewhere would stop him.

Mitch knew that, too. Zane could see it in his eyes. “I couldn’t take the chance that Bradley would take her somewhere where I couldn’t find her again.” At that point, the intensity of his need to protect her had surpassed his uncertainty over their future. Even if things didn’t work out between them and he wasn’t around, he wanted to be able to find her if he had to. He had already lost people he had cared about because he hadn’t been able to find them in time. He wouldn’t live through it if it happened again.

His uncle looked contemplative; Zane knew he was rearranging all the pieces, connecting all the dots. “Does she know?”

“I didn’t tell her at first, afraid of what she’d think. Afraid that she would see me as another psycho she needed to run from.” He paused, pacing back and forth several more times under Mitch’s close scrutiny. “But then, after she said those words to me in the hospital, I had to tell her. Blurted it all out. I thought she’d hate me…”

“But she didn’t, did she?” Mitch guessed.

“No. Jesus Christ, Mitch, she looked at me with so much fucking love in her eyes I thought my heart was going to rip right out of my chest and fall into her hands. She says if it wasn’t for that chip, she would have been dead by then. Or wishing she was.”

“So where’s the problem?”

“Don’t you see? I would do anything to keep Celeste safe.
Anything
. Including doing shit like having her microchipped without her knowledge so I would always be able to find her.” He cast tormented eyes at Mitch. “I’m no different than the sorry fuck who terrorized her because he was obsessed with her.”

Mitch pinned him with a glare that lasted several minutes. Zane had turned away after the first minute or so, but still felt the intensity boring into the top of his hung head.

“You’re an idiot.”

Zane whipped his head up, finding his uncle looking both angry and disappointed. “You did those things because you care more for her safety and protection than you do for yourself.”

“Bradley loved her, too,” Zane argued. “Enough that he would risk everything to be with her.”

“Zane, listen to yourself! Bradley was mentally unbalanced. With Bradley it was all about control, all about what
he
wanted. He said he loved her but do you think any man that really loved her could bash her face in like that, break her jaw and neck?”

Zane winced, but Mitch kept going. “You were only interested in being able to protect her. Goddamn it, Zane. The fact that you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for her just proves how different you are from Bradley. Do you think he would just walk away, leave her be, because he thought that’s what was best for her? He didn’t, did he? No. He followed her across the country, kidnapped her against her will, drugged her, and beat the living shit out of her. Thank God you do love her, or I’d be standing with Jessica crying over Celeste’s grave right now.”

Mitch was on his feet now, too, getting right into Zane’s personal space. “Understand this, if nothing else: for the past eight weeks she’s been trying to recover again, but she can’t. Because she needs you and she doesn’t have you.”

Zane bristled. “I will always be there for her if she needs me.”

“Bullshit. Maybe you aren’t so different from Bradley after all, except the pain he inflicted was swift and brutal. You’re killing her slowly, from the inside out.”

“I love her!” Zane shouted. “Goddamn it, can’t you understand that I’m doing this for her?!”

“Doing what?! Abandoning her when she needs you?
She loves you.
”

“Of course she
thinks
she loves me,” Zane spat out. “I was her white knight in shining armor.”

Mitch took a step back and blinked. “You honestly believe that?”

The rage drained away. “I believe she is confused. She was lonely, I came along and showed her a good time. Did stupid little things that meant the world to her, made her feel special when no one else did. Then I’m the one who killed the bad guy and saved her. What do you expect her to feel?”

Realization dawned in his uncle’s eyes. Finally, he was beginning to understand what had motivated Zane to do what he did. “You’re afraid.”

“Hell yes, I’m afraid. Scared that one day she’s going to wake up and realize that she’s too good, too smart for someone like me. That with her gentle soul and big heart she deserves a better man. That everything she is feeling now is only temporary, a natural reaction to someone who blindsided her with romance and chivalry and all that romance novel crap.”

He paused to suck in more air, since his chest felt like it was caving in under the weight of the pain that admission had cost him.

“I want her, Mitch. I want her so bad I can fucking taste it. But even more than that, I want it to be real. And I want her to be sure.”

“So … you’re staying away to give her time to think,” Mitch said slowly.

Zane nodded. “I explained all that to her.” He looked at his uncle. “I told her to give it six months. If, after that time, she’s still interested, to call me.”

“Six months is a long time.”

“No,” Zane said miserably. “Six months is fucking
forever
.”
 

              By mutual agreement, Zane stopped asking Mitch for updates on how Celeste was doing. For a few weeks, Mitch would occasionally mention something noteworthy. Zane knew, for example, that Celeste and Jax were inseparable and took daily walks in the park. He also knew when the doctor told her she was no longer required to wear the special brace around her neck. But before long, Mitch wasn’t mentioning much of anything.

Zane would watch her sometimes, when the need grew too strong and he needed a fix. Sometimes he’d sit for hours in the shadows of the trees hoping to see her appear for a moment or two on her balcony. Other times he’d don a baseball cap and lurk in the bushes around the park to watch when she and Jax came out to toss a ball or Frisbee. Occasionally, he’d drive by her place during route times and catch a glimpse of her greeting the UPS and FedEx trucks; Celeste received deliveries and sent packages out almost every day.

It was Zane’s way of centering himself, of assuring himself that there was still hope. If Celeste could find the strength to recover and go on, then it was worth it – every day, every hour, every minute of personal sacrifice.

It was, quite possibly though, the hardest thing he had ever done. Each time he saw her, it took his breath away. Every time he heard her voice, he’d close his eyes and let it wash over him. And, on those rare occasions when he caught the faint scent of her on the breeze, he'd inhale deeply and imagine she was next to him again. He hated the haunted, sad look in her eyes but some part of him saw hope in knowing that she missed him, too.

The days dragged on. A week became two. Then a month. By the end of the fourth month, Zane couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to talk to her. He needed to look into her eyes and know if she was every bit as miserable as he was. He hadn’t caught a glimpse of her for over a week and it was driving him crazy.

Four months was more than enough time to convince
him
that Celeste was the only woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, so maybe it was enough for her, too. If the only reason she wasn’t calling was because he’d insisted on six months then they were both wasting valuable time apart that could be much better spent together.

Having made up his mind, Zane took a shower. He combed his now shoulder length hair, thinking that maybe he should have gone for a trim, but Celeste
had
really liked fisting her hands in it before. He took scissors to his beard and mustache, then shaved his face baby smooth, just like Celeste preferred. Then he pulled on his super-soft faded Levi’s, the ones she told him he looked especially sexy in, and a dark blue, brushed cotton long sleeve T that strained across his chest and arms (he’d been working out a
lot
at the gym as an outlet in her absence).

Taking a deep breath, he stood outside her front door and rang the bell. While he waited, he imagined all sorts of scenarios. His favorite was the one where she opened the door, threw herself into his arms, and they made love for the rest of the night. That one was followed closely by his least favorite - the one where she opened the door, took one look at him, then thanked him for having the foresight to see they were going nowhere and closed the door in his face.

A minute passed, maybe two. He rang the bell again, wondering if maybe it was out again. So he knocked. Several times. No sound came from within; no music, no approaching footsteps, no warning bark.

Remembering the last time he was in a similar position, dread pooled in the pit of his stomach. Bradley was gone, but he wasn’t the only psycho in the world. There were any number of sick bastards running loose, raping and murdering women. Suddenly the scenarios in his head took a decidedly dark and unwelcome turn.

He knew Celeste’s security system. Knew it because he had designed and installed it while she’d been in the hospital. Praying that she hadn’t changed the access code, he punched in the number. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when the system disarmed. If nothing else, it demonstrated that she still had faith and trust in him.

Zane opened the door and stepped inside. “Celeste?” The call echoed strangely through the tiny foyer. Had she
still
not gotten any furniture?

“Celeste, it’s Zane. Are you here?”

The answer became clear a moment later when he stepped into the living room. It was empty. Completely empty. Not a single box, computer screen, tablet or modem. Her banquet-sized folding table was gone, as was the rolling desk chair.

A quick inspection revealed the entire place was just as deserted. The kitchen was devoid of plates, pots, pans, and utensils. There were no towels, razor, or shampoo in the bathrooms, just a solitary roll of toilet paper in each. And in the bedroom, the place where he had found heaven so many times, there was not a trace of clothing; the spot on the floor where her mattress had been, bare.

Celeste was gone.

Zane stood in the center of the room and struggled to breathe, suddenly feeling like he had been sucked into a black hole. The moment he regained his sense of balance, he whipped out his cell phone.

“Where is she?” he demanded, hating the way his voice echoed in the empty space. It felt too much like the inside of his chest.

Mitch’s heavy sigh was easily heard over the mobile. “Her lease expired last month. She decided not to renew.”

“You didn’t think that was worth mentioning?”

“You didn’t ask.”

Zane felt like he’d taken a wrecking ball to the gut. “Is she safe?”

A pause. “Yes.”

Zane ended the call, spewing a string of foul curses as he did so. He squeezed the small device in his hand hard, fighting the urge to throw it against the brick hearth. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the chance that Celeste might still try to call him in two more months when his deadline expired.
 

* * *
 

“So what do you think?” Celeste asked, her voice echoing in the vast empty space. “We did good, right?”

              Jax sat beside her, panting softly. She reached down and gently scratched behind his ears. It was everything she’d ever wanted. A secluded beachfront property. A huge house built into the side of a mountain with an amazing view. Floor-to-ceiling windows looked out over the ocean below. Five bedrooms, six bathrooms, ten fireplaces. The kitchen alone was roughly the size of her first apartment. The residence also boasted a library, an on-site office, a home theater, and a small fitness room.

              The place was absolutely stunning, but it was far too big for just the two of them.

              As if he understood, the dog licked her hand. She would have been lost without Jax these past months. He had become her constant companion, her confidant, her protector, the furry shoulder she cried on when it all got to be too much. At first, she’d thought Zane had taken her to the animal shelter for the sole purpose of crossing yet another item off her bucket list. But now she saw the brilliance of his plan. He’d made sure that she wouldn’t be alone when he wasn’t there anymore.

              Zane. Sweet, wonderful, stubborn man. He thought her feelings were based upon some romantic fairy tale. That because he had ridden in on his white horse and saved the day, she had been blinded by his heroic chivalry and felt compelled to say those three weighty words.

Well, it was partially true. Zane was her white knight; her modern day Prince Charming. But he was also the man she’d fallen in love with
before
James had come for her. The one who made her body sing, who made her laugh, and who took it upon himself to help her
live
.

Zane also thought that she should be far more upset over the chipping than she was. Granted, it did cross a serious personal boundary, and she would have preferred he discuss the idea with her first. If he had, she probably would have agreed to it right then and there anyway. She had known that when James did get out of prison, he wouldn’t let a little thing like the law stop him, and that alone would have been enough reason to ensure that someone would always be able to find her. The truth was, she had no idea that kind of thing was even possible, but if she had, there was a good chance she would have done it herself.

And how could she fault him for that momentary lack of judgment when it had saved her life?

Four months ago, he’d walked away, telling her she needed the time and space to sort out her feelings. And if, at the end of six months, she still felt the same way, he would be waiting. No matter how many times she’d tried to tell him otherwise, he’d remained resolute, leading her to believe that
he
was the one who really needed the time and space to accept the truth.

Yet it was he who continually broke the terms of his own agreement. Oh, she’d seen him at the park, watching from afar. She’d sensed him nearby, even when he remained out of sight. Always there, always looking out for her. It affirmed what she already knew – that he did love her – and gave her hope that he would eventually figure it out.

Only two months to go, then she would know for sure. Which didn’t give her a lot of time to prepare. Thankfully, Mitch and her mother were behind her one hundred percent, because she was going to need both of them to make this work.