Chance of the Heart (9 page)

“You don’t think?” he asked drily. That hurt.

Chance looked miserable. “I don’t mean it like that. It’s just… They all said ‘get it out of your system’, ‘find yourself’. I thought I
knew
myself. I’m twenty-three. Who doesn’t know something this big?”

“Chance, have you really never thought of this before?”

“Only with you.”

“Obviously.”

“No. I mean…” Chance sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Even annoyed, Bradley couldn’t help thinking the man was sexy when he was frustrated.

“You mean?”

Chance looked him in the eyes again. “I mean I have always felt like this toward you. Not other guys, not other girls. Yes, I’ve found others attractive, but no one got me so worked up. Just you. Which makes no damn sense. I thought a couple times maybe I’d pick up a guy and fool around, but I didn’t want to cheat on Caitlin.”

“But you and Caitlin…”

“I know! You think this isn’t confusing? Because it is! It’s not like outside of horses and the church we even knew each other all that well. You were in my brother’s grade. We did the horse shows together and all, but you were popular and… You.” Chance stood quickly and started pacing.

“Look, I get it. I do. I was there once. Though I can’t say it was only one man. I was raised by my father though. That’s actually why I haven’t been back to the Springs in years. I came out my second year of college and he just… got cold.”

“Exactly!” Chance said it so quickly it made Bradley start. “I’ve been thinking on it since you brought up the bisexual thing, and it makes sense. But I can’t deal with it the way you did. I need my parents. And I do love Caitlin. I can’t lose my whole life because sex with you is the best feeling ever.”

“The best ever, huh?” Bradley waggled his brows trying to lighten the mood, but the glare he got in return said he’d failed. He sighed. “Look, I hate this for you. Let me say that I am still really close with my sister. I didn’t lose everything, okay. But if you love Caitlin and want that to work, then remember this
was
just a one-time thing. I mean, we’re not trying to date.” And for all that dating this kid would be complicated as fuck, it sucked admitting that they weren’t trying to be more than a one-off, because he’d never felt so in sync when he’d had sex with anyone. Never found someone so interesting.

“Look, we can be friends if you need to talk, okay? I’m around. It was fun, but you’ve got a life in the Springs and I’ve got mine to get back to once I’m done helping the ministry’s business side.”
Lia
r
.

Chance stopped and let out a breath that made his shoulders sad. “You’re too good for me anyway.” Bradley wanted to hug Chance but thought better of it. Chance straightened his shoulders. “But I do want to be okay… you know, I didn’t want it to be awkward. I didn’t want you to think you did something wrong. So here I am still rambling and… We should go.”

Bradley was getting whiplash from this conversation. But he imagined it must be worse being inside Chance’s pretty little head.

“Okay, Chance.” He pulled out his wallet and grabbed one of his business card. “That’s got my cell and my e-mail. Just shoot me your balances and bank info and I’ll see what I can figure out.”

“Cool. Thanks, Bradley.” Chance pocketed the card and they moved for the door.

When Chance headed for his truck, Bradley grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. “Wait.” Chance searched Bradley’s face with his gaze. “Just remember, even if you’re not with
me
, you’re only twenty-three. Don’t just marry because it’s expected of you. That’s not fair to her, bisexual or not. You don’t have to follow the mapped out path. I know it’s easier for everyone else but maybe you want more than easy. Some people just want more.” Chance blinked.

Sometimes we just
need
more.

Before Chance could say anything, Bradley squeezed his shoulder fondly and headed for his Jeep. Chance was still standing, looking at the building as Bradley drove away. He knew he’d probably over-stepped a line, practically accusing the man of not really loving his girlfriend. But he really hadn’t meant it to further his own cause. Bradley wasn’t lying. He probably would be gone in five months, so it’s not like they’d ever get a chance to actually be more than what they’d already been. But he did give a shit enough about Chance to want the man to be happy and he didn’t think he would be if he were married to a woman and popping out kids. Chance didn’t know what he wanted yet, so how could he commit to forever? And yes, Bradley realized that meant the man couldn’t commit to him either.

So he’d help Chance; be his friend. Then they’d go their separate ways as they had six years ago when Bradley had gone into the world looking for more and Chance had stayed behind to settle for ‘good enough’. Even if Bradley thought Chance was worth
so much
more than that. It was Chance’s row to hoe. And Bradley needed to just get up and get over it.

Chance murmured sweet nothings in his horse, Rocket’s, ear as he brushed his neck. It was the big weekend off for the month, something all the hands enjoyed. They only got them during months the mares weren’t foaling. Foaling season fell between February and April and was tightly scheduled. This year it’d started earlier, in January, and had been over in time for them to have their first off weekend at the end of March. But Chance didn’t need to leave the ranch. Last time he’d gone on his big weekend off he’d ended up sleeping with another man. He sure as hell didn’t want to spend the weekend with any of the other hands trying to pick up women, so he figured it was safest just to stick around the ranch.

“Ain’t he just livin’ the life?”

Chance looked over his shoulder to where his older brother had walked in. Keith had spoken low enough not to startle Rocket but the old horse had still twitched and turned his head to see who’d walked in. His brother didn’t stop by often, usually too busy with his own spread. His father had given his blessing when Keith decided he wanted to get into cattle, especially since Keith’s inheritance had been able to cover it. Their dad had declared Chance the better horseman—which was true—and stated that the ranch would be his and that was the end of the discussion. A discussion that had never really included Chance. It was set in stone so far as everyone thought

“Why do you say that?”

Keith approached from the other side and stroked the horse’s neck. “He gets spoiled all day by you and spends all his free time getting pussy. I’d say that’s living the life.”

Chance grimaced and tried to let his brother know to watch his mouth but it was too late. His mama’s head popped up from the stall next to Rocket’s where she was brushing down her own horse. “You watch your mouth, Keith Becket. What on earth is wrong with you?”

Keith dipped his head before apologizing. “Sorry, Mama.”

“I know these ranches ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of men but that don’t mean y’all got to talk like your mamas didn’t raise you better.”

“Yes, Mama,” both Keith and Chance said. Chance was trying to contain a laugh, which his mama caught. Her lips quirked up in a grin. Keith walked around the other stall where he and their mama started discussing something or other about a family gathering that Chance didn’t give two rips about. So he tuned them out and finished brushing Rocket down and fed him.

He came out of the stall, getting the attention of Keith and their mother, who’d moved to the other side of the barn and were straightening out tack that’d been used that morning. “Chance, baby, I know you said Caitlin’s busy and that’s why she hasn’t had time to come around, but why don’t you go up and see her this weekend?”

Chance did his damned best impression of a rock for a moment. Standing still and expressionless, while flailing inside. “Mama, she really needs to study. She’s taking more hours than ever so she can graduate on time. She’ll be home soon enough.”

“Bet you’ll be happy,” Keith said, nudging Chance with an elbow.

Their mama scowled. “Keith, I swear.”

Chance needed a subject change, and fast. He and Caitlin had agreed not to mention to their parents that they were taking their break this semester. He’d agreed with her. Since it was supposed to be a temporary thing, it made no sense getting them all worked up. Especially because the only way to explain it involved discussing sex with their parents. Gross. And neither of them wanted to hear the same old “We knew this would happen if she went off to school” crap. He’d never begrudged her the need to get out of town and go to school. How could he?

“Actually, Bradley Heart is coming by to help me look over my finances. You know, he’s an accountant, so I thought he could help me figure out what to do with some of my savings.” The way Keith eyed him made him realize that Bradley wasn’t the best change of subject.

“Oh, that’s great, baby. But I don’t see why. You should set up trusts so your kids will be set.”

“Mama, I don’t have kids.”

“I’m just saying,” she teased. He’d heard it all. She only had three grandkids by Keith. She needed at least four more. That’d be the day. Chance didn’t particularly want kids, if he was honest. But he’d always assumed it was because he was still young.

Sometimes we just want more.

Damn Bradley for putting that shit in his head. He’d almost been pissed when Bradley had all but said Chance didn’t love Caitlin enough to marry her. But hadn’t he been thinking that? Even Caitlin seemed to think so. He wasn’t dumb enough to not hear the distance in her voice when they spoke on the phone.

“I’d heard he was back in town. He helping out at the church?” Keith asked.

“Yeah, he’s helping with the business side of the church and his dad’s ministry as a whole until they find someone more permanent.” Chance hated the idea of Bradley leaving in a few months. But it’s not like he’d gone out of his way to spend time with Bradley. He knew he probably seemed to blow hot and cold to the man. But he couldn’t be around him. He was hoping with business between them, they’d be safe.

“I’m just glad to see he’s back. You boys always got on well when you were younger. Nice to see you spending time with someone who ain’t on the ranch,” Mama said.

“I always thought he was queer.”

“Keith!” his mother smacked him with a glove.

“What?” he whined, ducking from another hit. “So sue me. Weren’t nothin’ major. Just kind of got that feeling. Then the way he and his old man just stopped talking and he disappeared. To Austin.” He did his hand side to side and lisped. That was how some people around here said someone was “funny” (aka gay).
“Maybe they spend time in Austin, if you catch my drift.”

“He was in Abernathy,” Chance said lamely.

“Regardless. Mind your business, Keith,” Mama said with a pointed look at her eldest son. To Chance she said, “Just remember when you’re coming up with investment plans that you do need to make provisions for a family. It’s important to plan for your future. The ranch is always here but weddings and children cost a lot of money.”

Chance wasn’t even going there. He was still baffled that his brother thought Bradley was gay—even if he was right. Did that mean he was wondering about Chance now?
Shit.
Just what he needed. And his Mama’s talk of kids and weddings had him feeling like he was standing in fucking quicksand.

“Well, I’m gonna head in for a shower.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Bradley will be here at nine so I’ve only got like twenty minutes.”

He didn’t wait for a response, just headed across the property to his apartment. He didn’t breathe until he’d shut the door behind him. He made quick work of showering and changing into clean jeans and a ratty old AQHA T-shirt. The coffee had just finished brewing when Bradley arrived.

He went to let Bradley in, passing him a cup of coffee. “Thanks for coming out,” he said, leading Bradley to the couch. He hadn’t seen him since they’d gone to the restaurant building over a week ago. They’d exchanged a few e-mails and a brief phone conversation to set up this meeting, but other than that Chance figured Bradley would want some space from him and the insanity of his life.

When they were sitting and Chance glanced at Bradley, who’d remained silent up until then, he found Bradley eying him funny. “What’s with the look?” he asked.

Bradley looked at his coffee. “You remembered how I take my coffee?” Chance’s cheeks flamed, and Bradley’s expression was hard to get a read on. Not that Chance was all that good at reading people in the first place.

“Oh, yeah. One of my talents,” he lied. He didn’t know why he remembered that detail. He’d just made the cup automatically, remembering the two creams, one sweetener. He couldn’t tell you what anyone else’s coffee order was off the top of his head, other than his daddy who drank his same as Chance—three sugars, black and sweet.

Bradley sipped his coffee, a hint of disbelief in his eyes but he let it go. Chance pulled on the coffee table leaf where it extended up. He’d bought it specifically because it could raise up to eat on or use your laptop while watching television.

“Nifty,” Bradley said.

“Yeah. I don’t get a lot of time to actually watch television so when I do want to catch something I have to multi-task. This made that easier.”

“Of course. No bachelor pad is complete without one of these.” Bradley’s teasing smile made butterflies burst inside Chance’s stomach. He’d never felt anything quite so strangely wonderful.

He cleared his throat and looked away from Bradley. “Need anything else or are we ready to do this?”

Bradley started digging in the messenger bag he’d placed between them on the couch, retrieving an expensive looking laptop and a manila folder.

“Okay, Mr. Becket,” Bradley said in a deep voice, obviously trying to be funny. Chance shoved him, earning another of Bradley’s melodious laughs. Bradley opened the folder while the laptop booted up. “Between the CD and your savings you have more than enough to open a restaurant.”

“Oh,” Chance said, lamely. He’d kind of let himself forget about the possibility.

“Chance, you have enough to open a restaurant in Dallas. What have you done? Not spent a dime since you started working?” Bradley seemed perplexed.

“No. I mean, this place was a good fifty grand by the time I furnished it. And you’ve seen the boots. I paid for my truck outright and it was a good eighty grand…” He stopped rattling off his list when he noticed Bradley rolling his eyes. These were the moments he and his sister resembled each other the most, which made it harder and harder to be around Heather.

“I get the CD. I see it was the trust that came open when you were eighteen. You did well investing it like you did. But that doesn’t account for the money you have just in savings.”

Chance shrugged. “I didn’t have to pay for college. I do most of my eatin’ at the big house. What am I supposed to spend my money on?”

“Well, you could go out like normal twenty-somethings. God, at your age I was digging change out of my Jeep for lunch money because I’d blown half my check going out with Emma on the weekends.”

Chance just shrugged again. “I’ve been working here legit and on the books since I was sixteen, full time since I was eighteen. When I took over managing the office, that came with a pay raise. I still have most of my winnings from when I was competing.”

“I see that.” Bradley still seemed amazed as he shook his head, nonplussed. “You’re either extremely boring or the most responsible guy I’ve ever met.”

“A little of both, I reckon.”

Bradley looked pained at that response but didn’t comment. “Okay, so let’s look at your options…” And damn did there appear to be several of them. Enough to take his mind off the fact that Bradley was looking nice in his plaid button down, jeans, and a surprisingly nice pair of boots. Maybe this would be okay. Maybe with numbers between them and so many stressful decisions to make about his money, Chance could find a way to keep Bradley around while he figured out what the hell was going on in his head… And his heart. Without hurting Bradley, he hoped.