Change of Heart (24 page)

I didn't even open my eyes as I said “no” at the exact same moment Ani said “yes.”

“You're not going home,” Ani barked.

“You can drive us,” I conceded.

“We'll stay here,” Ani said to my parents, ignoring me. “See you in the morning?”

I didn't want to stay the night, but hell if I was going to argue with Ani about sleeping in the same bed again, even if we were at my parents' house and I was too tired to do anything but sleep. She hadn't taken off when I'd passed out. She'd stayed.

That had to mean something.

I followed her into Katie's old room and stripped down to my underwear after she'd closed the door behind us. We were both moving quietly so we didn't wake the baby, but I was aware of every noise her clothes made in the darkness as she got ready for bed. As I crawled into bed behind her, I could have cried at the wave of relief that hit me.

“You scared the shit out of me,” she hissed as I tried to wrap my arm around her middle.

“I didn't mean to.”

“Well, what the fuck? You aren't sleeping?”

“I couldn't ever fall asleep, so I was just staying up until I was so exhausted that I could get a full night's rest,” I answered, ignoring the way her body had stiffened as I pulled her closer to me.

We were facing each other on our sides, and I scooted down the bed a little so our faces lined up on the pillows, nose to nose.

“I want to talk,” I slurred, trying in vain to keep my eyes open.

“We'll talk in the morning,” she breathed against my face, lifting her hand to smooth down my beard. “Go to sleep.”

“I'll get her. You sleep,” my mom said quietly when Arielle woke me up the next morning.

I was standing next to the portable crib, trying to calm Arielle down without lifting her up. My legs were still pretty unsteady, and I glanced at Ani's sleeping face as my mom pushed past me and picked Arie up. Then I looked down at myself and felt my face heat. I was standing there in nothing but my boxer briefs.

“Sorry about last night,” I whispered, moving behind the bed to try and hide my lower half as my mom grabbed Arielle's diaper bag from the floor.

“You need to sleep, son,” Mom scolded. “Get this stuff figured out before you make yourself sick.”

I nodded as she turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Then I climbed back into bed with Ani, wrapping my arms around her.

“I pretended I was asleep,” she mumbled against the bare skin of my chest, startling me. “So your mom would take Arielle.”

I chuckled.

“Mother of the Year,” Ani joked.

“You're an awesome mom,” I replied, kissing her forehead.

“You lost your shit last night,” Ani said, tilting her face up to kiss my Adam's apple.

“I'm going to blame that on a mixture of exhaustion and adrenaline from the argument I'd just gotten into with Alex,” I murmured back.

“So you didn't mean it?” Ani asked.

“No, I meant it.” I leaned back so I could look into her eyes. “The delivery left a lot to be desired.”

“Well, you definitely made a statement. It was like the ultimate mike drop.” She lifted her hand above us and opened her fingers wide with a shrug, like she was dropping a microphone.

“You're such an ass,” I laughed, shaking the bed.

“Well, it's a good story to tell Arielle,” she mused, her lips tipping up. “
When your daddy was fighting for us, he got so excited that he swooned like a Victorian maiden
.”

“I didn't swoon. I passed out from exhaustion.”

“Same thing.”

“Not at all the same thing.”

“Tomatoes, tomahtoes.”

“You're going to tell Arielle that I'm her daddy?” I asked softly, my smile dropping as I searched her face. “That I fought for her?”

“Do you want me to?” she replied, her lips trembling.

“Yes.”

“Then, yeah. I will.”

I shuddered, closing my eyes against the emotion that swamped me. I wanted to both scream from the rooftops and pull the covers over our heads to block out the world. The relief was all encompassing.

“Tell me about your mom?” Ani asked after a few moments of silence, running a fingertip over my lips.

I sighed, wishing that I hadn't even brought her up the night before. Using your parents as an excuse for anything was a massive pet peeve of mine. I hated when people tried to blame their parents for the decisions they made as adults.

“She was gorgeous,” I began.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. She looked like Alex—”

“So…like both of you,” Ani said with a small laugh.

“Not really,” I replied with a smile, rolling to my back so Ani was draped across my chest. “She had his wide smile—you know the one. The contagious one.”

“You have that smile too,” she argued loyally.

“Well, her face wasn't covered in hair,” I joked, squeezing Ani as she pressed a kiss to my chin. “And she was really nice. She smiled at everyone. She was just perpetually cheerful.”

“Ah, one of
those
,” Ani grumbled.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “She got pregnant when Alex and I were five. I have no idea who the dad was, because she never brought guys around. I don't even remember her leaving us with a sitter so she could go out. We didn't have any extended family. I never knew where her parents were.”

“I bet that was hard for her,” Ani said softly. “Not having any support.”

“She managed,” I said. “She was a good mom.”

“Her baby died?” Ani prodded when I grew quiet.

“Ah, yeah,” I said, reaching up to scratch at the side of my face. “We didn't have insurance so she had the baby at home.”

“Holy shit!” Ani blurted, her eyes wide.

“I don't know if that's why the baby died, or if it was already dead when it came out.”

“You were so little,” Ani murmured sadly.

“Alex doesn't remember it.”

“But you do.”

I nodded, clenching my jaw. “Probably because she accidently bit me.”

Ani's eyes closed, and her forehead hit my sternum with a thud. “Well, I'm a dickhead,” she admitted, making me laugh as I remembered our first night together and her snide remark.

“It's not a big deal,” I assured her, lifting her head from my chest. “I don't like the biting sensation, but you do. It's just a preference.”

“I was an ass about it.”

“You're an ass about a lot of things.”

“Hey!”

I laughed, my chuckles shaking Ani's slight body.

“I'm completely in love with you,” I said as she scowled.

“I love you too, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“You're not very nice.”

“If we weren't in my parents' house, I'd be very,
very
nice.”

“You're sure about all this?” Ani blurted out, making the smile drop off my face. “Really sure?”

“I'm selling my town house,” I announced, watching her jaw drop.

“Wait, what?”

“I'm moving in with you.”

“You weren't invited,” she replied, her eyes wide.

“You don't want to live with me?” I asked seriously, watching her face closely.

“Uh, I do.” She drew out the last word. “But…”

“Here's the thing,” I said, pushing myself up so I was sitting and she was straddling my thighs. “You're taking a huge chance on me. I know you're freaked out—”

“I'm not freaked out,” she lied.

“I know you're freaked out,” I said again, ignoring her. “So I'll make the move.”

I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers, reveling in the feeling of her skin pressed against mine.

“I'll sell my house. I'll move in with you. You don't have to take any chances except being with me. Okay?”

I thought it was a pretty fucking good speech until Ani's lips quirked, and she started to snicker.

“You just know my house is a million times cooler than yours,” she sang, laughing harder. “Sell my house? Ha!”

“You're such an ass,” I laughed, watching her head tip back as she giggled. “I was being romantic.”

“So romantic,” she said, nodding in mock seriousness.

I growled and flipped her underneath me, digging my fingers into her sides while she begged for mercy through her laughter.

H
ello?” I yelped, jumping around on one foot as I tried to pull a sock on the other.

“Finally!” Katie bellowed in my ear, making me drop the phone in surprise.

“Shit,” I hissed, fishing my phone back out of the laundry basket as Kate continued to ramble on.

“I knew you'd get back together,” she said smugly when I had the phone back to my ear again. “Called it!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Mom said Bram's taking you out tonight?” Kate asked. “What are you wearing?”

“Leggings and boots and a gray sweater that hangs off my shoulder,” I replied, pulling on my boots. Bram was taking me to Jay's bar, and I was a little bit giddy at the sentiment.

“No! Why aren't you wearing a dress?” she screeched. “I'm all about the leggings—but it's your first date!”

“I've had Bram's balls in my mouth. He can deal with the leggings and like it,” I said flatly.

Retching sounds came from the other end of the connection. “I don't want to hear that stuff!”

“Oh, you don't?” I asked innocently, “But you've been all up in our shit for months! Don't you want details?”

“Hell no!”

I laughed, grabbing my purse from the end of the bed as I left my bedroom. Bram was going to be there at any minute, and I wanted to be ready when he did. I was excited.

Liz had taken Arielle for the entire night—which freaked me the fuck out—but I was excited to have time alone with Bram.

“So what changed your mind?” Kate asked after a full minute of petulant silence.

“He—” I sighed, dropping down to the couch. “He really meant it.”

“And you know that because?”

“Because he looked at me like my words were the only thing that could keep him standing.”

“Didn't he pass out anyway?” Katie asked with a small laugh.

“That was after,” I corrected her.

“I thought it was when you guys were out on the porch.”

“How the fuck do you know all this?” I asked.

“Mom had me on the phone, and she gave me a play-by-play as she watched through the window.”

“Jesus,” I groaned, making Katie laugh.

“That's what you get. Boom!”

“I already told you I was sorry about spilling the beans when you were pregnant!”

“We're still not even,” Kate growled.

“Oh, whatever,” I said.

A knock on my front door had my head spinning to look in that direction.

“Gotta go, Kate.”

“Ooh, is he there?”

“I'm going to have sex now. Bye.” I pressed end as she started making vomiting noises again.

When I opened the door, Bram was standing there in a button-down shirt under a tan Carhartt jacket, his head covered in a gray beanie and his beard neatly trimmed and waxed.

“Well, don't you look pretty,” I mused, looking him up and down.

“I brought you flowers,” he said with a small grin, lifting his hand to show me a bouquet that still had the grocery store tag on it.

“Wow, fancy,” I teased, taking the flowers from his hand. “Thank you.”

I turned to bring the flowers into the kitchen, and Bram groaned behind me, making me smile. Hearing the front door shut, I set the flowers in the sink and turned to find Bram stalking me into the kitchen.

“I know I said I was taking you out tonight,” he said in a rough voice as he slid the beanie off his head and dropped his jacket on top of the table. “But I haven't seen you naked in a
really
long time.”

I laughed as he grimaced.

“Change of plans?” I asked, taking a step toward him.

“If you feel anything for me at all, you'll take off your clothes,” he replied seriously, unbuttoning his shirt.

“But I was really looking forward to going back to where it all started,” I said, trying to keep my smile at bay.

Bram's hands paused for a second on his shirt, then he dropped his head in defeat and slowly started to button it back up.

“I'm joking,” I told him softly, reaching out to catch his hands.

“Oh, thank God,” he murmured, his hands going to my hair as he pressed his mouth to mine. “I'll take you out another night.”

“But we have a babysitter
tonight
,” I teased, making him groan again.

“So I'll take you someplace Arielle can go,” he promised against my lips, running his hands down my back.

I sucked his lower lip into my mouth and sighed as his hands gripped my ass, picking me up off the floor.

“No more baby talk,” he ordered, carrying me into my room as I moved my lips to his earlobe.

“Are you sure?” I asked, running my tongue along the outside of his ear. “Because I've heard some of the women you've fucked talk, and if you're into that—”

“We're not talking about any other people we've had sex with,” he said, dropping me to the bed.

“You scraped the bottom of the barrel with those ones,” I needled, making him scowl.

I didn't even know why I'd brought it up, but I couldn't seem to stop the words from tumbling from my mouth.

“You know I love you, right?” he asked, standing above me, shaking his head with a gentle smile on his face.

“Yes.”

“It doesn't matter what you say.”

“Okay,” I breathed as he pulled his open shirt down his shoulders.

“You can't push me away. It won't happen.”

“I'm not trying to—”

“I know you're not,” he said seriously.

Then he took off his jeans, and in the quiet, his words sunk in.

I was never going to be lovey-dovey. I was always going to say inappropriate things at the wrong time and in the wrong place. I'd never be the girl that left him sappy love notes in his lunch or gushed to people about how sweet he was.

And Bram was okay with that.

He liked me the way I was.

Tears hit my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

“I'm going to bring you flowers,” Bram said as he yanked off my boots and socks. “I'm going to tell you I love you and spoil Arielle.”

I bit the inside of my cheek.

“I'm going to brag about you,” he said quietly as he pulled my leggings and thong down my hips and off my legs. “I'll remember anniversaries, and I'll get you cool shit for your birthday.”

“I'll get you cool shit for your birthday too,” I said stupidly through my clenched teeth.

“And you'll love me?” he asked as he pulled my sweater over my head.

“So much you won't be able to stand it,” I murmured as he unclipped my bra.

“Good,” he murmured, coming down on top of me to press his mouth to mine.

I slid my fingers into his hair as he kissed me, and pulled the rubber band out so I could clench the hair in my fists as he ground his hips against mine.

“I'm going to give you blow jobs at least once a week,” I murmured, making Bram chuckle as his lips moved down my neck.

“And I'm going to cook dinner because I like to, but I promise it'll be good.”

His lips wrapped around a nipple, and I arched my back in response.

“I'll probably forget anniversaries, but I'll write them on a calendar to try and remember.”

“Thank you,” he said, running his hand between us to slide two fingers over my clit.

“And I'll be proud of everything you do, even if I don't go telling people about it.” I gasped as he slid those same two fingers inside me. “I'll love you even when you're being an ass.”

“Hey, now,” Bram said defensively, biting the side of my breast gently.

“Please,” I whispered as his thumb rubbed slowly over my clit.

He kissed me as he positioned himself, and my breath caught as he slid inside, locking us together.

“I'll—”

“Shh,” he quieted me, pressing his forehead against mine. “We'll make our promises later,” he whispered. “When you're wearing a long white dress and I'm in a tux.”

“You want to marry me?” I asked as his hips rocked, my hand moving down his sweaty back.

“I want everything,” he answered, snapping his hips forward.

After that, we didn't say much. We were too caught up in the dance of our bodies, the sweat that pooled on our skin, the scents and sounds of our coming together. It was the best sex we'd ever had, and it had none of the acrobatics we'd performed in the past. Straight-up missionary, but the emotion made it
magnificent
.

I still liked that word.

Hours later, I watched Bram as he stumbled around my room.

“Do you want me to just go get them?” I asked, giggling at his attempts to reach the door.

“I got it,” he grumbled, wiping his hand down his face. “You stay in bed.”

He finally left the room to go grab our phones and I fell back onto my sheets with a sigh. Bram wanted to call and check up on Arielle, but we'd left our phones in the kitchen when he'd carried me to my room.

“Mom texted us both,” Bram said as he came back into the room, looking at his phone. “She sent a couple of pictures and said they were going to bed so ‘don't call and check up on them.'”

I laughed at the scowl on his face.

“What are the pictures?” I asked as he sat down next to me, sliding his bare legs under the sheets.

“One of Arielle in her swing and one of Trevor holding her,” he answered, tipping the phone toward me so I could look at them.

“Has he heard anything from Henry's baby-mama?” I asked as I looked at Trev's smiling face on my phone screen.

Ellie, Mike, and Trev seemed to be getting back into the swing of things again, but it was apparent to everyone that they were still in mourning. I'd seen them laugh, and I'd seen them smile, but they still carried an awful expression on their faces when they thought no one was looking. I was pretty sure I wore the same one.

All of the drama with Bram had distracted me, giving me a little breathing room from my grief, even though it hadn't exactly cheered me up. I wondered if, now that Bram and I were solid, Henry's loss would magnify again, like the day we'd buried him.

“Trevor called her,” Bram replied, taking the phone from my hands and setting both his and mine on the bedside table. “She was willing to talk, but I don't know much more than that.”

“Well, that's good at least,” I murmured as Bram shut off the light and slid down the bed, pulling me with him.

“I think he's going to head down there in the next couple of weeks.”

My head popped back up, and I looked at Bram in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, he wants to meet her—the baby.”

“A little piece of Hen,” I murmured, laying my head back on Bram's chest.

“I can't imagine what was going through his head,” Bram said, running his fingers lightly up and down my back. “That's his
baby
.”

“Some people aren't meant to be parents,” I replied with a shrug.

I didn't understand why Henry had done what he'd done, either. I could barely wrap my head around it. He knew what it was like to have parents that didn't care, so the fact that he'd followed in their footsteps baffled me. On the other hand, I'd realized over the past few months that some people just couldn't hack it. If Henry had been one of those people, maybe it was better that he'd walked away from the beginning.

“I want to go get Arielle,” Bram muttered, making my lips twitch. “I know we can get her in the morning, and I know she's fine with my mom and dad, but I want her here. In her own bed. With us.”

“Let's just enjoy the full night of sleep,” I said, kissing his chest. “We're not going to get any again for a while.”

I closed my eyes and relaxed against him.

“I was thinking that we could rent out my town house instead,” Bram suddenly said after a few minutes of quiet.

“Whatever you want,” I replied.

“We could sell it and get a chunk of cash, but the steady income would be nice. Plus real estate is a good investment.”

“Sure.” I could feel myself falling asleep as he continued to ramble on.

“Then you could stay home with Arie,” he said, laughing when my head shot off his chest.

“What?”

“You don't want to work anymore,” he said with a smile. “I know you don't.”

“But I—”

“Please don't knee me in the balls for this,” he said nervously. “But let me take care of you.”

“I don't need you to—”

“I know you don't. You've already proved that you can take care of yourself and Arielle,” he cut me off, pulling me up his chest. “But you'd rather stay home with Arie. I know you would.”

“Yeah, I'd love that,” I croaked.

“So, do it. I make plenty of money, baby. We'd be fine.”

“But what if—”

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why do you keep asking me if I'm sure all the time? Yes, I'm sure.” He leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the lips. “I'd rather Arielle was home with you every day.”

My mouth trembled as he gazed at me happily, the moonlight barely shining enough light for me to catch the expression on his face.

“You're going to have to find a new office manager,” I hedged, making his grin widen. “A
dude
office manager.”

“Fine,” he said seriously. “You have to give me more kids.”

“What?” I jerked back in surprise as his eyes searched mine.

“Arielle needs a sibling,” he said quietly, reaching out to cup my face in his hand. “I don't think I want to foster. I'm not sure I wouldn't end up running for the border the minute they tried to take our kids away. But if you want to adopt again…”

“Really?” I breathed.

“No one older than Arielle,” he ordered. “So we'll probably have to wait a few years.”